the journey begins

date - 04.10.01

jose picked me up and we spent the night at marcos house. getting out of the shower, still dripping wet, i had to pray. i knew i would need to ask god every day to give me what i would need to do his will. i asked for strength for whatever it is the would hae me do and thouht how the joy of the lord is my strength.

family and friends have questioned my sanity in the recent decisions i have made, believers and non-believers alike, others have questioned the 'rush' to leave. i returned for a month and had all along intended to leave the day after the subjects were removed on my house. they were removed, more or less on the 29th and after packing and moving most of my things, i bought a ticket about 8 hours before i left. i can't explain why i thouht i had to leave when i did. for me it wasn't a rush to leave town but only to let go of all the 'clutter' ? in my life.

i have felt a need to divest myself of material things since returning from cr in march. i had every card my daughter had ever given me as well as my grandchildren, every daily bread i had ever read, mortgage papers from every house i'd ever owned, etc. it's a sickness i'm sure although i don't know it's name. i would throw something out only to take it back. by being under the gun so to speak i had no time to take things back. it's the only way i could have done it.

i ran out of boxes and time although when i bought my ticket i thought i would be able to do all i needed to.

i'm sorry i didn't get to say goodbye to each one of you but you will be in my thoughts til i see you again.

i love you all.