unmet longings

the Lord is my Shepherd; i shall not want. psalm 23:1

reading the above scripture i think but i do want Lord. unmet longings. i longed for a husband for a long time. i thought i needed a husband. what i needed was God. then i thought God was enough. He filled my heart with such love and joy. in february God stirred my longings and desires. He awakened in me something that i thought was at rest. He brought someone into my life and i started wondering what life would be like with him. i was content in my singleness and i thank God for that but now i'm wanting more. the book i'm reading right now, walking with God, says it's not good to bury the deep longings of our hearts. having been awakened to my unmet longing i have wanted it more and more. God awakened this desire in my heart and i can't help but wonder what He's going to do about it. cs lewis says in 'the weight of glory' that what God uses to awaken desire is not necessarily what we long for. if it is not that relationship that i desire but what it points to then what is it. i have wondered for months why God brought us together. now i wonder how He is going to meet that longing that He has awakened in me.

walking with God

is a great book and i highly recommend it. by john eldredge. it's about having a conversation relationship with God. it's certainly got me thinking. i've hardly been able to put it down. i had borrowed it from the church library but now think i want to buy it so i can read it again and share it with others.

a futbol game - a gift from God

sometimes God just gives us gifts cuz He loves us.

i haven't watched much futbol this year because i don't get the channel that the best games are televised on. i planned to finish reading a book while eating my breakfast and decided instead to check my email. upon opening my email there was one advertising THE best two teams in england playing in the champions league final.
i put the tv on to see what time it might be coming on and if i got the channel it might be on. it had just started here although it was midnight in moscow where they were playing. it was the first time that the champions league final was an all english futbol game.

it was a tie game so they went into extra time, it was still tie so they went to penalty kicks, it was still tie after the normal five kicks that they allow and they kept going. i absolutely loved it. the best footballer in the world, cristiano ronaldo, scored a goal but missed the penalty. he was a shoe-in, no pun intended, but he missed. then the captain of the other team who you would've thought would also be a shoe-in missed.

it was exciting. thank You Lord.

my addiction

i have had a friend staying with me for about 7 weeks. i've enjoyed their company. i know i used to eat / snack all the time out of sheer boredom but when my friend was here i never did. now that they're gone i find that i'm eating just for the sake of eating again. i miss my friend, in more ways than one.

wills

i have been the executrix for and working on my best friend's estate for over a year now. i'm sure she had no idea everything that is involved, i know i certainly didn't. it's made me realize i want to update mine and simplify it if i can.

i had always planned to donate my organs for transplant but i guess having a blood cancer that would be impossible now considering that blood is in every organ.

if you don't have a will don't wait. my friends will was very clear about the distribution of her assets but it still cost over $10k just in legal fees, probate fees were on top of that. if there is no will the public trustee gets everything and then you have to deal with them to try and get anything.

if you refer to something in your will that you no longer have make sure you delete it so the executor or family isn't searching for something that isn't there.

lost

my heart breaks for a friend with addictions. God gave me a burden to pray for this friend and i have been praying and crying for 6 weeks now but nothing seems to help or work. how do you help someone with no hope who doesn't think they are worthy. grace? mercy? love? nothing seems to be enough. they have lost fellowship with God and it seems too hard to find something when it's lost but i no sooner thought this than i thought of the lost coin, the lost sheep. every time i think nothing will change i think of what God says.

i keep asking God why He put us together. i have prayed for healing and the word believe comes to mind.

palawan

i absolutely loved it. everyone asked if i was coming back again and i said i didn't know. they said they would not say goodbye but only see you next time. it was very similar to where i lived in costa rica, very hot and humid, except it was at the ocean. the people are so amazingly warm and friendly. if God called me to go there long term i'd be on the next plane. i can hardly wait til next year to go back.

we would go to the market in quezon a few minutes ride away from the manna home and while walking around we would find one of the pastors or boys from the home right beside or behind us, watching over us to make sure we were ok. i felt so at home there i felt bad that the boys had to wait and watch while we shopped.

the food was incredible, fresh mangoes, pineapple, coconut, calamari, shrimps, prawns, fish almost every day.

we lived right on the edge of the jungle and within walking distance to the sea so the scenery was absolutely beautiful in any direction.

the kids learn english in school at the manna home so we could converse a little bit but candy, nail polish, skipping ropes and volleyballs broke any language barrier.

the national sport in costa rica is soccer. in the philippines it's cock fighting and they had an arena in one village we went to. i asked the pastors about it thinking they wouldn't condone it and was surprised to learn that they all do. not that i have any love for roosters, especially after they keep you awake all night but...

after checking out the 'facilities' in the villages we went to we would not drink all day and pray that we wouldn't have to use them.

the sea was every shade of blue and green you can imagine, incredibly beautiful, and so warm. it was jellyfish season when we were there and little ones came in and lined the shore every afternoon and were washed out with the tide during the night. the ones we saw out in the ocean were over a foot across.

the caving was so cool. our very first day there our pastor had a business meeting so a couple of pastors that had come for the bible conference took us out to some caves. going through the blackness of the caves and coming out into the bright sunshine was like seeing an undiscovered land for the first time, it was beautiful. a bunch of teenage boys that live there came with us because even though they live so close they had never had the opportunity to go to the caves and it was so fun watching them having so much fun. the local beach was all mud so they got to go swimming in crystal clear waters in soft white sand.

pictures from palawan, philippines

kids having a bath in a dirty, polluted river.
the market in quezon, palawan.
some of the girls after having a manicure.
houses are made of bamboo.
caving on our first day there. where the light shone in the darkness there was new life.
the boys in palawan reminded me of the boys in costa rica. it was so much fun watching them having so much fun. they are hams everywhere.
this is our boat and some of the boys swimming after eating fresh fish and rice cooked on the beach.
stopped at a sand bar to walk in the middle of the south china sea. it was so cool.
some of the kids on our patio filling balloons with candy.
baptism in the south china sea.
some of the pastors cooking lunch. the people were so amazing, i could so live there.
curious onlookers watching being set up for the crusade
walking by flashlight down the beach at low tide after the crusade
this tiny little island was just a white spot in the middle of the sea. another fresh fish & rice lunch cooked on the beach and 3 hours and we were fried.

mission trip to the philippines

this was not like any mission trip i have ever been on but it was the most incredible. after signing up i asked what we would be doing. the pastor said it was an evangelistic crusade and i would be giving my testimony. i might not have signed up if i'd known that in advance. i've always done work trips and hate being up front so i asked some friends to pray for me. it was so amazing to feel the Holy Spirit at work in me. i was filled with the power of God and the words and the boldness with which i spoke blew me away and if you know me you would've been blown away too. we gave our testimonies at a 3 day bible conference then did crusades in 3 different villages. 12 people received Christ as their Saviour at the first one, 5 at the second one and 197 at the third (since then 2 more have been saved). it was mind boggling. of the 5 people at the second crusade 2 of the people were the witch doctor and his wife. that's going to have an incredible impact on that village. we took a boat to the 3rd village where there was no power except the Holy Spirit and it was amazing.

i would never have gone on a trip like this before but now after seeing the power of God at work i want to do it again.

i talked with and prayed for a young homosexual man who repented and was reconciled to God and he has since emailed me to thank me for taking the bad stuff out of him. i can't tell you how blessed or privileged i feel to have been part of that. i wouldn't have known what to say, or had the boldness to say what i did, except that it was the Holy Spirit doing it all.

i don't know what impact my testimony had (it wasn't about what my life was like before God but what it's been like since) at the crusades but it was amazing to see God at work in so many people's lives.

i know God is with me and i have felt God's special presence in my life many times but have never felt His power like this. submitting everything to God and letting Him work through me was one of the most amazing experiences in my life and recommend it to everyone.

He also made the stars

Genesis 1:16. He also made the stars. like it's an afterthought after creating the sun and the moon.

these are some pretty amazing afterthoughts. if you've never checked it out before take a look at http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/archivepix.html

hungry sinners or pharisees

i love helping at alpha. there are a couple of hungry people in my group and i just love them and i just want to love them to Christ. they find it hard to believe that Jesus could love them as much as He does. they find it hard to believe that they could be forgiven for their many sins. i love talking to them. i love telling them how much Jesus loves them. i love telling them they are precious, beloved children of God. i love telling them that there is absolutely nothing that they have ever done that Jesus won't forgive them for. i just love telling them about Jesus. i can see Him at work in their lives and i get so excited and am so happy for them.

they are going to be more blessed than others in the group because they know they are sinners and Jesus came to save sinners just like them.

it's the others i can't reach that remind me of the pharisees. they are not hungry, they are not searching, they are closed-minded to what Jesus is trying to teach them and what He is offering them.

prayer

Heavenly Father rescue me from the misery of blaming others for my sin. Help me to admit my own guilt and to bring it to you for forgiveness through Jesus Christ. Amen.

husbands

years ago i had asked God for a husband but for the past few years i have vacillated between wanting one and not wanting one. and God isn't going to give us something we're not even sure we want. i know i don't need a husband because God fills that place in my heart.

years ago i thought i was in love with a man that talked about God and the bible. i could listen to him for hours. it used to stir my senses listening to him. i have a friend that knows the bible very well and i realized yesterday that that turns me on. it opened my eyes to a new truth, one that i knew but had never really applied it to myself.

i have always looked at man's outward appearance but God looks at the heart. we each have a favourite 'thing' we look at in a person. i notice eyes and hands, some people notice smiles, others notice ears or noses.

when i lived in costa rica and invited the youth on saturday nights to come to church they would say they weren't dressed for it. i told them God didn't care what they looked like He just saw their hearts.

thinking about how this friend talks about God and the bible made me realize i don't really care about eyes or hands i just care about a person's heart for God and their relationship with Him. age difference never meant anything to me but a person usually has their stereotypical opposite in mind, ie tall, dark and handsome. but i have to admit listening to this friend talk about God and the bible really stirs my senses.

the beauty of math

Is this a God thing or what?

Maybe math/physics really is related to seeing the patterns of music.

After all, great musician's have always claimed that it is!

Beauty of Math!

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

- - - - - - - - - - - -
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 111111111

- - - - - - -

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?

And look at this symmetry:

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=12345678987654321

Now, take a look at this...

101%

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:

What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all be en in situations where someone wants you to GIVE OVER 100%.

How about ACHIEVING 101%?

What equals 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

If:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K

8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And:

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E

11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But:

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E

1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:

L-O-V-E-O-F-G-O-D

12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:

While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will
get you there, and it's the Love of God that will put you over the top!