healing prayer

i don't believe in luck, good or bad. i believe in the absolute sovereign providence of God. for a few days i've been wondering if i wanted to be healed. i've struggled for a couple of days with the evil and wickedness of this world. why would i not want to go to heaven and be with God. i'd see my mom again and see how happy she finally is. a very dear lady came to me and said the church nee...ded to contend in prayer for my healing but i had to want to be healed. God was telling her the same thing He was asking me. i had told God that if He wasn't finished with me here He needed to change my heart. this morning i thought even if i were married it wasn't enough. i would rather be with Him. He adores me and i adore Him. romans 8:28 is my favourite verse and even when God allows pain or unpleasant circumstances i know it's because He loves me and that it's for my good. well after the first round of puking my guts out yesterday morning i said ok God i want to be healed. i had had my regular breakfast that i've had almost every day for months. even after i puked the first round i felt great so i knew it wasn't the flu. after the 3rd round i was getting worn down and i said ok God i've had enough. i'll go for healing prayer. for the many times God has told me to wait this year i guess it's not heaven just yet.