'there comes a time when you have to leave all that is familiar and go on into the unknown with God. God takes us somewhere to learn things we have to learn.' so many people have asked me what i'm doing here and i have to say basically nothing. when the boys scammed a ride for us into tibas there were 3 other passengers who had also scammed a ride. 1 man asked what i am doing here and as i was thinking of how to answer him dany said she is just with us, to be here with us. have i left all that is familiar to go on a journey with God to learn things i need to learn? i don't know. if w@h is bringing tears to my eyes i wonder what the book written for the women will touch in my heart. what is God trying to teach me? what does He want me to see? what does He want me to let go of? the fact that i'm crying about it makes me wonder if there's something. i know i have a wound but i believe God has healed them all. the book goes on to say 'if you have no clue as to what your false self my be then a starting point would be to ask those you live with and work with. scary. 'if you never say a word in a meeting for fear of saying something stupid' yup.
i don't know why i cry. is it just because i'm a mush or is there something deeper at work here? i was wounded but God has healed my heartache.
i was told that our first memory is what defines us - my first memory is when my mother abandoned me when i was five. i know now that Jesus will never leave me.
w@h is a good read. can't wait to read the one for women. all the times when i have felt out of sync with God i have thought it was from sin i had committed. i have asked the Holy Spirit to reveal whatever was blocking my relationship with God. i must have sinned so i need to repent to bridge the gap i feel. i never thought of it like this before but let's give credit where credit is due. satan, the destroyer, the deceiver, the enemy, taking out the line of communication i have with my beloved Father. thankfully although i don't recognize it for what it could be the Holy Spirit knows i need to be close to God and helps me and restores me. frequently, like 99 per cent of the time, my mind wanders and while i am talking to God i start wondering what i'¡m going to do today, what ¡'m going to wear, about all the things i think i have to do, etc. sometimes i let the enemy win. i have wondered about so many other things i have stopped talking to God. other times i have rebuked the enemy and i have cotinued talking to my Beloved. nothing and no one is as important to me as God is and if i am not feeling in constant communion with Him i need to do whatever it takes to restore our relationship.
like the quote from oswald chambers 'sometimes there is nothing to obey, the only thing to do is to maintain a vital connection with Jesus Christ, to see that nothing interferes with that.' that is life - without it i am nothing.
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