think you're in control???

think again.

yesterday am jonny, dany, mefy, eitel and i are sitting at the bus stop at 6.00 waiting to go to the bus terminal to go to playa jaco. eitel flipped over backwards and dany picked him up and was going to call him a clown when we saw that he was having a seizure. foaming at the mouth, eyes rolled back in his head, shaking uncontrollably.

we didn't get to jaco. i spent yesterday holding eitel's hand all day in the hospital. although he walked into the hospital he had no recollection whatsoever from sitting at the bus stop to waking up in the hospital.

he is ok now and has gone home in a car with marco, the oldest brother that is a nurse. the ct scan was normal and everything else appeared to be normal. the doctor said some people may have one seizure in their whole life and never another but he has referred him to a specialist.

i had thought i would have gone to the internet yesterday in jaco to wish everyone a merry christmas, like a private more intimate note to friends, i thought today i would have been at the beach with the boys. instead i am here in the internet and they are playing ps2 and getting their hair cut. it's not how i thought i would have been spending christmas.

they want to go to a place that's like playland tonight and i'm coming down with a cold so that's about the last thing i want to do.

for whatever reason eitel had the seizure yesterday at the bus stop it was definitely a God thing. it could have happened in jaco where there is no hospital or in the water and had serious consequences.

we are not in control. we are at God's mercy and i thank Him that He is merciful.

feliz navidad

y prospero año a todos.

merry christmas and happy new year to everyone.

i am in san jose today and going to playa jaco, the beach, very early tomorrow morning with jonny, dany, mefy and eitel for christmas. we will go to another beach, pajaros, just north of puntarenas, to spend 2 days at the house of patricio's father. everyone, all the brothers and sisters and their families will be there. dany and i will come back to san jose 28th and i will leave for canada 29th.

looking forward to seeing everyone.

Dios le bendiga.

God bless you.

needing a ride / room / apartment / basement suite ??

the ride is a definite need from the airport to mission. arriving 10:42 p.m. thursday dec 29.

also if someone has a spare room, basement suite, apartment i can have until i can find something.

does anyone need a housesitter for a week or 2 or month until i can find something?

tourists

the more i meet the more i don't like. most of the ones i have met are european and american. they seem to want to drink and be stupid. they want to go topless or naked on the beaches of costa rica and panama. i find them arrogant.

for as sexual a people as the ticos are they are offended by the nudity on the beaches because they take their children there. the tourists don't care.

i am more at home and comfortable with the locals.

the people in bocas del toro were not at all what i expected. most were very warm and friendly to me. the ones that weren't basically ignored me as they did other tourists and i felt it was because the rudeness of the majority of tourists has turned them off all of them.

on the road again

the time is flying by now and soon i will have to leave. got back last night from a 3 day whirlwind shopping tour to golfito and paso canoas in the south west corner of costa rica at the panamanian border. almost two days on the bus.

went to the south east corner of costa rica and panama for 4 days before that.

tomorrow i am going to tortuguero, the north east corner of costa rica. most of my time is spent on buses but this country is so beautiful i haven't wanted to miss any of it but at least i will see a bit of it.

i saw the northwest corner when i went to nicaragua one time.

it is a paradise for anyone but in particular for a horticulturalist. i have a friend who is one and he would be beside himself looking at the flora here. the plants are so beautiful and the trees are amazing.

when i went to panama last week i was so busy taking pictures i wasn't paying attention. (if you know me you won't be surprised) i ended up crossing the border and had to be called back because i hadn't gone through customs. again!

bocas

i wasn't sure about coming here. in sept i met a young couple from nelson, actually she has family in mission, and they came here for their 3 days out. they said it was absolutely gorgeous.

i had no reservation and no idea about what i would find when i got here. i read something about this place saying that the locals were descendents of slaves. and i recalled that the young couple mentioned that almost everyone smoked pot. i thought it might be similar to puerto viejo in cr. when i visited there with the team the first year i felt an evil, ominous presence there. it was very uncomfortable. i didn't decide right away to come here because i felt quite uneasy about it. i certainly didn't want to go to the beach by myself for 3 days if i was going to feel that way. after i talked to God about it i no longer felt the uneasiness and decided to come. it's been an adventure and i'm looking forward to laying on the beach.

international relations day

i am in bocas del toro for my 3 days out of the country. i took a bus from san jose at 9.00 this am and checked into a hotel on this little island in the caribbean at 6.15.

while talking to other bus passengers while waiting in line at the border i found out that we were all going to basically to the same place and so we shared a ride to get to the dock, about one hour drive, (cost $6 us each) to take the boat here.

6 of us in the car. the driver, from panama, obviously, a girl from switzerland, another from germany, a man from costa rica and another from australia. the foreigners (?) were all in their early 20's and travelling throughout central america, and all more fluent in spanish than i who have lived here for a year.

it's been an adventure getting here and i'm looking forward to tomorrow when i can see this place in daylight.

i had to laugh when the aussie exclaimed in a strong accent 'he can't see s--t' as we drove down gravel roads, going like a bat out of hell, passing big trucks that were causing huge dust storms. basically driving blind. i told the group they probably didn't want to hear about my dream last night where i was in a vehicle that was broadsided right where i was sitting.

leaving costa rica

there is a new law here that non-ticos must leave the country for 3 days every 3 months if you don't have a visa. if you don't and you are stopped by immigration (and we stop at immigration all the time on the bus and i have been checked several times) they will deport you and you cannot return to costa rica for 10 years.

just in case i am ever able to return here i want to make sure that i won't be refused entry so i have to leave the country again. not sure but expect i will go to panama again but only just over the border. going to panama city takes a very long time and is very tiring.

news from cr

right now i have a ticket to return to canada dec 29th. after that i have no idea what i will do or where i will live. i have no job and no home in canada right now. i don't know if i will ever be back. i do not feel i will be returning with the team in march. but i have no idea of anything i will do. only God knows and He hasn't told me anything that He would have me do. i guess i will return to mission and look for an apartment or basement suite and look for a job. i won't return to my job as secretary at the police office. i always enjoyed serving coffee at church - maybe i will become a waitress. who knows??

sylvia isn't married yet but her baby is due in febrero. yasar, her novio, is a few years younger than her but he is very nice.

at times i have wondered what i have accomplished here and most times i feel that i haven't done anything. i have come into a closer relationship with God. and maybe that's why He allowed me to come. i have wondered if i have followed my own heart and He has taken care of me while allowing me to do so. or if i followed the desire He gave me. i don't know. i know i love the people here, i love the country. but i do feel that my time here is up for now. which is why He told me oct 2nd last year that i was only here for one year. thinking of that now i do feel that He just allowed me to come because it was the desire in my heart. maybe He will give me a desire for something/somewhere else. or maybe He will give me something to do here and i can return.

sylvio has never returned and no one has heard any more of what happened to him. i can only guess that he stayed in nicaragua because he is wanted by the police here.

there is a grand new church for pastor henry. it's been under construction for several months and a friend that works at the parada said they will have a big fiesta to celebrate it's opening in febrero.

the church in amparo celebrated it's 5th year last weekend. there were a lot of people and we served food and coffee after service.

i don't know if you know these people in amparo or not but sharo, marta watson's daughter, is expecting a baby in 6 months. lydia, santo's wife, had a baby 3 weeks ago. not sure if gerry is the father of the baby of the girl he was walking hand in hand with last week in los chiles.

this is part of an email i sent to lisette who was here with her family 4 years ago as missionaries. thought i would share it for those who have been here on missions trips before and would know these people.

omg i'm gonna freeze

just checked the cnn weather for abbotsford. 4 degrees. and it's not winter yet. omg i was freezing here in san jose yesterday and it was maybe 20. but it was very windy so it might have only been 15. freaking cold anyway.

35 - 38 degrees with almost 100% humidity is stinking hot. but i've become accustomed to it. i will never get accustomed to cold weather. hate it now and always have.

san jose today is 26 high and 18 low. there is no weather recording for up near the nicaraguan border where i live. i just go by the thermostat i have.

cold spell

last night i woke up so cold i had to put another shirt on and this am i put a sweater on to come to san jose and i was still cold. right now in the internet i'm freezing. i need the sun. we've had a few cold nights lately. i checked the thermostat when i got up this am. 25 degrees.

i wonder how i am going to handle the canadian weather. i was cold the whole time i was there in april/may.

25 degrees is cold when it's normally 35 or higher. i guess you could compare it to being in canada and it's hot at 25 so when it dips to 15 you're really cold.

i have become so acclimatized i will need my own apartment where i can crank the heat up to keep from freezing.

when God speaks - listen

when God tells you something you should listen. He knows everything and has a reason for everything He says. like telling me "but only for one year" when i was thanking him for bringing me home to costa rica oct 2nd 2004.

the family calling the puppy canda bothered me. today different family members were speaking in whispered voices telling other people how i reacted to the puppys name.

and as if to taunt me the 2 year that the mom cares for was saying it repeatedly over and over about 50 times while the dad just laughed.

the more he said it the more upset i got. it was time to clean up and pack up. i thought about changing my ticket i was so upset. but then i thought of how much i knew i would miss the boys when i returned to canada so i didn't want to rush that.

i talked to dany about it. the man was homeless, lived under a bridge, was nica and had a long record. i suggested that the man might have been looking for shelter. maybe not. but he was still a human life. 2 dogs took 2 hours ripping this man apart while police watched. the police said they couldn't shoot the dogs cuz they might have hit the man, yet the video camera that caught the action showed the dogs walked away a couple of times.

dany told his parents they had to change the name and it's now canelo (cinnamon). dany was upset that i was upset.

i felt like cinderella - when the fairy godmother told her to have fun but to be sure to be home by midnight. and things started changing when she stayed longer than she should have.

today i came to san jose for the weekend.

costa rica still feels like home and i would still want to live here but i need to listen when God speaks.

pregnant teens

the 16 year old daughter of a lady that helped cooked for the team 2 years ago is now pregnant. and no husband. so now her single mother will be raising her and her child.

gerry, a 15 year boy from los chiles, was walking home yesterday am walking hand in hand with a very pregnant young girl. i didn't ask him if he was the father but i got the feeling he was.

i read in the paper today that the president of costa rica is meeting with other latin american presidents to find ways of combating aids. they are challenging the catholic churches stance against the use of condoms.

gee maybe they could also suggest it might cut down on teen pregnancy. sex education isn't working.

ok so i was kidding about the girls 4'' skirt at the dance, it was really about 8''. however there was a young girl, about 15 or 16, that came to a soccer game and she honest to God was only wearing a skirt that was 4'' wide. she couldn't get into the back of the truck and had to sit in front. she couldn't sit down without her boyfriends shirt to sit on and another to hold across the front of her lap. she drew stares from everyone everywhere, including a little boy about 5 who just couldn't believe his eyes as they followed her across the field.

it truly gives new meaning to the short shorts, except they weren't shorts.

last night, as almost every night, they have girls, young women, parading in front of the camera in underwear that can only be described as g-strings, to see who is the most beautiful. the newspapers are full of their pictures. men don't need to buy porn magazines.

it's heartbreaking.

angry

i have told the boys before that they are racists but they say they aren't.

about a month ago 2 rottweilers, over a period of almost 2 hours, killed a homeless nicaraguan as he, along with 2 others, were trying to enter a private property in costa rica. it was caught on camera and showed police who stood watching.

this has escalated the tension between the 2 countries which is already running high due to the conflict along the border at the san juan river.

last night the boys told me they were getting another dog. i asked them why, they hadn't taken care of the last one they had. they forgot to water it, feed it, bathe it, brush it. i felt sorry for it. it was lousy with ants and fleas and the subsquent millions of bites from them.

they said they were getting a rottweiler to kill nicas. it was almost spoken in unison. i got angry. again i told them were racists. again they denied. they wanted to name it natividad, the victim of the rottweiler attack. i was happy to see that the puppy looks more like a teddy bear than a rotty. it was so filthy. the mom had been killed 5 days earlier and the pups had been without food.

we hadn't thought of a name for it last night. we had named the last one smeagle but patricio, the dad, kept calling it oso so i didn't figure we should name this one cuz he'd change it anyway.

this am dany told me they had decided on a name. canda - the last name of the victim.

how do you get through to people who make racists remarks then deny that they are? i find it hard to believe that they think they aren't. any racists i have known in the past have almost been glad to point out that they are.

my inner child

Your Inner Child Is Sad

You're a very sensitive soul. You haven't grown that thick skin that most adults have. Easily hurt, you tend to retreat to your comfort zone. You don't let many people in - unless you've trusted them for a long time.

How Is Your Inner Child?

ok this is close. i'm a mush but the sadness is only ever a temporary thing. when i left the family in april to return to canada with the team i was very sad and crying. after a very short while talking to God i was then crying tears of joy. He really is very close to the broken hearted. whatever i have or have not done over the past year i have come into a closer, more intimate relationship with God and whatever happens i know He will never leave me broken hearted or sad.

sad

today is mefi's 16th birthday. i have watched him grow up over the past 5 years. little boys that are becoming young men. they have been my family. i love them and will miss them terribly.

today while i was sitting on the bus waiting for it to leave i looked up and down the streets of amparo and thought how this has become my home and i was saddened thinking i might never return here.

it's not with anticipation that i look forward to returning to canada. it's not that i haven't missed my family and friends in canada but it's with dread having to leave here thinking i won't be back.

maybe it's the empty nest syndrome. i worked all my life and never had a close relationship with my daughter so i've never felt the empty nest loss. there are 8 of us at home now. even if i were to return the family dynamics will have changed. chico is gone, dany and jonny hope to get scholarships to go to university and/or work next year (school starts in february) and they would be leaving home. jose thinks he may get another teaching position further away.

mimi said that as soon as patricio retires they are outta here leaving the boys to fend for themselves. don't know how soon that would be, eitel is only 14 and now mefi is 16.

dance / sex

went to a dance saturday night. dany and jonny graduate next month and their class held a dance to raise money so they can go to the beach for 3 days after graduation.

the music was basically the same sound all night long. i could not detect a change in any of the music. boys and girls danced in a circle together, sometimes the boys dancing outnumbered the girls. every so often they would have to dance in couples and then it was very cool to watch them. different styles of dance, salsa, merengue, whatever, but they basically reminded me when people used to jive.

there was one girl that was dressed and danced in such a way as to invite boys to have sex with her. with hand and body motions she beckoned boys to her and they responded with equal fervor. high black boots, about a 4'' skirt and an equally as skimpy top.

she was a high school student and as i feared for her safety i found myself praying for her.

i was enjoying watching the couples dance together but when they went back to dancing in circles, everyone dancing together i suddenly got a very black feeling. as i watched this one girl and others writhing and gyrating i felt like i was witnessing the destruction of sodom and gomorrah as the participants immorality lead them into an orgy. it was weird, a very heavy black feeling. it changed the atmosphere and i found i no longer wanted to be there. it was more like a sexual offering than a dance.

the kids have to wear uniforms to school here but afterwards - girls and some women wear the tightest, skimpiest, most revealing outfits they can find. from jeans with 1'' zippers barely covering their public bone to the extent they show plumbers butts. one tv show has a mother that wears bikini bra tops in every show. variety shows that have women wearing as little as possible and dancing (?) for the entire program.

this is a very sexually aggressive culture. hot latin nights? you betcha and it's more than the temperature although at 35, or more, degrees i can't imagine.

argh!"#$%&!

sunday chico and i went to san jose so we could be in line early monday am for him to apply for a passport to come to canada. what we didn't know was that there was a national holiday and all offices were closed monday. so we stayed another night and went to nicaraguan immigration tuesday am. after waiting in line for 2 hours we were told he didn't have the right documents, that there was no place in costa rica for him to get them and that we had to go to nicaragua. also chico needed his birth certificate which was with his sister in la fortuna. so we left san jose for la fortuna to got his birth certificate. this am we went to costa rica immigration in los chiles to get approval to go to nicaragua. the man stamped my passport saying i was leaving costa rica. then he looked at chico's documents and said he needed a cedula (like a social insurance card). this was what we were going to nicaragua for. the man said he couldn't go to nicaragua cuz although he has been living here for the past 12 years he had not entered cr legally so they couldn't give him legal passage to say that he was leaving costa rica when according to them he had never arrived.

he needs a document to say he can leave but he can't leave because he doesn't have that document. makes sense to you??? so we've determined that he has to sneak across the border to get the cedula so he can re-enter the country legally but now the man has his name on a list and if he comes back in legally will they then say he entered illegally and get sent back to nicaragua.

so we leave immigration and go to the bus stop to go back home and i remember my passport has been stamped to say that i have left costa rica. previous experience tells me i have to return to immigration to get it cancelled.

it's pouring rain so chico waits at the bus terminal for me. i get soaked walking back to immigration, the guy says it's a big problem, that they can't cancel it and basically that i have to leave the country. i told him i wasn't leaving if chico wasn't leaving with me, then he said something to me that i didn't understand but knew it meant i had to leave and i reiterated i wasn't leaving. he asked someone for help and she phoned somewhere to find out what to do. meanwhile a boatload of people arriving from nicaragua came in to the office and the man is getting mad cuz i'm holding everything up and there are all these people. after a lengthy conversation i understand that they now know how to cancel it. the woman cancels it in the computer and the guy gives me another form to complete and tells me to wait 1/2 hour. ok don't want to - the bus is leaving in 20 minutes. i complete it and want to give it back to him and he makes me wait 15 minutes, stamps it annuled, finds the first identical form, stamps it annuled, writes a note on it and tears up the second one he had me complete. i make the bus as it's pulling out.

ok so i don't know God's reason in this, only that i am frustrated and tired. so i came to san carlos (for another reason as well) and i'm going to get a big tub of ice cream and go to the movies.

oh i forgot to mention chico said WE could go to nicaragua next week. i am not sneaking into nicaragua. it means finding someone with a boat to take you across the river where there are armed nicaraguan soldiers and tanks. and armed costa rican police. please pray for chico as he goes alone to nicaragua.

like i know God has a reason for everything. i just can't understand what it is. unless chico is not meant to go to canada for some reason.

God's reason

it just goes to show one person can make a difference. will you?

God Has a Reason

copied from the purpose driven life daily devotional

Our reflection today comes from an eleven-year-old who wrote the following poem after hurricane Katrina struck the gulf coast. Keep in mind this is a child tackling a very big problem. I'm not sure any of us could do any better. Besides, faith comes easier for children than it does for us, which I'm sure has something to do with Jesus mentioning that the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to them (Matthew 19:14).

God Has a Reason
by Ryan MacDonald, Age 11

In times of sadness and cruelty,
God has a reason.
When the most horrid disaster dwells upon the land,
God has a reason.
The things that one would think would tear us apart,
Pull us into a brotherhood with God.

A shadow has fallen upon this nation
Only to be reshaped by love and hope.
Hearts have been broken from this storm,
And yet -- like a rose --
The thorn is sharp, but the velvet red petals are magnificent.

When this black hood of sorrow is lifted from our heads,
We will have learned.
We will have been changed by the Lord to love one another,
To help each other at any cost,
Whether the cost is life or death.

Blood has been shed.
Tears have dripped.
Now it's your turn to make a difference.
God has a reason.

So Ryan set out to make his own difference as best he could. He set up a brownie and lemonade stand. In spite of the questionable wisdom of this odd taste combination, he raised $274 for relief. That doesn't seem like a lot, but it's a lot for an eleven-year-old and I bet God turned it into gold.

So how about it? Ryan says it's our turn. My guess is that what's happening now in this desperate region is a little like what happens when someone suddenly loses a loved one. There is an initial outpouring of love and support, but soon after the funeral, everyone goes back to their normal lives and the loss is even greater because, for that loved one who remains, there will not be a normal to return to. It's that “second wave” of loss that usually comes later and is even harder to bear because everyone else has gone on. Indeed, these people must forge a new “normal,” and it will take time.

Not to mention the rising death and homeless toll in Pakistan where disaster has started all over again. The world is a hurting place right now, and believers all over can and will make a difference. Perhaps this is one way we can be a part of God's reason.

pigs

after working at a school yesterday we were invited into the kitchen for lunch. there was a huge freaking pig on the table and some guy was slicing the skin off. you fry it for a while and it's called chicharrones. it might sound gross but it's really good. the pigs head was elsewhere thank goodness. at first my stomach did a flip but then it settled as i watched the process. at least the blood wasn't dripping.

plants and trees

there were so many beautiful different plants and trees in the central valley of cr that i took several pictures and made a cd. then when i returned home i looked at all the plants and saw the beauty in them. although i never failed to see their beauty i had become accustomed to seeing them everyday.

do we get so accustomed to seeing the same people every day that we fail to see their beauty?

i saw rubber trees so big some of them you would need 3 people to surround them, others you'd need 6. they were magnificent 4 or 5 stories high. i had always had rubber plants but to see a rubber tree was very cool.

escalators

something we take for granted. having been in a few malls in the month i was in san jose (wow it went by fast) i watched as people, unfamiliar with escalators, faced them, in fear of the unknown. one woman was almost in tears as her friends tried to coerce her into stepping onto the escalator. others watched in wonder at this moving staircase.

when i went to the mall with the boys eitel watched me step onto the escalator and ascend to the next floor before stepping on himself and then he put his foot on two steps and quickly had to step down.

we take so much for granted.

denominations

there is a new church being built in los chiles. i went there to ask if they were methodist or free methodist. he understood me completely but the look on his face made me wonder why we are all so divided inter-denominational.

if someone asked me what i am i could tell them i go to new heights which is a free methodist church but that wouldn't define me. and it shouldn't define you.

i could be baptist or presbyterian and wouldn't know the difference if we were all just Jesus freaks. it wouldn't matter which church i went to as long as i could worship in the same way.

we don't 'DO' anything for God. it's whatever God uses us for and that stems out of our worship of Him which is what He wants from and for us.

why do we have to argue about which church is right or better? why can't we all just submit our individual lives to God and leave the rest up to Him?

ywam guatemala

just a bit of info on guatemala. there have been major storms and flooding resulting from hurricanes, whole villages completely buried. not sure where but there are 1,200 homeless children in one area from the recent disasters to hit guatemala.

our pastor in amparo just returned from guatemala. he said the people are even poorer than in cr. especially the larger population of indigenous people.

Children's Ministries

One of the main focuses at the YWAM Guatemala campus is children's ministries. Many children in Guatemala are in physical need and in need of love, acceptance, and Gods message. We have the following weekly outreaches to help and teach children in Guatemala City.

Visiting the Children's Hospital Ward at Roosevelt Hospital to play and read Bible stories to the children confined in the public hospital.

Bible club and weekly lessons for the children living in the city dump. (HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT LIVING IN THE CITY DUMP???) Lunch is also supplied to the children by another participating ministry.

Baby weighing and baby food handout in Tierra Nueva (a squatter community on the north side of the city) We weigh the children, ration out baby cereal and counsel the parents on care for their child.

Bible lessons for a daycare in Tierra Nueva. We share Bible stories and play with the children in the daycare.

Pastor Ministries
Cooperation among different denominations and churches in Guatemala is rare. YWAM Guatemala facilitates, and often hosts, prayer breakfasts for the pastors in our community. This ministry helps to bring local pastors together for fellowship, cooperation, and communication so that they can work together on their common community goals.

Healthcare Ministry
Since the YWAM Guatemala offers the Intoduction to Primary Health Care School occasionally the students and staff run dental or medical clinics in some of the poorer neighborhoods in the city. These outreaches are part of the training process for the health care students.

Street Ministry
We have regular outreaches to the homeless in the downtown sector of Guatemala City at night. We minister to their needs and talk with them about getting off the street and how to get back on their feet again.

www.ywamstreetrevolution.com

ywam costa rica

DTS students impact San José!
We are now almost halfway into our first Discipleship Training School, here at YWAM San José. We have 11 students from many different nations, including the USA, Costa Rica, Jamaica & more! God has been good and we are seeing Him move in the lives of these students and are really excited about the upcoming outreach.

On Mother's Day (August 15th) here in Costa Rica, our students hit the streets of downtown San José with bouquets of flowers to give out to mothers. Many of the women welled up with tears as our students walked up to them with the simple message that Jesus loves them.

A few students went to an area with many prostitutes to give out bouquets. One girl in particular quickly took the flowers from a student while passing by. When she reached the end of the block she read the card attached to the bouquet, which had a scripture written on it. She turned towards the student with tears in her eyes, the Lord was ministering to her through that little act of love. Our students were hit with tremendous love and compassion for these women. Many were astounded by the number of divine appointments that day!

The Virgin of Los Angeles
On August 2nd, our DTS along with a team from Indiana traveled to Cartago, which was the finishing point for thousands of Catholics who were participating in a journey by foot from different places around Costa Rica to celebrate the Virgin of Los Angeles.

Our team had received a word from the Lord to go to Cartago to wash the feet of the travelers. So we headed out with medicine, band-aids and water to give out, and set ourselves up outside the Catholic church.

As people passed by, they looked at us as if we were from a different planet! After washing the feet of one women, she began to share how hard her life had been with her siblings always treating her badly. She spoke of the unforgiveness that she held in her heart towards them. We talked about God's forgiveness for His children and prayed with her, she decided at that moment to forgive her siblings for all of the pain they had caused her. She said, "I have prayed for many years to get rid of this hate, and after talking to you young people, God has truly done something in my heart!"

soldiers and tanks

are now posted along the san juan river that separates costa rica from nicaragua and the nicaraguan ambassador has left costa rica indefinitely. the dispute between the 2 countries over the rights to the river has increased the military presence along the border and the nica gov't has threatened to add a 35% tax on all goods imported from costa rica.

nicaragua owns the river and does not want armed cr police cruising the river. cr maintains they need to bear arms to patrol the river. a tico cop was arrested on nica soil and charged with kidnapping. turns out (arresting) a nica cop who had come to cr and illegally detained 2 ticos and returned them to nica and put them in jail for 6 days.

the nica president said he will never negotiate with cr to allow them to patrol the river with arms. they will only allow commercial navigation. the ticos patrol the river to keep out nicas.

costa rica has appealed to the international court at the hague which has outraged nicaragua even more. now nica is threatening to counter-sue cr to strip them of all rights to the river.

armed aggression. it's all so stupid.

disasters

just reading about the storms and flooding in guatemala, earthquake and storms in india.

while north americans sit comfortably in their warm cozy homes with plenty of food to eat and clean water to drink the rest of the world is either starving, freezing, homeless, dying of disease or something.

walking around san jose today and saw several people sleeping in the open on the sidewalks.

it's hard to think of our excess when there are so many doing without the very basics necessary to sustain life.

did you get that???

so many people without the very basics necessary to sustain life.

do you understand that? it's called starvation. it's what's happening to millions of people around the world each day. it's what killing hundreds of thousands of people around the world each day.

think you can't make a difference? one person CAN make a difference.

but will you?

christmas

it's still a couple months away but christmas decorations and shopping started september 1st. the family doesn-t have much in the way of christmas decorations so i bought some stuff to make something for them. the store was packed with shoppers like it was the week before christmas. the store was filled with tons of toys of every shape and size. there was a very tiny display of nativity scenes. it was so very commercialized. people so intent on buying all the glitter and glamour of A holiday season. people with money to buy all the latest fashions, latest gimmicks, newest cd's, games or toys.

and people up north (cr) without enough money to buy food. living in shacks without lights, without water. people forgetting to celebrate the birth of christ. people forgetting the humble place of His birth. people forgetting His humbleness, His holiness. people forgetting His mercy and compassion for others and forgetting that He asks us to be like Him. His mercy and compassion extended to feeding the hungry. and He asks us to do the same. what will you do this christmas?

one person CAN make a difference. fill a shoebox or 2 or more? donate to a gospel mission to provide a christmas dinner for people that would otherwise have nothing? donate blankets to a shelter? donate winter clothes / boots to a shelter or thrift shop? donate money to buy seeds and tools or chickens or goats or fruit trees to world vision or another charity. ask your friends, family, class mates or co-workers to donate a can of food, a pair of sox, a dollar or ??? don't think your $1.00 won't make a difference. if 20 people each gave $1.00 you would have $20.

as you sit in your nice warm comfy house filling your face with more food than your stomach can possibly handle, drinking your third latte of the day, or you've bought your 20th pair of shoes, or the newest gameboy game, the latest cd, new towels to match the new paint job, i ask you to think about the other 97% (this may not be exact) of the world's population that don't have shelter never mind food.

there are storms, fires, earthquakes, floods, disasters of every kind, all around the world. the news depicts scenes of death and destruction that countries live with each and every day. almost every country in the world is facing one or another disaster it seems.

and then there are the people that have just existed without what north americans consider the necessities of life. microwave, tv, stereo, washing machine and dryer, dishwasher, stove, fridge.

if you have the money to buy food that requires refrigeration you would buy it each day but rice and beans don't require refrigeration. neither does yucca (cassava). it's a root you dig up from the ground and eat.

Jesus says if someone asks for food or water we are to give it to them. it's pretty humbling to have to ask. but where do you go when all the people are poor. who do you ask then? so for the people that can't reach out, don't know how or where to reach out, we need to reach out to them.

it's like if you want your village to be included in a world vision project you have to ask world vision to include you. but what if you don't know who or how to ask?

we that know need to help those that don't. we that can need to help those that can't.

please. remember those in need this christmas.

happy thanksgiving

oct 7 my utmost - God made His own son ''to be sin''... (that we sinners may become saints) and ''endured in His own body the complete cumulative sin of the human race.''

it's beyond my comprehension that Jesus suffered the agony of separation from His beloved Father. i know the heartache i feel when i sin, before repentance and forgiveness and He took sin on Himself for every member of the human race, past, present and future. billions of sinners. the physical agony would have been nothing in comparison. the song i can only imagine - no i can't.

but i am so thankful.

fear

before we went to the game last night eitel freaked that i was wearing earrings, dangly earrings. he was very emphatic that i take them out cuz i couldn't wear them cuz there were people that would rip them right out of my ears as well as a very thin, simple silver chain with nothing on it. then dany said the same things. they are from the country and i was surprised that eitel said that. they're just cheap things, not gold. other strangers on the street in san jose have told me the same things.

people live in fear here. they live behind high fences with razor wire.

it's sad.

propaganda

last week i ended up telling my 3 different teachers about the poverty i have seen in the northern part of costa rica as well as the story about the family living underground with rats, excrement, etc. in a different area.

they could not believe it. they could not believe that there were such poor people in costa rica. i could not believe that they could not have known this. there are poor people sleeping on the main streets of downtown san jose. people in each block asking for money. people get on the buses to present their case for asking for money, ie they can't work and need money to feed their families.

then i had lunch with the lady that was the coordinator with world vision when i volunteered last year. turned out she lives about a block from the school. i was telling her the same stories of poverty i had told my teachers. she knew. she's been there. she's seen it.

she said costa ricans don't know about the poverty in their own country because the tourism board and the government only show the good things of costa rica. the beautiful beaches, the beautiful parks, theatres, the touristy type things. they show propaganda so when people might talk to people or visit in other counties they will speak of the beauty here. not the poverty, not the ugly scenes of garbage.

priceless

friday the boys, jose, jonny, dany, mefy and eitel, came down from amparo to go to the big soccer game last night between costa rica and usa. 3 - 0 for costa rica.

it was pouring rain as we left the house and they said i couldn't take umbrellas cuz they weren't allowed in the stadium cuz the fans could use them to throw at the players. we had to walk a way to get the bus so we were soaked through before we even got on the bus.

we could see the lights as we approached the stadium and even though it was pouring rain we opened the windows so the boys could see. jose and dany have been to a big game before but the others hadn't. eitel was SO-O excited, he was almost beside himself with excitement, he was squealing with delight. i had moved to sit beside jose so eitel could look out the window and he put his arm around me and kissed me and said that this was one of those times that you just can't put a price on something. oh so true. it was priceless

it was cold and we were soaking wet and shivering but the excitement of being there in the stadium watching their favourite players was almost too much.

children in north america get really excited at christmas to see what awaits them under the tree christmas morning. i've always thought of the expression 'more excited than a kid at christmas' it didn't apply to their lives because they have never had christmas presents before last year because they've never had the money.

this was more priceless. i don't know who had more fun. them watching the game or me watching them watching the game. and of course every time we scored a goal we, as well as everyone else, went wild. we sang, we cheered, we jumped (we were standing on our seats) we waved our arms and we didn't sit for 3 hours.

the rain subsided long enough to take a few pictures so i gave my camera to eitel and he just couldn't stop grinning and taking picture after picture.

after the game we had to walk back to san jose. there were just thousands of fans (sold out game) and not enough buses. it was several kms but along the route there were people cheering in front of their houses, trucks, buses, motorcycyles and cars honking their horns and people cheering. the people were ecstatic and going wild.

it will be a night to remember for the rest of our lives.

God is so amazing

even in such simple little things. i finished school today and packed up to go to marcos' house in san pedro near san jose. i had about 30 pounds in my pack on my back, about 20 pounds (all books) in my other pack on my chest, and i was carrying a palm tree i had bought. i walked to the bus in san joaquin (about 1 km) the bus was sitting there waiting. i took the bus to san jose and got a taxi to the bus stop i wanted. marcos' moved a month ago and i was so anxious to get on the bus and put my packs down i got on the wrong bus. it was the bus i used to take to his other house. i was so relieved to be without my packs it didn't even dawn on me til i was getting close (within a few kms) when i realized it i thought ok no problem i'll get off after the turn off and wait for the right bus. several stops before the turn off it came into my head to get off the bus. i didn't have to wait long before the right bus came by and i got on. it went a couple of stops when i realized i would have taken the turn off and been waiting forever for a bus that wasn't coming. the right bus took me to almost right in front of the street where they live.

God is like that for me. without Him i would have been wandering around with my heavy packs wondering where the heck i was, waiting forever, or walking back to the where i'd got off the bus.

i get these thoughts, ones that i know i would not have thought about. they are so clear i just know that i have to act on them.

He just always takes such good care of me. i am so thankful that He is so faithful. always. even when i am not.

He is so amazing.

i just love Him so much. that is why i'm here. if for no other reason.

problems brewing

between costa rica and nicaragua. there is a border dispute and it's escalating. the san juan river that separates the two countries is owned entirely by nicaragua. it's only 1 of about 3 countries in the world to own the river separating it from another country. the costa rican police cruise the river looking for nicaraguans crossing illegally into cr. the nicaraguans don't want the cr police using the river. they have an army, cr doesn't. ticos make no bones about hating nicaraguans and after many years of wars in nicaragua they have been accustomed to violence.

the team comes to los chiles each year which is only 4 kms away from the border. pray there will be a peaceful resolution to this situation.

worms

last night when i got home there was a huge freaking worm on the kitchen floor, your regular garden variety, except that nothing in costa rica is regular size. not having any fear of worms, i tried to pick it up. man i thought that sucker was gonna jump up and eat me alive. both ends shot up to grab my hand. startled the crap outta me. needless to say i didn't try again. the mom in the house scooped it up in paper.

shopping

there are an unbelieveable number of handguns and shotguns on the street. as many stores have armed guards at the door as don't. when i go shopping it's more to look than to buy. i scan the racks for something that might catch my eye. when it does i ask for help. several times i have gone into a store and they dog my steps. literally 2 steps behind me. i pause to look at something they stop too. i take 2 more steps they take 2 more steps. i could turn around and touch them. i know they have to be careful of shoplifters but when that happens i make a beeline right out the door.

our eternal home

as i think about this longing to go home i think of my eternal home. i went to a funeral for someone in church. as tears were shed by family and friends i found myself smiling, thinking of the deceased with joy. joy that they had gone to their heavenly home and were in the presence of Glory.

longing for home!!!

yesterday when i arrived at the bus stop in san jose that would take me back to san joaquin i noticed a san carlos bus sitting across the street. that's the bus that would take me back home.

my heart swelled with a longing for home, it was such a physical yearning, before it registered in my brain.

i wondered what it meant. it was not a longing for canada. it was for costa rica.

i miss the boys but i was lonely there even with 8 or 9 people around all the time. i spent a lot of time in my room reading while mimi spent the evenings in her room with her husband and the boys played play station 2.

we have been infested with chicken mites that had been driving me crazy with scratching. i don't miss that at all. we made a vegetable garden but nobody ever did any work in it and in a very short period of time it was grown over and i was told it was easier to buy the food in the store than to do the gardening.

i don't miss the humungous spiders, the rats, the ants, cockroaches or snakes in the house. the rain in the house, the bug nets, the mosquitoes, the red clay that is almost impossible to get out of your clothes, the garbage, the smells, the 38 degree temperature. i miss the hugs, the kisses, the enthusiasm when they get home from school, going to their soccer games, watching soccer games with them, cooking and cleaning for them. i miss them.

the weird thing is that i didn't really feel that the longing was to go home either. i miss them terribly and will return home next week. but i wonder if that is where i'm supposed to be.

i was talking to God and wondering about the intense longing to go home but not being sure where that was when i realized what date it was. october 2nd. one year exactly to the day that i arrived in santa rosa and had this feeling of coming home, it was like a cloud that descended on me and enveloped me, yet i was in a place i'd never been before, and when i was thanking God He said 'but only for one year' it would have been exactly one year yesterday except that i returned to canada april 8 and didn't come back to costa rica until may 13th.

i woke up again at 4.00 this am wondering about it. what this longing is for? is there something or someone in santa rosa i should do or see?

november 7 will be 365 days here. i have a ticket to return to canada 12/29th. will i change it? will i need it? will i use it?

sin and forgiveness

you had a broken heart, now you don't.

so i should shoot you??? who are our worst critics? those who can't empathize with us? those who are so happily married or have had perfectly happy lives that they don't understand, have never felt the pain and loneliness of a broken heart?

so when we try to mend our broken lives and screw up in the process or don't do it according to what's expected of us we should be ostracized?

there is a family in los chiles where the father has been committing incest with his adult daughter for 4 years. she was afraid to report him to the authorities. until he threatened to kill her child.

once he knew he had been reported he escaped to nicaragua and hasn't been seen or heard from since.

at the time my friend told me about it scripture came to mind to cast him out of the church. and then i thought of the forgiveness of Jesus. i was reminded that there is nothing that can separate us from the love of Christ. we need to repent and ask for forgiveness from Him. and make amends to those we have hurt. we do not need to confess our sins to the rest of the world.

no one could think worse of me than myself when i sin because i know it breaks the heart of God. and that breaks my heart. i don't need a bunch of pious, self-righteous critics to remind me i screwed up. i need their mercy, their compassion, their forgiveness and their love.

i know who you are and i know what you did. and i love you anyway.

costa rica

this is a map of costa rica. i live about 25 kms south of los chiles (at the very top in the middle) but where i am going to school and staying is near heredia (right above san jose, the star in the centre)

http://www.mapquest.com/atlas/main.adp?region=cstarica

san jose is not a pretty city. the whole country has a problem with garbage. the people live behind locked gates and have bars on the windows. last night and one night last weekend i stayed at patri's house. (the oldest daughter in my family) she lives just south of san jose. the city and the suburbs (except for the newly developing neighbourhoods) are very poor, dirty and not pretty. last week as i was walking to patri's house a rat walked across the street in front of me. frequently when i go to her house i wonder if i am on the right street. the rain erodes the asphalt (what there is left of it) and the street changing it from time to time.

previous team members have mentioned having a bad experience driving in a taxi here. storefronts have metal doors that roll down at closing time turning a once busy, bright street, lined with popular shops, into a dark, intimidating alley where even the locals fear to tred.

shops and houses are built onto each other. side yards??? they are lucky to have a few square feet for a front or a back yard.

the rat crossing the dirty, littered street in front of me reminded me of movies i have seen of london and paris a few hundred years ago.

the hordes of people, shop front to shop front, and buses curb to curb, reminded me of poor streets in movies i have seen of china or other asian cities. too many people and not enough space to contain them all.

the flowers and plants are unbelievable though. like none i've ever since in canada or magazines. the countryside. absolutely gorgeous. it is easy to envision the garden of eden. (just checked iraq (the euphrates) - 30 degrees north.)

but this is where my heart is.

the guys rules

hilarious. rotflol. thanks sushi i loved this. i sent it to everyone i know that i thought would not have already received it.

christopher columbus didn't ask directions cuz the rest of the crew were men too and they didn't have any more of a clue where they were than he did.

i have been exploring a bit by taking buses just to see where they go. last week i was looking for a specific bus stop so i asked for directions. one said 6 blocks that way (north) the next 2 said 4 blocks that way (also north but in the opposite direction). they pointed out streets on my map and called them by name. i pointed out on the same map where the streets were marked and they were different names. i was pretty sure if the map said 6 street that it was 6 street and not 0 street as the men said. another told me something else. i thanked each of them and carried on my way just as before. once i saw a landmark i was on my own and knew where i was.

another day i asked where a certain bus stop was and got the same reponse. the difference being they were all bus drivers that i asked. there can be as many as 9 buses in an intersection. 3 leaving it, 3 in the middle of it and 3 entering it. i kept asking other bus drivers cuz i didn't believe what each of them was telling me. they just didn't have that air of confidence. finally i got one that told me it was the stop behind him.

the only reason men discovered new lands was cuz they couldn't find the ones they were looking for.

in church or bible study we have talked about putting men down. i love men. i'm just speaking the truth.

tanning salon

the boys are coming to san jose next weekend to go to the costa rica / usa soccer game and i'm thinking maybe we could go to a pool (indoor) if it's not too freaking cold. but i'd have to go to a tanning salon... in costa rica. can you believe it. i can't. i'd have more of a tan in canada.

we're at 10 degrees north of the equator. and it's 35 c at home and they're at 11 degrees north. we should be warmer???

i'm a mush

went to church in zapote (not far from san jose) last night and this am. last night as i was praying someone came up and prayed over me. a while later someone else did. that in itself would have made me cry if i wasn't already.

it's a huge church, about 3,000 people, the services are in espanol (could you have guessed) so i don't understand everything. i have needed to go. i need to worship and have missed going up to the garden in amparo.

several speakers in this church speak in tongues. it's an involuntary thing. their speech flows and they switch from spanish to tongues as fluidly as a dolphin glides through water.

sometimes i am on a bus, other times walking down the street, other times maybe in a restaurante or some other place and i get choked. i think of how much i love God and i'm filled with such joy it brings tears to my eyes. i have to tell Him (like He doesn't know) that i'm in a public place and don't want to cry so i have to choke back my feelings. as i am thanking God for His love, His presence in my life, i am filled with the joy of loving Him and i become a mush.

for as much as i can say i don't care what people think of me, that i live for an audience of One, why do i tell Him i will talk to Him later when i turn to mush in a public place? if i really did live for an audience of One would i care that i might look stupid?

seeds

geronimo is the name of the missionary from africa that i met last weekend at church. he showed a short video where 2 men killed a woman. apparently she had seen a man without his spiritual mask so she had to be killed. the 2 men put a rope around her neck and walked in opposite directions and with a sharp snap of the rope they broke her neck. while her young son looked on. the next picture was one of a group of men, husband, brothers and sons. the mom was dead and there were no other women. when the son grew up he became a leader in the village and made changes. missionaries came to his village and he became a christian as did most of the people in his village.

geronimo said that when blood is spilled for Christ that a seed is planted. i wonder how many people who have lost someone dear to them have grown from those seeds. God did start us in a garden.

went dancing

yesterday they had dance classes at school. it was very nerve wracking at first cuz i have 2 left feet but it was a lot of fun. i have watched dany and jose dance together (they were showing me how it's done) and i have wanted to learn, although i don't know where i'd use it, but it was a blast. we were taking merengue, salsa and cumbio i think it was called. you also need a partner for it.

there are dance classes tuesdays and cooking classes and theatre nights wednesdays. going to the movies tonight. they're in english with spanish sub-titles.

pj's

can't believe i bought flannel pajamas. in costa rica!!!

i have been buying a few things lately. i have warmer clothes in amparo but not much here and it gets really cold here. thankfully they have a lot of 2nd hand stores here.

school costs

initially i only signed up for one week cuz i wasn't sure why i was coming here. it's great, i'm loving it and i've learned more in one week here than i have in the past year.

it ain't cheap but when i got the invoice today for the next 2 weeks. they had knocked off $100 saying because i was volunteering here for a year. bonus.

school

i have another teacher again today. we spent 2 hours this morning with me telling him about my relationship with God. he's a young practising catholic. i wasn't dishing catholicism but i told him that what i understood the difference to be between catholics and protestants (is that what i am?) was that when you ask Jesus into your heart and believe, that's it. there is no purgatory. we talked for 2 hours. it was kinda cool.

it was all in spanish so i guess i am learning something.

casting stones

oh no, i can't do that. i am not pure. i am not perfect. i have sinned and will again. only Jesus was without sin. only Jesus had the right to cast stones. but He didn't. He forgave us. and He tells us to do the same.

who do you need to forgive?

you may not like what someone does. neither does Jesus. but He loves them anyway. and He forgives them. and He tells us to do the same.

He tells us if we have something against our brothers to stop what we are doing and to make amends.

who do you need to forgive?

lies, deceit, immorality

ooh it sounds like the makings of a weekly tv series.

we all watch them. we lap them up like a sponge. the difference between christians and non-christians though is if this is how our lives are actually playing out the non-christians don't say anything cuz they don't give a --it. we christians however, are the first to criticize, judge, condemn.

i don't know about you but i am crushed in spirit when i have sinned and only when God has forgiven me is my spirit lifted.

if you know how you feel when God forgives you, when God has delivered you from the burden of guilt, how can you possibly condemn another brother in Christ.

we sinned yesterday, we sinned today and we will sin again tomorrow. God loves us and forgives us. He does not want us to be burdened with our guilt. that in itself is a sin. it's like saying we don't trust or believe that God has forgiven us.

eye witnesses

twice now i have been so confused by being so very tired. my eyes have played tricks on me by thinking i was seeing something that wasn't there. i had actually hallucinated and only when God reminded me about it did i believe the truth about seeing something else that wasn't there. and last night being so tired and getting the class time mixed up this am.

it makes me wonder about what eye witnesses see when they say they saw something happen.

so tired

wednesday night i did homework until 11.50. last night i did homework until 12.30 am. then i woke up at 5 to talk to God for an hour. i woke up again at 10 to 7. flew out of bed, had a quick shower, inhaled my breakfast and only drank 1/2 of my coffee. the lady of the house told me i didn-t have to run and i told her i was late, i couldn-t finish my coffee cuz i didn-t have time. i almost ran all the way to school, looking over my shoulder, hoping a taxi would go by so i wouldn't be too late.

i arrived at school at 7.45. there were no cars in the parking lot. there was hardly anyone in the offices, no one in the classrooms. i went back to the office to ask where everyone was. they said it's friday so no hurry. i wondered if this was a cultural thing i hadn't heard of yet. i sat in my classroom to study and a secretary walked by. she is from victoria so is fluent in english. i asked her if people started work late on fridays. she wondered why. as i was explaining because everyone was late she asked if i did not know the school hours.

lights go on. school starts at 8.00. i am so tired. i had been thinking school started at 7.30 and i was 15 minutes late. i am so used to getting up at 5.00 am.

it's no wonder people shake their head at me. the boys at home just say oh teri and laugh.

buses in downtown san jose

i have always been told, by my tico family, by my friends in canada, by the police here. it's not safe to walk alone, after dark in downtown san jose. i've done it a few nights in a row now. no fear, no worry.

last night i was leaving downtown at 8.00. i got on the bus (there are thousands of buses here) and asked if he was going to san joanquin de flores, where i'm staying right now. he said no so i had to get off the bus. i had to pay anyway cuz they have electronic sensors to make sure that the number of riders is matched by the amount of money submitted.

i have gone on a few bus rides that have taken me a bit out of my way but it's an opportunity to see a bit more of the city.

God's listening but He ain't talking

talked with God this am for an hour. i asked if He could tell me what He wanted people to hear and i would write it down. it would so much easier if i could just read something. but He's not saying. so i'll just go and see what He has to say saturday.

testimony

there may be a bit of confusion about the prayer request for my testimony. it's not to talk about me but about the people i have seen and places i have been to. about the poverty in costa rica. my teacher lives in the san jose area and said he was not aware of the living conditions as i described to him. children that are hungry because there is no food and no money to buy food. a grandmother with several grandchildren living in a bamboo house with dirt floors, no power, no doors, and torn black plastic for one wall that blows about with the wind. a cluster of 6 or 7 families sharing 1 water pipe because there is no money for everyone to pay for their own.

he hadn't seen or heard about the family i saw on tv at christmas that lived in squalor and darkness underground. with rats, excrement, garbage, no light.

his church wants to do missionary work. in el salvador, guatemala, honduras. he wants people in his church to hear that people in costa rica need help.

i want them to hear too.

susy help! come back!

blog spam

help! is there a way to block blog spam.

His presence

the following is taken from erin's blog and it is a perfect way to describe my day of soaring. maybe the scenery wasn't as incredibly beautiful as i saw it through my eyes. maybe it was just coloured with His presence. whispering in the wind. bubbling in the stream. greener greens. His invisible presence walking with me, touching my heart

But the most stunning thing of beauty was simply His presence. You know, sometimes when you're around someone you love, you're aware of their presence... but it's like they're sort of there but not. And then there's other times, when you FEEL their presence, when it is as if their gaze or their words or their being actually touches you. Actually brushes your skin. It was sort of like that.

And it was Beautiful.

thanks erin for helping me to describe the stunning beauty of my day.

thank you

i can't recount all the answered prayers but i thank each and every one of you for your prayers.

today i got news that my mom is in a new place and much happier.

i have a few other family members that need prayer and although you don't know the details we know that God does and He does answer prayers.

thanks again.

i love you all
teri

perceptions and lies

i was hurt by what i perceived to be a lie by someone i love. believing what i thought to be the truth i wondered how i could ever trust that person again. as i wondered how it would affect our relationship i thought of how much i love that person and how i did not want it to affect our relationship.

i was SO wrong. it wasn't that anyone told me anything, i thought i actually saw something happen and then was told something different than what i thought i had seen. what i perceived as the truth God revealed to me as a lie. when He opened my eyes (almost literally) i could hardly believe i was so easily led into believing the lie. i wonder how many of us do the same.

remember Jesus Christ is the Truth. satan is the enemy who would deceive us and have us believe the lies and cause division. broken hearts, broken relationships / friendships.

someone very dear to me told me today that they have experienced broken relationships/friendships from what i believe must be others lies. i couldn't believe it. are we so easily led astray by the enemy that we are willing to believe everything we hear. especially christians. are we not taking every thought captive to God. do you not question anything or do you just accept that it must be the truth.

we are just dumb sheep. but could we not at least question what we hear. even what we think we see. could we not talk to God about it.

as God revealed the truth to me i was so relieved. i could hardly believe that i had so willingly believed the enemies lies. i was putting more faith in the enemies lies than in the person i love.

how many of us have done the same thing with other people in our lives.

SOARING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sept 15. went for a walk today and what started as a very ordinary morning turned into an amazing day. one day last week i was walking home in my hurried cdn. walk with my headphones on listening to worship music. it was getting dark and i thought i was alone on the road so i was singing out loud. if you know me you know i can't carry a tune in a bucket. i felt somone's presence behind me and turned to see a woman close behind. i took my headphones off and explained that i was listening to christian music and although i couldn't sing i loved to. she said that explained why i always walked along smiling. however i had never worn my headphones walking and certainly never sang out loud before. she said she was walking to el gallito but she turned off before amparo. she said it was a different route.

i walked that route today. it was incredibly beautiful. to me. green trees, green fields of sugar cane, yuca, grass. i heard a sound and stopped to listen. it was God whispering through the trees. another sound - a bubbling brook. it so touched my heart it brought tears to my eyes. i wanted to just sit down in the dirt in the middle of the horse trail but i knew if i did i would've spent the day there and not accomplish what i had set out to do. i continued walking, sniffling away, trying to hold back tears.

i came to a fork in the road and took the high road even though it was a way less travelled. after awhile i wondered if i was lost and thought it wouldn't matter if i was cuz God knew where i was. i emerged on another road and came to a bridge. i heard God whispering through the bamboo and stopped to look at the creek below me. i watched as 2 cows walked over to the stream and i stood there eyes closed and was praying when i felt anothers presence. when i finished i turned and saw a man walking towards me. i thought i may have appeared a bit strange and continued on my way. weird as it was my previous sniffly, runny nose had stopped.

i had come out on the road to el gallito and as i appeared walking from the opposite direction the principal asked if i was lost. i haven't had such an amazing day in a very long time. and it's all in the company you keep and yet to others i appeared to be alone.

it was hot, humid and completely overcast and a most wonderful day. it was a day of thanksgiving. for everything, for sounds, for sights. a bird watched me and was chattering away excitedly. i was talking to it and thought if any one had seen me they would've thought me strange. but when i said moo to a cow i thought ok that is strange.

i heard God whispering in the wind in the trees, in the bubbling brook, gave thanks out loud as i walked along, talked to Him and spoke silent prayers standing in the middle of the road. and my heart soared.

i felt so much love for God i wanted to cup His face in my hands and kiss Him. then i wanted to put my arms around Him and squeeze the stuffing out of Him (that's what i do and say when i tell my grandchildren i love them so much.)

i can see that day in my heart.

religion in costa rica

today i was talking with a costa rican about catholicism in costa rica. it is a catholic country. religion is a class taught as frequently as math, science or social studies. it is a tradition that is passed down from generation to generation. people go to church, wear crufixes and they cross themselves. and i was told that children are hit if they read the bible. i have talked to friends here who are catholics. they go to church faithfully every week. but they never read the bible. they say they believe in God but they don-t have a relationship with Him. they don-t talk or pray to Him.

i brought the Jesus video for children and have shown it in a few schools. it was so cool to watch some of the kids faces as they stared so intently at the tv. they may have had several years of religious teaching but it was like their eyes were seeing Him for the first time.

i heard a missionary say that italy has some insanely low number of christians. like 3% of the country were christians. when i repeated this to someone they asked how could that be - the vatican is there. they are all catholics, they go to church.

but if the children here are being hit if they read the bible are they being raised to believe like the pharisees, being religious and nothing more?

back in class / need prayer

i've thought about going to school here which would be learning spanish full time all day every day. i pick up a few words here and there at home but it hasn't been enough. i need an actual teacher. and of course living with 2 boys (dany and jose) that speak english doesn't help. school isn't cheap though and is a long way from home so i'd have to live in san jose. if i'm only here for a few months should i? will i ever use it again? will i ever come back? is it worth the considerable expense? and then i'd maybe feel even more alone in a strange town, house.

i don't know.

i wrote the above to a friend and a week later i am in school.

why did i come this week when i had something to do every day this week? i would have been up and out of the house at 6.00 every day. why didn-t i at least wait one more week when i had finished all my work? i had no idea but apparently God did.

i arrived at the cpi school in san joaquin de flores (near heredia) monday at 11.30 and started class at 1.00. it was just the teacher and me. i was excited - i was finally going to learn how to speak spanish.

the next am i had a different teacher. we talked for awhile so the teacher could determine my level of proficiency. after awhile he told me he was a christian too and that he was not scheduled to work this week but had been called in the night before. he told me that there is a missionary from africa in his church this week and invited me to come to his church.

this morning we talked for 4 hours about my experiences here and the people i have met and the things i have done. classes are only 4 hours. then he told me i had to come to his church on saturday night to give my testimony. ah that would be no. i don-t speak in public. he said yes you have to. i said i wouldn-t know what to say. he said you have to tell the people what you just told me. i have always sat in the back row. i am a support person i don-t do up front. he said you will come and you will speak. hah (as in panic). i agree that what i told him needs to be told to other people but i am not a public speaker. i came to san jose after school and as i was thinking about it i was feeling the panic set in. my skin started crawling, it was creepy.

a friend sent me this after i told them about going to school - And it may be an investment into a future of missions for you... you could certainly lead groups to Spanish speaking countries...

well i-m not a leader either but this is so weird the way things are happening.

i am in excellent health but just the thought of standing up front to give a testimony makes my skin crawl, my heart pound, my hands shake. i haven-t a clue what to say. i can talk one on one with someone but he said he has a big church (like several hundred people) i wish i had recorded it so he could just play it.

please pray for me for the right words to say, to say what God wants people to hear, and the strength and courage to stand up and say them.

and also that i would learn more spanish. and remember it.

pouring ourselves out for God

read this in my utmost the other day. what does it mean to pour ourselves out for God? how do we do this? some days i think what i'm doing that day is pleasing to God. other days, like a few days lately, i just have to tell Him i can't do it, i just don't have it in me. and He seems to work with that, even when i can't make sense of it, He seems able to.

test

This is funny. YOU fill in the blanks about ME and send it back to
ME. But first send a blank one out to all your friends, including
me, so we can return the favor to you. Be honest -- they're really
SCARY to get back. It only takes a few minutes, so just do it!!!!
1st: Send (forward) this Survey to everyone you know to see how
well he or she knows you.
2nd:(reply) Fill this survey out about the person who sent it to
you and send it back to them.

Your name:

Where did we meet:

Take a stab at my middle name:

Do I believe in God:

How long have you known me:

Do I smoke:

What was your first impression of me upon meeting:

Color of my eyes:

Do I have any siblings:

What's one of my favorite things to do:

Do you remember one of the first things I said to you:

What's my favorite type of music:

What is the best feature about me:

Am I shy or outgoing:

Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:

What's your favorite memory of me:

Any special talents:

Would you consider me a friend:

If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be:

If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is the one
thing would I bring?

a friend emailed me this and i sent it out to a few friends. it was fun to get the replies back so thought i'd share it with you.

feelings

i've been feeling down lately and was crying last night. dany asked me why i was crying (they don't do that here - everyone is tranquilo) and he told me not to cry. he doesn't understand and as i don't understand my feelings myself how can i explain them to the family. i don't know if it's as a result of the full moon that's coming or what but it's like i don't have a friend here i can talk to. i talk to dany or jose but they're boys and don't talk or listen like girls. and mimi and i talk but it's so stilted cuz i don't understand everything. i've been feeling very emotional lately and don't know why. i hope it's just the moon coming full and will pass soon. after talking to God on the way here on the bus i feel a little better. but He's like having a best friend that doesn't talk back with you. although He does give me the peace no one else could.

feeling lonely

feeling lonely in a houseful of people. i never saw news on the tsunami until a couple weeks later when i read about it on a church email. i didn't see news on the hurricane that hit new orleans, still haven't seen anything, only heard that it was bad. the boys watch some really bad japanese cartoons or futbol or music videos. i sometimes sit through the cartoons and i watch futbol with them but as for the videos, i find some of them disgusting so i end up reading alone in my bedroom. yesterday i decided i was going to watch the news and they ended up watching the cartoons in mimi's bedroom so again i sat alone. i'm really missing having a friend to talk to. to have real heart to hearts.

i feel less alone today walking about san carlos than i would if i was at home. so i'm taking my time about leaving and will end up walking home alone in the dark.

there has been so much rain lately it's been too wet to go to the garden (aerodrome) to spend quiet time alone with God and there is almost never any quiet home alone in the house. finally yesterday i could go for a walk but was eaten alive by the ants so didn't stay long, not long enough.

God's sense of humour

was feeling kinda bummed this am and decided i needed to get out of the house today. as i was walking to the highway i told God that if He was going to use me today He was going to have to do all the work cuz i just couldn't. i had walked a couple of kms talking to Him all the way and a car stopped to give me a ride. i don't usually get a ride unless i need one and as i had been enjoying talking to God i didn't think i needed one but got in anyway.

i got another marriage proposal from a guy i'd never met before. he was 23 and even when i told him my age he said age wasn't important, only love is important. that may be true but i told him he was too young. he reiterated only love was important, not age and i reminded him that i didn't even know him. so then i told him i was returning to canada in a few months and he said he would come with me. it was quite funny actually and we were both laughing. i told him if God wanted me to be married He would bring me a christian husband. he said he was a christian. then he asked if i wanted a canadian or a costa rican husband. i told him that wasn't important. then he asked me if i would marry a nica and i said yes if he was from God. a nica? his expression was like you gotta be kidding.

i went on to tell juan that it doesn't matter what nationality anyone is as we are all God's children and He loves each and everyone one of us the same.

for as much as i had thought God had a sense of humour, bringing me out of myself, i later thought He had been using me as i had told Him He would have to. so maybe i hadn't needed a ride but maybe juan needed to hear that we all are equal in the eyes of God.

answered prayers

every so often there is a story circulated about a guy that buys some milk and ends up going to a house and wondering why he's doing it. turns out the family has no money and the baby is hungry and needs milk.

yesterday while i was on the way to los chiles i decided to buy wiring for my family's house. the house is very old and the wiring is something else, to say the least it's pretty scary. there is no light in the living room and when i wanted to buy a fan for the living room, so they wouldn't burn raid mosquito coils under the chairs they were sitting on, i was told not to because the wiring was too bad.

i had no idea what to buy and asked the hardware store to phone the house and talk to the dad to find out what we needed. the price - the clerk wrote out the bill, i pulled out my money - it was exactly what i had.

i had just spent a lot of money going to panama for the weekend and even though it wasn't cheap it was just in my head to buy the wiring yesterday. for awhile now i had thought it might be something that next year's team could help with.

when i got home and showed it to mimi she showed me a box of receptacles patricio had bought last saturday, two days before i bought the wire. she said they had an unexpected deposit in their account and decided to buy the receptacles. she and later jose told me they had prayed about the wiring and asked God to provide what they could not afford.

i didn't know they had bought the receptacles and i didn't know before i left the house yesterday that i was going to buy the wiring. last night when patricio got home he told me he had been worried about the wiring causing a fire and he had wanted to replace it. they had gone to the bank to take out their last $15 and found they had a couple hundred. the walls in the boys bedrooms were literally rotted and falling off so they were able to put up new walls as well.

God works in mysterious ways and sometimes we just get thoughts and need to act on them.

bribes

had to bribe the border guards at panama. dany and i came on tica bus to see the costa rican national soccer team game vs panama. we had driven about half a km when the bus was stopped again by some official who said that dany's salvo conductor (temporary travel pass - he does not have a passport) had not been stamped by the customs at the border. he would have been sent back to costa rica so we had to pay $5.00 so he could stay on the bus. so right now he is in panama illegally.

please pray. not kidding.

dance

dany and jonny grad this year and they are putting on a dance on saturday to raise money for their class to go to the beach for 3 days. i love to dance and can dance all night. i told dany i wanted to go and he said it wasn't a christian dance. i said that didn't matter cuz i wouldn't understand the words anyway. he asked me not to dance if i go because christians don't dance. what? of course they do. 2 sam 6.14 rejoicing 'king david danced before the Lord with all of his might' he said he knew that but here they don't then here they should. i have seen them dancing in the church in santa cecilia. i asked xinia to go wtih me, if so i will go, otherwise no cuz it's a long walk home. other people in canada were shocked when i said i danced. like christians shouldn't dance? i don't understand at all why anyone would think we shouldn't.

but then i had second thoughts. i seem to be a drunk magnet so maybe it's not a good idea.

feeling pretty cocky

coming home tonight (8/17) i felt very cocky about know that God would take care of me. at one point i wondered about the difference between being cocky and arrogant. i had taken 5 different buses to get home in 11 hours. it POURED rain almost the entire way home. when i got off the bus at santa cecilia it was 7pm, dark, raining and i had a HEAVY backpack. coming home on the bus i had already told God there was no way i could walk home with my pack. it was so very heavy and the weight of it was hurting/bruising my back. i sat down and had an ice cream and wondered how God was going to provide a way home. there was a boy there at sta cecilia that i'd seen on the bus a lot and knew that he would be making his way home but how and when i didn't know. as i sat there eating my ice cream a car went by and i thought i should maybe start walking cuz God knew where i was. as i started walking i realized my pack wasn't near as heavy as it had been all day and it wasn't resting on the swollen area. i realized that although it was raining it was not the torrential downpour it had been most of the day. there were house lights and street lights every so often but even where there weren't and it was totally dark there was enough light for me to find my way. even without using my flashlight that i had in my pack. after walking about 1/3 of the way a truck came along and the boy i knew from the bus was in the back and he got the truck driver to stop for me. because there had been so much rain there was a lot of flooding on the road and right after the truck picked me up we drove through a river across the road. a short while later the guy pulled into his driveway and we got out and started walking. mykel and i walked for about another 1/3 of the way, him in his work boots and me in sandals slip sliding away walking through all the water and mud. another vehicle approached and i asked God if we could please have a ride. there was a big soccer game (cr vs mexico) starting in 5 minutes and i wanted to see it. i'm quite certain God wasn't too concerned about the game but we did get another ride. what i hadn't seen was an even bigger river across the road not even 20' ahead. and so i did make it home in time to see the game. i walked home alone in the dark, in the rain with a heavy pack for a couple of kms, walked a couple more kms with mykel and rode the rest of the way. i had rides when i needed them, a pack that was somehow lighter, enough light to see to walk in the dark and a lighter rainfall. you never have to worry if you trust in God because He will take care of you. He takes care of me all the time.

cr team 2006

don't know what the team can do. construction starts on a new church in december. they could use drums and a guitar. they need to get a rocking band to attract the youth. i walked home with a boy who didn't speak a word of english. he said he was a christian and that he likes guns and roses although he doesn't understand a word. the youth aren't coming to church. but i think more youth would come if the music wasn't so sedate.

sex

it's illegal to have sex with a child under 18 years of age. there are warning signs throughout the country. but you can marry a child at 15 - then it's ok. ???

pata caliente

friends and family say i am this. and if you know me you know this is true. it's hot feet or legs meaning i can't sit still and i'm always on the go. it sounds better to say that i'm spontaneous than to say i'm impulsive. i get an idea in my head and i just go or just do it. like leaving nicaragua, i missed the 7.00 bus and would have to wait 6 hours so i got on a bus going somewhere to get on another bus , then another. (5 in total) it wasn't a patience thing, i just couldn't just sit for that long doing nothing.

speechless with sorrow

from my utmost 8/18 - it's referring to luke 18.22 and 23. the rich young ruler. that in itself doesn't bother me. but for me everything points to luke 14.26 and 33. God did tell me it was only for one year. i will have lived here with this family for over a year. they have become my family and i love them. i love all the boys, they are like sons i never had. i know we aren't supposed to have favourites but dany is my baby, maybe because he speaks english.

God asks us to yield to Him - everything. not just our material possessions but our relationships, anything or anyone of importance. He wants us to give that to Him. He wants us to surrender everything, every possession, every relationship to Him. we are everything to Him. He wants to be everything to us. i know i will leave here but i know i will be speechless with sorrow when i do. i am just thinking about it. but never for long as He keeps another of His promises - to be close to the broken hearted and He saves me once again. Psalm 34.18.

i can't explain it but when i sold my house, quit my job and left my family to come here it wasn't hard at all. for as much as i love my family it was easy to leave. maybe because i knew i'd be back. it's one thing to have a family that you see a few hours a week or a month or a year. it's quite another to actually feel like a loved member of a very close famly that you live wtih every day. this is where i really feel God is testing me. to see if i really will put Him first. i will.

will you?

outside internet cafe

i-m back in costa rica at playa del coco today. the internet cafe is outside and it-s a tropical thunderstorm and i am getting wet. i-m surprised they keep this computer going. i hope i won-t get electrocuted while i-m sitting here. although it makes for a very beautiful internet spot. i am in a garden with a tin roof overhang about 3 ft on one side and 5 ft on the other 2 sides and 2 ft behind me where the rain is just pouring down. there is thunder and lightning, it-s really kinda cool and kinda romantic.

the screen, cpu and keyboard are getting wet so i better go cuz i don-t know how much longer i should sit here.

beisbol (baseball)

got to watch a beisbol game at the beach today. the tide was out so the local youth had a game. they were using a black ball and it was very hard to see it. as i was laying there watching the game the ball was hit and the fielder ran backwards, turned around and ran, literally, right over me. i couldn't see the ball and it all happened so fast i didn't have time to get up, only to roll away to the side to get out of the way. but obviously not in time. if he had been wearing running shoes he would have left a treadmark on my back upper thigh. no one had hit that far out before so i thought i was out of the way.

i will have to tan all day tomorrow just to cover up the black and blue i know i will have.

but even so it was a blast watching the game. i have become such a soccer fan i hadn't even thought about watching beisbol on tv. i found myself clapping or cheering when a good play was made.

soldiers

there are 2 fences at the border with maybe 6 feet between the countries with razor wire on top on the costa rica side. the nica side has soldiers with artillery. it's very different at this border crossing than the one near los chiles. i saw a soldier at the beach with a machine gun. it's hard to imagine the wars here between the sandinistas and contras.

i just can't imagine living in a war torn country. canadians are blessed to be living in peace.

turtle tour

for $24 i could have gone on a turtle tour tonight. what an cool experience that would've been. i hadn't booked cuz i wasn't sure i could stay awake all night, it was from 7pm to 1am. i had checked out earthwatch's website and it costs about $2,000 to come here to do a turtle tour.

after having something to eat (breakfast, lunch and dinner) at 3.30 and all days' coffee in one sitting i decided i could stay awake and returned at 5.45 to book the tour. i had overheard someone saying it was almost 7 and learned that the time changed to daylight savings today and when i arrived to book the tour they were leaving. i am still in my bathing suit so so much for a turtle tour.

costa rica doesn't change the time. but apparently some locals do and some don't - that should be helpful in understanding the bus schedule?

in nicaragua now

left cañas at 08.00 this am and finally cleared the border at peñas blancas at 12.40. it took 2 1-2 hours to go through the border. there were hundreds of people. and tons of money changers. not having my calculator on me i changed 8,000 colones for cordobas (nicaraguan currency). i got ripped off. i only changed 8,000 cuz i'd left my fanny pack (with the rest of my money and credit card) in my backpack on the bus. needless to say the money changer wasn't seen again.

see no fear here. said as i am again shaking my head at myself.

i am at a small beach town for a few days then think i will go to granada for 1 or 2 days. it's supposed to be beautiful, centuries old spanish architecture.

here, in san juan del sur, all the streets are made of paving stones. very cool. most of the houses, schools, churches and some stores in nica are made of red brick. also very cool. and with original spanish tile roofs. they're beautiful.

i have a tica bus map showing there is a tica bus terminal in san juan del sur. so of course i expected the bus to drive into san juan. not so. they let me off on the highway in almost the middle of nowhere so i start hiking down the road in the direction of the ocean. until i saw a sign that said san juan 18 kms. with a 20 pound pack and hot sun. mm - don't think so.

i talked to a family who flagged down a taxi for me. the taxi was like a bus inasmuch as he had 4 different fares in the car.

it's a small, quiet, peaceful beach town on a beautiful curved bay. poor nica shacks dot the hillside to the south, rich haciendas cover the hillside to the north and quaint little restaurants / bars all along the beach.

common sense

lol - aug 9 from my utmost - never let your common sense become so prominent and forceful that it pushes the Son of God to one side.

well there's definitely no fear of that here.

help

the odd time as i run a scenario through my mind of being in trouble and needing help, i think of who i would ask for help and as quickly as i think of some person i think of Jesus. maybe it's a natural human response to think of another human for help but as a child of God to know that He is our Helper, our Protector. and He is always there for us.

instant panic

yesterday while we worked in one school the principal asked if i would talk to the students for half an hour in english. instant panic. what could i say they had fed us lunch. instant prayer. i said yes and as i walked 12 feet to the classroom said panic prayers to Jesus for help and calm. instant response. everything went as smooth as a baby's bum.

God is so awesome! and so faithful!

feeling kinda emotional this time around

not sure why but the last few months i have cried a few times. i thought it was because of the full moons but the past 2 days there hasn't been a full moon. i feel like i'm more running away from home than leaving the country for 3 days. instead of becoming more tranquila i seem to be less. i love everyone so much but they just don't care about things and it's driving me crazy. i miss them just being away for 1 day. as much as living there is driving me crazy there is no place i'd rather be. they take immaculate personal care but as for the house and yard, nobody gives a ..it. so why should i care if they don't? they are perfectly happy, tranquilo.

500 trees for $700

i am working with toshi, a japanese agronomist (?), making vegetable gardens in schools. he said vision mundial is buying trees for some of the schools in the area. sadly they do not include the poorer schools i visited on the frontera. (but i'm working on him) i asked about buying trees and for $700 they can buy 500 orange trees. also talking to him about making gardens in those schools and needed a villager or family to take responsibility for the garden.

i told toshi if he would prepare a list of materials and prices for vision mundial costa rica to give to world vision canada
so if anyone wanted to make a donation to world vision canada they will give the money to vmcr to buy these materials, ie garden implements, seeds, trees.

please pray about this and if you can help please let me know and i will put you in touch with the person at world vision canada that i am involved with. this way you can get a tax receipt from world vision canada for whatever amount you donate.

on the road again

yesterday after working with vision mundial in 2 schools in 2 communities i returned to los chiles at 1.30. the next bus to upala was at 2.00 so i got on it. i was on buses from 2 to 7.40.

it got dark. i had no idea where i was going or where i would sleep when i got there. originally i had intended to spend the night in los chiles but the bus for upala was there so i got on it. but then there weren't any rooms in upala. so i got on the bus again to go to cañas.

as i started thinking i must be crazy i wondered about talking to God. i know i told Him last nite i had to leave the country for 3 days and i wanted to go to nicaragua but as i was travelling i wondered if i had listened to Him for an answer. didn't recall that i had. was He up there just shaking His head at me. as i contemplated my situation, dark, alone, no destination, no reservation i questioned my sanity again and got a little flutter in my stomach. i know the bus heading somewhere was not the time or place to start to get worried. so i talked to God. if i have said i trust God wtih my life, my future, then that included last night and i didn't have to worry. i told God that yes i did trust Him even though i didn't have a clue about what would happen last night. i asked Him to calm my fears and He did. we can say God's will be done. tomorrow, next week, next year but what about this next minute or hour. when i wonder what my future holds, what will i do, where will i go at the end of the year i also had to wonder where will i be and where will i sleep last night. usually i can anwer that. not yesterday. didn't have a clue. thankfully it wasn't something i had to worry about. even if He doesn't i find myself shaking my head at myself. i wonder why i just get it into my head to get up and go somewhere. and then i get out the map and see where i am and wonder if i wanted to go to nica why did i end up in cañas. i guess cuz this is where the bus came.

i thought of sushi as i wrote this and what an adventure we could be having.