perceptions and lies

i was hurt by what i perceived to be a lie by someone i love. believing what i thought to be the truth i wondered how i could ever trust that person again. as i wondered how it would affect our relationship i thought of how much i love that person and how i did not want it to affect our relationship.

i was SO wrong. it wasn't that anyone told me anything, i thought i actually saw something happen and then was told something different than what i thought i had seen. what i perceived as the truth God revealed to me as a lie. when He opened my eyes (almost literally) i could hardly believe i was so easily led into believing the lie. i wonder how many of us do the same.

remember Jesus Christ is the Truth. satan is the enemy who would deceive us and have us believe the lies and cause division. broken hearts, broken relationships / friendships.

someone very dear to me told me today that they have experienced broken relationships/friendships from what i believe must be others lies. i couldn't believe it. are we so easily led astray by the enemy that we are willing to believe everything we hear. especially christians. are we not taking every thought captive to God. do you not question anything or do you just accept that it must be the truth.

we are just dumb sheep. but could we not at least question what we hear. even what we think we see. could we not talk to God about it.

as God revealed the truth to me i was so relieved. i could hardly believe that i had so willingly believed the enemies lies. i was putting more faith in the enemies lies than in the person i love.

how many of us have done the same thing with other people in our lives.

SOARING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sept 15. went for a walk today and what started as a very ordinary morning turned into an amazing day. one day last week i was walking home in my hurried cdn. walk with my headphones on listening to worship music. it was getting dark and i thought i was alone on the road so i was singing out loud. if you know me you know i can't carry a tune in a bucket. i felt somone's presence behind me and turned to see a woman close behind. i took my headphones off and explained that i was listening to christian music and although i couldn't sing i loved to. she said that explained why i always walked along smiling. however i had never worn my headphones walking and certainly never sang out loud before. she said she was walking to el gallito but she turned off before amparo. she said it was a different route.

i walked that route today. it was incredibly beautiful. to me. green trees, green fields of sugar cane, yuca, grass. i heard a sound and stopped to listen. it was God whispering through the trees. another sound - a bubbling brook. it so touched my heart it brought tears to my eyes. i wanted to just sit down in the dirt in the middle of the horse trail but i knew if i did i would've spent the day there and not accomplish what i had set out to do. i continued walking, sniffling away, trying to hold back tears.

i came to a fork in the road and took the high road even though it was a way less travelled. after awhile i wondered if i was lost and thought it wouldn't matter if i was cuz God knew where i was. i emerged on another road and came to a bridge. i heard God whispering through the bamboo and stopped to look at the creek below me. i watched as 2 cows walked over to the stream and i stood there eyes closed and was praying when i felt anothers presence. when i finished i turned and saw a man walking towards me. i thought i may have appeared a bit strange and continued on my way. weird as it was my previous sniffly, runny nose had stopped.

i had come out on the road to el gallito and as i appeared walking from the opposite direction the principal asked if i was lost. i haven't had such an amazing day in a very long time. and it's all in the company you keep and yet to others i appeared to be alone.

it was hot, humid and completely overcast and a most wonderful day. it was a day of thanksgiving. for everything, for sounds, for sights. a bird watched me and was chattering away excitedly. i was talking to it and thought if any one had seen me they would've thought me strange. but when i said moo to a cow i thought ok that is strange.

i heard God whispering in the wind in the trees, in the bubbling brook, gave thanks out loud as i walked along, talked to Him and spoke silent prayers standing in the middle of the road. and my heart soared.

i felt so much love for God i wanted to cup His face in my hands and kiss Him. then i wanted to put my arms around Him and squeeze the stuffing out of Him (that's what i do and say when i tell my grandchildren i love them so much.)

i can see that day in my heart.

religion in costa rica

today i was talking with a costa rican about catholicism in costa rica. it is a catholic country. religion is a class taught as frequently as math, science or social studies. it is a tradition that is passed down from generation to generation. people go to church, wear crufixes and they cross themselves. and i was told that children are hit if they read the bible. i have talked to friends here who are catholics. they go to church faithfully every week. but they never read the bible. they say they believe in God but they don-t have a relationship with Him. they don-t talk or pray to Him.

i brought the Jesus video for children and have shown it in a few schools. it was so cool to watch some of the kids faces as they stared so intently at the tv. they may have had several years of religious teaching but it was like their eyes were seeing Him for the first time.

i heard a missionary say that italy has some insanely low number of christians. like 3% of the country were christians. when i repeated this to someone they asked how could that be - the vatican is there. they are all catholics, they go to church.

but if the children here are being hit if they read the bible are they being raised to believe like the pharisees, being religious and nothing more?

back in class / need prayer

i've thought about going to school here which would be learning spanish full time all day every day. i pick up a few words here and there at home but it hasn't been enough. i need an actual teacher. and of course living with 2 boys (dany and jose) that speak english doesn't help. school isn't cheap though and is a long way from home so i'd have to live in san jose. if i'm only here for a few months should i? will i ever use it again? will i ever come back? is it worth the considerable expense? and then i'd maybe feel even more alone in a strange town, house.

i don't know.

i wrote the above to a friend and a week later i am in school.

why did i come this week when i had something to do every day this week? i would have been up and out of the house at 6.00 every day. why didn-t i at least wait one more week when i had finished all my work? i had no idea but apparently God did.

i arrived at the cpi school in san joaquin de flores (near heredia) monday at 11.30 and started class at 1.00. it was just the teacher and me. i was excited - i was finally going to learn how to speak spanish.

the next am i had a different teacher. we talked for awhile so the teacher could determine my level of proficiency. after awhile he told me he was a christian too and that he was not scheduled to work this week but had been called in the night before. he told me that there is a missionary from africa in his church this week and invited me to come to his church.

this morning we talked for 4 hours about my experiences here and the people i have met and the things i have done. classes are only 4 hours. then he told me i had to come to his church on saturday night to give my testimony. ah that would be no. i don-t speak in public. he said yes you have to. i said i wouldn-t know what to say. he said you have to tell the people what you just told me. i have always sat in the back row. i am a support person i don-t do up front. he said you will come and you will speak. hah (as in panic). i agree that what i told him needs to be told to other people but i am not a public speaker. i came to san jose after school and as i was thinking about it i was feeling the panic set in. my skin started crawling, it was creepy.

a friend sent me this after i told them about going to school - And it may be an investment into a future of missions for you... you could certainly lead groups to Spanish speaking countries...

well i-m not a leader either but this is so weird the way things are happening.

i am in excellent health but just the thought of standing up front to give a testimony makes my skin crawl, my heart pound, my hands shake. i haven-t a clue what to say. i can talk one on one with someone but he said he has a big church (like several hundred people) i wish i had recorded it so he could just play it.

please pray for me for the right words to say, to say what God wants people to hear, and the strength and courage to stand up and say them.

and also that i would learn more spanish. and remember it.

pouring ourselves out for God

read this in my utmost the other day. what does it mean to pour ourselves out for God? how do we do this? some days i think what i'm doing that day is pleasing to God. other days, like a few days lately, i just have to tell Him i can't do it, i just don't have it in me. and He seems to work with that, even when i can't make sense of it, He seems able to.

test

This is funny. YOU fill in the blanks about ME and send it back to
ME. But first send a blank one out to all your friends, including
me, so we can return the favor to you. Be honest -- they're really
SCARY to get back. It only takes a few minutes, so just do it!!!!
1st: Send (forward) this Survey to everyone you know to see how
well he or she knows you.
2nd:(reply) Fill this survey out about the person who sent it to
you and send it back to them.

Your name:

Where did we meet:

Take a stab at my middle name:

Do I believe in God:

How long have you known me:

Do I smoke:

What was your first impression of me upon meeting:

Color of my eyes:

Do I have any siblings:

What's one of my favorite things to do:

Do you remember one of the first things I said to you:

What's my favorite type of music:

What is the best feature about me:

Am I shy or outgoing:

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:

What's your favorite memory of me:

Any special talents:

Would you consider me a friend:

If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be:

If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is the one
thing would I bring?

a friend emailed me this and i sent it out to a few friends. it was fun to get the replies back so thought i'd share it with you.

feelings

i've been feeling down lately and was crying last night. dany asked me why i was crying (they don't do that here - everyone is tranquilo) and he told me not to cry. he doesn't understand and as i don't understand my feelings myself how can i explain them to the family. i don't know if it's as a result of the full moon that's coming or what but it's like i don't have a friend here i can talk to. i talk to dany or jose but they're boys and don't talk or listen like girls. and mimi and i talk but it's so stilted cuz i don't understand everything. i've been feeling very emotional lately and don't know why. i hope it's just the moon coming full and will pass soon. after talking to God on the way here on the bus i feel a little better. but He's like having a best friend that doesn't talk back with you. although He does give me the peace no one else could.

feeling lonely

feeling lonely in a houseful of people. i never saw news on the tsunami until a couple weeks later when i read about it on a church email. i didn't see news on the hurricane that hit new orleans, still haven't seen anything, only heard that it was bad. the boys watch some really bad japanese cartoons or futbol or music videos. i sometimes sit through the cartoons and i watch futbol with them but as for the videos, i find some of them disgusting so i end up reading alone in my bedroom. yesterday i decided i was going to watch the news and they ended up watching the cartoons in mimi's bedroom so again i sat alone. i'm really missing having a friend to talk to. to have real heart to hearts.

i feel less alone today walking about san carlos than i would if i was at home. so i'm taking my time about leaving and will end up walking home alone in the dark.

there has been so much rain lately it's been too wet to go to the garden (aerodrome) to spend quiet time alone with God and there is almost never any quiet home alone in the house. finally yesterday i could go for a walk but was eaten alive by the ants so didn't stay long, not long enough.

God's sense of humour

was feeling kinda bummed this am and decided i needed to get out of the house today. as i was walking to the highway i told God that if He was going to use me today He was going to have to do all the work cuz i just couldn't. i had walked a couple of kms talking to Him all the way and a car stopped to give me a ride. i don't usually get a ride unless i need one and as i had been enjoying talking to God i didn't think i needed one but got in anyway.

i got another marriage proposal from a guy i'd never met before. he was 23 and even when i told him my age he said age wasn't important, only love is important. that may be true but i told him he was too young. he reiterated only love was important, not age and i reminded him that i didn't even know him. so then i told him i was returning to canada in a few months and he said he would come with me. it was quite funny actually and we were both laughing. i told him if God wanted me to be married He would bring me a christian husband. he said he was a christian. then he asked if i wanted a canadian or a costa rican husband. i told him that wasn't important. then he asked me if i would marry a nica and i said yes if he was from God. a nica? his expression was like you gotta be kidding.

i went on to tell juan that it doesn't matter what nationality anyone is as we are all God's children and He loves each and everyone one of us the same.

for as much as i had thought God had a sense of humour, bringing me out of myself, i later thought He had been using me as i had told Him He would have to. so maybe i hadn't needed a ride but maybe juan needed to hear that we all are equal in the eyes of God.

answered prayers

every so often there is a story circulated about a guy that buys some milk and ends up going to a house and wondering why he's doing it. turns out the family has no money and the baby is hungry and needs milk.

yesterday while i was on the way to los chiles i decided to buy wiring for my family's house. the house is very old and the wiring is something else, to say the least it's pretty scary. there is no light in the living room and when i wanted to buy a fan for the living room, so they wouldn't burn raid mosquito coils under the chairs they were sitting on, i was told not to because the wiring was too bad.

i had no idea what to buy and asked the hardware store to phone the house and talk to the dad to find out what we needed. the price - the clerk wrote out the bill, i pulled out my money - it was exactly what i had.

i had just spent a lot of money going to panama for the weekend and even though it wasn't cheap it was just in my head to buy the wiring yesterday. for awhile now i had thought it might be something that next year's team could help with.

when i got home and showed it to mimi she showed me a box of receptacles patricio had bought last saturday, two days before i bought the wire. she said they had an unexpected deposit in their account and decided to buy the receptacles. she and later jose told me they had prayed about the wiring and asked God to provide what they could not afford.

i didn't know they had bought the receptacles and i didn't know before i left the house yesterday that i was going to buy the wiring. last night when patricio got home he told me he had been worried about the wiring causing a fire and he had wanted to replace it. they had gone to the bank to take out their last $15 and found they had a couple hundred. the walls in the boys bedrooms were literally rotted and falling off so they were able to put up new walls as well.

God works in mysterious ways and sometimes we just get thoughts and need to act on them.

bribes

had to bribe the border guards at panama. dany and i came on tica bus to see the costa rican national soccer team game vs panama. we had driven about half a km when the bus was stopped again by some official who said that dany's salvo conductor (temporary travel pass - he does not have a passport) had not been stamped by the customs at the border. he would have been sent back to costa rica so we had to pay $5.00 so he could stay on the bus. so right now he is in panama illegally.

please pray. not kidding.

dance

dany and jonny grad this year and they are putting on a dance on saturday to raise money for their class to go to the beach for 3 days. i love to dance and can dance all night. i told dany i wanted to go and he said it wasn't a christian dance. i said that didn't matter cuz i wouldn't understand the words anyway. he asked me not to dance if i go because christians don't dance. what? of course they do. 2 sam 6.14 rejoicing 'king david danced before the Lord with all of his might' he said he knew that but here they don't then here they should. i have seen them dancing in the church in santa cecilia. i asked xinia to go wtih me, if so i will go, otherwise no cuz it's a long walk home. other people in canada were shocked when i said i danced. like christians shouldn't dance? i don't understand at all why anyone would think we shouldn't.

but then i had second thoughts. i seem to be a drunk magnet so maybe it's not a good idea.

feeling pretty cocky

coming home tonight (8/17) i felt very cocky about know that God would take care of me. at one point i wondered about the difference between being cocky and arrogant. i had taken 5 different buses to get home in 11 hours. it POURED rain almost the entire way home. when i got off the bus at santa cecilia it was 7pm, dark, raining and i had a HEAVY backpack. coming home on the bus i had already told God there was no way i could walk home with my pack. it was so very heavy and the weight of it was hurting/bruising my back. i sat down and had an ice cream and wondered how God was going to provide a way home. there was a boy there at sta cecilia that i'd seen on the bus a lot and knew that he would be making his way home but how and when i didn't know. as i sat there eating my ice cream a car went by and i thought i should maybe start walking cuz God knew where i was. as i started walking i realized my pack wasn't near as heavy as it had been all day and it wasn't resting on the swollen area. i realized that although it was raining it was not the torrential downpour it had been most of the day. there were house lights and street lights every so often but even where there weren't and it was totally dark there was enough light for me to find my way. even without using my flashlight that i had in my pack. after walking about 1/3 of the way a truck came along and the boy i knew from the bus was in the back and he got the truck driver to stop for me. because there had been so much rain there was a lot of flooding on the road and right after the truck picked me up we drove through a river across the road. a short while later the guy pulled into his driveway and we got out and started walking. mykel and i walked for about another 1/3 of the way, him in his work boots and me in sandals slip sliding away walking through all the water and mud. another vehicle approached and i asked God if we could please have a ride. there was a big soccer game (cr vs mexico) starting in 5 minutes and i wanted to see it. i'm quite certain God wasn't too concerned about the game but we did get another ride. what i hadn't seen was an even bigger river across the road not even 20' ahead. and so i did make it home in time to see the game. i walked home alone in the dark, in the rain with a heavy pack for a couple of kms, walked a couple more kms with mykel and rode the rest of the way. i had rides when i needed them, a pack that was somehow lighter, enough light to see to walk in the dark and a lighter rainfall. you never have to worry if you trust in God because He will take care of you. He takes care of me all the time.

cr team 2006

don't know what the team can do. construction starts on a new church in december. they could use drums and a guitar. they need to get a rocking band to attract the youth. i walked home with a boy who didn't speak a word of english. he said he was a christian and that he likes guns and roses although he doesn't understand a word. the youth aren't coming to church. but i think more youth would come if the music wasn't so sedate.

sex

it's illegal to have sex with a child under 18 years of age. there are warning signs throughout the country. but you can marry a child at 15 - then it's ok. ???

pata caliente

friends and family say i am this. and if you know me you know this is true. it's hot feet or legs meaning i can't sit still and i'm always on the go. it sounds better to say that i'm spontaneous than to say i'm impulsive. i get an idea in my head and i just go or just do it. like leaving nicaragua, i missed the 7.00 bus and would have to wait 6 hours so i got on a bus going somewhere to get on another bus , then another. (5 in total) it wasn't a patience thing, i just couldn't just sit for that long doing nothing.

speechless with sorrow

from my utmost 8/18 - it's referring to luke 18.22 and 23. the rich young ruler. that in itself doesn't bother me. but for me everything points to luke 14.26 and 33. God did tell me it was only for one year. i will have lived here with this family for over a year. they have become my family and i love them. i love all the boys, they are like sons i never had. i know we aren't supposed to have favourites but dany is my baby, maybe because he speaks english.

God asks us to yield to Him - everything. not just our material possessions but our relationships, anything or anyone of importance. He wants us to give that to Him. He wants us to surrender everything, every possession, every relationship to Him. we are everything to Him. He wants to be everything to us. i know i will leave here but i know i will be speechless with sorrow when i do. i am just thinking about it. but never for long as He keeps another of His promises - to be close to the broken hearted and He saves me once again. Psalm 34.18.

i can't explain it but when i sold my house, quit my job and left my family to come here it wasn't hard at all. for as much as i love my family it was easy to leave. maybe because i knew i'd be back. it's one thing to have a family that you see a few hours a week or a month or a year. it's quite another to actually feel like a loved member of a very close famly that you live wtih every day. this is where i really feel God is testing me. to see if i really will put Him first. i will.

will you?

outside internet cafe

i-m back in costa rica at playa del coco today. the internet cafe is outside and it-s a tropical thunderstorm and i am getting wet. i-m surprised they keep this computer going. i hope i won-t get electrocuted while i-m sitting here. although it makes for a very beautiful internet spot. i am in a garden with a tin roof overhang about 3 ft on one side and 5 ft on the other 2 sides and 2 ft behind me where the rain is just pouring down. there is thunder and lightning, it-s really kinda cool and kinda romantic.

the screen, cpu and keyboard are getting wet so i better go cuz i don-t know how much longer i should sit here.

beisbol (baseball)

got to watch a beisbol game at the beach today. the tide was out so the local youth had a game. they were using a black ball and it was very hard to see it. as i was laying there watching the game the ball was hit and the fielder ran backwards, turned around and ran, literally, right over me. i couldn't see the ball and it all happened so fast i didn't have time to get up, only to roll away to the side to get out of the way. but obviously not in time. if he had been wearing running shoes he would have left a treadmark on my back upper thigh. no one had hit that far out before so i thought i was out of the way.

i will have to tan all day tomorrow just to cover up the black and blue i know i will have.

but even so it was a blast watching the game. i have become such a soccer fan i hadn't even thought about watching beisbol on tv. i found myself clapping or cheering when a good play was made.

soldiers

there are 2 fences at the border with maybe 6 feet between the countries with razor wire on top on the costa rica side. the nica side has soldiers with artillery. it's very different at this border crossing than the one near los chiles. i saw a soldier at the beach with a machine gun. it's hard to imagine the wars here between the sandinistas and contras.

i just can't imagine living in a war torn country. canadians are blessed to be living in peace.