lying

have you ever thought about it? how often you do it? how 'natural' it is. you don't mean to but you do it without even thinking about it. someone asks you what you're doing on a certain day and you say you're busy when you're not. the words are out of your mouth before your brain's engaged.

the bible tells us that liars will not enter heaven.

last week when i went for surgery i was asked where i would be staying or if someone would be staying with me. i said i would be at home by myself. i was told i had to have someone with me or they wouldn't do the surgery. i had planned to have this surgery 3 years ago and have been waiting for it for the past year since coming back from costa rica. there was no way i was going to wait any longer. i phoned the lady that had driven me to the hospital (who had on the way there asked me if i needed someone to stay with me & i said no) and told her i needed a babysitter and asked if she wanted to spend the night at my house or me at her house. she said we'd work something out so i told the nurse that i had a babysitter & she said they'd proceed. i lied. i out and out lied. i had no intention of not sleeping in my own bed. for as much as i intentinally lied at the time i wasn't even thinking about it that it was a sin. i was only thinking i had to have the surgery, i didn't want to wait more months.

well i didn't, sleep that is. besides feeling so sick from the medication i was convicted (heartsick) about lying. i thought about how God says that liars won't enter heaven. oh man was i convicted. all i had thought about (me) was wanting the surgery instead of thinking about what God feels and thinks about liars. i had not considered that i was putting my soul in jeopardy. but i tell ya. i've thought a lot about it since.

someone asked me what i was doing on friday night. i'm busy was out of my mouth so fast i would've been caught in a lie if asked what i was doing, or had to lie again (then it would've been intentional) to cover up the first one. i don't know why i said it. it literally was out of my mouth before i had time to think about it. when i realized that i wondered how many (not if but how many) other times i've lied like that. it was so automatic i could hardly believe it, how easy it was and how 'natural' it was. it is the sinful nature in me that causes me to do things that i don't want to do.

a few months ago my secret sister gave me a card saying she thinks i'm a woman in whom God is well pleased. i kept that card & it sits right beside my monitor. i want to be that woman in whom God is well pleased. i have a long way to go.