november 23 - 15 years ago

i was living in hell on earth. after living with depression off and on for many years my marriage had dissolved. i was living on sleeping pills, tranquilizers, antidepressants, booze, coffee & cheese. the police came to arrest me under the mental health act because the shrink i was seeing thought i was a threat to myself. she was right. emotionally and mentally i had already died, i just needed to finish the job.

then God sent an angel to save me. my precious granddaughter was born on this date and she was the most beautiful baby i had ever seen. she has asked wasn't my own daughter the most beautiful. she was but i was so hurting and in such pain and great need when my granddaughter was born it was like she was an angel that God had sent to me. she took my focus off myself. my daughter was living in edmonton and i had gone there for my granddaughter's birth. when she came home for christmas my family told her not to leave, that my granddaughter was the only thing keeping me alive.

looking back i am amazed at how much God loves us and at what lengths He goes to to get our attention. He knew i was going to dissolve into a basket case and He provided a bright light in an otherwise pitch black darkness.

they had to go back to edmonton finally at which point i descended into the blackest hole of my life. that was hell on earth. i can't imagine the eternal hell being worse than that. i came to in hospital one day wondering where i was and how i'd got there. God just kept picking me out of these situations i was getting myself into.

it's amazing how faithful God is. when He knows you're gonna be His kid how He watches over you and keeps you safe even when you do the dumbest things. it still took me another 7 years to clue in and He was there watching over me all the time, even though i continued to do dumb things. i was and am and will always be blown away by how very much He loves me. and how awesome He is. and how faithful He is.

i can remember november 23 15 years ago as if i am living it right now. and yet i can't remember what i did yesterday. the weird thing is that i remember it so clearly when i was taking mind numbing drugs and now i don't take anything and can't remember anything. i guess that's a result of taking mind numbing drugs. they finally work.

anyway Father thank You for that precious gift you gave 15 years ago. she still is and will always be a very special angel.