date 04.10.08
i am overwhelmed by these feelings that i can't explain. god is trying to tell me something that i'm struggling to keep a lid on as i leave amparo on the bus. and now sitting in san carlos by myself having coffee i struggle to keep it together. thoughts of memories... fogiveness... letting go... have been haunting me all morning. i know what he's trying to tell me - it's just that these public places are so public. have i come to costa rica to face my past. i realize something i haven't forgiven or let go of. right now a dark space where i can hide and let go sounds so inviting but god isn't found in the dark and thankfully he won't let me go there or let me stay there when i do.
how many of us are unable or unwilling to face our past, never mind let go of it. i didn't think i had anything to let go of but apparently i do.
i know i am forgiven, i thought i had forgiven someone.
do certain events in our lives hurt us so deeply that we bury them subconsciously so we can get on with living. i have known such incredible joy in loving and being loved by my heavenly father that i'm blown away that my past has resurfaced causing such anguish. i have asked god to help me let go of anything that might be between us. careful what you ask for. god does answer prayer.
is he freeing me from my past so he can bless me with the desire of my heart so i can love unconditionally?
2 comments:
We do sometimes bury things so deep inside us that we essentially 'forget' them. I know I had asked God the same thing and He revealed to me something from my past that helps to explain a lot of my present. If that makes sense. He is good and kind and will guide you through the resulting emotions.
yes i know... whatever he will take me to i know he will take me through.
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