i bought my own last week. if anyone would've told me that i would be using a machete, never mind buying my own, i would've told them that they were crazy.
recently patricio cut down a tree in the back yard. with a machete. a couple days last week i cut all the branches off. with a machete. a dull one at that. but it's all in the way you use it. it won't cut a banana leaf but it sure goes through a tree branch. i was finished everything else and was bored. it was a good workout and felt good to be able to do it. it just seemed so weird to be doing it. with the different things i've done in my life limbing a tree with a machete was never one i had envisioned before.
i'm definitely having some very cool experiences here.
Monday, June 27, 2005
gardens
the students at the local school planted fruits and vegetables last friday. if their garden is successful it would be a good model to show the other schools on the frontier. she said there were lots of papas in the garden on thursday. either they were dads that came to till the soil for the kids to sow seeds the next day or there were a lot of potatoes, papas in español.
also xinia, a teacher in amparo, has asked the city council for property to build a coop garden, as well as a man that lives in san jose but has property in amparo. city council has said yes and has even said that someone will come with a tractor to clear the land and till the soil.
that is so cool. what seems so simple for me because i've had gardens before is quite exciting for people who haven't the first idea what to do or how to do it.
it's also a great way to use up the garbage. now if only we could find a solution to dispose of the plastic, glass and tin.
also xinia, a teacher in amparo, has asked the city council for property to build a coop garden, as well as a man that lives in san jose but has property in amparo. city council has said yes and has even said that someone will come with a tractor to clear the land and till the soil.
that is so cool. what seems so simple for me because i've had gardens before is quite exciting for people who haven't the first idea what to do or how to do it.
it's also a great way to use up the garbage. now if only we could find a solution to dispose of the plastic, glass and tin.
testify to love
it has bothered me that i haven't been able to learn more of the language. i have wondered how i could fulfill the great commission, how could i share God's love with others if i can't communicate in their language.
but this morning coming here on the bus i was listening to ''testify to love'' by avalon. some of the words are ''i'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough''
well my words aren't enough because i'm not fluent but as i thought of this other words came to mind ''every simple act of mercy''
yesterday i was very uncomfortable when someone was telling me i was such a good person. i said i wasn't but that it was God that lives in me. i couldn't speak his language but i understood what he was saying. so when we think our words aren't enough or we don't know the words to say, let our actions speak for us. let our simple acts of mercy be our witness, our testimony.
but this morning coming here on the bus i was listening to ''testify to love'' by avalon. some of the words are ''i'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough''
well my words aren't enough because i'm not fluent but as i thought of this other words came to mind ''every simple act of mercy''
yesterday i was very uncomfortable when someone was telling me i was such a good person. i said i wasn't but that it was God that lives in me. i couldn't speak his language but i understood what he was saying. so when we think our words aren't enough or we don't know the words to say, let our actions speak for us. let our simple acts of mercy be our witness, our testimony.
unbelievable
left the internet in san jose friday afternoon when the thunder and lightning started and 20 minutes later i was walking ankle deep through a river that had been the street. it rained so hard so fast it was unbelievable. streets everywhere had been turned to rivers.
i was more afraid to spend the weekend by myself with a family that doesn't speak any english but friday we talked for 6 hours straight and had no problem at all. i couldn't believe it.
saturday we went to the mall and it was dry when we got out of the taxi and by the time we walked inside huricane force winds were blowing the rain horizontally 30 feet into the inside of the mall and sending chairs and buggies that were 40 feet inside flying. some women were screaming. it was wild. it was unbelievable.
everyone says it rains so hard like that every day in the winter. it's nice in the morning and rains every afternoon.
sunday afternoon leaving san carlos when the rain started it got so bad that our bus turned around and headed back to the terminal and then we took a detour home because the heavy rains and flooding had caused a cave in and washed away the road.
the unbelievable part is that the whole country isn't under water. the next morning things are dry and most of the water is gone. then it starts all over again in the afternoon.
i was more afraid to spend the weekend by myself with a family that doesn't speak any english but friday we talked for 6 hours straight and had no problem at all. i couldn't believe it.
saturday we went to the mall and it was dry when we got out of the taxi and by the time we walked inside huricane force winds were blowing the rain horizontally 30 feet into the inside of the mall and sending chairs and buggies that were 40 feet inside flying. some women were screaming. it was wild. it was unbelievable.
everyone says it rains so hard like that every day in the winter. it's nice in the morning and rains every afternoon.
sunday afternoon leaving san carlos when the rain started it got so bad that our bus turned around and headed back to the terminal and then we took a detour home because the heavy rains and flooding had caused a cave in and washed away the road.
the unbelievable part is that the whole country isn't under water. the next morning things are dry and most of the water is gone. then it starts all over again in the afternoon.
unsettled
went to san jose for the weekend by myself and when i got off the bus i walked about 10 blocks to the store and when i took my backpack off to pay for my purchase EVERY single zipper was open on my backpack. i just about freaked. luckily the top item was food and that was the only thing missing. my fanny pack, with my money, passport, visa, etc., that was in my backpack, right below the food, was intact, as well as my cd player. i did feel what i thought was a tug but there was no one there and i only paused very briefly at corners to check for cars before crossing the streets. i was stunned, if 1 or 2 zippers had been opened it would've been one thing but 6 zippers were wide open and i had been walking for who knows how long with them all open. i couldn't believe it.
everyone asked if i was afraid but i wasn't, it was just a very unsettled feeling, but not fear or worry. now the family says they won't let me come here alone again.
everyone asked if i was afraid but i wasn't, it was just a very unsettled feeling, but not fear or worry. now the family says they won't let me come here alone again.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
well so much for resting
worked like a dog cleaning, clearing and planting the back property for a garden. then got a cold and spent a couple days in bed and now i'm bored out of my mind with nothing to do.
the friend i was teaching english to and learning spanish from got another job, she's not one to sit still either, so she's not around in the day time anymore.
i need a job of some kind but haven't a clue what to do. talked to olga at el ministerio de salud about gardening in the schools and told her i wanted to help with that. she liked that idea but nothing has developed yet.
going to visit a friend that lives near the pacific for a change of scenery. it will be quite a change, from a houseful of almost boys to a houseful of almost all girls. and they don't speak english. i learn so much more when no one speaks english. don't know how long i'll stay, there's less to do there than there is in amparo but who knows.
the friend i was teaching english to and learning spanish from got another job, she's not one to sit still either, so she's not around in the day time anymore.
i need a job of some kind but haven't a clue what to do. talked to olga at el ministerio de salud about gardening in the schools and told her i wanted to help with that. she liked that idea but nothing has developed yet.
going to visit a friend that lives near the pacific for a change of scenery. it will be quite a change, from a houseful of almost boys to a houseful of almost all girls. and they don't speak english. i learn so much more when no one speaks english. don't know how long i'll stay, there's less to do there than there is in amparo but who knows.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
day to day living
the first 6 months i was here i kept wanting to do and without something to do i guess i was anxious. this time i haven't wondered what to do. i just live each day as it comes. 2 days ago i was walking at the airstrip where i love spending quiet time with God. i thought i don't have to do anything. i have spent the last 40 years working every day. i think i am here to rest, just to rest in God. i have never sat around mondays to fridays and just had coffee in the morning and had a leisurely day. this is like day to day life for a stay at home mom. mimi and i get up at whatever time, it varies from 5 a.m. to 9 a.m., do a chore or two, then sit around and have coffee and talk, then do more work. laundry, cleaning, cooking, dishes is non-stop for a family of 9. it's not that i'm not doing anything. yesterday i raked the front yard, about an acre. i have turned the back yard into a vegetable garden. i'm doing more physical work and loving it. but i don't feel anxious because i'm not doing something outside the home.
i am not anxious waiting to do something for God. He hasn't asked me to do anything. He has told me i am here for a year. for now i am living life, each day, as it comes. after that who knows. when He has plans for me He will tell me.
1 or 2 days a week i go to a friends house and i am teaching her english and she and her family are helping me to learn español.
olga, a friend that works for the ministry of health, has asked if i will help her with a drug program in the schools.
it rains an awful lot so i ended up buying gumboots just so i could walk in the street. man they are so ugly. the boys all laughed at me the first time i wore them. shorts and gumboots. hm.
i am not anxious waiting to do something for God. He hasn't asked me to do anything. He has told me i am here for a year. for now i am living life, each day, as it comes. after that who knows. when He has plans for me He will tell me.
1 or 2 days a week i go to a friends house and i am teaching her english and she and her family are helping me to learn español.
olga, a friend that works for the ministry of health, has asked if i will help her with a drug program in the schools.
it rains an awful lot so i ended up buying gumboots just so i could walk in the street. man they are so ugly. the boys all laughed at me the first time i wore them. shorts and gumboots. hm.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
we exist...
to worship God. we were not created to worship anyone or anything else. if anything is coming before God in your life you are not experiencing the exquisite joy of the most intimate only perfect relationsihp. He created me, He knows me more intimately than any other because He's in my very being. He's the air that i breathe. no other could fill me or love me so completely.
perceptions
you think someone is different, that they've changed, but maybe it's just your perception of them that's different and maybe your perception isn't really yours but a lie the enemy would have you believe. do you really trust yourself, your thoughts, your feelings? your imperfect self? or do you trust in the only one perfect One? how many times have you been wrong? He never is, never has been and never will be.
propaganda
the enemy's messages sent to demoralize us. 2 years ago after coming home from costa rica i did a nosedive. i had a depression and thoughts of suicde. i was a loser, a failure, i had let God down. boy if he wanted to demoralize me he sure did and i let him. before becoming a christian i had suffered years of depression. when i clued in to taking every thought captive to God (thanks howard) i was lifted up and restored. obviously that's something i still need to work on - every day.
i was feeling very unloved a couple of days ago. i was feeling down about it until i told satan to get lost and that i wasn't going to believe his lies. it worked. i wonder how many hurt feelings and relationsihps there are because we have believed the enemies lies.
feeling very unloved and wanting a husband to hold me, love me, protect me. but then i think how very deeply and perfectly loved i truly am and realize it's another lie the enemy would have me believe.
wow! how many sad broken hearts, lonely, hurting people are out there. sure we all want someone to love but it's a lie we've all believed that we are unloved or unloveable. we are loved by and love the most perfect love ever created. if the enemy can get us to believe that we hurt, are sad or lonely. it's like he's getting us to dismiss the one perfect love. God is the source of our joy. God completes us - no other can. He has created us with the desire for love and the enemy uses it against us to make us believe with out something tangible we are incomplete, thus lonely.
today i have gone from thinking someone doesn't love me, that i know does, to feeling lonely because i am single. they are both lies. both thoughts and feelings made me feel sad. until i took them to the cross, to the truth, to God, to my love, my joy, my strength, my truth. truth is - i am single. truth is - i am not alone. i am only lonely if i choose to believe that and don't talk to my one true love. i still want something tangible but i am not incomplete.
i was feeling very unloved a couple of days ago. i was feeling down about it until i told satan to get lost and that i wasn't going to believe his lies. it worked. i wonder how many hurt feelings and relationsihps there are because we have believed the enemies lies.
feeling very unloved and wanting a husband to hold me, love me, protect me. but then i think how very deeply and perfectly loved i truly am and realize it's another lie the enemy would have me believe.
wow! how many sad broken hearts, lonely, hurting people are out there. sure we all want someone to love but it's a lie we've all believed that we are unloved or unloveable. we are loved by and love the most perfect love ever created. if the enemy can get us to believe that we hurt, are sad or lonely. it's like he's getting us to dismiss the one perfect love. God is the source of our joy. God completes us - no other can. He has created us with the desire for love and the enemy uses it against us to make us believe with out something tangible we are incomplete, thus lonely.
today i have gone from thinking someone doesn't love me, that i know does, to feeling lonely because i am single. they are both lies. both thoughts and feelings made me feel sad. until i took them to the cross, to the truth, to God, to my love, my joy, my strength, my truth. truth is - i am single. truth is - i am not alone. i am only lonely if i choose to believe that and don't talk to my one true love. i still want something tangible but i am not incomplete.
wild at heart
'there comes a time when you have to leave all that is familiar and go on into the unknown with God. God takes us somewhere to learn things we have to learn.' so many people have asked me what i'm doing here and i have to say basically nothing. when the boys scammed a ride for us into tibas there were 3 other passengers who had also scammed a ride. 1 man asked what i am doing here and as i was thinking of how to answer him dany said she is just with us, to be here with us. have i left all that is familiar to go on a journey with God to learn things i need to learn? i don't know. if w@h is bringing tears to my eyes i wonder what the book written for the women will touch in my heart. what is God trying to teach me? what does He want me to see? what does He want me to let go of? the fact that i'm crying about it makes me wonder if there's something. i know i have a wound but i believe God has healed them all. the book goes on to say 'if you have no clue as to what your false self my be then a starting point would be to ask those you live with and work with. scary. 'if you never say a word in a meeting for fear of saying something stupid' yup.
i don't know why i cry. is it just because i'm a mush or is there something deeper at work here? i was wounded but God has healed my heartache.
i was told that our first memory is what defines us - my first memory is when my mother abandoned me when i was five. i know now that Jesus will never leave me.
w@h is a good read. can't wait to read the one for women. all the times when i have felt out of sync with God i have thought it was from sin i had committed. i have asked the Holy Spirit to reveal whatever was blocking my relationship with God. i must have sinned so i need to repent to bridge the gap i feel. i never thought of it like this before but let's give credit where credit is due. satan, the destroyer, the deceiver, the enemy, taking out the line of communication i have with my beloved Father. thankfully although i don't recognize it for what it could be the Holy Spirit knows i need to be close to God and helps me and restores me. frequently, like 99 per cent of the time, my mind wanders and while i am talking to God i start wondering what i'¡m going to do today, what ¡'m going to wear, about all the things i think i have to do, etc. sometimes i let the enemy win. i have wondered about so many other things i have stopped talking to God. other times i have rebuked the enemy and i have cotinued talking to my Beloved. nothing and no one is as important to me as God is and if i am not feeling in constant communion with Him i need to do whatever it takes to restore our relationship.
like the quote from oswald chambers 'sometimes there is nothing to obey, the only thing to do is to maintain a vital connection with Jesus Christ, to see that nothing interferes with that.' that is life - without it i am nothing.
i don't know why i cry. is it just because i'm a mush or is there something deeper at work here? i was wounded but God has healed my heartache.
i was told that our first memory is what defines us - my first memory is when my mother abandoned me when i was five. i know now that Jesus will never leave me.
w@h is a good read. can't wait to read the one for women. all the times when i have felt out of sync with God i have thought it was from sin i had committed. i have asked the Holy Spirit to reveal whatever was blocking my relationship with God. i must have sinned so i need to repent to bridge the gap i feel. i never thought of it like this before but let's give credit where credit is due. satan, the destroyer, the deceiver, the enemy, taking out the line of communication i have with my beloved Father. thankfully although i don't recognize it for what it could be the Holy Spirit knows i need to be close to God and helps me and restores me. frequently, like 99 per cent of the time, my mind wanders and while i am talking to God i start wondering what i'¡m going to do today, what ¡'m going to wear, about all the things i think i have to do, etc. sometimes i let the enemy win. i have wondered about so many other things i have stopped talking to God. other times i have rebuked the enemy and i have cotinued talking to my Beloved. nothing and no one is as important to me as God is and if i am not feeling in constant communion with Him i need to do whatever it takes to restore our relationship.
like the quote from oswald chambers 'sometimes there is nothing to obey, the only thing to do is to maintain a vital connection with Jesus Christ, to see that nothing interferes with that.' that is life - without it i am nothing.
internet in los chiles
the internet cafe is full of brand new equipment yet it sits empty. i don't know why but now the only internet i can get to is in san carlos about a 3 hour bus ride away so i won't be on line very often. roy, the operator, left los chiles to work elsewhere and sady has closed the internet. i don't know if it's a line problem or another problem that she doesn't understand how to fix. i don't know when or if it will ever re-open.
the Lord's discipline
reading in touch magazine about how God disciplines His children. i can't say that i have recognized His divine discipline when He has corrected me in the past but i certainly do now. i feel close to Him, i feel Him in my life, His presence, all the time. except when i sin. although i know that He is still there i don't feel His closeness, like He has withdrawn from me. it's the aloneness, emptiness i feel without Him that brings me to repentance. He is my dearly beloved and until i tell Him i'm sorry and ask for forgiveness my heart aches in His silence. and when He forgives me and restores me my heart aches in joy in His sweet love.
big game
well we got to the game 10 minutes before it ended. there was an accident on a hairpin curve that stopped traffic for 7 1-2 hours. a truck had lost it's load and spilled it all over the highway. finally when smaller vehicles were able to get through dany and jonny scammed a ride in a car. our bus driver must have been helping at the accident scene because we never saw him again. i had left los chiles at 11 a.m. and we arrived in tibas (saprissa stadium near san jose) almost 11 hours later. we were able to see the last 10 minutes of the game on a tv outside the stadium.
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