what is it...

10/17
that motivates us to do the things we do. don't laugh but i have wondered if i am simple minded. it all seems so simple to me. mark 12:30 what else is there? everything else stems from that. it's not that i love others less - it's because of this that i love others more.

i have several books on the go right now. decision making and the will of God and if you want to walk on water you have to get out of the boat. the first says not to be hasty, especially making important decisions, the 2nd i will have to discern between a call from God and a .... foolish impulse on my part and having guilt after making a decision or fear before making it and allowing nothing to interfere with seizing an opportunity 'at once' because you might never get another chance.

my desire to be in cr long term has developed over the last 2 years when susy went but it was only when i came home in march that i could see God's hand in it and only in the last week of july that i seized the opportunity. all of this only after God removed the obstacles. no fear! (not counting spiders - today when i saw one i didn't scream or call for one of the boys to kill it. i thought that's life - get used to it and kept doing what i was doing. mind you it was only a couple of inches long and it was not moving but for me that's a huge thing. a total God thing. (10/19 beside my bed - totally different thing. jose said he killed it but after checking my sandal for a corpse he told me it got away).