my friend Gloria died last night. we had been friends for 38 years. when i was having babies she was travelling the world. when i was able to travel the world she was having babies. we had talked about going to russia together, she said it was about the only place left in the world she had not visited, but it never happened.
we have been with each other through so many hardships, 38 years of friendship, loving and caring for each other, supporting each other through divorces and deaths. we cried together but mostly we laughed together. she and another friend and i were each 1 year apart. we were like the 3 musketeers. periods of time could go by without contact but we would pick up again like we hadn't missed a day.
for as much as i am at peace because she is with Jesus today i am going to miss her. when she showed me her baptism certificate i was so excited. she had lived in israel for a short while and had been baptised in the jordan river. she loved israel. i thought wow! to be baptised in the same river as Jesus.
years ago she had asked me to be her executrix, i said yes and although i took care of all the details when my father-in-law passed away many years ago, this will be a lot harder.
she had ms, recently got a couple of infections and was getting worse and then got pneumonia. she had gone to the hospital monday and when they wanted to put her on life support last night she refused and succumbed to the pneumonia.
i had talked to her on saturday and she had told me she was going to hospital sunday or monday, i told her i would come over sunday either at home or hospital. sunday i talked to her and she was at home but too tired for company. we talked & i told her i would come and see her today and we would see about getting her affairs in order. she agreed. she probably knew she was near the end.
i told her i couldn't come until today because i worked monday - wednesday and had classes monday to wednesday nights. my tuesday class finished last week and i had thought about going to bible study but i put that off too. when i talked to a co-worker about needing new glasses and she suggested costco i went to costco looking for new glasses and ending up walking up and down every row looking for whatever. i left costco at 8:30 and thought about gloria and realized it was too late to visit her on my way home. i expected to see her today.
you never get a second chance to say goodbye. i'm so glad that the last thing i said to her was 'i love you my friend' and she said 'i know, i love you too'
until we're together again my friend - i love you.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
POVERTY & THE GIRL CHILD CAMPAIGN
Prayer for Day 1 Child ProstitutionDefinition:It is the sexual exploitation of a child for remuneration in cash or kind, usually but not always organized by an intermediary (parent, family member, procurer or teacher).>10 million children worldwide are engaged in some facet of the sex industry. Each year at least one million children, mostly girls, become prostitutes.>In Thailand, 10-12 year old girls service men in the sex industry. They typically have sex with men 10-15 times daily and sometimes as many as 20-30.>In South Africa there are 40,000 child prostitutes.Children are more susceptible to HIV and other STDs.There is also a personal impact story which would be too long to include in this email, however, I am going to see if I can obtain copies of this book.Prayer reflection regarding the above:Because of the oppression of the weak and the groaning of the needy, God will now arise. Psalm 12:5PRAYPray that God would arise and defend the little ones.Pray that God would raise up lawyers, moviemakers and government rulers who will bring an end to this savage exploitation.ACTMake a short presentation on the prevalence of child prostitution and how your government could take action. Share this in your church, work place, and circle of influence.All of these points come from the book. Two recent stories (April 23rd) from The Toronto Star4. Opening bank doors to women in AfricaIn a recent survey, African businessmen were asked what they thought of women as entrepreneurs.All very well and good, said one puzzled responder. "But how can property own property?"That's the kind of prejudice Joanne Thomas Yaccato is locking horns with, as the pioneering GTA entrepreneur takes on a new role with the World Bank's private-sector arm to revolutionize the way African banks view businesswomen.As a consultant to the International Finance Corporation, which will distribute $40 million in international funds, her goal is to empower African women – providing the money and confidence they need to raise themselves, and the impoverished continent, from a life-and-death struggle to economic security.Although new to Africa, Thomas Yaccato, 50, has spent decades dissolving the stereotypes that keep women beneath the "glass ceiling" of business success and prevent banks and other corporations from understanding how to satisfy them as clients.The problems of African women were not new, just more acute than those of the West. She quickly found that Africa's diligent but disadvantaged businesswomen had one thing in common."They were ignored by the banks. One Nigerian woman (Muni Shonibare) who owns a chain of furniture stores couldn't get a dime from bankers if her life depended on it. And until we went in there, the bankers hadn't a clue about the opportunity in the women's market."5. African teens and pain of fistulaZinder, NIGER–For two days, 14-year-old Sari Zainabou pushed and pushed, her narrow body stubbornly refusing her baby safe passage into the world. At a clinic in her village outside the Sahelian trading town of Zinder, the women could do little more than wipe Sari's brow and encourage her to keep trying. When the baby boy finally emerged, he was dead. And after two solid days of Labour, with her baby's head pushed up against her pelvic bone, Sari was left with necrotic tissue that ate a hole in the lining separating her vagina from her bladder. The result was a constant trickle of urine splashing down at the grieving girl's feet.Now 15, Sari sits in the courtyard of the Central Maternity Hospital waiting for a second surgery to finally repair the fistula. It's a condition the United Nations hopes to erase from the developing world in the next seven years, spending $20 million (U.S.) on prevention, education and training in 40 countries and enlisting the help of celebrities like Australian singer Natalie Imbruglia to drum up attention in the West.Eradication is not likely to happen unless the more worrying problem of child marriage is solved, says Dr. Lucien Djangnikpo, one of six doctors in Niger trained to surgically repair fistulas. Judged the poorest country on the planet by the United Nations in 2006, more than half of Niger's girls are married before the age of 15. Nearly 90 per cent are pregnant before the age of 18. In a country where malnutrition and difficult living combine to create small, sinewy women, the conditions are ripe for fistula. "The body isn't mature enough to handle (giving birth)," Djangnikpo says.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
From the Protestant Church of Smyrna
A letter to the Global Church from The Protestant Church of Smyrna
Dear friends,
This past week has been filled with much sorrow. Many of you have heard by now of our devastating loss here in an event that took place in Malatya, a Turkish province 300 miles northeast of Antioch, the city where believers were first called Christians (Acts 11:26).
On Wednesday morning, April 18, 2007, 46 year old German missionary and father of three Tilman Geske prepared to go to his office, kissing his wife goodbye taking a moment to hug his son and give him the priceless memory, “Goodbye, son. I love you.”
Tilman rented an office space from Zirve Publishing where he was preparing notes for the new Turkish Study Bible. Zirve was also the location of the Malatya Evangelist Church office. A ministry of the church, Zirve prints and distributes Christian literature to Malatya and nearby cities in Eastern Turkey. In another area of town, 35 year old Pastor Necati Aydin, father of two, said goodbye to his wife, leaving for the office as well. They had a morning Bible Study and prayer meeting that some other believers in town would also be attending. Ugur Yuksel likewise made his way to the Bible study.
None of these three men knew that what awaited them at the Bible study was the ultimate testing and application of their faith, which would conclude with their entrance into glory to receive their crown of righteousness from Christ and honor from all the saints awaiting them in the Lord’s presence.
On the other side of town, ten young men all under 20 years old put into place final arrangements for their ultimate act of faith, living out their love for Allah and hatred of infidels who they felt undermined Islam.
On Resurrection Sunday, five of these men had been to a by-invitation-only evangelistic service that Pastor Necati and his men had arranged at a hotel conference room in the city. The men were known to the believers as “seekers.” No one knows what happened in the hearts of those men as they listened to the gospel. Were they touched by the Holy Spirit? Were they convicted of sin? Did they hear the gospel in their heart of hearts? Today we only have the beginning of their story.
These young men, one of whom is the son of a mayor in the Province of Malatya, are part of a tarikat, or a group of “faithful believers” in Islam. Tarikat membership is highly respected here; it’s like a fraternity membership. In fact, it is said that no one can get into public office without membership in a tarikat. These young men all lived in the same dorm, all preparing for university entrance exams.
The young men got guns, breadknives, ropes and towels ready for their final act of service to Allah. They knew there would be a lot of blood. They arrived in time for the Bible Study, around 10 o’clock.
They arrived, and apparently the Bible Study began. Reportedly, after Necati read a chapter from the Bible the assault began. The boys tied Ugur, Necati, and Tilman’s hands and feet to chairs and as they videoed their work on their cellphones, they tortured our brothers for almost three hours*
[Details of the torture--
* Tilman was stabbed 156 times, Necati 99 times and Ugur’s stabs were too numerous to count. They were disemboweled, and their intestines sliced up in front of their eyes. They were emasculated and watched as those body parts were destroyed. Fingers were chopped off, their noses and mouths and anuses were sliced open. Possibly the worst part was watching as their brothers were likewise tortured. Finally, their throats were sliced from ear to ear, heads practically decapitated.]
Neighbors in workplaces near the printhouse said later they had heard yelling, but assumed the owners were having a domestic argument so they did not respond.
Meanwhile, another believer Gokhan and his wife had a leisurely morning. He slept in till 10, ate a long breakfast and finally around 12:30 he and his wife arrived at the office. The door was locked from the inside, and his key would not work. He phoned and though it had connection on his end he did not hear the phone ringing inside. He called cell phones of his brothers and finally Ugur answered his phone. “We are not at the office. Go to the hotel meeting. We are there. We will come there,” he said cryptically. As Ugur spoke Gokhan heard in the telephone’s background weeping and a strange snarling sound.
He phoned the police, and the nearest officer arrived in about five minutes. He pounded on the door, “Police, open up!” Initially the officer thought it was a domestic disturbance. At that point they heard another snarl and a gurgling moan. The police understood that sound as human suffering, prepared the clip in his gun and tried over and over again to burst through the door. One of the frightened assailants unlocked the door for the policeman, who entered to find a grisly scene.
Tilman and Necati had been slaughtered, practically decapitated with their necks slit from ear to ear. Ugur’s throat was likewise slit and he was barely alive.
Three assailants in front of the policeman dropped their weapons.
Meanwhile Gokhan heard a sound of yelling in the street. Someone had fallen from their third story office. Running down, he found a man on the ground, whom he later recognized, named Emre Gunaydin. He had massive head trauma and, strangely, was snarling. He had tried to climb down the drainpipe to escape, and losing his balance had plummeted to the ground. It seems that he was the main leader of the attackers. Another assailant was found hiding on a lower balcony.
To untangle the web we need to back up six years. In April 2001, the National Security Council of Turkey (Milli Guvenlik Kurulu) began to consider evangelical Christians as a threat to national security, on equal footing as Al Quaida and PKK terrorism. Statements made in the press by political leaders, columnists and commentators have fueled a hatred against missionaries who they claim bribe young people to change their religion.
After that decision in 2001, attacks and threats on churches, pastors and Christians began. Bombings, physical attacks, verbal and written abuse are only some of the ways Christians are being targetted. Most significant is the use of media propaganda.
From December 2005, after having a long meeting regarding the Christian threat, the wife of Former Prime Minister Ecevit, historian Ilber Ortayli, Professor Hasan Unsal, Politician Ahmet Tan and writer/propogandist Aytunc Altindal, each in their own profession began a campaign to bring the public’s attention to the looming threat of Christians who sought to “buy their children’s souls”. Hidden cameras in churches have taken church service footage and used it sensationally to promote fear and antagonism toward Christianity.
In an official televised response from Ankara, the Interior Minister of Turkey smirked as he spoke of the attacks on our brothers. Amid public outrage and protests against the event and in favor of freedom of religion and freedom of thought, media and official comments ring with the same message, “We hope you have learned your lesson. We do not want Christians here.”
It appears that this was an organized attack initiated by an unknown adult tarikat leader. As in the Hrant Dink murder in January 2007, and a Catholic priest Andrea Santoro in February 2006, minors are being used to commit religious murders because public sympathy for youth is strong and they face lower penalties than an adult convicted of the same crime. Even the parents of these children are in favor of the acts. The mother of the 16 year old boy who killed the Catholic priest Andrea Santoro looked at the cameras as her son was going to prison and said, “he will serve time for Allah.”
The young men involved in the killing are currently in custody. Today news reported that they would be tried as terrorists, so their age would not affect the strict penalty. Assailant Emre Gunaydin is still in intensive care. The investigation centers around him and his contacts and they say will fall apart if he does not recover.
The Church in Turkey responded in a way that honored God as hundreds of believers and dozens of pastors flew in as fast as they could to stand by the small church of Malatya and encourage the believers, take care of legal issues, and represent Christians to the media.
When Susanne Tilman expressed her wish to bury her husband in Malatya, the Governor tried to stop it, and when he realized he could not stop it, a rumor was spread that “it is a sin to dig a grave for a Christian.” In the end, in an undertaking that should be remembered in Christian history forever, the men from the church in Adana (near Tarsus), grabbed shovels and dug a grave for their slain brother in an un-tended hundred year old Armenian graveyard.
Ugur was buried by his family in an Alevi Muslim ceremony in his hometown of Elazig, his believing fiance watching from the shadows as his family and friends refused to accept in death the faith Ugur had so long professed and died for.
Necati’s funeral took place in his hometown of Izmir, the city where he came to faith. The darkness does not understand the light. Though the churches expressed their forgiveness for the event, Christians were not to be trusted. Before they would load the coffin onto the plane from Malatya, it went through two separate xray exams to make sure it was not loaded with explosives. This is not a usual procedure for Muslim coffins.
Necati’s funeral was a beautiful event. Like a glimpse of heaven, thousands of Turkish Christians and missionaries came to show their love for Christ, and their honor for this man chosen to die for Christ. Necati’s wife Shemsa told the world, “His death was full of meaning, because he died for Christ and he lived for Christ… Necati was a gift from God. I feel honored that he was in my life, I feel crowned with honor. I want to be worthy of that honor.”
Boldly the believers took their stand at Necati’s funeral, facing the risks of being seen publicly and likewise becoming targets. As expected, the anti-terror police attended and videotaped everyone attending the funeral for their future use. The service took place outside at Buca Baptist church, and he was buried in a small Christian graveyard in the outskirts of Izmir.
Two assistant Governors of Izmir were there solemnly watching the event from the front row. Dozens of news agencies were there documenting the events with live news and photographs. Who knows the impact the funeral had on those watching? This is the beginning of their story as well. Pray for them.
In an act that hit front pages in the largest newspapers in Turkey, Susanne Tilman in a television interview expressed her forgiveness. She did not want revenge, she told reporters. “Oh God, forgive them for they know not what they do,” she said, wholeheartedly agreeing with the words of Christ on Calvary (Luke 23:34).
In a country where blood-for-blood revenge is as normal as breathing, many many reports have come to the attention of the church of how this comment of Susanne Tilman has changed lives. One columnist wrote of her comment, “She said in one sentence what 1000 missionaries in 1000 years could never do.”
The missionaries in Malatya will most likely move out, as their families and children have become publicly identified as targets to the hostile city. The remaining 10 believers are in hiding. What will happen to this church, this light in the darkness? Most likely it will go underground. Pray for wisdom, that Turkish brothers from other cities will go to lead the leaderless church. Should we not be concerned for that great city of Malatya, a city that does not know what it is doing? (Jonah 4:11)
When our Pastor Fikret Bocek went with a brother to give a statement to the Security Directorate on Monday they were ushered into the Anti-Terror Department. On the wall was a huge chart covering the whole wall listing all the terrorist cells in Izmir, categorized. In one prominent column were listed all the evangelical churches in Izmir. The darkness does not understand the light. “These that have turned the world upside down are come hither also.” (Acts 17:6)
Please pray for the Church in Turkey. “Don’t pray against persecution, pray for perseverence,” urges Pastor Fikret Bocek.
The Church is better having lost our brothers; the fruit in our lives, the renewed faith, the burning desire to spread the gospel to quench more darkness in Malatya …all these are not to be regretted. Pray that we stand strong against external opposition and especially pray that we stand strong against internal struggles with sin, our true debilitating weakness.
This we know. Christ Jesus was there when our brothers were giving their lives for Him. He was there, like He was when Stephen was being stoned in the sight of Saul of Tarsus.
Someday the video of the deaths of our brothers may reveal more to us about the strength that we know Christ gave them to endure their last cross, about the peace the Spirit of God endowed them with to suffer for their beloved Savior. But we know He did not leave their side. We know their minds were full of Scripture strengthening them to endure, as darkness tried to subdue the unsubduable Light of the Gospel. We know, in whatever way they were able, with a look or a word, they encouraged one another to stand strong. We know they knew they would soon be with Christ.
We don’t know the details. We don’t know the kind of justice that will or will not be served on this earth.
But we pray-- and urge you to pray-- that someday at least one of those five boys will come to faith because of the testimony in death of Tilman Geske, who gave his life as a missionary to his beloved Turks, and the testimonies in death of Necati Aydin and Ugur Yuksel, the first martyrs for Christ out of the Turkish Church.
Reported by Darlene N. Bocek (24 April 2007)
-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Please please please pass this on to as many praying Christians as you can, in as many countries as you can. Please always keep the heading as “From the Protestant Church of Smyrna” with this contact information: izmirprotestan@gmail.com // http://www.izmirprotestan.org
Dear friends,
This past week has been filled with much sorrow. Many of you have heard by now of our devastating loss here in an event that took place in Malatya, a Turkish province 300 miles northeast of Antioch, the city where believers were first called Christians (Acts 11:26).
On Wednesday morning, April 18, 2007, 46 year old German missionary and father of three Tilman Geske prepared to go to his office, kissing his wife goodbye taking a moment to hug his son and give him the priceless memory, “Goodbye, son. I love you.”
Tilman rented an office space from Zirve Publishing where he was preparing notes for the new Turkish Study Bible. Zirve was also the location of the Malatya Evangelist Church office. A ministry of the church, Zirve prints and distributes Christian literature to Malatya and nearby cities in Eastern Turkey. In another area of town, 35 year old Pastor Necati Aydin, father of two, said goodbye to his wife, leaving for the office as well. They had a morning Bible Study and prayer meeting that some other believers in town would also be attending. Ugur Yuksel likewise made his way to the Bible study.
None of these three men knew that what awaited them at the Bible study was the ultimate testing and application of their faith, which would conclude with their entrance into glory to receive their crown of righteousness from Christ and honor from all the saints awaiting them in the Lord’s presence.
On the other side of town, ten young men all under 20 years old put into place final arrangements for their ultimate act of faith, living out their love for Allah and hatred of infidels who they felt undermined Islam.
On Resurrection Sunday, five of these men had been to a by-invitation-only evangelistic service that Pastor Necati and his men had arranged at a hotel conference room in the city. The men were known to the believers as “seekers.” No one knows what happened in the hearts of those men as they listened to the gospel. Were they touched by the Holy Spirit? Were they convicted of sin? Did they hear the gospel in their heart of hearts? Today we only have the beginning of their story.
These young men, one of whom is the son of a mayor in the Province of Malatya, are part of a tarikat, or a group of “faithful believers” in Islam. Tarikat membership is highly respected here; it’s like a fraternity membership. In fact, it is said that no one can get into public office without membership in a tarikat. These young men all lived in the same dorm, all preparing for university entrance exams.
The young men got guns, breadknives, ropes and towels ready for their final act of service to Allah. They knew there would be a lot of blood. They arrived in time for the Bible Study, around 10 o’clock.
They arrived, and apparently the Bible Study began. Reportedly, after Necati read a chapter from the Bible the assault began. The boys tied Ugur, Necati, and Tilman’s hands and feet to chairs and as they videoed their work on their cellphones, they tortured our brothers for almost three hours*
[Details of the torture--
* Tilman was stabbed 156 times, Necati 99 times and Ugur’s stabs were too numerous to count. They were disemboweled, and their intestines sliced up in front of their eyes. They were emasculated and watched as those body parts were destroyed. Fingers were chopped off, their noses and mouths and anuses were sliced open. Possibly the worst part was watching as their brothers were likewise tortured. Finally, their throats were sliced from ear to ear, heads practically decapitated.]
Neighbors in workplaces near the printhouse said later they had heard yelling, but assumed the owners were having a domestic argument so they did not respond.
Meanwhile, another believer Gokhan and his wife had a leisurely morning. He slept in till 10, ate a long breakfast and finally around 12:30 he and his wife arrived at the office. The door was locked from the inside, and his key would not work. He phoned and though it had connection on his end he did not hear the phone ringing inside. He called cell phones of his brothers and finally Ugur answered his phone. “We are not at the office. Go to the hotel meeting. We are there. We will come there,” he said cryptically. As Ugur spoke Gokhan heard in the telephone’s background weeping and a strange snarling sound.
He phoned the police, and the nearest officer arrived in about five minutes. He pounded on the door, “Police, open up!” Initially the officer thought it was a domestic disturbance. At that point they heard another snarl and a gurgling moan. The police understood that sound as human suffering, prepared the clip in his gun and tried over and over again to burst through the door. One of the frightened assailants unlocked the door for the policeman, who entered to find a grisly scene.
Tilman and Necati had been slaughtered, practically decapitated with their necks slit from ear to ear. Ugur’s throat was likewise slit and he was barely alive.
Three assailants in front of the policeman dropped their weapons.
Meanwhile Gokhan heard a sound of yelling in the street. Someone had fallen from their third story office. Running down, he found a man on the ground, whom he later recognized, named Emre Gunaydin. He had massive head trauma and, strangely, was snarling. He had tried to climb down the drainpipe to escape, and losing his balance had plummeted to the ground. It seems that he was the main leader of the attackers. Another assailant was found hiding on a lower balcony.
To untangle the web we need to back up six years. In April 2001, the National Security Council of Turkey (Milli Guvenlik Kurulu) began to consider evangelical Christians as a threat to national security, on equal footing as Al Quaida and PKK terrorism. Statements made in the press by political leaders, columnists and commentators have fueled a hatred against missionaries who they claim bribe young people to change their religion.
After that decision in 2001, attacks and threats on churches, pastors and Christians began. Bombings, physical attacks, verbal and written abuse are only some of the ways Christians are being targetted. Most significant is the use of media propaganda.
From December 2005, after having a long meeting regarding the Christian threat, the wife of Former Prime Minister Ecevit, historian Ilber Ortayli, Professor Hasan Unsal, Politician Ahmet Tan and writer/propogandist Aytunc Altindal, each in their own profession began a campaign to bring the public’s attention to the looming threat of Christians who sought to “buy their children’s souls”. Hidden cameras in churches have taken church service footage and used it sensationally to promote fear and antagonism toward Christianity.
In an official televised response from Ankara, the Interior Minister of Turkey smirked as he spoke of the attacks on our brothers. Amid public outrage and protests against the event and in favor of freedom of religion and freedom of thought, media and official comments ring with the same message, “We hope you have learned your lesson. We do not want Christians here.”
It appears that this was an organized attack initiated by an unknown adult tarikat leader. As in the Hrant Dink murder in January 2007, and a Catholic priest Andrea Santoro in February 2006, minors are being used to commit religious murders because public sympathy for youth is strong and they face lower penalties than an adult convicted of the same crime. Even the parents of these children are in favor of the acts. The mother of the 16 year old boy who killed the Catholic priest Andrea Santoro looked at the cameras as her son was going to prison and said, “he will serve time for Allah.”
The young men involved in the killing are currently in custody. Today news reported that they would be tried as terrorists, so their age would not affect the strict penalty. Assailant Emre Gunaydin is still in intensive care. The investigation centers around him and his contacts and they say will fall apart if he does not recover.
The Church in Turkey responded in a way that honored God as hundreds of believers and dozens of pastors flew in as fast as they could to stand by the small church of Malatya and encourage the believers, take care of legal issues, and represent Christians to the media.
When Susanne Tilman expressed her wish to bury her husband in Malatya, the Governor tried to stop it, and when he realized he could not stop it, a rumor was spread that “it is a sin to dig a grave for a Christian.” In the end, in an undertaking that should be remembered in Christian history forever, the men from the church in Adana (near Tarsus), grabbed shovels and dug a grave for their slain brother in an un-tended hundred year old Armenian graveyard.
Ugur was buried by his family in an Alevi Muslim ceremony in his hometown of Elazig, his believing fiance watching from the shadows as his family and friends refused to accept in death the faith Ugur had so long professed and died for.
Necati’s funeral took place in his hometown of Izmir, the city where he came to faith. The darkness does not understand the light. Though the churches expressed their forgiveness for the event, Christians were not to be trusted. Before they would load the coffin onto the plane from Malatya, it went through two separate xray exams to make sure it was not loaded with explosives. This is not a usual procedure for Muslim coffins.
Necati’s funeral was a beautiful event. Like a glimpse of heaven, thousands of Turkish Christians and missionaries came to show their love for Christ, and their honor for this man chosen to die for Christ. Necati’s wife Shemsa told the world, “His death was full of meaning, because he died for Christ and he lived for Christ… Necati was a gift from God. I feel honored that he was in my life, I feel crowned with honor. I want to be worthy of that honor.”
Boldly the believers took their stand at Necati’s funeral, facing the risks of being seen publicly and likewise becoming targets. As expected, the anti-terror police attended and videotaped everyone attending the funeral for their future use. The service took place outside at Buca Baptist church, and he was buried in a small Christian graveyard in the outskirts of Izmir.
Two assistant Governors of Izmir were there solemnly watching the event from the front row. Dozens of news agencies were there documenting the events with live news and photographs. Who knows the impact the funeral had on those watching? This is the beginning of their story as well. Pray for them.
In an act that hit front pages in the largest newspapers in Turkey, Susanne Tilman in a television interview expressed her forgiveness. She did not want revenge, she told reporters. “Oh God, forgive them for they know not what they do,” she said, wholeheartedly agreeing with the words of Christ on Calvary (Luke 23:34).
In a country where blood-for-blood revenge is as normal as breathing, many many reports have come to the attention of the church of how this comment of Susanne Tilman has changed lives. One columnist wrote of her comment, “She said in one sentence what 1000 missionaries in 1000 years could never do.”
The missionaries in Malatya will most likely move out, as their families and children have become publicly identified as targets to the hostile city. The remaining 10 believers are in hiding. What will happen to this church, this light in the darkness? Most likely it will go underground. Pray for wisdom, that Turkish brothers from other cities will go to lead the leaderless church. Should we not be concerned for that great city of Malatya, a city that does not know what it is doing? (Jonah 4:11)
When our Pastor Fikret Bocek went with a brother to give a statement to the Security Directorate on Monday they were ushered into the Anti-Terror Department. On the wall was a huge chart covering the whole wall listing all the terrorist cells in Izmir, categorized. In one prominent column were listed all the evangelical churches in Izmir. The darkness does not understand the light. “These that have turned the world upside down are come hither also.” (Acts 17:6)
Please pray for the Church in Turkey. “Don’t pray against persecution, pray for perseverence,” urges Pastor Fikret Bocek.
The Church is better having lost our brothers; the fruit in our lives, the renewed faith, the burning desire to spread the gospel to quench more darkness in Malatya …all these are not to be regretted. Pray that we stand strong against external opposition and especially pray that we stand strong against internal struggles with sin, our true debilitating weakness.
This we know. Christ Jesus was there when our brothers were giving their lives for Him. He was there, like He was when Stephen was being stoned in the sight of Saul of Tarsus.
Someday the video of the deaths of our brothers may reveal more to us about the strength that we know Christ gave them to endure their last cross, about the peace the Spirit of God endowed them with to suffer for their beloved Savior. But we know He did not leave their side. We know their minds were full of Scripture strengthening them to endure, as darkness tried to subdue the unsubduable Light of the Gospel. We know, in whatever way they were able, with a look or a word, they encouraged one another to stand strong. We know they knew they would soon be with Christ.
We don’t know the details. We don’t know the kind of justice that will or will not be served on this earth.
But we pray-- and urge you to pray-- that someday at least one of those five boys will come to faith because of the testimony in death of Tilman Geske, who gave his life as a missionary to his beloved Turks, and the testimonies in death of Necati Aydin and Ugur Yuksel, the first martyrs for Christ out of the Turkish Church.
Reported by Darlene N. Bocek (24 April 2007)
-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Please please please pass this on to as many praying Christians as you can, in as many countries as you can. Please always keep the heading as “From the Protestant Church of Smyrna” with this contact information: izmirprotestan@gmail.com // http://www.izmirprotestan.org
Thursday, April 05, 2007
i was hungry...
Matt 25:42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'44"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'
45"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'
don't try this at home
AN UNUSUAL PAIRGilberto Sheedan, 50, and his crocodile friend Poncho, of roughly the same age, put on an entertaining show for visitors in the Caribbean-slope town of Siquirres. Sheedan (aka Chito) rescued Poncho after discovering him close to death from a gunshot wound. The man's effort and time nursing the reptile back to health has blossomed into a unique relationship between the two.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
i hate this new blogger
although everything appears the same it's not. i can't leave comments anymore. sometimes change is good but in this case i think it sucks. i wasn't going to change to the new blogger but was forced to or just not have a blogger at all.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
fifa U20 world cup
i'm going to the world cup!!! woohoo!!!
i rarely spend money on myself but i have been watching the fifa under 20 world cup to see if costa rica would be playing in burnaby and they are. the draw was today and although i will only get to see costa rica play one game i will be able to watch zambia, jordan, spain & uruguay. the round of 16 is also at swangard so maybe costa rica will be in that as well.
i thought i would only go to one game when i saw the ticket prices but it turns out it was a package deal for 7 games.
i rarely spend money on myself but i have been watching the fifa under 20 world cup to see if costa rica would be playing in burnaby and they are. the draw was today and although i will only get to see costa rica play one game i will be able to watch zambia, jordan, spain & uruguay. the round of 16 is also at swangard so maybe costa rica will be in that as well.
i thought i would only go to one game when i saw the ticket prices but it turns out it was a package deal for 7 games.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Jerusalem Prayer Team
Mike Evans' Iraq Journal, Part III
My first meeting today at 9:00 AM was in the State House with the Minister of State, Karim Sinjari. I had two more high-level intelligence meetings with Iraqi diplomatic leaders. I cannot attribute a quote from them for security reasons. I do not want an Iranian agent to put a bullet in their heads.
Karim is a very humble man; we sip tea as he tells me the story of two attempts to kill him by terrorists and a third by Saddam who poisoned him; he almost died. He repeated a story I had been told earlier:
“Saddam disappeared 191,000 men between the ages of ten and sixty years so the women could not remarry. They would have no proof that their husbands were dead.”
Saddam used the Koran to back his claim that he had permission to kill the enemy and confiscate everything they owned. He secured a fatwah, a legal decree from an Imam to give the legal, theocratic right to wipe out the Kurds.
I was told that Iranian agents by the tens of thousands are everywhere in Iraq, and that Iranian proxies number in the hundreds of thousands. I can honestly say I really don’t like that, knowing I speak out strongly against Iran on network shows, and that I wrote Showdown with Nuclear Iran. I feel a bit like a canary in a mine shaft. I am so thankful for my faith; it strengthens me in the darkness.
Karim told me that the biggest problem they have is the influx of Iranian agents into the whole of Iraq. Iran is working with Syria, a Sunni state, to kill Iraqis and with the Shiites to pit one group against the other.
According to Karim, Paul Bremer (head of the Coalition Provisional Authority in Iraq) opened the borders, forcing the removal of all security check points in Iraq. Bremer was warned that this would create terror, but he wanted to show the world he was tolerant of everyone. Iran is now running one of the biggest employment services in all of Iraq. For a few dollars, they put unemployed Iraqis on the terror payroll. It is also one of the biggest intelligence agencies operating through the Iraqi government. It makes no difference if you wear a police or military uniform; the vetting process does not work, and the fruit is that secrets are being shared with Iran which now is aware of every move.
Said Karim, “Your army is in a holy war with global jihadis worldwide. Thousands of Iraqi fanatics lived in Iran and returned home as agents with the full support of Iran. Remember, the Iranian revolution was planned in Najaf by Ayatollah Khomeini. Najaf knows well how to plan Islamic revolutions. The only reason they are not attacking you in America is because you invited them to attack you in Iraq.”
Al-Maliki says the U.S. should not use Iraq for a confrontation with Iran. This is another sick joke. Al-Qaeda has between 4000 and 5000 terrorists in Iraq. If we leave, the danger will be a thousand times greater, but in the U.S., not in Iraq. The terrorists will take the battle to the streets of America. The only restraining factor is the U.S. troops. We keep the terrorists occupied by fighting them in Iraq. I was told that if we leave Iraq, all of the Arab countries would run away from the experiment in democracy, and that the entire region would explode.
Karim further opined, “Saudi Arabia is so convinced that Iran is coming, they are building a 400-mile wall at the cost of $13 billion to keep them out. Saudi is panicking because 50 percent of their population is Shiite, and the oil region is in the Shiite area of Saudi. They know a nuclear Iran could mean their end. They pray that the U.S. or Israel will stop them.” I have been told that over 500,000 Shiite “missionaries” are gathered in Saudi Arabia with one goal...convert Sunnis.
We are taping the last segments of the prime-time special based on this book. Late today at the studios of the state television station, we were given classified footage never shown on U.S. television, or anywhere else. I saw images of Saddam’s flag being planted in each village after the gas canisters were dropped. At first, gas that stayed low to the ground was used. When the people fled to the mountains, canisters containing poison gas that rose in the air was dropped in order to kill those fleeing. Later, I was shown footage of Saddam’s death squads exterminating multitudes, including Islamic fascists beheading Americans. It was the most unspeakably horrific sight I have ever seen.
It was a shock to see the face of Ali Hassan Majid on Iraq television. He was standing trial for genocidal crimes against humanity. “I am not apologizing,” he said, “I did not make mistakes. I am the one who gave the orders to the Army to use WMDs against 100,000 Iraqi Kurds.”
We were cleared by the government to see and have access to the footage. Some of it will be incorporated into the television special, “The Final Move beyond Iraq.”
Dr. Tim LaHaye, Mrs. Anne Graham Lotz, Mr. Pat Boone, Mr. Bill McCartney, Ms. Kay Arthur, Rev. Tommy Tenney, Dr. A.R. Bernard, and Dr. Jay Sekulow are just a few of the more than 300 Christian Leaders who are part of the Jerusalem Prayer Team.
The Jerusalem Prayer Team is a non-profit organization with 501c3 tax exempt status. The Jerusalem Prayer Team is a prayer movement of people around the world. It is a non-denominational organization. It receives no support from the Nation of Israel. Donations are tax deductible.
The mission of the Jerusalem Prayer Team: To guard, defend and protect the Jewish people and Eretz Yisrael until Israel is secure, and until the Redeemer comes to Zion.
i hope it's soon.
My first meeting today at 9:00 AM was in the State House with the Minister of State, Karim Sinjari. I had two more high-level intelligence meetings with Iraqi diplomatic leaders. I cannot attribute a quote from them for security reasons. I do not want an Iranian agent to put a bullet in their heads.
Karim is a very humble man; we sip tea as he tells me the story of two attempts to kill him by terrorists and a third by Saddam who poisoned him; he almost died. He repeated a story I had been told earlier:
“Saddam disappeared 191,000 men between the ages of ten and sixty years so the women could not remarry. They would have no proof that their husbands were dead.”
Saddam used the Koran to back his claim that he had permission to kill the enemy and confiscate everything they owned. He secured a fatwah, a legal decree from an Imam to give the legal, theocratic right to wipe out the Kurds.
I was told that Iranian agents by the tens of thousands are everywhere in Iraq, and that Iranian proxies number in the hundreds of thousands. I can honestly say I really don’t like that, knowing I speak out strongly against Iran on network shows, and that I wrote Showdown with Nuclear Iran. I feel a bit like a canary in a mine shaft. I am so thankful for my faith; it strengthens me in the darkness.
Karim told me that the biggest problem they have is the influx of Iranian agents into the whole of Iraq. Iran is working with Syria, a Sunni state, to kill Iraqis and with the Shiites to pit one group against the other.
According to Karim, Paul Bremer (head of the Coalition Provisional Authority in Iraq) opened the borders, forcing the removal of all security check points in Iraq. Bremer was warned that this would create terror, but he wanted to show the world he was tolerant of everyone. Iran is now running one of the biggest employment services in all of Iraq. For a few dollars, they put unemployed Iraqis on the terror payroll. It is also one of the biggest intelligence agencies operating through the Iraqi government. It makes no difference if you wear a police or military uniform; the vetting process does not work, and the fruit is that secrets are being shared with Iran which now is aware of every move.
Said Karim, “Your army is in a holy war with global jihadis worldwide. Thousands of Iraqi fanatics lived in Iran and returned home as agents with the full support of Iran. Remember, the Iranian revolution was planned in Najaf by Ayatollah Khomeini. Najaf knows well how to plan Islamic revolutions. The only reason they are not attacking you in America is because you invited them to attack you in Iraq.”
Al-Maliki says the U.S. should not use Iraq for a confrontation with Iran. This is another sick joke. Al-Qaeda has between 4000 and 5000 terrorists in Iraq. If we leave, the danger will be a thousand times greater, but in the U.S., not in Iraq. The terrorists will take the battle to the streets of America. The only restraining factor is the U.S. troops. We keep the terrorists occupied by fighting them in Iraq. I was told that if we leave Iraq, all of the Arab countries would run away from the experiment in democracy, and that the entire region would explode.
Karim further opined, “Saudi Arabia is so convinced that Iran is coming, they are building a 400-mile wall at the cost of $13 billion to keep them out. Saudi is panicking because 50 percent of their population is Shiite, and the oil region is in the Shiite area of Saudi. They know a nuclear Iran could mean their end. They pray that the U.S. or Israel will stop them.” I have been told that over 500,000 Shiite “missionaries” are gathered in Saudi Arabia with one goal...convert Sunnis.
We are taping the last segments of the prime-time special based on this book. Late today at the studios of the state television station, we were given classified footage never shown on U.S. television, or anywhere else. I saw images of Saddam’s flag being planted in each village after the gas canisters were dropped. At first, gas that stayed low to the ground was used. When the people fled to the mountains, canisters containing poison gas that rose in the air was dropped in order to kill those fleeing. Later, I was shown footage of Saddam’s death squads exterminating multitudes, including Islamic fascists beheading Americans. It was the most unspeakably horrific sight I have ever seen.
It was a shock to see the face of Ali Hassan Majid on Iraq television. He was standing trial for genocidal crimes against humanity. “I am not apologizing,” he said, “I did not make mistakes. I am the one who gave the orders to the Army to use WMDs against 100,000 Iraqi Kurds.”
We were cleared by the government to see and have access to the footage. Some of it will be incorporated into the television special, “The Final Move beyond Iraq.”
Dr. Tim LaHaye, Mrs. Anne Graham Lotz, Mr. Pat Boone, Mr. Bill McCartney, Ms. Kay Arthur, Rev. Tommy Tenney, Dr. A.R. Bernard, and Dr. Jay Sekulow are just a few of the more than 300 Christian Leaders who are part of the Jerusalem Prayer Team.
The Jerusalem Prayer Team is a non-profit organization with 501c3 tax exempt status. The Jerusalem Prayer Team is a prayer movement of people around the world. It is a non-denominational organization. It receives no support from the Nation of Israel. Donations are tax deductible.
The mission of the Jerusalem Prayer Team: To guard, defend and protect the Jewish people and Eretz Yisrael until Israel is secure, and until the Redeemer comes to Zion.
i hope it's soon.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
spiritual hearing
is just like physical hearing. the closer you get to whoever you're listening to, the better you can hear them.
talking to a friend about hearing God speak to us. i've only ever heard God speak to me in an audible voice once, the 2nd day i went to live in costa rica when He said "but only for one day."
yesterday He spoke to me through His Holy Spirit, putting thoughts into my head. i was reconciling accounts and it wasn't balancing. for the life of me i could not figure out why. i knew it was there but i didn't know how to account for it. then a name came to me from 4 months ago and i knew i had the answer. i don't remember a name from someone i met face to face yesterday, never mind a name that came across my desk 4 months ago. i was praising and thanking God because i knew it was from Him.
once i reconciled that account i was looking at another one and again i was at a loss as to why it wasn't working. i was asking God to help me cuz i didn't have a clue. then a figure came into my head and i knew i had the answer. again it was something that happened once months ago. i couldn't tell you anything from a week ago never mind several months ago. again i was praising and thanking God because i knew it was from Him.
i can watch the same movie over and over again if it's a good movie and also because i forget how it goes. last night i started watching a movie from the beginning that i had started watching 1/2 way through last week. normally i would just keep watching it but instead i turned the tv off and went on the computer. and that's weird because normally i would've just watched something else. when i went on-line i found that dany (from costa rica) was on-line and i haven't talked to him on-line for months. we talked for 2 1/4 hours. again thanking and praising God.
we don't have to hear an audible voice to hear Him.
talking to a friend about hearing God speak to us. i've only ever heard God speak to me in an audible voice once, the 2nd day i went to live in costa rica when He said "but only for one day."
yesterday He spoke to me through His Holy Spirit, putting thoughts into my head. i was reconciling accounts and it wasn't balancing. for the life of me i could not figure out why. i knew it was there but i didn't know how to account for it. then a name came to me from 4 months ago and i knew i had the answer. i don't remember a name from someone i met face to face yesterday, never mind a name that came across my desk 4 months ago. i was praising and thanking God because i knew it was from Him.
once i reconciled that account i was looking at another one and again i was at a loss as to why it wasn't working. i was asking God to help me cuz i didn't have a clue. then a figure came into my head and i knew i had the answer. again it was something that happened once months ago. i couldn't tell you anything from a week ago never mind several months ago. again i was praising and thanking God because i knew it was from Him.
i can watch the same movie over and over again if it's a good movie and also because i forget how it goes. last night i started watching a movie from the beginning that i had started watching 1/2 way through last week. normally i would just keep watching it but instead i turned the tv off and went on the computer. and that's weird because normally i would've just watched something else. when i went on-line i found that dany (from costa rica) was on-line and i haven't talked to him on-line for months. we talked for 2 1/4 hours. again thanking and praising God.
we don't have to hear an audible voice to hear Him.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
ok i'm bored
while you are all out going for walks or drives enjoying the beautiful sunshine, i'm sitting here wishing i was out there.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
non-hodgkins follicular lymphoma
several people have asked what the results were of all the tests that i've had so here it is in a nutshell.
I have been diagnosed with low grade Non-Hodgkins Follicular Lymphoma. It's similar to diabetes in that there is treatment but there is no cure. It's cancer of the blood.
Right now I don't have too many other symptoms so they don't recommend treatment. I will be tested & checked every 3 months & when I start getting other symptoms they'll start chemo.
life expectancy is 7 – 10 years but I could get hit by a truck tomorrow or the Lord could come back and we’d all be home in 10 years. we exist by the will of a perfect God so who are we to question His perfect will. we live according to His will, His timetable not man's so who is man to say we will go here or there, do this or that, or live or die at a given time.
life is a test - God is testing each one of us all the time. i think how we respond to each test is how we grow, or not, into the godly person He wants us to be.
i was having such a pity party the day i finally believed in Christ. my life is so totally different now. rom 8:28 we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. so if His perfect plan, His purpose, is for me to have lymphoma, who am i to say otherwise.
I have been diagnosed with low grade Non-Hodgkins Follicular Lymphoma. It's similar to diabetes in that there is treatment but there is no cure. It's cancer of the blood.
Right now I don't have too many other symptoms so they don't recommend treatment. I will be tested & checked every 3 months & when I start getting other symptoms they'll start chemo.
life expectancy is 7 – 10 years but I could get hit by a truck tomorrow or the Lord could come back and we’d all be home in 10 years. we exist by the will of a perfect God so who are we to question His perfect will. we live according to His will, His timetable not man's so who is man to say we will go here or there, do this or that, or live or die at a given time.
life is a test - God is testing each one of us all the time. i think how we respond to each test is how we grow, or not, into the godly person He wants us to be.
i was having such a pity party the day i finally believed in Christ. my life is so totally different now. rom 8:28 we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. so if His perfect plan, His purpose, is for me to have lymphoma, who am i to say otherwise.
Friday, January 19, 2007
lying
have you ever thought about it? how often you do it? how 'natural' it is. you don't mean to but you do it without even thinking about it. someone asks you what you're doing on a certain day and you say you're busy when you're not. the words are out of your mouth before your brain's engaged.
the bible tells us that liars will not enter heaven.
last week when i went for surgery i was asked where i would be staying or if someone would be staying with me. i said i would be at home by myself. i was told i had to have someone with me or they wouldn't do the surgery. i had planned to have this surgery 3 years ago and have been waiting for it for the past year since coming back from costa rica. there was no way i was going to wait any longer. i phoned the lady that had driven me to the hospital (who had on the way there asked me if i needed someone to stay with me & i said no) and told her i needed a babysitter and asked if she wanted to spend the night at my house or me at her house. she said we'd work something out so i told the nurse that i had a babysitter & she said they'd proceed. i lied. i out and out lied. i had no intention of not sleeping in my own bed. for as much as i intentinally lied at the time i wasn't even thinking about it that it was a sin. i was only thinking i had to have the surgery, i didn't want to wait more months.
well i didn't, sleep that is. besides feeling so sick from the medication i was convicted (heartsick) about lying. i thought about how God says that liars won't enter heaven. oh man was i convicted. all i had thought about (me) was wanting the surgery instead of thinking about what God feels and thinks about liars. i had not considered that i was putting my soul in jeopardy. but i tell ya. i've thought a lot about it since.
someone asked me what i was doing on friday night. i'm busy was out of my mouth so fast i would've been caught in a lie if asked what i was doing, or had to lie again (then it would've been intentional) to cover up the first one. i don't know why i said it. it literally was out of my mouth before i had time to think about it. when i realized that i wondered how many (not if but how many) other times i've lied like that. it was so automatic i could hardly believe it, how easy it was and how 'natural' it was. it is the sinful nature in me that causes me to do things that i don't want to do.
a few months ago my secret sister gave me a card saying she thinks i'm a woman in whom God is well pleased. i kept that card & it sits right beside my monitor. i want to be that woman in whom God is well pleased. i have a long way to go.
the bible tells us that liars will not enter heaven.
last week when i went for surgery i was asked where i would be staying or if someone would be staying with me. i said i would be at home by myself. i was told i had to have someone with me or they wouldn't do the surgery. i had planned to have this surgery 3 years ago and have been waiting for it for the past year since coming back from costa rica. there was no way i was going to wait any longer. i phoned the lady that had driven me to the hospital (who had on the way there asked me if i needed someone to stay with me & i said no) and told her i needed a babysitter and asked if she wanted to spend the night at my house or me at her house. she said we'd work something out so i told the nurse that i had a babysitter & she said they'd proceed. i lied. i out and out lied. i had no intention of not sleeping in my own bed. for as much as i intentinally lied at the time i wasn't even thinking about it that it was a sin. i was only thinking i had to have the surgery, i didn't want to wait more months.
well i didn't, sleep that is. besides feeling so sick from the medication i was convicted (heartsick) about lying. i thought about how God says that liars won't enter heaven. oh man was i convicted. all i had thought about (me) was wanting the surgery instead of thinking about what God feels and thinks about liars. i had not considered that i was putting my soul in jeopardy. but i tell ya. i've thought a lot about it since.
someone asked me what i was doing on friday night. i'm busy was out of my mouth so fast i would've been caught in a lie if asked what i was doing, or had to lie again (then it would've been intentional) to cover up the first one. i don't know why i said it. it literally was out of my mouth before i had time to think about it. when i realized that i wondered how many (not if but how many) other times i've lied like that. it was so automatic i could hardly believe it, how easy it was and how 'natural' it was. it is the sinful nature in me that causes me to do things that i don't want to do.
a few months ago my secret sister gave me a card saying she thinks i'm a woman in whom God is well pleased. i kept that card & it sits right beside my monitor. i want to be that woman in whom God is well pleased. i have a long way to go.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
what a whiner!!!
ever since complaining about my hospital stay i've been thinking - what a whiner! that we have free medical care is more than most of the world's population.
i read the drug information on the pain rx they gave me and it says take with food. in the hospital they gave me the drug but didn't give me any food to take with it. and i thought how millions go without food daily. and i thought of millions of victims of war and disease who are suffering without any pain medication. i thought of kids stepping on land mines and getting their legs blown off, or worse, and having no medical attention at all.
i thought of others and i felt petty. we are a society of self-absorbed whiners.
we eat too much, we over-indulge ourselves, we buy the latest fashions, we buy all the latest toys, we are so not living the way Jesus wants us to. we are a spoiled, self-indulgent society expecting that the world owes us everything.
the rich ruler wanted eternal life, Jesus told him to sell everything & give to the poor and follow Him. he couldn't follow Jesus because he wanted everything he had, he wasn't willing to give it up. are you truly following Jesus or are you hoarding your money?
are you so concerned about your own needs, totally forgetting about the greater needs of others?
when Jesus returns will He say to you come in with Him or depart from Him? will He spit you out because your love for Him is only lukewarm?
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
are you living for Him? or are you living for yourself? do you live to please Him? or are you living to please yourself?
i read the drug information on the pain rx they gave me and it says take with food. in the hospital they gave me the drug but didn't give me any food to take with it. and i thought how millions go without food daily. and i thought of millions of victims of war and disease who are suffering without any pain medication. i thought of kids stepping on land mines and getting their legs blown off, or worse, and having no medical attention at all.
i thought of others and i felt petty. we are a society of self-absorbed whiners.
we eat too much, we over-indulge ourselves, we buy the latest fashions, we buy all the latest toys, we are so not living the way Jesus wants us to. we are a spoiled, self-indulgent society expecting that the world owes us everything.
the rich ruler wanted eternal life, Jesus told him to sell everything & give to the poor and follow Him. he couldn't follow Jesus because he wanted everything he had, he wasn't willing to give it up. are you truly following Jesus or are you hoarding your money?
are you so concerned about your own needs, totally forgetting about the greater needs of others?
when Jesus returns will He say to you come in with Him or depart from Him? will He spit you out because your love for Him is only lukewarm?
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
are you living for Him? or are you living for yourself? do you live to please Him? or are you living to please yourself?
Monday, January 15, 2007
lymphoma
months ago it was suggested i might have anything from mono to lymphoma. i thought ok whatever. lymphoma was confirmed and i thought ok whatever.
before i knew anything about it i just thought lymphoma was cancer and people get sick from cancer. some people die from it. some people are afraid of dying. when i expressed to a friend that if i had lymphoma i wasn't afraid of dying (thinking cancer, which is sometimes fatal) she told me i was being selfish. she needed me how could i think of leaving (dying) her.
we are not in control. do we fear dying because we fear losing control? if we fear anything at all it is because we have not surrendered to God. God is in control and He is going to do what He has already determined to do. He knows the plans He has for you. trust in Him and He will be with you whatever you go through.
as for me i feel great and wonder if there's been a mistake.
before i knew anything about it i just thought lymphoma was cancer and people get sick from cancer. some people die from it. some people are afraid of dying. when i expressed to a friend that if i had lymphoma i wasn't afraid of dying (thinking cancer, which is sometimes fatal) she told me i was being selfish. she needed me how could i think of leaving (dying) her.
we are not in control. do we fear dying because we fear losing control? if we fear anything at all it is because we have not surrendered to God. God is in control and He is going to do what He has already determined to do. He knows the plans He has for you. trust in Him and He will be with you whatever you go through.
as for me i feel great and wonder if there's been a mistake.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
msa hospital
if you have to go to a hospital i hope you can go to another one. i went for pre-op blood work & an eeg on thursday. i enquired about getting crutches thinking i would go next door & rent them but admitting told me they would give them to me upstairs after the surgery. when i saw the nurse she put the bp cuff on then she sat down. when it was finished she told me to take it off. when i had the eeg the tech apologized for swearing and then continued swearing a couple more times. the gown she gave me was so wrinkled it looked like it had been balled up soaking wet. she had to do the eeg a second time cuz she was in a hurry to get off work & she pulled the cords off before it was finished. there was a dirty dish beside the machine and no place to put my clothes except on top of a pile of towels.
yesterday when i had the surgery i was given a gown that i had to pull apart as it was stuck together with a melted heart monitor thing. when i pulled it around me i saw that it was stuck together with a gross blob of something that looked like melted rubber cement. they couldn't get the needle in properly and had to do it again. and i'm not sure what they gave me for pain but i'm pretty sure it was the one thing i told them i can't take cuz i've been sick ever since. when i was ready to go i asked for the crutches & they said they don't have them there. i told them i had enquired about them the day before & was told they would be giving me a pair. no they couldn't have told me that because they don't have them there. why would i think it would be so much easier to get a pair while i was still able to walk properly. they told me i couldn't get my foot wet for 2 weeks. like how am i going to do that in bc in the winter hobbling on some little flat thing. i left the hospital feeling a heck of a lot worse than when i went in & none of it had to do with the surgery on my foot. on a scale of 1 to 10 msa scores zero.
yesterday when i had the surgery i was given a gown that i had to pull apart as it was stuck together with a melted heart monitor thing. when i pulled it around me i saw that it was stuck together with a gross blob of something that looked like melted rubber cement. they couldn't get the needle in properly and had to do it again. and i'm not sure what they gave me for pain but i'm pretty sure it was the one thing i told them i can't take cuz i've been sick ever since. when i was ready to go i asked for the crutches & they said they don't have them there. i told them i had enquired about them the day before & was told they would be giving me a pair. no they couldn't have told me that because they don't have them there. why would i think it would be so much easier to get a pair while i was still able to walk properly. they told me i couldn't get my foot wet for 2 weeks. like how am i going to do that in bc in the winter hobbling on some little flat thing. i left the hospital feeling a heck of a lot worse than when i went in & none of it had to do with the surgery on my foot. on a scale of 1 to 10 msa scores zero.
Monday, January 01, 2007
My Utmost for His Highest.
". . . my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed . . . ." We will all feel very much ashamed if we do not yield to Jesus the areas of our lives He has asked us to yield to Him. It’s as if Paul were saying, "My determined purpose is to be my utmost for His highest— my best for His glory." To reach that level of determination is a matter of the will, not of debate or of reasoning. It is absolute and irrevocable surrender of the will at that point. An undue amount of thought and consideration for ourselves is what keeps us from making that decision, although we cover it up with the pretense that it is others we are considering. When we think seriously about what it will cost others if we obey the call of Jesus, we tell God He doesn’t know what our obedience will mean. Keep to the point— He does know. Shut out every other thought and keep yourself before God in this one thing only— my utmost for His highest. I am determined to be absolutely and entirely for Him and Him alone.
My Unstoppable Determination for His Holiness. "Whether it means life or death-it makes no difference!" (see Philippians 1:21). Paul was determined that nothing would stop him from doing exactly what God wanted. But before we choose to follow God’s will, a crisis must develop in our lives. This happens because we tend to be unresponsive to God’s gentler nudges. He brings us to the place where He asks us to be our utmost for Him and we begin to debate. He then providentially produces a crisis where we have to decide— for or against. That moment becomes a great crossroads in our lives. If a crisis has come to you on any front, surrender your will to Jesus absolutely and irrevocably.
My Unstoppable Determination for His Holiness. "Whether it means life or death-it makes no difference!" (see Philippians 1:21). Paul was determined that nothing would stop him from doing exactly what God wanted. But before we choose to follow God’s will, a crisis must develop in our lives. This happens because we tend to be unresponsive to God’s gentler nudges. He brings us to the place where He asks us to be our utmost for Him and we begin to debate. He then providentially produces a crisis where we have to decide— for or against. That moment becomes a great crossroads in our lives. If a crisis has come to you on any front, surrender your will to Jesus absolutely and irrevocably.
my earnest expectation...
that... Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death" —Philippians 1:20
Thursday, December 28, 2006
christmas
a time of joy, a time of giving. there is more joy in the giving than in the receiving but for me this christmas i was brought to tears by receiving a gift of a sheep from the world vision christmas catalogue that was given in my name.
one is blessed to give such a gift, another is blessed to receive the gift in their name, and the receiver is blessed with a gift that continues to multiply with meat, milk, wool and income.
thank you my friend. i love you too.
one is blessed to give such a gift, another is blessed to receive the gift in their name, and the receiver is blessed with a gift that continues to multiply with meat, milk, wool and income.
thank you my friend. i love you too.
Friday, December 15, 2006
bone marrow transplants
have you ever considered being a donor? i had thought about this years ago but when i heard about how painful it was i changed my mind. i am afraid of needles & pain so it was out of the question.
recently i was told i was going to have a bone marrow biopsy. i read about it on-line, saw the horse needle they use & thought it was going to be really painful. i wasn't concerned about the reason to have the biopsy but i'm thinking about this huge freaking needle & my low pain tolerance. i asked friends for prayer. as usual God was amazing.
yesterday i'm lying there waiting for the pain to come when the doc says she's done. she said it would hurt when the freezing came out. i went shopping for 3 1/2 hours right after. i vegged in front of the tube last night waiting for the pain to come. it never did.
checked out the national marrow donor program - bone marrow transplants have helped save over 25,000 lives. you can help. all it takes initially is a blood test to see if you are a match. maybe most people aren't but one person may be able to save someone's life by donating their marrow. maybe that one person is you.
recently i was told i was going to have a bone marrow biopsy. i read about it on-line, saw the horse needle they use & thought it was going to be really painful. i wasn't concerned about the reason to have the biopsy but i'm thinking about this huge freaking needle & my low pain tolerance. i asked friends for prayer. as usual God was amazing.
yesterday i'm lying there waiting for the pain to come when the doc says she's done. she said it would hurt when the freezing came out. i went shopping for 3 1/2 hours right after. i vegged in front of the tube last night waiting for the pain to come. it never did.
checked out the national marrow donor program - bone marrow transplants have helped save over 25,000 lives. you can help. all it takes initially is a blood test to see if you are a match. maybe most people aren't but one person may be able to save someone's life by donating their marrow. maybe that one person is you.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
what is christmas?
it's a celebration of the greatest joy, the deepest peace and the richest love the heart can ever know - Jesus.
May you be blessed by the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. and as Jesus has poured Himself out as an offering and a blessing to us, may He pour us out as a blessing to others.
May you be blessed by the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. and as Jesus has poured Himself out as an offering and a blessing to us, may He pour us out as a blessing to others.
life is not fair
how many times have you said that's not fair. i can think of many times in my life when i thought things weren't fair. i could make a list of things that i thought were not fair. i'm sure most of you could too.
odb dec 2 - We are not the arbiters of fairness. God is, and He knows far more than we do about His plans and purposes. The question isn’t about fairness. In the end, it’s about trust in a faithful God who knows what He is doing. “He is the Rock, His work is perfect; for all His ways are justice” (Deut. 32:4). Life will never look fair. But when we trust God, we always know that He is faithful.
we question why God would allow something terrible to happen. we rail at God for what we deem are injustices. this isn't a perfect world and He tells us that over and over in the bible. but He is a perfect God and He is always faithful and we know that all things work together for good to those who love God.
odb dec 2 - We are not the arbiters of fairness. God is, and He knows far more than we do about His plans and purposes. The question isn’t about fairness. In the end, it’s about trust in a faithful God who knows what He is doing. “He is the Rock, His work is perfect; for all His ways are justice” (Deut. 32:4). Life will never look fair. But when we trust God, we always know that He is faithful.
we question why God would allow something terrible to happen. we rail at God for what we deem are injustices. this isn't a perfect world and He tells us that over and over in the bible. but He is a perfect God and He is always faithful and we know that all things work together for good to those who love God.
life and death
i know of a lady that passed away recently from a long battle with cancer. she spoke of her illness as a win / win situation. win - she is restored to good health and to her family. win - she enters paradise. wow! i think that is so cool.
i know of another person dying of cancer and he has a completely different outlook. he hasn't accepted that he won't be going home and that he only has weeks to live.
both christians yet with very different outlooks on life.
odb - dec 4 The specter of death is faced by every human being. Yet, whether we face that reality with fear or with confidence is not dependent on having a good outlook or a positive attitude. The way we face death depends completely on whether or not we have a personal relationship with Jesus, who gave Himself to die so that death itself could be abolished. Paul wrote to Timothy that our Savior was the One who “abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel” (2 Tim. 1:10). The result is that even in the most disturbing times of life, we never need to be scared to death. We can live confidently and filled with hope, because Jesus conquered death.
if that's how we face death should we not face life the same way. if we have a deeply, personal, intimate relationship with Jesus Christ we do not fear, we have hope. if we don't we need to spend more time with Him.
i know of another person dying of cancer and he has a completely different outlook. he hasn't accepted that he won't be going home and that he only has weeks to live.
both christians yet with very different outlooks on life.
odb - dec 4 The specter of death is faced by every human being. Yet, whether we face that reality with fear or with confidence is not dependent on having a good outlook or a positive attitude. The way we face death depends completely on whether or not we have a personal relationship with Jesus, who gave Himself to die so that death itself could be abolished. Paul wrote to Timothy that our Savior was the One who “abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel” (2 Tim. 1:10). The result is that even in the most disturbing times of life, we never need to be scared to death. We can live confidently and filled with hope, because Jesus conquered death.
if that's how we face death should we not face life the same way. if we have a deeply, personal, intimate relationship with Jesus Christ we do not fear, we have hope. if we don't we need to spend more time with Him.
"the battle is far from won."
how dare they! how dare they compare the famines and diseases that are ravaging most of the world with some overly priced clothing line that is being copied and marketed at a more affordable price.
taken from the globe & mail dec 7. my comments in caps.
When you start messing with my brand, it's time to mobilize... THIS MAKES ME SO ANGRY
Do they know it's counterfeit? DO WE CARE? Just as famine and disease ravage the Third World, a devastating clothing condition plagues Canada. According to the folks at urban-wear brand Sean John, knock-off goods are flooding the market, AFFORDABLE PRICES FOR THE AVERAGE CONSUMER harming legitimate manufacturers and retailers. In a passionately worded release, the apparel company created by hip-hop icon Sean Combs stressed that the biggest victims in the garb scam are the consumers -- salt-of-the-earth Canadians who deserve to "spend their hard-earned money on brands they like and trust." Brands such as Sean John, for instance.
In a cause that bizarrely recalls pop musician Bob Geldof's effort to raise funds for Ethiopian famine relief in 1984 GREAT CAUSE, Canadian hip-hop artists are involving themselves in a campaign to halt the trade of bogus tracksuits WANT TO STAND BEHIND A CAUSE - TRY WORLD HUNGER. The catch phrase of the effort is "Don't Buy a Lie," and the whole idea is to raise awareness of the senseless travesty of fake threads. HOW ABOUT THE SENSELESS TRAVESTY THAT WE ALLOW MILLIONS TO GO TO BED AT NIGHT SICK AND HUNGRY.
So, as in 1984, where the likes of Bono, Boy George and David Bowie huddled around studio microphones to sing Do They Know It's Christmas, at http://www.dontbuyalie.com there's a shot of Juno-winning rapper Kardinal Offishall in a recording studio, wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with the battle cry. Millionaire basketball player Chris Bosh of the Toronto Raptors is also involved.
Canadian authorities are taking steps to halt the counterfeiting, yet, according to the release, "the battle is far from won."
overheard 35 years ago in sears ladies fitting room. mom is buying teenage daughter a new pair of jeans. while daughter is in change room mom is bringing in various pairs for daughter to try on. daughter is bemoaning the jeans mom is bringing - "i can't wear these - they're not brand names" i felt sorry for the mom who was voicing her concern over the high cost of the more expensive brand names.
THEY ARE RIGHT - the battle is far from won when we who have much are so concerned about 'getting ours' and ignore those who have nothing.
taken from the globe & mail dec 7. my comments in caps.
When you start messing with my brand, it's time to mobilize... THIS MAKES ME SO ANGRY
Do they know it's counterfeit? DO WE CARE? Just as famine and disease ravage the Third World, a devastating clothing condition plagues Canada. According to the folks at urban-wear brand Sean John, knock-off goods are flooding the market, AFFORDABLE PRICES FOR THE AVERAGE CONSUMER harming legitimate manufacturers and retailers. In a passionately worded release, the apparel company created by hip-hop icon Sean Combs stressed that the biggest victims in the garb scam are the consumers -- salt-of-the-earth Canadians who deserve to "spend their hard-earned money on brands they like and trust." Brands such as Sean John, for instance.
In a cause that bizarrely recalls pop musician Bob Geldof's effort to raise funds for Ethiopian famine relief in 1984 GREAT CAUSE, Canadian hip-hop artists are involving themselves in a campaign to halt the trade of bogus tracksuits WANT TO STAND BEHIND A CAUSE - TRY WORLD HUNGER. The catch phrase of the effort is "Don't Buy a Lie," and the whole idea is to raise awareness of the senseless travesty of fake threads. HOW ABOUT THE SENSELESS TRAVESTY THAT WE ALLOW MILLIONS TO GO TO BED AT NIGHT SICK AND HUNGRY.
So, as in 1984, where the likes of Bono, Boy George and David Bowie huddled around studio microphones to sing Do They Know It's Christmas, at http://www.dontbuyalie.com there's a shot of Juno-winning rapper Kardinal Offishall in a recording studio, wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with the battle cry. Millionaire basketball player Chris Bosh of the Toronto Raptors is also involved.
Canadian authorities are taking steps to halt the counterfeiting, yet, according to the release, "the battle is far from won."
overheard 35 years ago in sears ladies fitting room. mom is buying teenage daughter a new pair of jeans. while daughter is in change room mom is bringing in various pairs for daughter to try on. daughter is bemoaning the jeans mom is bringing - "i can't wear these - they're not brand names" i felt sorry for the mom who was voicing her concern over the high cost of the more expensive brand names.
THEY ARE RIGHT - the battle is far from won when we who have much are so concerned about 'getting ours' and ignore those who have nothing.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
God uses angels
or miracles to help us find our way, provide for our needs, or to encourage us.
what an encouragement to hear these stories. things are rough and you're struggling with whatever and maybe you wonder - is God really listening? will He really be there when i need him?
He is listening and He will be there when you need Him.
wow! what an awesoome God we serve.
what an encouragement to hear these stories. things are rough and you're struggling with whatever and maybe you wonder - is God really listening? will He really be there when i need him?
He is listening and He will be there when you need Him.
wow! what an awesoome God we serve.
footprints
another co-worker told us this story today. there is a drop-in centre for homeless youth in abbotsford where they can get something to eat, shower, do laundry, etc.
2 weeks ago when it had snowed a man found a youth standing out on the street in the cold @ 2:30 am. he told him he had to come in out of the cold and took him to cyrus centre. at 2:30 this youth is banging on the door and when the door was opened he told them he had to find God. the youth talked to the person at the door for a moment, explained that the man had brought him there and when they turned to talk to the older man he was nowhere to be found and there were only 1 set of footprints in the snow.
2 weeks ago when it had snowed a man found a youth standing out on the street in the cold @ 2:30 am. he told him he had to come in out of the cold and took him to cyrus centre. at 2:30 this youth is banging on the door and when the door was opened he told them he had to find God. the youth talked to the person at the door for a moment, explained that the man had brought him there and when they turned to talk to the older man he was nowhere to be found and there were only 1 set of footprints in the snow.
God is there when you need Him
the same friend told me that her dad (or uncle?) was travelling through the desert and was almost out of gas. there was nothing in sight for miles but when they crested a hill they saw a gas station. they filled up, talked to the owner for a bit and headed down the road. they returned the exact same way however the gas station they had stopped at previously was no where to be found.
He will provide what you need when you need it. no more, no less.
He will provide what you need when you need it. no more, no less.
is God listening?
a friend wrote this today.
This is just a little encouragement on the Lords Goodness.
For those of you who do not know, without a healing from the Lord, my brother Mick is dying in the surrey cancer ward.
He is a Christian as is my whole family. There has been so much prayer on his behalf and for this we are so thankful.
As he has progressively gotten worse and the pain is uncontrollable even with the morphine, you begin to wonder in our human minds, if the Lord is hearing.
Yesterday we had an uplifting refreshing encouragement from the Lord.
We have a friend who is a trucker. He is a wonderful man but what you would call a typical trucker. He does dearly love the Lord, but does not get to church very often because of the long haul and varied schedule.
He was driving last week thru Oregon, which he has done often over the last many years. This time he noticed a restaurant on the side of the road that was called “Heaven on Earth”. He was curious so went in and ordered lunch. Just as he got his lunch, a woman came along with a bowl of soup and asked if she could sit with him. They discussed the hymns that were playing on the radio, and then she said to him “you need to go to the hospital and pray for your friend Mick”.
He was blown away and asked excuse me? She said you have a friend in the hospital named Mick right? You need to go pray for him.
He stated the obvious, I am just a trucker. She said you need to be obedient and not a Moses who told the Lord he was not worthy.
It took him 10 days round trip but yesterday he went to the hospital and with the nurses still working on Mick, and Mom and Dad and my sister in the room he told them the story and then just said a simple prayer for Mick.
Mom and Dad were so encouraged as well as his wife.
Dad said that no matter what happens, the Lord let us know that he hears and knows Mick’s name. What an incredible encouragement.
God is so good!
Isn’t it great to serve such an all loving God!
my friend also mentioned that this trucker who has been on this same route for many years had never noticed this restaurant before.
This is just a little encouragement on the Lords Goodness.
For those of you who do not know, without a healing from the Lord, my brother Mick is dying in the surrey cancer ward.
He is a Christian as is my whole family. There has been so much prayer on his behalf and for this we are so thankful.
As he has progressively gotten worse and the pain is uncontrollable even with the morphine, you begin to wonder in our human minds, if the Lord is hearing.
Yesterday we had an uplifting refreshing encouragement from the Lord.
We have a friend who is a trucker. He is a wonderful man but what you would call a typical trucker. He does dearly love the Lord, but does not get to church very often because of the long haul and varied schedule.
He was driving last week thru Oregon, which he has done often over the last many years. This time he noticed a restaurant on the side of the road that was called “Heaven on Earth”. He was curious so went in and ordered lunch. Just as he got his lunch, a woman came along with a bowl of soup and asked if she could sit with him. They discussed the hymns that were playing on the radio, and then she said to him “you need to go to the hospital and pray for your friend Mick”.
He was blown away and asked excuse me? She said you have a friend in the hospital named Mick right? You need to go pray for him.
He stated the obvious, I am just a trucker. She said you need to be obedient and not a Moses who told the Lord he was not worthy.
It took him 10 days round trip but yesterday he went to the hospital and with the nurses still working on Mick, and Mom and Dad and my sister in the room he told them the story and then just said a simple prayer for Mick.
Mom and Dad were so encouraged as well as his wife.
Dad said that no matter what happens, the Lord let us know that he hears and knows Mick’s name. What an incredible encouragement.
God is so good!
Isn’t it great to serve such an all loving God!
my friend also mentioned that this trucker who has been on this same route for many years had never noticed this restaurant before.
christmas giving
when i was 15 i met of family of 32 kids on christmas eve. there were no singles, only twins & triplets. at night the older kids all gatherered at the family home to go to church at midnight. the younger kids that slept 3 in a bed stacked on triple high bunkbeds got up at midnight to open their one present. their eyes were huge with joy to receive their one gift. i will never forget that awesome sight. then years later as my own young grandchildren said after opening 20 to 25 presents - is that all? are there any more? i will never forget that either.
we can give our kids too much and when we do they don't appreciate what they get.
as you sit in front of your cozy, warm fire consider giving to someone who is sleeping under an overpass. there but by the grace of God go you or i. as you think about gorging yourself on turkey and christmas baking consider giving to the hungry. as you are shopping for friends and family why not pick up something for someone that otherwise won't get anything this christmas.
God has blessed you with enough food to eat, clean water to drink & warm shelter. we can all do more, we can all give more, we can all share.
please - find it in your heart to share this christmas. you too can make a difference.
and as you consider this, consider sponsoring a child. not only do you support a child, you support their whole family, their whole village. make it a gift that will last a lifetime.
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'
"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'
"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'
we can give our kids too much and when we do they don't appreciate what they get.
as you sit in front of your cozy, warm fire consider giving to someone who is sleeping under an overpass. there but by the grace of God go you or i. as you think about gorging yourself on turkey and christmas baking consider giving to the hungry. as you are shopping for friends and family why not pick up something for someone that otherwise won't get anything this christmas.
God has blessed you with enough food to eat, clean water to drink & warm shelter. we can all do more, we can all give more, we can all share.
please - find it in your heart to share this christmas. you too can make a difference.
and as you consider this, consider sponsoring a child. not only do you support a child, you support their whole family, their whole village. make it a gift that will last a lifetime.
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'
"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'
"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'
God loves a cheerful giver
The richest 2 per cent of adults own more than half the world’s wealth, according to the most comprehensive study of personal assets.
according to The World Distribution of Household Wealth report the average wealth in the US was $143,727 a person in 2000, and in Japan, $180,837.
In India the figure was $1,100, in Indonesia per capita wealth was $1,400, and in Zimbabwe, $1,465. The Democratic Republic of Congo came last with $180. aren't you glad you don't live in the congo.
whether you have a 6 or a 4 figure income God blesses a cheerful giver. i have seen 4 figure income people give more generously than a 5 or 6 figure income person. and i know tight-fisted millionaires.
what are you? there will always be people in more need than yourself. people in north america spend more and more on family & friends at christmas. instead of spoiling your kids & giving them 20 presents, to hear them say "is that all" or "are there more" why don't you give a gift to someone who would otherwise have no gifts at christmas.
Jesus said 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
according to The World Distribution of Household Wealth report the average wealth in the US was $143,727 a person in 2000, and in Japan, $180,837.
In India the figure was $1,100, in Indonesia per capita wealth was $1,400, and in Zimbabwe, $1,465. The Democratic Republic of Congo came last with $180. aren't you glad you don't live in the congo.
whether you have a 6 or a 4 figure income God blesses a cheerful giver. i have seen 4 figure income people give more generously than a 5 or 6 figure income person. and i know tight-fisted millionaires.
what are you? there will always be people in more need than yourself. people in north america spend more and more on family & friends at christmas. instead of spoiling your kids & giving them 20 presents, to hear them say "is that all" or "are there more" why don't you give a gift to someone who would otherwise have no gifts at christmas.
Jesus said 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
6.5 million +++++
people are dying of starvation and victoria's secret special tonight advertises a bra that -
"Not that mere mortals could ever afford the tricked-out "products" on haute display. "The Hearts on Fire Diamond Fantasy Bra," for example, would cost you $6.5 million (U.S.), if you were allowed to buy one. And get this: more than one million Swarovski crystals were used to glamourize the lascivious creations."
i hope their ratings are an absolute disaster. this kind of stuff makes me so angry when i think of all the people that don't have enough food to eat, clean water to drink, clothes to keep warm, shelter to keep warm & dry. it makes me so angry it brings tears to my eyes.
"Not that mere mortals could ever afford the tricked-out "products" on haute display. "The Hearts on Fire Diamond Fantasy Bra," for example, would cost you $6.5 million (U.S.), if you were allowed to buy one. And get this: more than one million Swarovski crystals were used to glamourize the lascivious creations."
i hope their ratings are an absolute disaster. this kind of stuff makes me so angry when i think of all the people that don't have enough food to eat, clean water to drink, clothes to keep warm, shelter to keep warm & dry. it makes me so angry it brings tears to my eyes.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
nbc @ northview
wow! it was very cool! several friends from new heights were also there enjoying the performance. if you've never seen it before it's well worth the $10. there are still some tickets available if you're thinking of going. the performances are thursdays & fridays @ 7pm & saturdays & sundays @ 3:30 and 7pm. even the kids loved it & at intermission you get a variety of delicious treats & drinks.
i'd never seen it before but i think it will become a tradition.
i'd never seen it before but i think it will become a tradition.
Monday, November 27, 2006
how to solicit prayer
recently i sent a powerpoint email to a couple of friends i hadn't seen in awhile to let them know i was thinking of them. the response was like night and day. one a christian friend i care deeply about, another a secular friend i have known for 28 years.
one said thank you it was beautiful. the other said i don't believe in that crap you do & to delete them from my list of contacts. two completely different responses from them and in me. that response really hurt. the pp included a beautiful song by nana mouskouri. it may have sounded christian to her but because it was in french i had no idea what the words were & doubt my friend knew them. the written words were just telling a friend i was thinking of them, nothing about christianity. it's not the first secular friend that i've lost since becoming a christian simply because they don't believe in 'that crap i do'. i don't mean to be offensive. unless it means to defend the name of Christ and then by His love exhibited in me.
so my friend's name has been added to my list of people i pray for daily. who would've thought. obviously i hadn't. but as Jesus told us in Matthew 5:44 Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. i wonder what she'd say if she knew i was praying for her every day. she might have a few other choice words to say to me.
so if you need prayer - ask for it. or persecute (?) someone. it just dawned on me that one of the other people i pray for daily is another old friend that has said not nice things about me being a christian.
if they only knew. hm - i wonder who must have been praying for me.
one said thank you it was beautiful. the other said i don't believe in that crap you do & to delete them from my list of contacts. two completely different responses from them and in me. that response really hurt. the pp included a beautiful song by nana mouskouri. it may have sounded christian to her but because it was in french i had no idea what the words were & doubt my friend knew them. the written words were just telling a friend i was thinking of them, nothing about christianity. it's not the first secular friend that i've lost since becoming a christian simply because they don't believe in 'that crap i do'. i don't mean to be offensive. unless it means to defend the name of Christ and then by His love exhibited in me.
so my friend's name has been added to my list of people i pray for daily. who would've thought. obviously i hadn't. but as Jesus told us in Matthew 5:44 Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. i wonder what she'd say if she knew i was praying for her every day. she might have a few other choice words to say to me.
so if you need prayer - ask for it. or persecute (?) someone. it just dawned on me that one of the other people i pray for daily is another old friend that has said not nice things about me being a christian.
if they only knew. hm - i wonder who must have been praying for me.
the immensity of God
Andromeda galaxy - The diffuse light from Andromeda is caused by the hundreds of billions of stars that compose it.
Psalm 147:4 He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name.
unreal! and andromeda is just one galaxy & it is so distant it takes about two million years for light to reach us from there. check out the following website if you want to learn more about the immensity of God as it relates to His creation. it's absolutely mindblowing. http://www.seds.org/messier/galaxy.html
i just keep reading psalm 147:4 again and i'm stunned. really read it - He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. read about galaxies, it's just too immense to write about here, and consider the immensity of God. we are so nothing and yet He loves us SO much.
WOW!!! talk about amazing love.
white - a symbol of purity
Isaiah 1:18 Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow. this is susan's verse for the week and rather appropriate for today i think considering there is 14" of snow outside.
yesterday morning as i was heading over to mission to go to church i was moved by the beauty of the snow covering the earth. it was like the world had been washed clean and white and was pure. then the ugliness and blackness of reality of this sinful world crept back in.
yesterday morning as i was heading over to mission to go to church i was moved by the beauty of the snow covering the earth. it was like the world had been washed clean and white and was pure. then the ugliness and blackness of reality of this sinful world crept back in.
no work today
i'm not used to this - taking a day off cuz it snowed. working for the rcmp i never got a day off because of snow. if i couldn't make it in they would come and get me. this morning i went to work later than usual only to find the gates locked. i guess i'll try again tomorrow.
this really burns my butt
Guanacacaste to Receive $2 Billion in Tourism Projects
The northwestern Guanacaste province is likely to receive more than $2 billion in tourism projects during the next three years, thanks to 35 projects including hotels and luxury residences in the works, according to the weekly El Financiero.
Additionally, during the next 20 years, at least 28 hotels and 9,700 homes are expected to go up in Guanacaste, many of which are marketed toward retired U.S. citizens.
Investors in these projects are mostly from the United States, but they also come from Costa Rica, Germany, South Africa, Japan, Mexico and Italy, El Financiero reported.
At least 347 hotels to have a total of 6,724 rooms are under construction this year in Guanacaste, marking 66% growth over construction in the region last year. Chains including Four Seasons, Holiday Inn, JW Marriot and Hyatt are among those building.
Guanacaste is the Costa Rican province showing the most tourism development. Attractions include its beaches, national parks and the Daniel Oduber International Airport in the city of Liberia.
the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. when i went to spanish school for 3 weeks last year while living in costa rica all 3 of my teachers, one of them a pastor, all of them very intelligent people, denied that there was poverty in costa rica.
i couldn't believe it. were we living in the same country? how could they not have noticed it?
then i talked to a friend that works for vision mundial (world vision). she said that the government is so hand in hand with the tourism board to promote costa rica as a tourism destination they avoid mentioning the poverty.
sure the ticos will benefit from the tourism, they will get jobs where they will be treated like second class citizens in their own country. although the beach is public property one posh resort that i saw blocked off the road to prevent the locals from the neighbouring village getting to the beach area.
i get so angry that the rich keep getting richer, spending millions of dollars on extravagant weddings, on gowns that they'll wear once, on homes that could house entire villages, on feasts that could feed an entire country. it wouldn't bother me if people cared as much for the welfare of others as they do for themselves.
i know it's to 'protect' us, but when according to food safe, food has to be thrown out simply because it has been out and is left over. there were times in costa rica where we all dipped our fingers into the same bowl and ate with our fingers. i have to admit it caused me to pause but my hunger overcame my concern as i know it would the many children dying of starvation.
The northwestern Guanacaste province is likely to receive more than $2 billion in tourism projects during the next three years, thanks to 35 projects including hotels and luxury residences in the works, according to the weekly El Financiero.
Additionally, during the next 20 years, at least 28 hotels and 9,700 homes are expected to go up in Guanacaste, many of which are marketed toward retired U.S. citizens.
Investors in these projects are mostly from the United States, but they also come from Costa Rica, Germany, South Africa, Japan, Mexico and Italy, El Financiero reported.
At least 347 hotels to have a total of 6,724 rooms are under construction this year in Guanacaste, marking 66% growth over construction in the region last year. Chains including Four Seasons, Holiday Inn, JW Marriot and Hyatt are among those building.
Guanacaste is the Costa Rican province showing the most tourism development. Attractions include its beaches, national parks and the Daniel Oduber International Airport in the city of Liberia.
the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. when i went to spanish school for 3 weeks last year while living in costa rica all 3 of my teachers, one of them a pastor, all of them very intelligent people, denied that there was poverty in costa rica.
i couldn't believe it. were we living in the same country? how could they not have noticed it?
then i talked to a friend that works for vision mundial (world vision). she said that the government is so hand in hand with the tourism board to promote costa rica as a tourism destination they avoid mentioning the poverty.
sure the ticos will benefit from the tourism, they will get jobs where they will be treated like second class citizens in their own country. although the beach is public property one posh resort that i saw blocked off the road to prevent the locals from the neighbouring village getting to the beach area.
i get so angry that the rich keep getting richer, spending millions of dollars on extravagant weddings, on gowns that they'll wear once, on homes that could house entire villages, on feasts that could feed an entire country. it wouldn't bother me if people cared as much for the welfare of others as they do for themselves.
i know it's to 'protect' us, but when according to food safe, food has to be thrown out simply because it has been out and is left over. there were times in costa rica where we all dipped our fingers into the same bowl and ate with our fingers. i have to admit it caused me to pause but my hunger overcame my concern as i know it would the many children dying of starvation.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
the prayer of jabez
..."Oh, that You would bless me and enlarge my territory!...." - 1 Chronicles 4:10
He is mentioned only once in a brief description in the Old Testament, yet what he says and what his life bespeaks could fill volumes. He was a man whom God saw as worthy of a request that had significant consequences for him and his family. His name was Jabez. Here is how the Scripture describes him:
Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, "I gave birth to him in pain." Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that You would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let Your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request (1 Chronicles 4:9-10).
When you think of territory, you probably think of land or some area in which you have dominion. Jesus often spoke about giving responsibility based on what we do with the little things first. Jabez must have been a very responsible person. God describes him as honorable. Jabez must have understood what it really means to be blessed by God. He was a man who knew what it meant to press into God and ask for God's favor with passion. God saw the heart of this man and gave him his request. His borders were enlarged! He lived a life free from pain. Imagine that!
The only reason God will enlarge a person's territory is that He knows that person will use it responsibly. He will steward what is given in light of God's Kingdom. God truly wants to increase our territory to have greater influence in the world around us. That territory can mean personal influence and/or physical territories.
It is rare to have a life without pain. Pain is often necessary to mold us and shape us. This is the only exception I have seen in Scripture. Jabez must have been quite a man with incredible integrity and purity of heart.
Are you this kind of person? Can God enlarge your territory and entrust you to use it for His purposes? Ask God today to enlarge your territory. Ask Him to make you the kind of man or woman who is worthy of such trust.
He is mentioned only once in a brief description in the Old Testament, yet what he says and what his life bespeaks could fill volumes. He was a man whom God saw as worthy of a request that had significant consequences for him and his family. His name was Jabez. Here is how the Scripture describes him:
Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, "I gave birth to him in pain." Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that You would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let Your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request (1 Chronicles 4:9-10).
When you think of territory, you probably think of land or some area in which you have dominion. Jesus often spoke about giving responsibility based on what we do with the little things first. Jabez must have been a very responsible person. God describes him as honorable. Jabez must have understood what it really means to be blessed by God. He was a man who knew what it meant to press into God and ask for God's favor with passion. God saw the heart of this man and gave him his request. His borders were enlarged! He lived a life free from pain. Imagine that!
The only reason God will enlarge a person's territory is that He knows that person will use it responsibly. He will steward what is given in light of God's Kingdom. God truly wants to increase our territory to have greater influence in the world around us. That territory can mean personal influence and/or physical territories.
It is rare to have a life without pain. Pain is often necessary to mold us and shape us. This is the only exception I have seen in Scripture. Jabez must have been quite a man with incredible integrity and purity of heart.
Are you this kind of person? Can God enlarge your territory and entrust you to use it for His purposes? Ask God today to enlarge your territory. Ask Him to make you the kind of man or woman who is worthy of such trust.
Friday, November 24, 2006
november 23 - 15 years ago
i was living in hell on earth. after living with depression off and on for many years my marriage had dissolved. i was living on sleeping pills, tranquilizers, antidepressants, booze, coffee & cheese. the police came to arrest me under the mental health act because the shrink i was seeing thought i was a threat to myself. she was right. emotionally and mentally i had already died, i just needed to finish the job.
then God sent an angel to save me. my precious granddaughter was born on this date and she was the most beautiful baby i had ever seen. she has asked wasn't my own daughter the most beautiful. she was but i was so hurting and in such pain and great need when my granddaughter was born it was like she was an angel that God had sent to me. she took my focus off myself. my daughter was living in edmonton and i had gone there for my granddaughter's birth. when she came home for christmas my family told her not to leave, that my granddaughter was the only thing keeping me alive.
looking back i am amazed at how much God loves us and at what lengths He goes to to get our attention. He knew i was going to dissolve into a basket case and He provided a bright light in an otherwise pitch black darkness.
they had to go back to edmonton finally at which point i descended into the blackest hole of my life. that was hell on earth. i can't imagine the eternal hell being worse than that. i came to in hospital one day wondering where i was and how i'd got there. God just kept picking me out of these situations i was getting myself into.
it's amazing how faithful God is. when He knows you're gonna be His kid how He watches over you and keeps you safe even when you do the dumbest things. it still took me another 7 years to clue in and He was there watching over me all the time, even though i continued to do dumb things. i was and am and will always be blown away by how very much He loves me. and how awesome He is. and how faithful He is.
i can remember november 23 15 years ago as if i am living it right now. and yet i can't remember what i did yesterday. the weird thing is that i remember it so clearly when i was taking mind numbing drugs and now i don't take anything and can't remember anything. i guess that's a result of taking mind numbing drugs. they finally work.
anyway Father thank You for that precious gift you gave 15 years ago. she still is and will always be a very special angel.
then God sent an angel to save me. my precious granddaughter was born on this date and she was the most beautiful baby i had ever seen. she has asked wasn't my own daughter the most beautiful. she was but i was so hurting and in such pain and great need when my granddaughter was born it was like she was an angel that God had sent to me. she took my focus off myself. my daughter was living in edmonton and i had gone there for my granddaughter's birth. when she came home for christmas my family told her not to leave, that my granddaughter was the only thing keeping me alive.
looking back i am amazed at how much God loves us and at what lengths He goes to to get our attention. He knew i was going to dissolve into a basket case and He provided a bright light in an otherwise pitch black darkness.
they had to go back to edmonton finally at which point i descended into the blackest hole of my life. that was hell on earth. i can't imagine the eternal hell being worse than that. i came to in hospital one day wondering where i was and how i'd got there. God just kept picking me out of these situations i was getting myself into.
it's amazing how faithful God is. when He knows you're gonna be His kid how He watches over you and keeps you safe even when you do the dumbest things. it still took me another 7 years to clue in and He was there watching over me all the time, even though i continued to do dumb things. i was and am and will always be blown away by how very much He loves me. and how awesome He is. and how faithful He is.
i can remember november 23 15 years ago as if i am living it right now. and yet i can't remember what i did yesterday. the weird thing is that i remember it so clearly when i was taking mind numbing drugs and now i don't take anything and can't remember anything. i guess that's a result of taking mind numbing drugs. they finally work.
anyway Father thank You for that precious gift you gave 15 years ago. she still is and will always be a very special angel.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Monday, November 13, 2006
Different parts and different hearts
Why do we all have different passions? So everything that’s supposed to get done will get done.
Sometimes we get overwhelmed because we are constantly exposed to people with various passions for service, and when they represent their cause, they are so committed to that which has captured them that we feel guilty for not sharing their zeal. We seem indifferent in comparison.
When I was in college, we had chapel every day and almost every day we heard a message from someone who had a passion for some particular ministry. They were usually in some way recruiting us for service, whether it was in missions or in the church, or in society, or among the poor. It was overwhelming, and often frustrating, because everyone made every concern sound like the only thing any caring person would support.
The same thing happens in our churches. Sometimes we feel guilt because we don’t have the same passion as the last person who talked about missions, or abortion, or the homeless, or marriage, or singleness, or men’s ministry, or AIDS prevention, or prisons, or evangelism, or the military. What we forget is that there are so many needs because there are so many of us to meet them. We aren’t supposed to get our bell rung by every appeal that comes by. We are a body made up of different parts and different hearts; we don’t have to all be moved by the same issues and needs.
This is where the concept and the practical nature of spiritual gifts come in. There are a variety of gifts and there are a variety of ministries, but the same Lord working in all and through all. No one has to do everything; no one can. It is up to us to find out where we fit and what God put us here to do. Soon you will be just as passionate about something because it’s your thing. This is the way it’s supposed to be. We only get frustrated when we forget this and try and take on everything, or get so overwhelmed that we take on nothing at all.
All of this should just make us marvel at the wisdom of God even more. He’s designed us all with different abilities and different interests so that we are not only good at what we do, we do not have to be frustrated or depressed over what we aren’t good at. When we all do our part in the Body of Christ, everyone gets a job, everyone gets honored, and everyone is important. That’s the way it’s supposed to be.
by John Fischer
Sometimes we get overwhelmed because we are constantly exposed to people with various passions for service, and when they represent their cause, they are so committed to that which has captured them that we feel guilty for not sharing their zeal. We seem indifferent in comparison.
When I was in college, we had chapel every day and almost every day we heard a message from someone who had a passion for some particular ministry. They were usually in some way recruiting us for service, whether it was in missions or in the church, or in society, or among the poor. It was overwhelming, and often frustrating, because everyone made every concern sound like the only thing any caring person would support.
The same thing happens in our churches. Sometimes we feel guilt because we don’t have the same passion as the last person who talked about missions, or abortion, or the homeless, or marriage, or singleness, or men’s ministry, or AIDS prevention, or prisons, or evangelism, or the military. What we forget is that there are so many needs because there are so many of us to meet them. We aren’t supposed to get our bell rung by every appeal that comes by. We are a body made up of different parts and different hearts; we don’t have to all be moved by the same issues and needs.
This is where the concept and the practical nature of spiritual gifts come in. There are a variety of gifts and there are a variety of ministries, but the same Lord working in all and through all. No one has to do everything; no one can. It is up to us to find out where we fit and what God put us here to do. Soon you will be just as passionate about something because it’s your thing. This is the way it’s supposed to be. We only get frustrated when we forget this and try and take on everything, or get so overwhelmed that we take on nothing at all.
All of this should just make us marvel at the wisdom of God even more. He’s designed us all with different abilities and different interests so that we are not only good at what we do, we do not have to be frustrated or depressed over what we aren’t good at. When we all do our part in the Body of Christ, everyone gets a job, everyone gets honored, and everyone is important. That’s the way it’s supposed to be.
by John Fischer
... God's calling your name, are you listening?
A lot of Christians are going to get to heaven and find out that God offered so much more than they experienced. Steve Brown
this is SO true. i see so many people that claim to be christians but i don't see any joy in their lives.
i feel so blessed and i have such joy and i wonder 'why me'
the only thing i ever wanted in life was to be loved. my father died before i was born. the year i was born my mother's husband, father & grandmother all died. for me it was like she never recovered from her grief and didn't know how to love me.
i was 12 when i ran away from home the first time. i didn't have a great young life but although there were a lot of struggles i'd have to say it was pretty good for the most part. there was emotional, physical, verbal & sexual abuse but i don't know too many families that haven't experienced that so i'd have to say all in all i had a pretty normal childhood.
to say that that was a normal childhood sure makes it sounds like we live in a pretty sick world. and the older i get the sicker this world seems to be. i had a couple of marriages, normal; several relationships looking for love, also normal?
i didn't find true love until i became a christian. i still wanted to be in a relationship. but i think it's being single that has brought me closer to God. i am alone and it is in being alone that i have so much more time to spend with God than a married person would have.
i don't have very good people skills so i don't have a lot of friends. so again i am alone a lot. but i am never alone. God is always here with me. i spend time with Him and it is in spending my time with Him that i find my joy. married people and people with lots of friends spend their time with their spouses and their friends. people spend their time with family or friends or doing activities but how many people actually spend their time with God.
don't pity me. believe me i've done enough of that mayself in the past. but consider this - whoever you are spending your time with is who you are developing a relationship with.
if you are bemoaning your singleness you aren't drawing any closer to the lover of your soul. if you are spending all your time with family and friends when are you spending time with God.
ask anyone that knows me - i always wanted to be married, to be in relationship, to be loved. now i'm not so sure about being married. i am in relationship now and i am deeply loved. and i love deeply.
last night i thought i wanted to write something that would be read after i died. i wanted to have the last say. i wanted to say something that was bold. i wanted to say something to people that i was never able to say while i was alive.
so many so called christians have absolutely no idea about what it is to truly be a christian. they spend time in God's house one hour a week, sunday christians and have no idea what joy is waiting for them if they would actually take the time to spend time with God.
God really is offering so much more than they are experiencing but they won't know it until they change their life. don't know how? can't do it? how many times does God have to tell you 'ask, seek, knock' He's just waiting for you to ask Him.
the bible is truly THE guide to life, abundant, joyful, blessed life. why struggle with day to day living waiting to enjoy life, love and joy when you get to heaven. sure daily life can be a struggle but if you are truly, madly, deeply, in love with God He carries you through all that.
prayer - is your prayer time 2 minutes or 2 hours. you get what you give. are you praising God and thanking Him and praying for others? or is it all about you?
bible reading - you've just finished reading the bible for the first time. you've been a christian for 10 years and it's taken you this long? it truly is the living Word of God. start each january and read the bible each year - you'll be surprised at knowing that you've read the same things several times before but all of a sudden you finally understand it. you want answers - God's given us all the answers we'll need this side of heaven.
giving - i think this is the hardest part of being a christian. God blesses us but we hoard it. God says we need to be good stewards of His money. it is HIS money you know. you wouldn't have the job without Him. you wouldn't have the income without Him. everything we have is from Him. what is a good steward? someone that puts their money in the bank to save it for a rainy day? well we've had a lot of rainy days lately. are you content? are you joyful? or is a good steward someone that gives it back to God for His joy, His purpose? ever since becoming a christian i wondered about being a good steward. i used to be so far in debt i thought i'd never see daylight. then i lived on a small pension for almost 2 years without a job and although i don't have a dime in savings, now, excluding my mortgage, i have no debt, i am joyful and content beyond my imaginings.
do not worry - that is a command, but does anyone listen? how much of your day do you spend worrying? are you worried about finances? are you worried about health? worrying about anything is going to affect your health and quite likely your relationships.
trust - worrying about anything is saying you don't trust God to take care of you. if you are saying you don't trust God to take care of you how do you think that is going to affect your relationship with Him? He promises to always be with us. He promises to give us what we need. don't be anxious wondering when or how God will give us what we need. just trust. He says He will and He will. He will provide for what we need WHEN we need it and not before. He will comfort us when we mourn. He will give us peace when we need it. He will protect us.
i think romans 8:28 is my favourite verse "that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him" whether in sickness or in health i believe this. we may not understand how death or disease is His working for our good but consider how He did not spare His own Son because He loves us so much. how many of you love your child so much that you would gladly give your life for theirs. how many people unselfishly have given their lives for a friend. or as i think of the martyrs who have died so that others might live to know Christ. or as jim elliot said when asked if they would protect themselves against the waodani indians in ecuador 'they are not ready for heaven, we are'
are you ready for heaven? are you going to get there and be blown away by all the blessings you missed out on while here.
one way God blesses us is giving us spiritual gifts. learn what they are and how you can use them. if you are serving in the areas of your giftedness you will be blessed and know God's joy.
don't do something just because you can. don't do something just because it's a paycheque. find out your gifts, discover your passions and work out of those and you'll be amazed at the difference between working for a living and living for God. the first is a day to day grind, tiresome, weary, an endless rut. but the second is a joy, almost that you would do it without pay, tireless, something to look forward to.
i wish there was something i could say to people that they would know / have the same joy i have.
so many singles that don't have the joy of an intimate relationship with the one perfect love that's just longing for a relationship with them. so many married people that don't have that joy.
i know some pretty awesome people that have been christians for a long time and they don't have joy. why am i so blessed? someone very close to me has been a christian for about 30 years but i don't ever recall seeing joy. has she forgotten her first love? she worries about money, health, doesn't show love or forgiveness. i wonder if because she is lukewarm, neither hot nor cold will she be spit out (rev 3:16).
i think i'd have to describe myself as a needy person. maybe because i am i spend so much time with God. i've always thought i was able and capable of taking care of myself. i was a survivor. the only one thing i ever wanted i couldn't have. i, like most little girls i imagine, dreamed of once upon a time living happily ever after. i kissed a lot of toads looking for my prince.
and then i found a King. and in Him the one, true, perfect love i had been searching for all my life.
so as a needy person i have come to the right place. He fulfills my every need. He is the lover of my soul, i hunger for Him and He fills me up. my joy and my life are complete in Him. sometimes i ache i long so much to be with Him. and when i have hurt Him i am completely heartbroken and desperate to be reconciled to Him. i am desperately, madly, deeply in love with Him and i submit to Him in anything and everything. whatever He calls me to i willingly do.
are you still searching for your prince / princess? surrender to the King of Glory and know the joy of His deep intimate love that He's just waiting to lavish on you.
as one friend told me just before i went to costa rica - i was just transferring my needs to something else. that i was running away and would never find what i was looking for. but i have found what i was looking for and more.
do you hunger for something more? do you think this is just a fairy tale? an impossible dream?
it isn't. God is alive and real and waiting for you to come to Him. i wish there was something i could say that would convince people of their need for God but i know there isn't. we can only let the Glory of God shine His light in us as a beacon to light the way for others to follow.
is your cup full, half full or half empty? let the abundant joy of God in your life spill over into the lives of others.
don't wait to get to heaven to experience the incredible joy of God's pleasure. enjoy heaven on earth, right here, right now. He's calling your name, are you listening?
this is SO true. i see so many people that claim to be christians but i don't see any joy in their lives.
i feel so blessed and i have such joy and i wonder 'why me'
the only thing i ever wanted in life was to be loved. my father died before i was born. the year i was born my mother's husband, father & grandmother all died. for me it was like she never recovered from her grief and didn't know how to love me.
i was 12 when i ran away from home the first time. i didn't have a great young life but although there were a lot of struggles i'd have to say it was pretty good for the most part. there was emotional, physical, verbal & sexual abuse but i don't know too many families that haven't experienced that so i'd have to say all in all i had a pretty normal childhood.
to say that that was a normal childhood sure makes it sounds like we live in a pretty sick world. and the older i get the sicker this world seems to be. i had a couple of marriages, normal; several relationships looking for love, also normal?
i didn't find true love until i became a christian. i still wanted to be in a relationship. but i think it's being single that has brought me closer to God. i am alone and it is in being alone that i have so much more time to spend with God than a married person would have.
i don't have very good people skills so i don't have a lot of friends. so again i am alone a lot. but i am never alone. God is always here with me. i spend time with Him and it is in spending my time with Him that i find my joy. married people and people with lots of friends spend their time with their spouses and their friends. people spend their time with family or friends or doing activities but how many people actually spend their time with God.
don't pity me. believe me i've done enough of that mayself in the past. but consider this - whoever you are spending your time with is who you are developing a relationship with.
if you are bemoaning your singleness you aren't drawing any closer to the lover of your soul. if you are spending all your time with family and friends when are you spending time with God.
ask anyone that knows me - i always wanted to be married, to be in relationship, to be loved. now i'm not so sure about being married. i am in relationship now and i am deeply loved. and i love deeply.
last night i thought i wanted to write something that would be read after i died. i wanted to have the last say. i wanted to say something that was bold. i wanted to say something to people that i was never able to say while i was alive.
so many so called christians have absolutely no idea about what it is to truly be a christian. they spend time in God's house one hour a week, sunday christians and have no idea what joy is waiting for them if they would actually take the time to spend time with God.
God really is offering so much more than they are experiencing but they won't know it until they change their life. don't know how? can't do it? how many times does God have to tell you 'ask, seek, knock' He's just waiting for you to ask Him.
the bible is truly THE guide to life, abundant, joyful, blessed life. why struggle with day to day living waiting to enjoy life, love and joy when you get to heaven. sure daily life can be a struggle but if you are truly, madly, deeply, in love with God He carries you through all that.
prayer - is your prayer time 2 minutes or 2 hours. you get what you give. are you praising God and thanking Him and praying for others? or is it all about you?
bible reading - you've just finished reading the bible for the first time. you've been a christian for 10 years and it's taken you this long? it truly is the living Word of God. start each january and read the bible each year - you'll be surprised at knowing that you've read the same things several times before but all of a sudden you finally understand it. you want answers - God's given us all the answers we'll need this side of heaven.
giving - i think this is the hardest part of being a christian. God blesses us but we hoard it. God says we need to be good stewards of His money. it is HIS money you know. you wouldn't have the job without Him. you wouldn't have the income without Him. everything we have is from Him. what is a good steward? someone that puts their money in the bank to save it for a rainy day? well we've had a lot of rainy days lately. are you content? are you joyful? or is a good steward someone that gives it back to God for His joy, His purpose? ever since becoming a christian i wondered about being a good steward. i used to be so far in debt i thought i'd never see daylight. then i lived on a small pension for almost 2 years without a job and although i don't have a dime in savings, now, excluding my mortgage, i have no debt, i am joyful and content beyond my imaginings.
do not worry - that is a command, but does anyone listen? how much of your day do you spend worrying? are you worried about finances? are you worried about health? worrying about anything is going to affect your health and quite likely your relationships.
trust - worrying about anything is saying you don't trust God to take care of you. if you are saying you don't trust God to take care of you how do you think that is going to affect your relationship with Him? He promises to always be with us. He promises to give us what we need. don't be anxious wondering when or how God will give us what we need. just trust. He says He will and He will. He will provide for what we need WHEN we need it and not before. He will comfort us when we mourn. He will give us peace when we need it. He will protect us.
i think romans 8:28 is my favourite verse "that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him" whether in sickness or in health i believe this. we may not understand how death or disease is His working for our good but consider how He did not spare His own Son because He loves us so much. how many of you love your child so much that you would gladly give your life for theirs. how many people unselfishly have given their lives for a friend. or as i think of the martyrs who have died so that others might live to know Christ. or as jim elliot said when asked if they would protect themselves against the waodani indians in ecuador 'they are not ready for heaven, we are'
are you ready for heaven? are you going to get there and be blown away by all the blessings you missed out on while here.
one way God blesses us is giving us spiritual gifts. learn what they are and how you can use them. if you are serving in the areas of your giftedness you will be blessed and know God's joy.
don't do something just because you can. don't do something just because it's a paycheque. find out your gifts, discover your passions and work out of those and you'll be amazed at the difference between working for a living and living for God. the first is a day to day grind, tiresome, weary, an endless rut. but the second is a joy, almost that you would do it without pay, tireless, something to look forward to.
i wish there was something i could say to people that they would know / have the same joy i have.
so many singles that don't have the joy of an intimate relationship with the one perfect love that's just longing for a relationship with them. so many married people that don't have that joy.
i know some pretty awesome people that have been christians for a long time and they don't have joy. why am i so blessed? someone very close to me has been a christian for about 30 years but i don't ever recall seeing joy. has she forgotten her first love? she worries about money, health, doesn't show love or forgiveness. i wonder if because she is lukewarm, neither hot nor cold will she be spit out (rev 3:16).
i think i'd have to describe myself as a needy person. maybe because i am i spend so much time with God. i've always thought i was able and capable of taking care of myself. i was a survivor. the only one thing i ever wanted i couldn't have. i, like most little girls i imagine, dreamed of once upon a time living happily ever after. i kissed a lot of toads looking for my prince.
and then i found a King. and in Him the one, true, perfect love i had been searching for all my life.
so as a needy person i have come to the right place. He fulfills my every need. He is the lover of my soul, i hunger for Him and He fills me up. my joy and my life are complete in Him. sometimes i ache i long so much to be with Him. and when i have hurt Him i am completely heartbroken and desperate to be reconciled to Him. i am desperately, madly, deeply in love with Him and i submit to Him in anything and everything. whatever He calls me to i willingly do.
are you still searching for your prince / princess? surrender to the King of Glory and know the joy of His deep intimate love that He's just waiting to lavish on you.
as one friend told me just before i went to costa rica - i was just transferring my needs to something else. that i was running away and would never find what i was looking for. but i have found what i was looking for and more.
do you hunger for something more? do you think this is just a fairy tale? an impossible dream?
it isn't. God is alive and real and waiting for you to come to Him. i wish there was something i could say that would convince people of their need for God but i know there isn't. we can only let the Glory of God shine His light in us as a beacon to light the way for others to follow.
is your cup full, half full or half empty? let the abundant joy of God in your life spill over into the lives of others.
don't wait to get to heaven to experience the incredible joy of God's pleasure. enjoy heaven on earth, right here, right now. He's calling your name, are you listening?
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
the worst places to be a kid
Each year, the United Nations ranks more than 175 countries according to health, education, and standard of living. Known as the Human Development Index, the annual list provides statistics about life around the world.
the index is at http://hdr.undp.org/reports/global/2005/ human development indicators pages 219 to 220
Norway, Sweden, Australia, and Canada topped the list with their high standards of living, long life expectancies, and low infant mortality rates. At the bottom of the list, however, are a number of countries where it is much more difficult for children.
The Worst of the Worst
Sierra Leone
Sierra Leone has an infant mortality rate of 166 deaths per 1,000 live births. The average life expectancy in Sierra Leone is a mere 34 years.
Considered to be the world's least-developed nation, more than half of Sierra Leone's population of 5.3 million lives in extreme poverty. The country's decade-long civil war ended in 2002, but the problems that caused the war—poverty, tribal rivalry, the illicit diamond trade, and government corruption—are ongoing. World Vision began working in Sierra Leone in 1978.
Niger
In Niger, the infant mortality rate is 154 deaths per 1,000 live births. A child growing up there can expect to live only 46 years on average.
This arid country of 12.9 million is the world's poorest country and its second-least developed. Drought and hunger affect the population of subsistence farmers almost annually. Literacy rates are low and disease is widespread. World Vision has been working in Niger since 1973.
Burkina Faso
Burkina Faso has an infant mortality rate of 107 deaths per 1,000 live births. The average life expectancy in Burkina Faso is only 46 years.
Landlocked in west Africa, this small country of 13.8 million has suffered recurring droughts and military coups. Allegations of human rights violations and involvement in the diamond smuggling trade have dogged the country for decades.
Mali
In Mali, the infant mortality rate is 122 deaths per 1,000 live births. A child growing up there can expect to live only 49 years on average.
A relatively peaceful, democratic country of 13.8 million, Mali's poor rainfall, recurrent droughts, and degradation of natural resources have contributed to the decline of food production. Approximately 80 per cent of Malians work in agriculture, yet less than four percent of the land is arable. World Vision has worked in Mali since 1975.
famines, droughts, plagues, wars. you read about them in the bible. these poorest of the poor nations live them daily, yearly, their entire lives.
and we in canada rank 5th in the world for quality of life. too many of us enjoy this 'quality' of life, completely ignoring the poor that God commanded us to clothe and feed and care for.
the index is at http://hdr.undp.org/reports/global/2005/ human development indicators pages 219 to 220
Norway, Sweden, Australia, and Canada topped the list with their high standards of living, long life expectancies, and low infant mortality rates. At the bottom of the list, however, are a number of countries where it is much more difficult for children.
The Worst of the Worst
Sierra Leone
Sierra Leone has an infant mortality rate of 166 deaths per 1,000 live births. The average life expectancy in Sierra Leone is a mere 34 years.
Considered to be the world's least-developed nation, more than half of Sierra Leone's population of 5.3 million lives in extreme poverty. The country's decade-long civil war ended in 2002, but the problems that caused the war—poverty, tribal rivalry, the illicit diamond trade, and government corruption—are ongoing. World Vision began working in Sierra Leone in 1978.
Niger
In Niger, the infant mortality rate is 154 deaths per 1,000 live births. A child growing up there can expect to live only 46 years on average.
This arid country of 12.9 million is the world's poorest country and its second-least developed. Drought and hunger affect the population of subsistence farmers almost annually. Literacy rates are low and disease is widespread. World Vision has been working in Niger since 1973.
Burkina Faso
Burkina Faso has an infant mortality rate of 107 deaths per 1,000 live births. The average life expectancy in Burkina Faso is only 46 years.
Landlocked in west Africa, this small country of 13.8 million has suffered recurring droughts and military coups. Allegations of human rights violations and involvement in the diamond smuggling trade have dogged the country for decades.
Mali
In Mali, the infant mortality rate is 122 deaths per 1,000 live births. A child growing up there can expect to live only 49 years on average.
A relatively peaceful, democratic country of 13.8 million, Mali's poor rainfall, recurrent droughts, and degradation of natural resources have contributed to the decline of food production. Approximately 80 per cent of Malians work in agriculture, yet less than four percent of the land is arable. World Vision has worked in Mali since 1975.
famines, droughts, plagues, wars. you read about them in the bible. these poorest of the poor nations live them daily, yearly, their entire lives.
and we in canada rank 5th in the world for quality of life. too many of us enjoy this 'quality' of life, completely ignoring the poor that God commanded us to clothe and feed and care for.
i have more than enough
i'm sitting here in my pj's and sweater, wrapped in a blanket to keep warm but i'm so cold. i have a thermostat 3 feet away that says it's 23 degrees yet it feels like it's 3 degrees. last night i had planned to go to bible study but after being outside in the cold i was so drained & my energy sapped just trying to get warm, i didn't go. as i'm sitting here inside my nice warm shelter i'm thinking of all those that don't have shelter, that don't have warm blankets, or jackets, people living outside on the streets of my city and people on the other side of the world. i'm thinking of people that are going to go through this winter with not enough food to eat, not enough clothes or blankets or heat sources to keep them warm. i can't imagine it. i'm sitting inside a warm place of shelter and i'm so cold it hurts. you might think - it's 5 am, go back to bed fool and get warm and quit complaining but i can't. i need to think of how very much i have. i need to think of how very little the rest of the world has. i need to think how i can make a difference. i need to think how i can support agencies who can make a difference.
if you have a nice warm place to live, if you have enough food to eat, if you have more than a couple pairs of shoes, a couple of sweaters, a couple of pairs of pants, you have enough. and more than most of the rest of the world.
if you have a nice warm place to live, if you have enough food to eat, if you have more than a couple pairs of shoes, a couple of sweaters, a couple of pairs of pants, you have enough. and more than most of the rest of the world.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
God's discipline
as a child my mother would beat us with a straight razor strap or have us cut down willow branches and whip us with them. now as i am praying & reading a devotional talking about God's correction i think of the difference between God's discipline and my mother's. with enough force a willow whip cuts into the skin and can be pretty painful. however it is nothing compared to the pain i feel when i have sinned and feel separated from God. i thank God for His correction. there are times when i feel the separation. i don't know why, i can't think of what i've done or how i've sinned but i know that i have that i would feel that pain of separation. i am thankful for the Holy Spirit who convicts my heart and tells me what i've done that was against God, as it is only through repentance that i am restored to a right relationship with Him. without Him you may as well rip out my heart.
Friday, October 20, 2006
pumpkins
Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin. God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff-- including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc. Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside you to shine for the entire world to see.
This was passed on to me from another pumpkin. Now, it is your turn to pass it to a pumpkin. I liked this enough to send it to all the pumpkins in my patch.
Happy Fall!
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
prayer
it took a very long time before i was ever able to pray in our small group bible study. these are women i have met with weekly for years and i am comfortable in their presence. it is quite another matter to pray in other small groups that i am now involved in. i am very self-conscience of sounding stupid or tripping over my words.
a couple of months ago God put it on my heart to pray for Unreached People Groups of the world - http://www.joshuaproject.net/ethne.php?es=1
i never knew how to pray or what to pray for but as they have specific prayer requests each day i could just read the prayers. since i started doing this it has grown in me and become alive, not just something i read off the page anymore.
2 weeks ago at the perspectives class the speaker said that he is in bed every nght at 10:00. he is african and is in the habit of praying every morning for a couple of hours.
i used to pray at night. watch a movie til 11:00 then pray for awhile. i slept crappy and woke up tired. the past couple of nights i have gone to bed at 10 and woken up just after 5. i have better sleep so i don't wake up tired and i start the day with an hour & 1/2 of prayer. what a way to start the day. i had been reading my bible first thing in the am and only saying a few short prayers.
years ago in costa rica susan gave me a note saying that God had called me to costa rica to be a prayer warrior. knowing my inability (fear of) to speak a prayer out loud i thought she must be kidding.
reading the prayer requests every day for the nations of the world it is becoming easier, more natural. speaking prayers from the heart rather than just reading them off the page.
if you feel inadequate as a pray-er check out that website. start reading the specific prayer requests for the upg's of the world. not only will it will increase the number of people praying for the nations, prayer will become easier and more natural.
a couple of months ago God put it on my heart to pray for Unreached People Groups of the world - http://www.joshuaproject.net/ethne.php?es=1
i never knew how to pray or what to pray for but as they have specific prayer requests each day i could just read the prayers. since i started doing this it has grown in me and become alive, not just something i read off the page anymore.
2 weeks ago at the perspectives class the speaker said that he is in bed every nght at 10:00. he is african and is in the habit of praying every morning for a couple of hours.
i used to pray at night. watch a movie til 11:00 then pray for awhile. i slept crappy and woke up tired. the past couple of nights i have gone to bed at 10 and woken up just after 5. i have better sleep so i don't wake up tired and i start the day with an hour & 1/2 of prayer. what a way to start the day. i had been reading my bible first thing in the am and only saying a few short prayers.
years ago in costa rica susan gave me a note saying that God had called me to costa rica to be a prayer warrior. knowing my inability (fear of) to speak a prayer out loud i thought she must be kidding.
reading the prayer requests every day for the nations of the world it is becoming easier, more natural. speaking prayers from the heart rather than just reading them off the page.
if you feel inadequate as a pray-er check out that website. start reading the specific prayer requests for the upg's of the world. not only will it will increase the number of people praying for the nations, prayer will become easier and more natural.
Monday, October 16, 2006
witness
a witness is what you ARE far more than it is something that you DO. God arranges for His servants to display what they declare. by public testimony in the face of hostility, ordinary people accomplish far more than merely affirming the truth of Christ. witnesses establish the value of following Christ. their persuasive power is not only because their words match their life - their words and their life match those of Christ Himself. it is as if Christ Himself stands to testify before the world.
mandate
to live under mandate is to be entrusted with a task of lasting significance. mandates are not commands. by direct commands we assign small errands or daily chores. a mandate, on the other hand, releases authority and responsibility to pursue endeavors of historic importance. God has entrusted to Christ, and with Him to the church, a mandate to fulfill His purpose for all of history.
Monday, October 09, 2006
missions
i really like the course i'm taking on wednesday nights. it's about God's purpose. i didn't realize until i started this course how important missions are. people wonder when Jesus will return. God tells us in so many places in the bible that Jesus won't come again until there are people from every nation, tongue, tribe, and language in His family. God wants ALL people to come to Him and until there are people from every culture in His family Jesus won't return.
Mark 16:15 Jesus said "go into all the world and preach the goods news to ALL CREATION"
Acts 1:8 but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you and you will be my witnesses in jerusalem, and in all judea and samaria and to the ENDS OF THE EARTH.
Matt 28:19 there go and make disciples of ALL NATIONS, baptizing them them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.
Rev 5:9 You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals because you were slain and with Your blood You purchased men for God from EVERY TRIBE AND LANGUAGE AND PEOPLE AND NATION.
Daniel 7:14 He was given authority, glory and sovereign power; ALL PEOPLES, NATIONS AND MEN OF EVERY LANGUAGE worshiped Him.
it is written throughout the bible, from genesis to revelation, that God's wants a multicultural family.
this month is the month of ramadan which is a month of prayer for muslims. christians needs to be praying for muslims, buddhists, atheists, sikhs, hindus, etc. all people of every nation that they would be coming to know Jesus as Lord and Saviour.
Jesus loves everyone and if we christians are to win people to Christ we have to be like Christ and love everyone too.
God's put it on my heart to pray for all the unreached people of the world. this is the great commission, to reach the lost for Christ. what are you doing about it? we can't all go but we can all pray.
missions are great, whether they are local or international, if we are doing good works for the less fortunate people of the world, but they mean nothing if we are not telling them about Jesus.
Mark 16:15 Jesus said "go into all the world and preach the goods news to ALL CREATION"
Acts 1:8 but you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you and you will be my witnesses in jerusalem, and in all judea and samaria and to the ENDS OF THE EARTH.
Matt 28:19 there go and make disciples of ALL NATIONS, baptizing them them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.
Rev 5:9 You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals because you were slain and with Your blood You purchased men for God from EVERY TRIBE AND LANGUAGE AND PEOPLE AND NATION.
Daniel 7:14 He was given authority, glory and sovereign power; ALL PEOPLES, NATIONS AND MEN OF EVERY LANGUAGE worshiped Him.
it is written throughout the bible, from genesis to revelation, that God's wants a multicultural family.
this month is the month of ramadan which is a month of prayer for muslims. christians needs to be praying for muslims, buddhists, atheists, sikhs, hindus, etc. all people of every nation that they would be coming to know Jesus as Lord and Saviour.
Jesus loves everyone and if we christians are to win people to Christ we have to be like Christ and love everyone too.
God's put it on my heart to pray for all the unreached people of the world. this is the great commission, to reach the lost for Christ. what are you doing about it? we can't all go but we can all pray.
missions are great, whether they are local or international, if we are doing good works for the less fortunate people of the world, but they mean nothing if we are not telling them about Jesus.
Friday, October 06, 2006
visiting my past
today i returned to the orphanage i lived in when i was a kid. it was turned into a church 25 years ago and is now in the process of being restored as a heritage building.
it was an emotional time as memories flooded back. they were not happy memories and the tears flowed freely. when my brother and sister and i arrived we were all taken to different rooms. i went to the nursery and they went to the girls and boys dorms. it was maybe a year or more before i graduated to the dorm and was in the same room as my sister.
today the nursery is a bright, sunny room. i only remember it as a very dark, fearful and lonely place.
the dorms are now the sanctuary. what was once a place of torment for me is now a place of worship.
it was here that my nightly terrors began. every night for years i was chased by a spider that was as big as a house and i was the size of the head of a pin. the nightmares continued years later even when i had left the orphanage. i was ridiculed, shamed and humiliated on a daily basis.
i'm not sure why i decided to go today. my sister has returned a couple times over the years. until today i had never returned nor wanted to.
in the past year i have become more aware of my timidity. today as two of the church ladies prayed for me one said she could feel my gentle spirit. as a witness for Christ i want to be bold but i haven't been.
if i have a prayer request i will not speak it as it usually means i will have to pray for someone else. i will take a prayer request home with me and pray there but not in a group. i can talk to God for hours but to pray in public - forget it. it took me a very long time to feel comfortable in praying in my bible study group. now i am involved in other groups and i am silent there.
when i finally went home to live with my mother she told me many times that i wasn't good enough. and they definitely told me that in the orphanage.
i toured the whole building, upstairs and the basement. i didn't even remember there was an upstairs or a basement. although i may have blocked out some of the memories as the worst of them were at the forefront.
today my memory is of a beautiful, warm, homey room. it's where the pastor counsels people. it's what i want to remember.
it was an emotional time as memories flooded back. they were not happy memories and the tears flowed freely. when my brother and sister and i arrived we were all taken to different rooms. i went to the nursery and they went to the girls and boys dorms. it was maybe a year or more before i graduated to the dorm and was in the same room as my sister.
today the nursery is a bright, sunny room. i only remember it as a very dark, fearful and lonely place.
the dorms are now the sanctuary. what was once a place of torment for me is now a place of worship.
it was here that my nightly terrors began. every night for years i was chased by a spider that was as big as a house and i was the size of the head of a pin. the nightmares continued years later even when i had left the orphanage. i was ridiculed, shamed and humiliated on a daily basis.
i'm not sure why i decided to go today. my sister has returned a couple times over the years. until today i had never returned nor wanted to.
in the past year i have become more aware of my timidity. today as two of the church ladies prayed for me one said she could feel my gentle spirit. as a witness for Christ i want to be bold but i haven't been.
if i have a prayer request i will not speak it as it usually means i will have to pray for someone else. i will take a prayer request home with me and pray there but not in a group. i can talk to God for hours but to pray in public - forget it. it took me a very long time to feel comfortable in praying in my bible study group. now i am involved in other groups and i am silent there.
when i finally went home to live with my mother she told me many times that i wasn't good enough. and they definitely told me that in the orphanage.
i toured the whole building, upstairs and the basement. i didn't even remember there was an upstairs or a basement. although i may have blocked out some of the memories as the worst of them were at the forefront.
today my memory is of a beautiful, warm, homey room. it's where the pastor counsels people. it's what i want to remember.
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