giving - generously

i came here with the idea i'd spend a certain amount of money on certain things each month. i scratched that idea in the first month. it's something i have prayed a lot about and regularly. the more i pray about it the more i read in my bible to give generously. the more i ask God for wisdom the more i am led to scripture on generous giving. He has never shown me anything that says when to stop. even when i read the notes in my study bible it refers me to more passages on giving.

how much are you spending on christmas this year. instead of buying more expensive toys for your children that will be broken in a month how about helping to buy - build a well for a village in africa or... buy a goat or a pig or chickens for a hungry family or village in india or... or fruit trees or seeds or farming implements for any poor family in any poor village in any poor nation.

the poor here give to each other out of their poverty, and it's real. what are you giving out of yours. if you have food on the table and a roof over your head you have more financial 'wealth' than most people here. instead of buying those pretty new shoes you like to add to your collection buy shoes for someone who's never had a pair or a street person who's wearing shoes that are falling apart. instead of a new dress for the christmas party that you'll only wear once buy a pair of pants for a child whose never had a pair or a man whose pants are literally thread bare or a second dress for a woman so she can wash her first dress. instead of buying new linen to match your new paint job send it to almost any country in the world.

i've been told we should consider our own poor first. i don't care where you give - just give. God tells us over and over to give - generously and joyfully.

if giving is new to you try it - you'll love it. it really is more joyful to give than receive. you really are more blessed to give that receive.

instead of buying a new strand of lights this christmas give to your union gospel mission. you won't have a material thing that you might have for a few years. you will have fed 1 person 1 meal 1 time. but you will have treasure in heaven and if you die the next day your new strand of lights won't mean squat anyway.

don't tell me you can't afford it. don't tell me you're too young. instead of getting another body piercing - feed someone in your town. instead of getting another tattoo - buy chickens to feed a family.

north americans live to excess - the rest of the world lives day to day.

instead of indulging your children's every whim this christmas give to children who don't even know what christmas is.

christmas is... the birth of our Saviour who gave.

He gave unselfishly, sacrificially, everything. His all. He gave His all.

what are you willing to give. He's not asking for your life - but He will give you life... eternal.

He gave til it hurt... more than anything we could possibly imagine. and He is still giving, from heaven, beyond the grave. He is giving us a perfect love, more beautiful and amazing and wonderful than any earthly love, peace in all things, hope that we will have this love forever with Him, blessings more than we can count.

What are you willing to give.

total God thing

i have been sick in bed for the last few days and yesterday there was a spider about 2 inches across on the wall between the wall and my bug net. certainly any other time i would've flown out of bed, screamed and called for one of the boys to kill it. i thought i could smash it with my sandal but then i'd have it's guts all over my bug net. i tapped the wall hoping it would move, nope. i used a pen to nudge it away hoping it would move. yup it moved, right onto my bug net. i realized what was happening, that i had total (well almost) peace about this big spider one foot away from me so i laid back down and prayed and thanked God. that was a definite first for me. it's almost unbelievable for me. i wouldn't have believed it possible a week ago. but then i believe in an unseen God that loves me very much and answers prayers.

i know i have a long way to go but thank you all so very much for your prayers.

never give up. maybe we don't pray for miracles but don't doubt that they happen. never stop believing. just tell God what you need (He knows already but He wants to hear from you). He wants to bless you. He may not give you what you want but He will always give you what you need.

believe me - me laying one foot away from a spider for me is a miracle.

the honeymoon's over

at times i have felt like cinderella, work, work, work. except there's no prince charming in this story. my joy at having a family to take care of has at times made me feel that i was being taken advantage of. now that summer vacation is here it's next to impossible to find time alone or peace and quiet in a house with 6 boys. their older sisters have been here for christmas so it's been pretty busy and noisy around the house. having lived alone for 13 years it's been hard to get used to. patri and eilyn are both older and patri did all the kitchen duties and eilyn did all the laundry chores and with 11 people in the house there are a lot of both. what had made me feel like i was just a servant is in fact the culture here. girls do everything and boys do very little, almost nothing. i don't know how much we are to learn from or teach another culture but in my house we always shared chores. as well the bible tells us that if we want to eat we have to work. i tell ya - the girls really like this scripture. i'm not so sure about the boys but jonny got up after dinner 2 nights ago and did all the dishes. chico works hard labourering, almost all day every day, dany teaches math 2 or 3 times a night when school is in. the rest of the time life is really pretty easy.

i had decided i needed to have my own place. i wouldn't have to cook and clean for 9 people and feel like a servant and i would have peace and quiet to spend more time with God. my soul was in turmoil - wanting more of God but finding no peace. i have struggled with moving out and living on my own and have found a house to rent. but after the joy of christmas eve and realizing that it's a cultural thing to have all the women do all the work i wasn't sure that that was the right thing to do either. for as much as i need more time to spend with God i really didn't want to leave 'my family'.

as everything i prayed about it and as usual i was led to read something that would give me the answer. it was basically that solitude was selfish. solitude without service is selfish.

for now i am content to stay where i am. making dinner last night i once again felt like i was taking care of my family.

january things will change. patricio will be back at work and jose will start university again.

and as i consider scripture and telling the boys what it says i am reminded that Jesus came to be a servant.

Christmas

christmas day was a day like any other except that the store was closed and the boys had a soccer game. it was more of a special day on christmas eve. we had a fiesta for the children in church and had a piñata with juice and cake and games and church afterwards. the new pastor is awesome with kids and he invited any and all of the children to invited Jesus into their hearts and lives and about 15 little ones did. it was so awesome. it was a lot of fun. i heard that they only eat tamales for christmas and i had discovered that i really didn't like them so i bought a bag of chocolates (what can i say it was a first but they were so good it won't be the last) to stash to eat for when everyone was eating tamales. there were several treats bought that day, ice cream, popcorn, and i thought maybe we would all be pigging out on junkfood and i would share my treats when we did. it was getting late and nothing was happening in the kitchen so i went out to see. everyone had been eating their individual treats themselves and there was no dinner. i ended up making dinner for everyone at 8.30. later on they gave me a christmas present and i gave them theirs. well. there is no more difference in the wide eyed excitement of little boys than there is in big boys. i wasn't sure how it would go over but i was thrilled at the enthusiasm over the dart board. it wasn't even $6.00 but for them it was unbelievable. we were killing ourselves laughing for hours. and those that weren't playing darts were playing uno and we've been playing both ever since. at 11.30 the stereo was put at the front door and the music was cranked and we danced and laughed. at midnight everyone went to bed.

for people that are not used to getting a present at christmas it was pretty cool. muscle shirts for all the boys was a huge hit. $60 total - the cheapest christmas i've ever had and yet very joyful. no one wondering if there was more, if that was all there was. it was pretty cool. one i'll never forget.

i hope you all had a joyful christmas and wish you all a happy new year.

feliz navidad y prospero año nuevo

o en ingles merry christmas and happy new year.

pick your poison

burning plastic, ant poison, gasoline, mosquito coils and the latest - mothballs. mimi said they were good for killing cockroaches and asked if i wanted to buy some. not! i can't stand the smell of them. she bought 4 pkgs. just the smell of them in the hockey bag was enough to make my heart race and me nauseous. i bought a couple of things and just having them on my bed, just from them being in the hockey bag, was too much. i had to take them out of my room. i don't know what the precautions are for any of the others but the mosquito coils say to avoid prolonged inhalation. is 5 months prolonged? and i don't think you're supposed to spray ant poison on the living room floor right at your feet while everyone is sitting there. or spray the couch with gasoline and ant poison while everyone is there. omg. i guess they are all used to the poison and the horrible smells but sometimes i have to leave i can't breathe. i have tried telling them they are poisonous and that it's bad for us but it doesn't register. i guess cuz they have always done it and nobody's dead from it yet. ???

totally amazed

for as much as the yard was flooded yesterday there was no water when i woke up today. yesterday the road was almost impassable, today there was no water. there are a lot of fields inundated with water but the river is once again confined to its banks. i could hardly believe it. i didn't think the bus would come this am because i didn't think it would be able to get through. there was no water. there is a subterranean water-lake system (or something) in this part of the country. i guess that's where it all goes. which is good because last year the tico times (ticotimes.net) (costa rica on-line newspaper) reported that underground fires had been intentionally set by someone trying to destroy the eco system here. they said the water levels had dropped drastically. i guess they're getting restored this year. they haven't had this much rain in 5 years.

if i hadn't seen it with my own eyes i wouldn't have believed it.

garden of eden

i can't imagine that it would be more beautiful than where i am. i would have loved growing up here (i think) not having all the modern conveniences life is so simple, 11 hour school days, from getting up at 5, home at 4, dinner, soccer, dinner again, tv for a couple of hours and bed. would growing up on a rural farm in canada have been any different, except of course for the climate and scenery. the plaza (soccer field) where the boys played on sunday was surrounded by palm trees and vivid beautiful flowers, and horses, bicycles and a couple of vehicles lined the street. absolutely gorgeous.

first aid

talking about God with danny last night and how God is our first love. danny said God is our first aid. He's our first love and He's always there to help us when we're hurting - aid. although jose speaks pretty good ingles and danny's is pretty good we still lose a lot in some translations but i thought that one was pretty good.

barefoot

i couldn't believe the number of people playing barefoot at sundays game. someone accidentally stepped on my bare foot with their tacos and it hurt. boys of every age, little kids to young men playing barefoot. got the pastor out playing soccer with us in the front yard. we don't really play a game, we just kick the ball around. it's fun and great exercise.

discipline

apparently i need it or so i've been told. i was raised to respect my elders and ladies first and to give up my seat on the bus to old people, pregnant women and women with babies.

one time patricio said the pastor wanted cafe. i was tired and said 'he knows where it is' meffi and eitel cracked up. although they couldn't have known what i said they must have recognized the tone. sunday when the boys and i got home from the game we were hungry, thirsty and tired. i made coffee and marta, a family friend, said she would have cafe with the pastor. i told her that the cafe wasn't for the pastor - it was for the boys and me. that didn't go over well at all i guess cuz she said i needed discipline. if he had just walked 7 kms he would've got a cafe but he hadn't so he didn't. need took priority over position.

pastors are revered here by almost everybody but me. i really like him, i respect him but he is just a man. i respect that he is my spiritual leader, sort of (at least he would be if i could understand him).

water

for as much as there is a tremendous amount of water outside there is no water inside. not surprisingly, the water line from the tower must be broken, probably washed away where the road was. apparently we will be without water for 2 or 3 days, hopefully not cr time or it could be a week. thank goodness for baby wipes. all in all it's been a very different day today.

power

and of course we lost power but surprisingly for only most of the day not all of it. it came back on in time to watch csi.

rain on a tin roof

is very loud and if you can imagine how much rain we've had in just 24 hours it was almost deafening. add to that thunder right over the house. this little wood house was just a shaking. it was kinda funny cuz at the time i was singing that song with words ''show your power oh Lord my God'' wow. what a show of power it was.

flood - omg

there was so much rain last night the fields around the house became lakes, the street became a river up to my knees and the river became a rushing torrent of water across the road. i walked to the store about 25m away and i was laughing. i had never been in a flood before and the kids were playing in the river (street) having a blast. i was only in the store for about 5 minutes and by the time i returned home the water had risen another couple of feet. i wasn't laughing any more. i didn't panic but asked jose about people living in low lying areas that may need help. his lack of concern bothered me but he said no problem, that people build houses on high areas. as i walked around town to see what, if anything, was flooding, i saw the house at the end of the street where our church is was going to get flooded if the rain kept up. then i went to the road heading out of town. it was impassable and the water was up to the back door of the house at the end of town. i watched as a man rode his horse (the water was up to the horse's chest) through the river that yesterday had been the street. the current was quite strong and when the horse went sideways in the currnet he hit it to spur it on. school kids came to play in it but i told them it was dangerous and to get out. i walked home past the church and the water had risen to within a foot of their house. when i got home the bench under the street was under water. i could hardly believe it. mimi was scared. the water came another 4 feet closer to the house than it was 5 years ago. she said they had called the police to come and shoot the crocodile as it was dragging a rooster away. when i first walked to the store i saw a snake being washed over the road - river and thought how sushi would be freaking. then i saw all the spiders that were being washed over the road and i freaked. jose and meffi were walking through thigh deep water down by the bench and he said there was a tarantula on the tree. he said it was huge and that we would have a lot of spiders now because they would be washed up here from the river. OMG i need prayer. he said it was the snakes you had to be very careful of because they are very poisonous. yeah well i don't plan on getting too close to them either.

alligators

i didn't think we were that close to the river but danny said when there is so much rain, and we've had lots lately, that the river rises closer to the house and alligators have got the chickens before. hm?

coconuts

fall right on the path where we walk from the house to the road. i brought one in the house thinking we'd have fresh coconut. nope. when they fall from the tree they're no good. today's game was about 7 kms away. 6 of us walked home together and on the way eitel picked a bunch of green coconuts. the boys started throwing them on the ground to crack them open to get the juice inside. mm it was so good. when green the juice is good but the inside isn't ripe yet.

door to door shopping

almost anything can be purchased from a travelling salesperson going door to door. fruits and vegetables, jewelry (the team really likes this one) beds, cheese, furniture, candy, bread, misc stuff. today's salesman had sox, razors, fanny packs, moth balls, underwear, sandals, cd's, belts, all kinds of misc. stuff. all packed inside a very large hockey bag size duffel. walking around the countryside in the hot sun carrying a heavy duffel hoping to make a buck. i wonder now many kms he puts on in a day.

i wrecked the refri

did you know that when you use a hammer and knife to defrost a fridge chances are you'll puncture the freon. apparently i'm not the only one to have done so. they really did need a new fridge, i just hastened things a little. mimi's brother had an old, really old, one that he was getting rid of that we are using for now.

airstrip in amparo

an american has bought a finca (farm) behind the cemetery and is building an airstrip. suspicious thoughts cross my mind about a drug smuggling operation. maybe i worked at the cop shop too long. mimi said he didn't buy the finca to farm it, just to build a house. i wonder why anyone rich enough to build their own airstrip would want to live in amparo. escape a hectic rat race or something illegal. i am reminded of movies or newscasts of drug smugglers in the remote jungles of central and south american countries. san carlos is the closest place for decent shopping and it's 3 hours away. this is a quiet, peaceful, beautiful little pueblo and i would really hate to see anyone cause any problems here.

marriage

people i have met either want to marry me off or feed me. i met a lady lawyer on the bus last week and she wants to find me a husband. i don't know why everyone thinks i have to be married. i could never marry a man that loved me more than he loved God.

i had lunch today with mimi's sister-in-law in los chiles. she put several dishes of food in front of me. everyone seems to think i need to eat more.

my cooking

ok for those of you that know me don't laugh but the pastor not only asked for more of my bread but he took my recipe for his wife. i haven't made popcorn once since i've been here and i haven't missed it or chocolate once. they've asked if they were canadian recipes but they have all been costa rican foods and they love them. go figure. who would've thought.

mosquitoes

two nights ago the boys lit mosquito coils and put them in the spaces in the floor boards in the living room. the smell was awful. last night the mosquitoes were so bad i was getting eaten alive while making dinner so when eitel started lighting the coils i asked for 1 in the kitchen. i wasn't sure which was worse, inhaling the poison or getting eaten alive. it's gone from almost no mosquitoes to swarms of them.

Father

i need to express my love to you. it's more than just saying i love You so much. how can i show You? what can i do for You? what can i do for You that would give You as much joy as You give me. it's not enough to just say words, even though they are from my heart. i need to do. please tell me what, tell me how.

please pray for me

they're getting bigger. a spider by the shower was about 3 inches across, the spider in the shower was curled up but it was big too. tonight jose called danny into their bedroom to show him something but told me not to come. that's a sure sign it's a big spider. he got the broom to kill it but came out saying it was gone - it had gone into the next bedroom, the other boys room. i told him if it could go from one bedroom to another it could come into mine - he went and killed it.

i wish i could tuck my net in under the mattress but i have an actual mattess and it overhangs the bed by about a foot and has several holes in it anyway. i was looking for a new net in san carlos but couldn't find one.

it's the same here as it is at home. the spiders disappear for the winter and come out in the summer. summer's coming and so are the really big spiders. and for those of you that don't know - they are fist sized. and for me it's more than fear - it's terror.

bus driver

i'm sure it was a God thing. the driver on the next bus i had to take was the same driver and i had danny with me. he was able to tell the driver that i had made a mistake and apologize and pay him the $1. he was quite happy and said no problem, he figured cuz i didn't speak spanish i had just misunderstood..

station x

jose has cancelled it - it's kinda hard to have music for the youth without a keyboard. it's too bad too cuz there were 50 kids at the last station x a couple of weeks ago. the number of kids had increased each week and as a result of station x a couple of kids had given their lives to Christ.

keyboard

the keyboard at church finally died and is apparently beyond repair so we haven't had music in church. jose plays acoustic guitar but it's not the same as having all the sounds of other instruments on the keyboard or as loud. anyone can get up in church and sing here but most people are like me. they make a joyful noise but not a beautiful noise and although it may be pleasing to God it can be really hard to listen to. as well as providing the music the keyboard helped cover up the noise.

chico

is such a hard worker. he does all the labour intensive work around here. he's planted a few rows of beans and other things out the back and pineapples in the front. he's gone before 5 am and doesn't return sometimes til late at night. or if it's a school day he returns for lunch then gets ready to go to school. he works on the farms picking or planting fruit and or vegetables fridays and saturdays. he goes to school at night by himself because he hasn't had previous education and would be so far behind the other kids. this family has taken him in but they don't have the means to pay for his education so this 16 year old boy walks 10 km to school every day at 3, works in the fields to put himself through school. he told me he dreamt that he was a pastor and was preaching in church. he plays sweet music on the keyboard but it doesn't work anymore.

shortchanged

yesterday i got on the bus, said my destination and paid my fare. santa rosa is a transfer station and after that you have to have a ticket or pay more money. i know the fares now and had noticed that some people got tickets and some didn't. i didn't but figured i didn't need 1. a short distance later i noticed the driver looking at me then his helper asked me for a ticket. i tried to tell him the driver hadn't given me one. he didn't speak any ingles and i couldn't explain myself but God to the rescue there was a girl beside me who spoke enough ingles to translate. the driver said i had paid 480 only to santa rosa. i said no i had paid 880 to go to san carlos. we both said we were sure of the amount paid, confirmed where i got on and where i was going. the driver decided to let it go and we continued on. needless to say when i got money out for the bus in san carlos and discovered i had made a mistake i felt awful. the worst part was that i wear a cross and it bothered me no end that anyone would think that anyone that would wear a cross that would signify their love for Christ would rip them off. i know i will see him again. then i will be able to pay him the 400 colones (just over $1) and if he did think i was a christian that ripped hiim off then he would understand that the significance of the cross does mean something. it may just be a $1 but the sin of the least is equal to the greater sin and He died for each one.

prayer

is not a formal thing that you wait to do just in church on sunday. it's like a man and woman when they fall in love, it's spending tender moments and hours with someone you love. it's sweet, and nauseating to some, when you call each other many times throughout the day just to say how much you love them. that's how prayer should be.

believe

the reason i say my daughter is not a christian, yet, is because God has His hooks in her. she just doesn't know it yet. depending on the prayer how long God will take to answer it. when it's a cry for help - it's immediate - He's right there, right now. when it's a prayer for something that's according to His will and He says in 1 tim 2.3 and 4 that He 'wants all men to be saved' believe and keep praying and believe. it won't be immediate but how much more would we love God for saving us from hell on earth than if our life had been a bed of roses. mark 11.24... whatever you ask for in prayer believe that you have received it and it will be yours. although it's not a one time thing, otherwise God will think you are lukewarm and don't really mean it. it's like loving Him, if you don't tell Him and show Him that you love Him He'll think you don't really mean it.

then i think of all the people i know who have been divorced. how many of us have prayed and begged for a second chance, for reconciliation. how hard is it to believe when God doesn't answer prayer the way we want. as i write i am reminded of rom 8.28 'and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose' and this i do believe.

you don't know me

my daughter is not a christian, yet. last week she said that she knew me. she suggested maybe i should come home. she does know i have a humungous fear of spiders and suggested this might not be the best place to try and face my fears. this actually is the best place to face my fear. i am closer to God than i have ever been and i am closer to the biggest spiders i have ever seen in my life. if not with God where else could i face my fears.

i told her she doesn't know me any more. we haven't seen each other much over the past few years. i have only been a christian for 5 years (it's never too late to turn around a wasted life) and my biological family doesn't understand my love for God and my need to follow Him. i told her the people that know me now are my family in Christ. mat 12.45-50.

first love

my brother-in-law ed has been diagnosed with cancer. my sister became a christian about 30 years ago. this morning as i was praying for them i was praying that they would remember their first love and the words i said were but not at the sacrifice of a life. WHOA! stopped dead in my tracks. if not for the sacrifice of a life would we even have a first love. rev 3.16 ''so because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - i am about to spit you out of my mouth.' because she doesn't understand my need to follow Christ i wonder if she has forgotten her first love and has let that love grow cold. for as much as i pray for healing for ed, and i ask that you would pray for him as well, i pray that they would remember their first love.

summer vacation

starts dec 16. the boys say we will go swimming in the river. they jump out of trees and off the bank into the river and it's where one boy jumped out of the tree 2 years ago and split his head open when he hit a chunk of concrete in the river. it was very scary. we will be walking there, i think someone said it was about 3 1-2 kms or so. i will be praying all the way.

saprissa try-outs

are dec 15 and 16 and jonny and danny have been accepted. they are a couple of very happy, excited boys. i am going to san jose with the boys so i will miss the first day of the vision mundial program for the women. i'm disappointed about that but excited for the boys. this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for them and the vm program should be continuous so if God wants me to be involved in that area i'm sure He will work everything out. the boys last day of school is dec 15 so they will miss that too. although cr is a very tiny country it takes half a day or longer to get to san jose so we will have to leave the day before.

a new baby

pastor jose's wife had a baby girl on nov 23rd. mimi thinks she's about 3 kgs. everyone is well and very happy.

wear a smile

i didn't sleep well last night and although i wasn't really cranky i knew that i didn't wear a smile. it had been raining a lot and i wanted to go to los chiles to email shelby (it was her 13th birthday on the 23rd) to wish her a happy birthday but because of the heavy rains i knew the roads would be so muddy and slippery. maybe i was just feeling housebound. whatever. i knew that i wasn't wearing a face that would reveal the love and joy of Christ. i love walking to the highway cuz i talk to God almost the whole way. the first thing i told Him was that i didn't want to present a scowling face to everyone i see on my way. it was not a face of someone wanting to show the love of Christ. i never time His response to my prayers but i know it was pretty quick. just talking to Him gives me joy and a smile. so i was able to smile and wave at everyone on my walk. good thing too cuz when i walked by the house of the lady that helped me the other day everyone in the house leaned towards the door to wave and say adios. tonight walking home i waved and said see you later and the elderly lady waved and said see you later. i cracked up when i realized i had said see you later instead of adios. so i said adios and she cracked up and said adios. i left her laughing and wondering. if nothing else i'm a friendly hello to someone who otherwise might be lonely or ignored. i've noticed that not everyone says hi to everyone, like only to people they know. i don't know anyone and i say hi to everyone so i need to be smiling. i enjoy their waves and by their smiles i'm guessing they enjoy mine. at first they may have just thought i was a loca gringa, now they're probably convinced i am.

garbage

is one thing that drives me crazy here but its a cultural thing so i have to deal with it. there is no garbage pickup in the rural areas which is most of the country and everywhere i've been i see people droppig their garbage wherever they stand. all garbage is burned here, batteries, plastic, everything, and if you don't throw your garbage on the ground it means you have to take responsibility for disposing of it. and no one wants that or does that. if you leave it it will blow into someone else's yard (just like the leaves at home). the poorer families with dirt floors literally drop everything where they stand. i go to josefa's house and there may be orange peels all over the floor, as well as everything else. then they just sweep the dirt off dirt floor to a pile outside and burn it. the boys here don't throw everything on the floor but it annoys - surprises me when they leave everything on the floor when they place such high importance on personal cleanliness. the teachers are trying to change things at the school with signs all over the place.

missions - here i am - now what

reading ''decision making...'' about mission and the requirements for missionaries. well except for being available i shouldn't be here. according to what mission agencies want. i don't have a college degree, i don't have any training, i don't have any formal bible training, i don't know how to evangelize, i don't know how to witness, i don't have any experience in ministry, i don't know the language and i don't have any specialized skills.

when i read this i wondered what i'm doing here. i spend most of my reading time reading the bible instead of learning the language. am i qualified to be a 'missionary' - not at all. i used to spend hours on the internet looking for a mission agency that i could work with. they all wanted doctors, nurses, administrators, etc. i looked into taking a TESL course. you have to have a degree or be enrolled in a teaching position to be eligible to take it. i wanted to go but i couldn't find any ads looking for 'helpers' (my gift) i was reminded i could always pick up garbage. i was secretary to the police chief for a lot of years. some might think it a position of importance but last easter i got more joy picking up garbage after we served lunch at the gospel mission. i'm not 'qualified' to be here as a 'missionary' except that i love God more than anyone or anything else and i want others to love Him as much as i do. i haven't the slightest idea how to accomplish that. obviously no mission agency can use someone as unqualified as me.

maybe they can't use you either but God can if you will let him.

moths are drawn to the light

as people are drawn to people whose lives are lit by the light of Christ. i thought of this this am as jose was calling tica. he had an angry tone, the more he called the harsher his tone. the more she stayed hidden. i thought how you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar. i thought of the beauty you can see in the light that you can't see in the dark. people, nature, paintings, etc. don't hide your light. let the beauty of Christ be seen in your life. let your light shine before men that they too may know the joy of loving God.

walking by faith

blind people walk by faith. they trust in things they cannot see. why is it so hard for christians.

think of all the sins - commandments we wouldn't break if we walked by faith instead of by sight. lust, envy, greed, adultery, we wouldn't steal, we wouldn't covet.

why is it so hard to trust God when He has shown us how much He loves us.

and it rained for 40 days and 40 nights

or so it seems - just like home except here you really hear it. people will point to the sky and say agua (water), you hear a roar and then you see a wall of water advancing toward you. everyone runs for cover but it's usually so hot that a cool shower might feel good except that if you don't have an umbrella you are totally soaked and look like a drowned rat in 2 seconds. the boys played in it today - 3 games - the field is totally wrecked, now it's just a mud hole.

if the music isn't too loud you hear the roar and then you run to take all the clothes off the line.

i really don't know where all the water goes, we've had so much there should be floods but there aren't.

gallina

is one of the boys friends (he's 17 years old) that spends weekends with us. the first time he was here the boys didn't come to church. jonny said because gallina wasn't a christian. the pastor also stays here most church nights. one night he was talking to gallina about God. the next day i asked gallina if he liked what the pastor said and he said yes. tonight i asked him to go to church with me. he didn't know what to say so danny said it for him - are you crazy - there's a soccer game on. so i asked him to go with me next saturday. he said yes. cool! i have made his breakfast and dinner several times, he likes my coffee and i stand on the sidelines to give the boys drinks of water when they are playing soccer in the hot sun. and people say i'm always smiling. i think he's ready for more.

where is God when i need Him

everywhere, right beside me, every time i call. He's just waiting for me to call on Him, like He knows exactly what i need before i ask and He's just waiting for me to ask. He really wants to give you what you need but He really wants you to ask Him. He may not give you what you want but He'll always give you what you need. and He may not give you what you need exactly as you think you need it but He will come through, with what you need, when you need it. one day last week i was really desperate and cried out to God for help. He didn't help me the way i expected, He did one better. as He blessed me i was able to bless someone else and we both gave Him thanks and praise.

as i walk along the road to the highway i always wave at people and say adios - in spanish it means a Dios - to God. that morning i smiled at a lady and we both said adios. as i walked home later that day and needed help it was to her door that God took me. He blew me away again.

earthquake

in case you heard there was one here it wasn't near where we are. it was at a beach community called parrito, near quepos, near jaco. 6.1 on the richter scale. over 500 homes damaged. marcos phoned us in the middle of the night cuz their house was shaking in san jose.

racism

is such an ugly word. last nite we watched bad boys ll. when the movie started jose asked me if liked black people. it sounded so strange. i had been here several weeks when i saw a man that was so dark brown he was almost black. it was then that i realized these were ''coloured'' people.

a few friendships have developed since we've been coming here and someone mentioned one day having beautiful brown babies.

it hadn't occurred to me that we were 'different'. i see the warmth in their eyes and their beautiful smiles.

i can't imagine having such an ugly heart as to see any one here or anywhere hate someone for the colour of their skin.

and yet it happens. even here. costa ricans don't like nicaraguans. why? they are the same colour, they speak the same language. they are poor.

as it turned out jose didn't ask if i liked black people. he asked if i would like a black man. it doesn't matter the colour of a person's skin. it's the colour of their heart. and as i say a white heart i mean because i think of white as pure. and as i say that that sounds like a racist remark.

i think of Jesus at the transfiguration when his clothes became white...

we are all the same

there is an old woman sitting on the ground on a main street of san jose begging for money. people pass her by.

there is a prostitute dying of aids, wearing a sign around her neck, having her dog do tricks at the bus station in san jose and asking for money. people shun her.

there is an old, shabbily dressed man at the soccer game last sunday. watching as all the players and fans line up to buy a plate of fried chicken, rice and yucca. his shirt was open and you could see his ribs. people ignore him.

we are all the same in the eyes of God. help me, feed me Jesus says. give to whoever asks He says.

would you? would you feed Jesus if He looked like an old, shabbily dressed man? would you give to a prostitute dying of aids or an old woman sitting on the ground? or would you pass them by?

or would you buy a lottery ticket?

vision mundial (world vision)

yesterday i went to vm again and took jose with me as a translator. it's been on my heart to do something and although i have no idea what i have been thinking about the women's programs. i have seen them at work when i was here in february and thought maybe i could help in los chiles. also depending what the programs were it would be something i could share with the women in amparo. i know i can't speak the language but i think i can communicate enough to tell them how much God loves them and what an awesome new life they can have in Christ. is this why i'm here? if jill and cheryl touched my heart in mission can i in turn touch someone else's heart. can i show them Christ's love and help them to understand they don't have to live the same way and how they can change their life. Father if this is according to Your will (and i'm feeling that it is) i know You will unconfuse the language for me and Your Spirit will use me to speak Your truth to the women's group.

besides the fact that this is on my heart, i never get up and out the door this early to get the bus as i did today. other than vm is in their office on fridays and i had arranged to meet with them yesterday, you never see them. because i left the house so early today i didn't even have coffee or anything to eat (that's not like me) so i decided to have coffee at the bus station when i arrived. who should appear but the same vm guy i (jose) talked to yesterday. in my limited spanish i asked him when the women's group got together and he told me. i was so happy. more ''coincidences'' - no such thing.

whatever it is these women need to hear - obviously about Jesus, maybe i've had similar experiences that i can relate and show how God has changed my life and He can change theirs.

the answers are in the bible

i have read the bible from beginning to end a couple of times, the nt a lot of times. what i have found since i've been here is that every time i'm feeling down, struggling with some issue or just have a crappy day (thankfully not too often) i talk to God about it (that's the key) He always leads me to the scripture that i've read many times before and either i didn't understand it at the time or it wasn't relevant at the time but it gives me the answer i need at the time i need it.

He is so amazing and just loves us so much.

another act of selflessness - love

it was pouring rain at the soccer field last sunday. danny put his uniform on and is shivering from the cold so i gave him my sweatshirt from my backpack. a few minutes later he asks jonny if he's cold and when he says he is danny takes off the sweatshirt to give to his older brother, he is still shivering but jonny is warmer. reminds me of the time we had ice cream. someone had left 2 spoonfuls in the container. there wasn't much point in having 2 spoonfuls. i had 1 and danny asked if he could have the other. when i said yes he took it to his mother and gave it to her. he keeps the music really low when others are sleeping. he's so considerate of others.

he tells me to go into my bedroom. i see that he has washed and waxed the floor for me.

God's presence

it was a full house here on saturday and very noisy so i went to the church for some quiet time alone. later jose asked me if i felt God's present there and i told him i feel Him whenever-wherever we're alone together. jose said that he knew God was everywhere but felt His presence especially in the church. i talked with God and worshiped Him for 4 hours. it was very emotionally draining. then i went home for dinner and back to church for another 2 hours. maybe because i don't understnad the language or the culture church here doesn't have the same effect on me as it does on them. i'm an emotional person but they really get emotional. i am not as moved by church here as i am at home. i would have to be dead (or in costa rica) to miss nh. and i do miss nh. as far as talking to God. He's not some unapproachable, high and mighty (well He is that) King sitting on His throne (well He is that too) that we have to make an appointment with to get an audience. and this may be the hard part for some who were abused by their fathers but He's our Dad who wants to talk with us. He wants us to talk to Him about our joys and our sorrows. just anything and everything. just talk to Him - cuz He's always there, He's always listening. when you need to talk to someone He's always available and believe me i talk to Him a lot. he's the only one that understands completely how i feel and what i need. if someone or something is bugging me here who am i gonna talk to. mimi doesnt' speak english and the boys speak a different language entirely. when i get frustrated with someone i know i have to take every thought captive to God cuz the enemy would love to cause division and i don't want to let him get his foot in the door. when i need an answer He directs me to where i will find it or just puts it on my heart.

God blows me away

for as much as i thought i would like to go with pastor and jose to guatemala i didn't like the idea of travelling for 3 days on a bus with a 1 year old in what i imagined at least 35 degree weather. i can't imagine a child who's just discovered they can move around on 2 feet having to sit still for 3 days.

then pastor says they will go in june instead. a 6 month old will sleep through most of the 3 days.

this is so typical of what God has been doing in my life.

2 years ago when susy came here for 8 months i thought what an awesome opportunity. i never thought it would be possible for me until this year when i came home. i could see God's hand in it as different things happened. it was almost freaky the last two weeks of july and then daily the last week of july as i thought things - they would happen. i even told God He was freaking me out (several times) the way He was making things happen.

maybe this is nothing but i was kinda thinking i wasn't going to go to guatemala. the fact that it's in june now i think i will go. so is this ''coincidence'' that the date is changed.

pastor asked if i was thinking about it. if nothing else it would be a trip through central america. whether or not there is an opportunity to serve God, to see a new mission field, i don't know. i know if God wants me to go He will pave the way for me.

beauty - her name is marjini

she is the most incredibly beautiful child i have ever seen. after my own daughter and grandchildren of course. she is a 4 year old nicaraguan. scott and nathan fell in love with her 2 years ago, she and jordanna fell in love this year. she has a doll named jordanna and the first thing she asked me when she saw me was if jordanna was with me. she is being raised by her single mom and grandfather in los chiles. they will have to keep a very close eye on her to keep her safe as she grows more beautiful.

soccer

they live for it here. last sunday going to a soccer game danny was showing me points of interest - they were all soccer fields that he likes.

2 busloads of people went to the game last sunday. they should have separated the adults - little kids from the team on the way home. danny scored 3 goals, jonny scored 3 goals, both teams won their games. needless to say it was a very loud ride home. the boys were so wired they were singing and dancing. my face hurt from laughing and smiling so much.

He's always there when i need Him

last week when i walked home in the monsoon mimi phoned the principal to come and get me in his truck. when i got home she said she had been worried about me cuz the week before the principal had been stopped on the road and held up at gunpoint by 3 masked men about 2 kms away from home.

i told her about a story i'd heard about a woman walking home alone and how she felt she was being followed. (for those of you that know the story please forgive me if i have the details wrong) she prayed asking God for protection. later that night when the police questioned her to see if she could identify the suspect, who it turned out had raped another woman walking alone, she asked why the man had not attacked her. the police said the suspect saw that she had 2 large men walking with her so he left her alone.

i was reminded of that last night as i was walking home alone again. two men flew past me riding what i thought were very nice, new bicycles. as i continued walking i noticed they had stopped further up the road and were watching me. i thought of the principal and the story of the woman walking alone. i asked God for His protection. i wasn't afraid because i knew God was with me. i wondered if the men saw something i didn't because they turned and rode off.

who knows.

i just know that i am loving all the time i am spending with God. for all the people that thought i was crazy to come here i pray that they would get to know God in the same way, that they would rejoice in the same intimate, loving relationship.

i trust in Him, in His love to give me what i need, when i need it. when i'm walking home and i'm tired He provides a ride. when the sun is blaring He provides cloud cover. He is there in every simple thing of life that we may not even think of.

how do we...

share God's love with people when we can't speak the language. danny and jose have asked me in the past why i am always smiling and i have said because God lives in my heart. what is our mission field when you can't speak to people and don't do anything?

for as much as i said it would be an amazing opportunity to travel through central america i wonder how God could use me. i'm not doing very well learning the language, it seems everyone wants to practice their english with me. if i can't communicate with people how can i tell them about God. it's been said that they would see God's love in me but if they don't know God how is that possible.

guatemala

pastor jose was on the bus when i got on this morning. he doesn't speak english but we managed. his wife is due to have her baby very soon and he said that he is going to go to guatemala in december 2005 to show his father his new baby. he had already asked jose to come with him. he said it's a 3 day bus ride through nicaragua, honduras and el salvador to get there.

today he asked me to come with them. wow! what a wonderful opportunity that would be. God did tell me i was only in costa rica for one year. i don't have a job or house to go back to. i have felt that i won't be returning to costa rica on a missions trip. maybe never i don't know, maybe just for family visits. maybe costa rica has run it's course, and maybe it's time to head into a new field.

maybe God is opening another door for me in guatemala. like i have said it will all unfold according to God's will and time.

as i contemplated the idea of a new mission field i was saddened as i thought of another dream not being realized. my joy returned though as i thought of the plans He knows He has for me.

the widow's offering luke 21.4

i am reminded of this walking home tonight. danny ended up in los chiles today and as we were walking home tonight we met 3 girls he goes to school with. as we said goodbye to them danny gave his money to cindy, a petite, 16 year old girl he calls his baby. for all his 17 years he said he feels like her father, her protector, she lives with her mother and brother as her father is in jail for trying to rape her. danny gets 300 colones (less than $1) a day for lunch. he said if cindy doesn't have a lunch he will give her his or he will give her 250 colones and keep 50 colones for himself to buy candy. they leave the house at 6 am and don't return til 4 pm. no wonder he's always so hungry when he comes home from school.

some nights he goes to bed at 7.30 cuz he's so dead tired. other nights while his brothers are playing soccer, he teaches math so he can earn a few colones. he uses it to buy his brothers school books, he gives it to his father when he has no money for food and he gives it to cindy. he has nothing himself but what he gets he gives to others who have less.

it makes me ashamed that i count pennies.

he's said that if people would pay him to play soccer he would build a new church, then buy musical instruments for the church, then buy a new keyboard for jose, then a new house for his mother. never has he mentioned anything that he would spend on himself.

some of us don't give out of our 'wealth'. how many would give out of their poverty.

soccer teams

we help to support a couple of boys soccer teams in amparo. danny and jose play in div. a and jonny and meffi play in div. b. last sunday both teams won. the game was about 1 hour drive away and a whole bunch of us piled in a cattle truck for the ride there and back. the cheering was very loud and most of the way home. they were all so happy. we left at 10 and returned about 6.30. the kids were all yelling the usual winning sports cheers i guess and as we pulled into amparo the truck's horn was blaring and the boys continuous yelling was to the maximum. it was so cool to see them all so happy. i felt sorry for div b though. there may be 2 teams but there are only enough shirts for 1 team so whoever plays the second game gets to wear a well worn, very ripe shirt.

there is a soccer game almost every sunday. next sunday we go to aqua zacas, near san carlos. the boys are winning most of their games and i have become a soccer mom. i used to go to my daughter's soccer games but they play in the cold and the rain. i like it much better here.

soccer shoes are called tacos and i bought myself a pair so i could play with the boys in the front yard. yesterday jose was teaching me how to control the ball. they have tried to get me to play at the park. not a chance. they have suggested i play on the girls teams. they're out of their minds. if nothing else i'm getting exercise and the boys are getting a good laugh. i have also learned that you don't play in white shorts.

modesty

there's certainly none of it here. bathroom noises can be heard by everyone throughout the house. everyone comes out of the shower in their towel and you never know how many men, women or children might be sitting at the kitchen table or living room. everyone brushes their teeth at the laundry sink in front of whoever might be in the kitchen at the time. you never know when you get up in your pajamas how many other people have spent the night until you make your way across the bodies sleeping on the floor.

the boys live in their boxers around the house and it's so natural here. i have been to friends houses at home and the boys are in their boxers and it's like quick get some pants on.

trust - paranoia or naivete

last week while i was sitting in the internet cafe a truck stopped in front and a man sat there smiling at me. i recognized him although i don't know where from and we waved at each other. he sat there for a few seconds but didn't get out of his truck so i turned back to the computer. people greet each other here with hugs and kisses and one night last march coming home from church some guy with a woman and child hugged and kissed me and wanted me to go with him. as it turned out it wasn't for coffee and when he came in the compound where we stay in los chiles jose had to tell him to get lost. i wondered if this was the same man but as he drove away i was left wondering where i knew him from.

after working in the cop shop for so many years i got into the habit of always locking my house and car doors. i would lock my truck when i stopped to get gas. i would lock my front door if i was working in the backyard and vice versa. and then i hug and kiss some stranger on the street just because i thought he had just been in the same church with me.

if everything i have is from God...

the combined family income here is about $315 cdn a month. this feeds and clothes 9 people and educates 6 boys still remaining at home. 3 others have already left. and if you look at the cluster of shacks down the road that people live in... women and children with no means of support... no welfare, no medical... i have spent 3 weeks worth of milk just at the internet today...

i gotta tell ya - i really struggle with the vast gulf between the haves and the have nots.

i've seen the dirt floor, bamboo wall shacks the poor live in. and in february i snuck into a 5 star resort that the rich stay in at the beach. i know it's everywhere but it's sickening.

if you think you've got it tough

try cutting the grass with a machete

chopping down a tree (3) and making firewood with an axe

i see a wizened up little old lady carrying a bag of groceries and i want to get off the bus and carry it for her.

a simple act

of love can bring such joy. this morning danny came in my room looking for something. afterwards he said he saw that i was praying and wondered what he could do to make me happy. he remembered that i didn't have any headphones for the cd player that i use to sing english worship songs to. he played a few on their cd player that he knows that i like and the next thing i know he's getting the 2 cd's off my bed that i always listen and worship to and for the next hour played worship music for me. a simple act for him gave me so much joy.

2 cor 8.14

'at the present time your plenty will supply what they need so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need.'

i have wondered frequently why i am here. susan had asked me to send blurbs home so she could let the rest of the church know what i was doing. i'm not doing anything. what can i say.

in july when i decided to quit my job and come here for a year i was all gung ho to 'help'. at what i didn't know but i wanted to 'do something'.

when i came i came with enough money to last a few months but have spent most of it in the first month.

i have struggled with the fact that i'm not doing anything. and i have struggled with the issue of money. i have been told to set a budget and stick to it. i have been told they'll take advantage of me and i have wondered about it myself. i have been told that giving them money and paying the bills is not helping them in the long run but rather harming them.

i have been praying a lot about these two things. i have been reading my bible trying to find the answer. i've been torn between what the bible says and what people are telling me. as i considered the advice i was given last week i thought of the bible. it's God Word, it's the Truth, it's God's guide for how He wants us to live our lives. i have read lots on giving and don't recall ever reading anything in the bible that says when to stop giving. when or where to draw the line.

this am i wondered again why i'm here. i felt i was getting more than i was giving and thought how wrong it was. then i realized the blessed gift i've been given. i have been given a family to love and care for for a year. i'm being a mom and a housewife, minus the husband, and it's keeping me very busy and i'm loving it.

never doubt that God will give you what you need when you need it. 'at the present time your plenty will supply what they need so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need.'

God answered both my prayers at once...

there's no such thing as coincidence. God is in control and He will direct your steps. and He did... to 2 cor 8.14. i wasn't looking for it. i wanted to see what chico was reading, 2 cor 5.7. we live by faith, not by sight and as i flipped the pages 8.14 caught my eye.

God is so awesome. His love is more amazing than mere words can express.

if God isn't your first love you are missing out. if you love your husband, your wife or your children more than God you are missing out... on the most beautiful, precious, amazing, awesome, wonderful, incredible love. i can't describe the joy. it cannot be expressed in words. such a perfect love, complete unequalled by any other.

love

it's 6 am, the boys have gone to school and mimi and patricio are in the kitchen giggling. i wonder how they see each other now, 30 years and 8 kids later. do they still see that beautiful person they first fell in love with, that beautiful heart that touched theirs like no other. loving each other like God loves us. do their hearts even care how they've changed on the outside? he's 59, has gained a few pounds, has white hair, although he dyes it to keep it black, she's 46 and has gained a few pounds too.

it's our own insecurites that make us think we are less than we are. our vanity that makes us want others to see us as we want to see ourselves.

but God doesn't care about the outside. He's only concerned with the heart, whether it's beautiful or not.

real love isn't superficial or shallow - it's deep. it sees past physical disabilities, numbers don't mean anything, whether they are ages or pounds, it's colour blind, it's why a husband continues to take care of his wife with alzheimer's even after she no longer knows who he is. deep down inside one heart touches another and they become one, they are connected. they have something very precious and beautiful, a blessed gift from God.

why do other people, christians to boot, feel compelled to criticize and say things like why would that handsome man want to tie himself down to a woman who lives in a wheelchair, why doesn't that old man put his wife in a nursing home, why would that white woman marry that coloured man, what does that skinny man see in that overweight woman.

in case you still haven't gotten it, it's love, it's the tie that binds.

it's not the beautiful people, high school quarterback and popular cheerleader kind of love, although anything's possible. it's the beautiful hearts, deep, lasting. physical feathers may attract us but won't keep us.

if you are blessed to have that kind of love - hang on to it and ignore the critics, if you are one of those critics - shut up. it's none of your business. if you can't be happy for others then you must not have that kind of love yourself and need to look deep within your own heart. before God filled my heart i would look and some couples and wonder what they saw in each other. now i know.

if God isn't filling your heart don't expect anyone else to.

fear

last night i was going to catch the 5 o'clock bus from los chiles but there wasn't one. it was a 6 o'clock bus that didn't leave til 6.10 then stopped in the middle of the highway in a monsoon cuz there was a problem with the brakes. i phoned jose to tell him i would be late and jose said he or danny would walk to meet me because it wasn't safe, it was dark and it was raining.

holy smokes - it's another freaking monsoon happening right now.

anyway i got off the bus and started walking and after awhile i got a ride. walking in a monsoon is something else again. although it was a new experience i appreciated the ride. when i thought of being afraid i wasn't. i thought nobody can take from me what God isn't willing to give.

love, marriage, commitment, forgiveness

what is it about love that is so hard to figure out. why do we make a commitment to love, honour and cherish another human being til death do us part and then pack it in in a year or 2 or 10. i could've cried when i heard of another family breakdown. it made me angry and i wanted to scream and shout. why is it that we will work forever in the same job but when we have to work on our marriages we quit. a marriage takes 3 to make it work. our first love is God, our 2nd love is our spouse. once that is established our priorities are set. after God no one and nothing is more important than our spouse, not our chilren, not our friends, not our jobs. that's who we made the commitment to, to put them first in our lives before all else and all others. what part of forever do we not understand. what was once upon a time they lived happily ever after 100 years ago has become once upon a time they lived happily til they quit working on it and said to hell with it. how many times have we been told to forgive others as Christ has forgiven us. i hate divorce - it's killing our families. so many broken homes, broken hearts, broken dreams. if you think i have it all figured out you're wrong. all i know is i would rather remain single for the rest of my life than break the heart of the man i love.

walked with God

i really needed to get away the other day and decided to go to los chiles. an hour walk to the highway and another 40 minute walk up the hiway just cuz the bus wasn't there yet. it was good, very good. i finally had quiet time - just God and me. at home i can crank the cd up so the headphones are louder than the other sounds in the house and worship but i am so used to having complete quiet time with God. i didn't realize how much i missed it. i had thought of going to the church but people stop in there too.

why do we cry

when we leave here every time? last night danny said that he and his friends will all cry at graduation because they will all be going off to different lives, universities, after being together every day for so many years. he wondered why we all cry when we've only been here a week. he says he cries because we're all crying but why do we cry? for those of you that have - why?

i miss the quiet times with God

there's no such thing around here. even in the middle of the night when i wake up it's usually because the roosters are making such a racket.

antz and other critters

are not sweet, cute little things as depicted in the movies. they are evil, vicious, voracious little beasties that are out for blood. i've resorted to pouring boiling water on their hills.

cockroaches climb up the inside of my netting to get on my bed.

one day while laying on my bed i had an itch on the side of my leg and when i went to scratch it a frog jumped out of my shorts. it had somehow, unbeknownst to me crawled up the side of my shorts as i was laying down. it hopped across the bed and i can say i was very thankful it was a frog and not a spider. my skin crawls at the thought.

i am trying to live and let live but when i went to take my underwear off the line inside the house there was a huge freaking spider on one of them. i screamed of course. jose knocked it away but i couldn't get the rest of my underwear off the line cuz i didn't know where the spider had gone.

hijos (sons)

i was taking jeffrey and yrlin to school every day for their lunch and the principal has called them my sons, the store clerk has also called them my sons.

a lady had to go to the hospital in the ambulance (it's the only way to go when you don't have a car) and jeffrey's mom went with her. he was on the ground crying and screaming, mad that she left without him. mimi called me his mom and to come over. he wouldn't let anyone else touch him but he let me pick him up and carry him home. i didn't know any comforting words in spanish but i guess the tone of my voice helped and he was almost asleep by the time i laid him down on his bed.

today mimi said her sons are my sons. it's a weird thing i don't undersand but maybe it's just the culture. it's like everyone fends for themselves, everyone will make themselves a meal but never anyone else. mimi will cook something for herself and sit down and eat it. i don't know if it's a culture thing or that the boys are 13 - 22 years old and big enough to fend for themselves or what. during the week i make lunch for patricio, jose and chico. then i make dinner for all the boys when they come home from school at 4. on the weekends mimi and patricio cook something for themselves and then i'll make breakfast for all the boys. i don't get it.

meffi's birthday - 15th

i don't know who was more joyful - meffi for getting new soccer shoes or me. he admired the box at first then slowly removed each piece of tape. his face lit up like fireworks on the 4th of july. because they share absolutely everything else this may have been more special because they would be his very own. if any of the boys are going to be playing soccer they all will be playing so they will each be wearing their own shoes. everyone in the house had to try them on and then they all had to try on the ones i bought for myself. everyone from the youngest boy to the mother and father.

for as much as someone might get a gift it's almost like it's not really theirs because everyone else will use it.

who would've thought

four years ago that the cocky little 13 year old boy would turn out to be the quiet, very smart, romantic, sweet, affectionate young man he is today. he always worries about me and tells me to be careful.

if you love someone

touch them, kiss them, hug them, tell them. your husband, your wife, your kids, your grandchildren, your parents and siblings, your friends. in our busy hectic lives take the time to show and tell someone you love them. small, intimate, tender gestures that say i love you and mean so much. if you love someone express that love. what may seem so simple for you may mean the world to whoever you love. and if it's so simple - just do it - cuz it really is so simple and it really does mean so much. show them, simple little acts of kindness, listen to them, play with them, spend time with them, treasure them, support them, encouarge them, love is a previous gift from God. it's free. don't forget it, don't throw it away, don't let it slip away. take care of it, protect it. so you don't turn around one day and find it's gone. how sad that is.

the most precious gift

i have the most precious gift and i want to give it to you. it's my most treasured possession, it means everything to me. you can have it - it's yours- it's free for the asking - if you want it. there is one small catch though - it's not mine to give. although i have it i can't give it to everyone. there's enough to go around, every one of us can have this very same most precious gift. it's really very simple. just ask - that's all - just ask for it. what is it? it's called salvation. remember - it's free and who wants to turn down a free gift. and who do you ask for this most precious gift - Jesus - He is the giver of all good things and He wants to give you this precious gift and asking Him is the only way to receive this gift. what is this gift you ask? it's the most beautiful, incredible, awesome, amazing love you will ever know. it is joy beyond your wildest imaginations, it is peace, even in the midst of grief and suffering, it is hope for a hopeless life and a hopeless world, it is freedom - from all the burdens of this world - shame, guilt, fear, worry, it is forgiveness - for every wrong ever committed. and remember - it's free and it's free for every single person man, woman and child. whether you're rich or poor or whether you think you are good or bad. Jesus loves every one of us and wants to give each one of us His most precious gift - Himself. no matter what you do you can't earn it - it's a gift and it's free. please - just ask - you have no idea what you're missing.

i am so blessed

there's rarely any physical displays of affection here although it's evident they love each other. i don't know if it's a God thing or what but for as much as they don't hug and kiss each other i get kisses or hugs or both when they come from and go to school and at night or just an affectionate touch on my arm or shoulder or head. and being a touchy, feely kind of person i love it.

very content

i could quite easily live here. or be a housewife. chico has asked me a few times if he could come to canada and live with me. today he was getting the fire started, i was washing the beans and as i walked outside carrying a pot of beans to put on the fire i felt such contentment. i couldn't have imagined anything else that i wanted to do more. i was never a stay at home mom. i was either a single mom or the sole breadwinner. i am really enjoying all the cooking and cleaning and laundry and taking care of this family. i play soccer with the boys (i even bought my own soccer shoes which are called tacos), i'm their masseuse, i translate all the english songs they like. i can't imagine doing anything else. when danny was telling me about he and jonny going off to university in a year i felt such a sadness, like when your children grow up and leave home, except these aren't my boys.

love each other and take care of each other and enjoy each other because all too soon they'll be gone.

future goals

jose is going to go to san vito (near panama) to live with eilyn and she is going to help him get a job teaching english. he said we could go together for a couple of weeks this summer (december or january). maybe i could take a side trip to panama. danny and jonny have 1 more year of school and then they both want to go to university. danny could go to university at san vito because it's cheaper there. he wants to teach grade 11 and 12 math. he teaches math now to students in amparo. he's very smart, in math especially, he missed 1 question in what he said was like the costa rica math olympics and was chosen by his school to represent the school at an all high school conference. jonny would have to go to san jose to go to university because he wants to be a doctor. marcos is a nurse but he wants to go back to university to become a doctor. last night we were talking about university and how expensive it is here. ok i don't know how much it would cost in canada but they told me it is really expensive here. $1200 - A YEAR!!! jonny thought maybe he should study in canada because it would be cheaper - uh NOT! they want to go to university but don't know how it would be possible because it costs so much money and they don't have any.

i think of the $ a person spends a month smoking or drinking, burning it up, throwing it away. and compare it to the chance these boys would have to go to university. if one person smoking a pack a day gave up smoking they could send 2 boys to university here. who knows - one who one day may find a cure for lung cancer to heal his ex-smoking sponsor who put him through school. hey you never know what's possible unless you ask.

then there's moises, another little boy here in los chiles. he is 12 and has never been to school because his father is gone and his mother works all day. he stays home to take care of his 3 younger siblings. los chiles is the other village in costa rica where the team spends a week every march. he may never get a chance to go to school.

another school near amparo has teenagers in grade one because they've never had the opportunity to go to school before.

simple things we take for granted.

saprissa

is the family's favourite soccer team. todays paper has an ad for tryouts. these boys live to play soccer & danny and jonathan both want to go. they were so excited but danny very nonchalantly pointed out the the rather large cost involved. he is a very good player and it would be an awesome opportunity for him and jonny. what a dream for a couple of boys - to try out for their favourite soccer team. the rather large cost involved - about $9.00 canadian. what may be a rather large cost for them is really rather an insignificant amount for us. last night jose phoned to register them. they were excited and i was so excited for them. it would such a shame to miss out on such a golden opportunity.

my address in costa rica

Teri Boyd
Casa de Patricio y Miriam Rojas Sosa
15 metros Norte de la Iglesia Pentecostal
San José del Amparo
Los Chiles, Costa Rica

hard way to make a $

2 little girls have come to the house today. 1 was selling candy and the 2nd time a girl was selling peppers. the family doesn't have $ to buy candy so they sent her away. i went after her, she was only about 7 or 8 going barefoot door to door trying to earn $ to put food on the familys table. i bought a couple bags but if i'd known it was fudge (delicious) i'd have bought her whole stash. we have peppers so mimi didn't buy any. i caught her before she got away and bought a bag. i don't know what i'll do for work when i return but don't imagine it will be as hard as what these little girls do.

pastor jose

i think he's going to be very good for the church and amparo. he had relatives there the first night and they were wearing jeans and he talked about how God sees what we look like on the inside and He doesn't care what we look like on the outside. someone has since come to church in jeans. hm - just like home. he used to be a teacher in guatemala. he wants to build a room for the children to have a sunday school. last night about 12 kids went outside to have a bible study. he believes that we need to teach the children because they are the future. Yrlin and jeffrey were there too. cool! i have yet to find out what teaching supplies he needs. he needs the teachers first but there is a definite need for bibles. for people of all ages.

home is where the heart is

i had a new house in canada. i filled it with plants, i mean a lot of plants, except for my computer all the rooms i lived in faced the sun. it was nice and it suited me. but i never wanted to spend a lot of time there. it was just a house. now i have no indoor plants but i'm surrounded by beauty outside. mango, banana, tamarindo, orange, lime, apple, guanabana, plantain, papaya and avocado trees abound as well as pineapple, sugar cane and something else i can't remember. i can sweep the floor and the dirt will fall through the holes in the floor to the ground below. there's no glass in the house, the walls and the windows are unfinished boards. the walls are about 1 1-2' short of the roof so the light filters in through the spaces between the boards and the holes and the large gap between the walls and the roof. i don't need to open a window or door to see people come and go i just look through the gaps or holes, there's rats, there's sci-fi sized cockroaches and spiders, i sleep under a mosquito net at night so as hopefully not to get eaten alive by mosquitoes that will give me malaria or dengue fever. i could tell you about the bathroom but don't want to gross out those of you with weak stomachs. i keep my clothes in a suitcase under my bed.

but this is home. and i love it here.

it's an 8 km walk under a blistering sun or a tropical monsoon just to get to where you can get a bus to go anywhere. at home i'd drive 1 k to the store.

i was content in mission and i am content here because God was with me there and He is with me here. wherever i am I AM is.

carnage on the highways

they drive insanely here, either they are all colour blind or red means green and green means green. they frequently drive into oncoming traffic and on the wrong side of the road on a blind corner. you really have to trust God with your life and stop worrying about the driving here. the papers are regularly filled with pictures of bodies sprawled across the road. i can't imagine being a cop here. traffic accidents are the biggest cause of death here. you really have to detach yourself from your work attending all the accidents here and you have to appreciate what all the cops have to live with.

waste not... want not

i remember my mother telling me this as i grew up... here when a soccer ball comes apart jose takes it apart, repairs the hole and re-stitches it. when shoes come apart they take them apart and re-stitch them until there is absolutely nothing left to hold them together.

when you have nothing you don't waste anything

forgive me

if i don't respond to all your comments. as i usually only get to an internet about once a week i spend the time blogging and emailing family. i don't have time to enjoy reading everyone's blogs like i used to either but i think of you all all the time.

station x part dos

jose had the 2nd one on friday night and when he called me yesterday he said that they had 40 teenagers there. that is so cool when you consider that the teenagers don't go to church.

last night the new pastor preached and jose called me this morning and said that he's really good and that he speaks softly. thank you Lord. i think this pastor is a sign of good things to come and happen in amparo.

i miss new heights, scott's awesome sermons and all my family there. no one, no church, anywhere will ever replace you. i love to dance too so i really miss street church.

noise

remind me if i ever complain about the boys music again. i'll take it any day over 8 adults and 2 little boys and 3 dogs all trying to be heard over the other any day. at least it's a nice noise. last night the only one that wasn't practically yelling was me. it wasn't just one conversation but several and everyone had to talk louder than the other so they would be heard by the person they were talking to. 2 boys, maybe 4 & 5, yelling and the adults paying no attention to it and 2 poodles barking incessantly at a 3 month old smaller version of chainsaw. i wanted to take the puppy and leave. and all this in a room no bigger than 10 x 15 maybe. the roar was deafening. i've never had a headache come on so quickly. and this morning they said there was only a few of them there last night. they all have rather large families and there normally would've been a lot more people there. they are all very nice but i can't handle the noise. it really is deafening.

not sure if it was a God thing or not but yesterday i had bought some tylenol. boy did it come in handy. it turned out they had gathered to go to church, catholic, which i think the headache was another God thing cuz i wouldn't have wanted to go to the catholic church. i had already made a faux pas by telling my hostess that i didn't believe in mary. i said i believed in God to which she replied so did she. i should've re-phrased and said i worshiped Jesus, not mary but for as much as i would debate the issue in amparo i didn't want to insult my hostess in her home when i can't just walk away after i've ticked her off. a few of you that know me may have noticed that i sometimes tend to be blunt. and sometimes maybe not very tactful.

women drivers

maybe the guys are right. i get into the car and trust that i am in God's hands (and then i close my eyes - kidding) it's a good thing that i find comfort in Him cuz i sure don't driving around san ramon. i try and walk everywhere. although when xinia's brother came to get us i wondered about him too. it's raining so hard the streets are flooding and the water is up over the sidewalks and the drivers side wiper rubber part is moving independently from the arm and he's a mechanic. i'm thinking omg we're going to san jose in this. thankfully we're taking the bus.

seasons

of light and darkness. i have had many seasons of darkness. for the past year i have been enjoying a wonderful season of joy.

yesterday sushi said how healing it must be for me here. i hadn't thought of the word healing but maybe it is. i have been living alone for the past 13 years and now to have a family of 8 is quite a change. i love them and they love me. i was sad to say goodbye when i knew i was only going for 3 days. i miss them and it's only been 2 days. i wished i had hugged danny, i almost felt like he wanted me to. i'm a touchy feely person - i always hug and kiss my grandchildren or even just rub their head or arm, just to affectionately touch them like they can feel my love through my touch. i worry about them when they are hurt, i care for them when they are sick. i don't know how i will ever leave. i told sushi i may need someone to come and get me. it may be a season of darkness having to leave. another friend said that God may tell me He has something else for me to do in which case it may not be so hard to leave. He is my comfort, my strength, my joy, my life, my love and it is the desire of my heart to follow Him so i will wait on my Lord as i know He is the only one that can deliver me.

boys in the country vs girls in the city

10/22 spent the day eating, drinking cafe and trying to understand 6 women all trying to talk over each other all at the same time then asking me something.

the boys play their music very loud and all day long unless they are watching a soccer game and then they have that volume cranked. the girls just wanna talk, each one louder than the other, all about different things and when the rooms are pretty small it can be quite deafening.

you'll have to speak loudly to me when i return because i'm sure i'll be deaf. the real killer is when i put on headphones after the boys have been listening to my cd player. i never remember to turn the volume down before i put them on and as you might guess the volume is always cranked.

new pastor

10/21
they hired a new pastor. his name is jose, he's 24, he's married with a new baby on the way and he's from guatemala (and he speaks softly - YES!) i'm looking forward to seeing him on sunday. because of his age he will probably be geared to the youth. which they need so badly. that and with jose doing station x on friday nights there should be some be changes in amparo. i'm excited about it. instead of church on tuesday, thursday, saturday and sunday it will be wednesday, sat & sun. although on sunday he wants to start at 5 instead of 6. the boys barely get home by six from their soccer games.

danny

10/21
Father how am i ever going to say goodbye in a year. it was hard enough to say goodbye when i left today for only a few days. danny had just got off the school bus - i wanted to hug him but he's 17 and i'm not his mother. when i left jose told me to call if i needed them. danny told me to call then he wrote all the #'s down that i would need and the directions on how to use the phones here and told me to be careful. he is so sweet. jose called just after we got to san ramon. i could hear danny and mimi in the background.

futbol

10/20
what i have learned about playing soccer - maybe you shouldn't start playing at 55, you shouldn't wear a toe ring, you definitely should play with good sandals on, always have a first aid kit on hand, make sure your medical is up to date, don't play in the sun unless you have sun screen on, don't play against someone who seriously wants to win, it's not volleyball and you're not supposed to use your hands and as long as you've got the toe ring and the sandals covered forget the rest and play like you're 15.

10/21 you're going to hurt.
10/22 you're going to hurt for a long time.
at least until you play the next time. maybe then it won't hurt so much.

kidding - i had a blast.
not kidding - muscles you never use are going to hurt.

origami

10/19
xinia has invited me to spend a few days with her and her family in san ramon this week while school is out. when i went to her house to see what time we were leaving she ended up teaching me origami. who would've thought. i'm not sure why she invited me - they don't speak any english. but it will be an adventure.

today

10/19
was pretty cool. i went to josefa's and took yrlin and jeffrey to school for lunch. mary wasn't there so there was no problem. i know josefa understood where i was taken them although i didn't have a clue what she was saying to me. even though we don't speak the same words we know our hearts understand each other. yrlin reminded me of my youngest grandson brett. (they're both 8) he saw me, his face lit up and he ran towards me to hug me. awesome! i could feel their anxiety as we walked into the school yard and the only thing i could think of to say that i knew they would understand was don't be afraid - Jesus is walking with us. they were dirty and i felt like a mother hen wanting to protect her chicks if they were made to feel unwelcome.

mary was there when i took them home and i told her there was no more school this week but that the boys should go to school every day for lunch. she said yes again but we'll see.

fear

10/18
if you want to walk on water talks a lot about fear. at first i was writing NO beside fear but now there's a whole chapter on it. for me it all goes back to yesterday's blog. mark 12:30 = love. not fear. love = joy, fear = no joy, fear = worry. my life is filled with joy and no fear, no worry, then on page 128 it says 'according to current research most worriers tend to have high capacity imaginations... above average iq's.... and much creative potential." that let's me out - maybe there's something to be said for being simple minded. my mind is not filled with fear, worry, doubt, guilt, loss of self esteem. for all those things i don't have my heart is filled with love and joy.

i have often wondered why i feel such joy and others don't and someone, whose opinion i truly value, once told me that i just feel things more deeply than other people.

i do try to avoid conflict so i guess there is some fear involved there but it would be so rare.

let me clarify - i am saying no fear as it relates to doing something for God, getting out of the boat. it just seems to be that there can't be any fear in serving God. He fills us with love and He gives us the joy, the strength the whatever it is we need to do for whatever it is He wants us to do. if we leave it all in His hands - no fear. it's only when we try and depend on our own abilities that we might fear failure.

complete surrender brings the greatest love and the greatest joy.

what is it...

10/17
that motivates us to do the things we do. don't laugh but i have wondered if i am simple minded. it all seems so simple to me. mark 12:30 what else is there? everything else stems from that. it's not that i love others less - it's because of this that i love others more.

i have several books on the go right now. decision making and the will of God and if you want to walk on water you have to get out of the boat. the first says not to be hasty, especially making important decisions, the 2nd i will have to discern between a call from God and a .... foolish impulse on my part and having guilt after making a decision or fear before making it and allowing nothing to interfere with seizing an opportunity 'at once' because you might never get another chance.

my desire to be in cr long term has developed over the last 2 years when susy went but it was only when i came home in march that i could see God's hand in it and only in the last week of july that i seized the opportunity. all of this only after God removed the obstacles. no fear! (not counting spiders - today when i saw one i didn't scream or call for one of the boys to kill it. i thought that's life - get used to it and kept doing what i was doing. mind you it was only a couple of inches long and it was not moving but for me that's a huge thing. a total God thing. (10/19 beside my bed - totally different thing. jose said he killed it but after checking my sandal for a corpse he told me it got away).

the passion

10/16
watched it at church for the first time. danny said to go up close so i could read the words in english. i said no that's ok. i know the story and a very small tv with dark contrast is enough for me. i cried lots, closed my eyes lots and prayed. don't know that i could've watched it on a large screen at the theatre

guanabana (that large green prickly looking thing in the produce section)

10/16
is a fruit and makes wonderful juice. peel the green skin off with your fingers, scrape off the very top layer and discard, put chunks, seeds too, in the blender and add water, not quite equal parts and blend for maybe 15 seconds, then strain the juice into a jug, add sugar and drink. 1 guanabana made 3 very large jugs - it's delicious.

a new pastor

10/15
next wednesday the church supervisor will be here to talk about hiring a new pastor. i have been praying that it will be someone that doesn't scream their sermons at you, the reason the youth don't got to church. although i have no idea what they're saying it sounds like they're preaching brimstone and hellfire so i tune right out as do 2 of the boys i've talked to. they listen, as do i when jose preaches softly and slowly.

station x costa rican style

10/15
it was awesome. jose got the band in the box receiver (?) fixed, connected the cd discman to it, had a bonfire behind the church and jose and christian (16) sang for and with about 15 other teens. it's going to be a regular occurrence on friday nights. after a couple of hours singing songs they had a circle and he talked about God. so cool. and so needed here because the youth don't go to church.

josefa y los niños

10/15
today when i took bread over to los niños i gave 1 piece to each person individually so i could see that they were each getting some. bread there is nothing like bread here - it's delicious. leo wouldn't come to the house to get his bread and when i asked why mary said he was afraid of me. certainly not the same little boy i saw all the time in august. he won't come near me now yet in august he would lift his arms every day for me to pick him up. now he eyes me warily from behind mary's back.

mary's eye is swollen today. when i saw it i wondered if her brother had hit her. he just seems to lay around and do nothing. she said it was from an ant. not! when i told patrico he said that she goes to the cantina and parties and she was there last night. they say she is very smart and maybe there's a big s on my forehead but patricio told her that the food was for the children and adults. josefa is old and sick and very tired and knows what's going on but is powerless to stop it. i don't know how often her children pop into her life but she has been raising los niños by herself for a long time. it's almost like she's hanging on for them. a couple times yrlin and jeffrey came here to play marbles but they don't come anymore. today yrlin gave me a really tight hug. jose said mary is mean to her children and leo is told to fear me.

chico

10/15
as i think of venturing out on my own i learn that chico is going to sta cecilia so after being told that it's 8 kms and asked if i'm sure i want to walk (they think i'm crazy) we're on our way. we had a nice leisurely walk and i taught chico english the whole way. it was hot and we were slap but we had fun.

chico is a nicaraguan boy abandoned by his family and bounced around since he was very little and i guess taken in and cared for by whoever had the means at the time. he has no idea who his parents are, where or when he was born, how old he is, nada. the family took him in a year or so ago and is in the process of trying to adopt him. they gave him a birthday of 9/28 and made him 16. i thought of hopping a bus to sta rosa but there is a border patrol between here and there and they board the bus looking for nicas and take them off the bus to send them back to nicarauga. without id papers chico is basically confined to the few small villages between here and the border, about 26 kms away. life moves very slowly here so it could take a very long time to get id papers for him.

los niños are also nicas and without id papers but after talking to xinia, a very kind, caring, sweet teacher here she will have a lawyer friend see about getting id for los niños so by the time they are old enough to need them they will have them.

love the country but

10/15
obviously not a country girl. 2 days ago chico tells me there's a chicken in the sink. i think mm chicken for dinner. as i approach the sink i see feet, with toenails, sticking up out of the sink. oh gross! it was as stiff with rigor as any frozen bird in the store but i couldn't pick it up without using a cloth. susy told me she had to learn to kill chickens for dinner and i told her we wouldn't be eating chicken. i'm sure i could quite easily kill a rooster though but like only with a gun, but there's no way i could ever decapitate it, never mind deplume (?) it. well we did have chicken that night, thanks in no part to myself and you can be sure that the feet were in the pot as sure as you can be that they weren't on my plate.

i'm not prone to violence...

10/15
in fact it makes my physically ill and i have to run away and i think boxing is the stupidest sport (?) ever invented. but last night as jose and i walked home i was 'shooting' at all the roosters i saw. i saw one, lifted my 'gun' and fired. as my gaze lifted i saw a woman sitting in her doorway directly in line with my line of fire. i was taken aback and as i took a few more steps i saw 2 little children about 2 or 3 years old that had also been in my line of fire but were hidden from view by the tall grass. they stare curiously at this white freak of nature and in horror i pray that they can't grasp the meaning of my actions and wonder if i had been aiming at them. thankfully cr is a peaceful country and they have never known war.

sounds in the night

10/15
howler monkeys in the distance, fierce sounding growls from cute little monkeys that would scare the crap out of you if you were walking through the jungle, the sun was setting and the light was getting dim. the night that's rent by the sounds of the boys cd full blast at 5 a.m. - their 30 second alarm clock, the crickets (?) with their constant high pitch, the songs of the various birds as they awaken (i've never been quiet or still long enough i guess to hear them before) soft sounds of the boys as they struggle through various layers of consciousness trying to wake fully, the creaking beds as they move on them, someone snoring softly and of course the never ending screech of the roosters in the neighbourhood and in particular the one outside my window. as dawn breaks and the house comes alive the sound of laundry going on, food cooking, quiet footfalls and then the sound of kilometros as it is cycled repeatedly, quietly on the cd player. i can no longer hear the rats scurrying beneath my bed or the other sounds of the night that i wonder about.

believe

10/14
i was saddened today with news from home and angered that the enemy causes so much division and havoc in our lives. i remember a year ago when i knew the words of 2 cor 10:5 taking every thought captive to Christ. i didn't understand them or believe them or get them until howard said them to me. it was a new beginning for me. i came out of the darkness and into the light. for those of you still struggling in darkness please believe those words. whatever crap the enemy is feeding you take it to Christ and let Him tell you the truth. believe the One who cannot lie and don't listen to the father of lies that's keeping you from finding your way into the light. believe everything that's keeping you in darkness is a lie. God wants you to be in the light... believe Him.

i'm not a heavyweight...

10/14
but as i tiptoe across the boys beds searching for a slat on which to place my foot to hang laundry i wonder when i am going to break one of their beds. the slats of wood that make up their beds groan and bend under my weight. i hear them fall to the floor in the middle of the night as the boys shift their weight.

the sadness of costa rica

10/14
the tears on a little 6 year old boys face when an apple is taken away from him as he cries that he is hungry. it breaks my heart and i cry for him. such a simple thing and i think how he would long for a 1-2 eaten discarded apple thrown from a north american child's lunch. i think of Jesus saying to let the little children come to Him and how He would take care of them and wonder how we can do any less. his face will forever be imprinted on my mind sitting in the dirt crying that he is hungry.

just a few children in one remote small village in cr. they are too numerous to mention and dot the countryside everywhere. they get up with the sun and go to bed when it's set without money to buy candles to provide light.

they are at least not as poor as other children of the world. their bellies are not distended as many i've seen on tv. they are not so malnourished as some i've seen that their black hair is turning orange from lack of nutrition. this is a sin no matter how you look at it.