back in class / need prayer

i've thought about going to school here which would be learning spanish full time all day every day. i pick up a few words here and there at home but it hasn't been enough. i need an actual teacher. and of course living with 2 boys (dany and jose) that speak english doesn't help. school isn't cheap though and is a long way from home so i'd have to live in san jose. if i'm only here for a few months should i? will i ever use it again? will i ever come back? is it worth the considerable expense? and then i'd maybe feel even more alone in a strange town, house.

i don't know.

i wrote the above to a friend and a week later i am in school.

why did i come this week when i had something to do every day this week? i would have been up and out of the house at 6.00 every day. why didn-t i at least wait one more week when i had finished all my work? i had no idea but apparently God did.

i arrived at the cpi school in san joaquin de flores (near heredia) monday at 11.30 and started class at 1.00. it was just the teacher and me. i was excited - i was finally going to learn how to speak spanish.

the next am i had a different teacher. we talked for awhile so the teacher could determine my level of proficiency. after awhile he told me he was a christian too and that he was not scheduled to work this week but had been called in the night before. he told me that there is a missionary from africa in his church this week and invited me to come to his church.

this morning we talked for 4 hours about my experiences here and the people i have met and the things i have done. classes are only 4 hours. then he told me i had to come to his church on saturday night to give my testimony. ah that would be no. i don-t speak in public. he said yes you have to. i said i wouldn-t know what to say. he said you have to tell the people what you just told me. i have always sat in the back row. i am a support person i don-t do up front. he said you will come and you will speak. hah (as in panic). i agree that what i told him needs to be told to other people but i am not a public speaker. i came to san jose after school and as i was thinking about it i was feeling the panic set in. my skin started crawling, it was creepy.

a friend sent me this after i told them about going to school - And it may be an investment into a future of missions for you... you could certainly lead groups to Spanish speaking countries...

well i-m not a leader either but this is so weird the way things are happening.

i am in excellent health but just the thought of standing up front to give a testimony makes my skin crawl, my heart pound, my hands shake. i haven-t a clue what to say. i can talk one on one with someone but he said he has a big church (like several hundred people) i wish i had recorded it so he could just play it.

please pray for me for the right words to say, to say what God wants people to hear, and the strength and courage to stand up and say them.

and also that i would learn more spanish. and remember it.