feel like i've lost my best friend

since my best friend passed away a year ago i have been asking God for a new best friend. in february He brought someone into my life and i wondered if they were in answer to my prayers. He put it on my heart to pray for this person and He gave me agape love for him. somewhere along the line my feelings deepened and grew. today he went away. we hugged and said goodbye. if he is faithful to God he will be gone a year. whether or not i'll ever see him again i don't know. i know he had to go and i wanted him to go but now i'm sad. God brings people into our lives for a reason or a season and i wonder if this was a season that is now past. or is it for a reason and there is more to it. i certainly hope so. i praise God that He worked out all the details for my friend to go. i will miss him so much.

if you want to know God's will - ask Him

I am wondering if God is wanting me to go to Peru next month. I prayed about it a month ago when the pastor I went to the Philippines (Bill) with first asked me about it. I said yes and then wondered if 'I' said yes or God did. At that time it was only going to be with another pastor (married man) and me (single woman) and I thought no because just the two of us wouldn't be appropriate. Since then Bill has told me that there are a couple of other women that are going and maybe another man. I prayed about it again and thought yes then wondered if again it was me. My heart is in missions and I love to travel and except for the evangelistic crusade with Bill in the Philippines in April I have always done work trips. For this trip they wanted 2 workers capable of working with children. When Bill said that I thought well that let's me out. I'm more comfortable serving the homeless at Sally Ann than working with children. I prayed about it again and thought yes and I was sure it couldn't be God because I suck at working with kids. Bill had told me it cooled off at night and after praying about it again because I want to do God's will I thought I was thinking yes again. I asked a friend about it and she asked if I had peace about it. I didn't have peace saying I wasn't going. Then I checked CNN weather and I 'knew' God couldn't be asking me to go. I am cold here when the temperature goes below 70. The high temperature where the team is going is 65 and the low is 33. I would die - I did NOT want to go. Then I would read a devo and it seemed that God was trying to tell me I was supposed to go.

this morning i got a devo from a lady pastor "How do we know when it’s God asking and not the world or ourselves or Satan? - it will require more than you have or want to give."

reading her devo i wondered again if God was trying to tell me something. like that He would require more than we want to give, this after saying i'm His servant and will do whatever He asks of me.

she said she would love to hear what God is asking of us. so i was writing this to her and i was going to ask her what she thought and if she would pray about it.

then i remembered if we want to know God's will for us ask Him not someone else. who else would know His mind. i prayed about it again and now i have peace that i am not going.