the tears have started

i have been looking forward to the team's arrival but as i thought about it two days ago i thought how that would mean i would have to leave here. and i started crying.

prior to coming here i lived alone for 13 years. for the past 6 months i have had a family and i have come to love them.

the boys get up at 5.00 every morning to go to school and i watch them as they walk away from the house. running, if they're late, to catch the bus. four of them come home from school at 4.00 and i have their lunch on the table for them.

it feels really good to have a family and i can't imagine living without them. God told me the 2nd day i was here that i was here for one year. so i know i am coming back after a month but even for that one month i will miss them terribly. even writing about leaving is bringing tears to my eyes and constricting my throat.

when i have gone to san carlos with friends it feels good when we are heading home. i am home and have a home in costa rica. i sold my house in mission. i don't have a home there anymore and have no idea where i will even sleep the night i get home.

yesterday i took an hour and a half walking the usual hour walk home. i talked with God the entire way. i will need His peace and comfort a great deal until i return here.

i am coming home alone on a different flight than the team and wish i could sleep the whole way home so people won't see me crying the whole way.

gotta stop now. i can't keep crying in the internet.