it's still a couple months away but christmas decorations and shopping started september 1st. the family doesn-t have much in the way of christmas decorations so i bought some stuff to make something for them. the store was packed with shoppers like it was the week before christmas. the store was filled with tons of toys of every shape and size. there was a very tiny display of nativity scenes. it was so very commercialized. people so intent on buying all the glitter and glamour of A holiday season. people with money to buy all the latest fashions, latest gimmicks, newest cd's, games or toys.
and people up north (cr) without enough money to buy food. living in shacks without lights, without water. people forgetting to celebrate the birth of christ. people forgetting the humble place of His birth. people forgetting His humbleness, His holiness. people forgetting His mercy and compassion for others and forgetting that He asks us to be like Him. His mercy and compassion extended to feeding the hungry. and He asks us to do the same. what will you do this christmas?
one person CAN make a difference. fill a shoebox or 2 or more? donate to a gospel mission to provide a christmas dinner for people that would otherwise have nothing? donate blankets to a shelter? donate winter clothes / boots to a shelter or thrift shop? donate money to buy seeds and tools or chickens or goats or fruit trees to world vision or another charity. ask your friends, family, class mates or co-workers to donate a can of food, a pair of sox, a dollar or ??? don't think your $1.00 won't make a difference. if 20 people each gave $1.00 you would have $20.
as you sit in your nice warm comfy house filling your face with more food than your stomach can possibly handle, drinking your third latte of the day, or you've bought your 20th pair of shoes, or the newest gameboy game, the latest cd, new towels to match the new paint job, i ask you to think about the other 97% (this may not be exact) of the world's population that don't have shelter never mind food.
there are storms, fires, earthquakes, floods, disasters of every kind, all around the world. the news depicts scenes of death and destruction that countries live with each and every day. almost every country in the world is facing one or another disaster it seems.
and then there are the people that have just existed without what north americans consider the necessities of life. microwave, tv, stereo, washing machine and dryer, dishwasher, stove, fridge.
if you have the money to buy food that requires refrigeration you would buy it each day but rice and beans don't require refrigeration. neither does yucca (cassava). it's a root you dig up from the ground and eat.
Jesus says if someone asks for food or water we are to give it to them. it's pretty humbling to have to ask. but where do you go when all the people are poor. who do you ask then? so for the people that can't reach out, don't know how or where to reach out, we need to reach out to them.
it's like if you want your village to be included in a world vision project you have to ask world vision to include you. but what if you don't know who or how to ask?
we that know need to help those that don't. we that can need to help those that can't.
please. remember those in need this christmas.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
happy thanksgiving
oct 7 my utmost - God made His own son ''to be sin''... (that we sinners may become saints) and ''endured in His own body the complete cumulative sin of the human race.''
it's beyond my comprehension that Jesus suffered the agony of separation from His beloved Father. i know the heartache i feel when i sin, before repentance and forgiveness and He took sin on Himself for every member of the human race, past, present and future. billions of sinners. the physical agony would have been nothing in comparison. the song i can only imagine - no i can't.
but i am so thankful.
it's beyond my comprehension that Jesus suffered the agony of separation from His beloved Father. i know the heartache i feel when i sin, before repentance and forgiveness and He took sin on Himself for every member of the human race, past, present and future. billions of sinners. the physical agony would have been nothing in comparison. the song i can only imagine - no i can't.
but i am so thankful.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
fear
before we went to the game last night eitel freaked that i was wearing earrings, dangly earrings. he was very emphatic that i take them out cuz i couldn't wear them cuz there were people that would rip them right out of my ears as well as a very thin, simple silver chain with nothing on it. then dany said the same things. they are from the country and i was surprised that eitel said that. they're just cheap things, not gold. other strangers on the street in san jose have told me the same things.
people live in fear here. they live behind high fences with razor wire.
it's sad.
people live in fear here. they live behind high fences with razor wire.
it's sad.
propaganda
last week i ended up telling my 3 different teachers about the poverty i have seen in the northern part of costa rica as well as the story about the family living underground with rats, excrement, etc. in a different area.
they could not believe it. they could not believe that there were such poor people in costa rica. i could not believe that they could not have known this. there are poor people sleeping on the main streets of downtown san jose. people in each block asking for money. people get on the buses to present their case for asking for money, ie they can't work and need money to feed their families.
then i had lunch with the lady that was the coordinator with world vision when i volunteered last year. turned out she lives about a block from the school. i was telling her the same stories of poverty i had told my teachers. she knew. she's been there. she's seen it.
she said costa ricans don't know about the poverty in their own country because the tourism board and the government only show the good things of costa rica. the beautiful beaches, the beautiful parks, theatres, the touristy type things. they show propaganda so when people might talk to people or visit in other counties they will speak of the beauty here. not the poverty, not the ugly scenes of garbage.
they could not believe it. they could not believe that there were such poor people in costa rica. i could not believe that they could not have known this. there are poor people sleeping on the main streets of downtown san jose. people in each block asking for money. people get on the buses to present their case for asking for money, ie they can't work and need money to feed their families.
then i had lunch with the lady that was the coordinator with world vision when i volunteered last year. turned out she lives about a block from the school. i was telling her the same stories of poverty i had told my teachers. she knew. she's been there. she's seen it.
she said costa ricans don't know about the poverty in their own country because the tourism board and the government only show the good things of costa rica. the beautiful beaches, the beautiful parks, theatres, the touristy type things. they show propaganda so when people might talk to people or visit in other counties they will speak of the beauty here. not the poverty, not the ugly scenes of garbage.
priceless
friday the boys, jose, jonny, dany, mefy and eitel, came down from amparo to go to the big soccer game last night between costa rica and usa. 3 - 0 for costa rica.
it was pouring rain as we left the house and they said i couldn't take umbrellas cuz they weren't allowed in the stadium cuz the fans could use them to throw at the players. we had to walk a way to get the bus so we were soaked through before we even got on the bus.
we could see the lights as we approached the stadium and even though it was pouring rain we opened the windows so the boys could see. jose and dany have been to a big game before but the others hadn't. eitel was SO-O excited, he was almost beside himself with excitement, he was squealing with delight. i had moved to sit beside jose so eitel could look out the window and he put his arm around me and kissed me and said that this was one of those times that you just can't put a price on something. oh so true. it was priceless
it was cold and we were soaking wet and shivering but the excitement of being there in the stadium watching their favourite players was almost too much.
children in north america get really excited at christmas to see what awaits them under the tree christmas morning. i've always thought of the expression 'more excited than a kid at christmas' it didn't apply to their lives because they have never had christmas presents before last year because they've never had the money.
this was more priceless. i don't know who had more fun. them watching the game or me watching them watching the game. and of course every time we scored a goal we, as well as everyone else, went wild. we sang, we cheered, we jumped (we were standing on our seats) we waved our arms and we didn't sit for 3 hours.
the rain subsided long enough to take a few pictures so i gave my camera to eitel and he just couldn't stop grinning and taking picture after picture.
after the game we had to walk back to san jose. there were just thousands of fans (sold out game) and not enough buses. it was several kms but along the route there were people cheering in front of their houses, trucks, buses, motorcycyles and cars honking their horns and people cheering. the people were ecstatic and going wild.
it will be a night to remember for the rest of our lives.
it was pouring rain as we left the house and they said i couldn't take umbrellas cuz they weren't allowed in the stadium cuz the fans could use them to throw at the players. we had to walk a way to get the bus so we were soaked through before we even got on the bus.
we could see the lights as we approached the stadium and even though it was pouring rain we opened the windows so the boys could see. jose and dany have been to a big game before but the others hadn't. eitel was SO-O excited, he was almost beside himself with excitement, he was squealing with delight. i had moved to sit beside jose so eitel could look out the window and he put his arm around me and kissed me and said that this was one of those times that you just can't put a price on something. oh so true. it was priceless
it was cold and we were soaking wet and shivering but the excitement of being there in the stadium watching their favourite players was almost too much.
children in north america get really excited at christmas to see what awaits them under the tree christmas morning. i've always thought of the expression 'more excited than a kid at christmas' it didn't apply to their lives because they have never had christmas presents before last year because they've never had the money.
this was more priceless. i don't know who had more fun. them watching the game or me watching them watching the game. and of course every time we scored a goal we, as well as everyone else, went wild. we sang, we cheered, we jumped (we were standing on our seats) we waved our arms and we didn't sit for 3 hours.
the rain subsided long enough to take a few pictures so i gave my camera to eitel and he just couldn't stop grinning and taking picture after picture.
after the game we had to walk back to san jose. there were just thousands of fans (sold out game) and not enough buses. it was several kms but along the route there were people cheering in front of their houses, trucks, buses, motorcycyles and cars honking their horns and people cheering. the people were ecstatic and going wild.
it will be a night to remember for the rest of our lives.
Friday, October 07, 2005
God is so amazing
even in such simple little things. i finished school today and packed up to go to marcos' house in san pedro near san jose. i had about 30 pounds in my pack on my back, about 20 pounds (all books) in my other pack on my chest, and i was carrying a palm tree i had bought. i walked to the bus in san joaquin (about 1 km) the bus was sitting there waiting. i took the bus to san jose and got a taxi to the bus stop i wanted. marcos' moved a month ago and i was so anxious to get on the bus and put my packs down i got on the wrong bus. it was the bus i used to take to his other house. i was so relieved to be without my packs it didn't even dawn on me til i was getting close (within a few kms) when i realized it i thought ok no problem i'll get off after the turn off and wait for the right bus. several stops before the turn off it came into my head to get off the bus. i didn't have to wait long before the right bus came by and i got on. it went a couple of stops when i realized i would have taken the turn off and been waiting forever for a bus that wasn't coming. the right bus took me to almost right in front of the street where they live.
God is like that for me. without Him i would have been wandering around with my heavy packs wondering where the heck i was, waiting forever, or walking back to the where i'd got off the bus.
i get these thoughts, ones that i know i would not have thought about. they are so clear i just know that i have to act on them.
He just always takes such good care of me. i am so thankful that He is so faithful. always. even when i am not.
He is so amazing.
i just love Him so much. that is why i'm here. if for no other reason.
God is like that for me. without Him i would have been wandering around with my heavy packs wondering where the heck i was, waiting forever, or walking back to the where i'd got off the bus.
i get these thoughts, ones that i know i would not have thought about. they are so clear i just know that i have to act on them.
He just always takes such good care of me. i am so thankful that He is so faithful. always. even when i am not.
He is so amazing.
i just love Him so much. that is why i'm here. if for no other reason.
problems brewing
between costa rica and nicaragua. there is a border dispute and it's escalating. the san juan river that separates the two countries is owned entirely by nicaragua. it's only 1 of about 3 countries in the world to own the river separating it from another country. the costa rican police cruise the river looking for nicaraguans crossing illegally into cr. the nicaraguans don't want the cr police using the river. they have an army, cr doesn't. ticos make no bones about hating nicaraguans and after many years of wars in nicaragua they have been accustomed to violence.
the team comes to los chiles each year which is only 4 kms away from the border. pray there will be a peaceful resolution to this situation.
the team comes to los chiles each year which is only 4 kms away from the border. pray there will be a peaceful resolution to this situation.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
worms
last night when i got home there was a huge freaking worm on the kitchen floor, your regular garden variety, except that nothing in costa rica is regular size. not having any fear of worms, i tried to pick it up. man i thought that sucker was gonna jump up and eat me alive. both ends shot up to grab my hand. startled the crap outta me. needless to say i didn't try again. the mom in the house scooped it up in paper.
Monday, October 03, 2005
shopping
there are an unbelieveable number of handguns and shotguns on the street. as many stores have armed guards at the door as don't. when i go shopping it's more to look than to buy. i scan the racks for something that might catch my eye. when it does i ask for help. several times i have gone into a store and they dog my steps. literally 2 steps behind me. i pause to look at something they stop too. i take 2 more steps they take 2 more steps. i could turn around and touch them. i know they have to be careful of shoplifters but when that happens i make a beeline right out the door.
our eternal home
as i think about this longing to go home i think of my eternal home. i went to a funeral for someone in church. as tears were shed by family and friends i found myself smiling, thinking of the deceased with joy. joy that they had gone to their heavenly home and were in the presence of Glory.
longing for home!!!
yesterday when i arrived at the bus stop in san jose that would take me back to san joaquin i noticed a san carlos bus sitting across the street. that's the bus that would take me back home.
my heart swelled with a longing for home, it was such a physical yearning, before it registered in my brain.
i wondered what it meant. it was not a longing for canada. it was for costa rica.
i miss the boys but i was lonely there even with 8 or 9 people around all the time. i spent a lot of time in my room reading while mimi spent the evenings in her room with her husband and the boys played play station 2.
we have been infested with chicken mites that had been driving me crazy with scratching. i don't miss that at all. we made a vegetable garden but nobody ever did any work in it and in a very short period of time it was grown over and i was told it was easier to buy the food in the store than to do the gardening.
i don't miss the humungous spiders, the rats, the ants, cockroaches or snakes in the house. the rain in the house, the bug nets, the mosquitoes, the red clay that is almost impossible to get out of your clothes, the garbage, the smells, the 38 degree temperature. i miss the hugs, the kisses, the enthusiasm when they get home from school, going to their soccer games, watching soccer games with them, cooking and cleaning for them. i miss them.
the weird thing is that i didn't really feel that the longing was to go home either. i miss them terribly and will return home next week. but i wonder if that is where i'm supposed to be.
i was talking to God and wondering about the intense longing to go home but not being sure where that was when i realized what date it was. october 2nd. one year exactly to the day that i arrived in santa rosa and had this feeling of coming home, it was like a cloud that descended on me and enveloped me, yet i was in a place i'd never been before, and when i was thanking God He said 'but only for one year' it would have been exactly one year yesterday except that i returned to canada april 8 and didn't come back to costa rica until may 13th.
i woke up again at 4.00 this am wondering about it. what this longing is for? is there something or someone in santa rosa i should do or see?
november 7 will be 365 days here. i have a ticket to return to canada 12/29th. will i change it? will i need it? will i use it?
my heart swelled with a longing for home, it was such a physical yearning, before it registered in my brain.
i wondered what it meant. it was not a longing for canada. it was for costa rica.
i miss the boys but i was lonely there even with 8 or 9 people around all the time. i spent a lot of time in my room reading while mimi spent the evenings in her room with her husband and the boys played play station 2.
we have been infested with chicken mites that had been driving me crazy with scratching. i don't miss that at all. we made a vegetable garden but nobody ever did any work in it and in a very short period of time it was grown over and i was told it was easier to buy the food in the store than to do the gardening.
i don't miss the humungous spiders, the rats, the ants, cockroaches or snakes in the house. the rain in the house, the bug nets, the mosquitoes, the red clay that is almost impossible to get out of your clothes, the garbage, the smells, the 38 degree temperature. i miss the hugs, the kisses, the enthusiasm when they get home from school, going to their soccer games, watching soccer games with them, cooking and cleaning for them. i miss them.
the weird thing is that i didn't really feel that the longing was to go home either. i miss them terribly and will return home next week. but i wonder if that is where i'm supposed to be.
i was talking to God and wondering about the intense longing to go home but not being sure where that was when i realized what date it was. october 2nd. one year exactly to the day that i arrived in santa rosa and had this feeling of coming home, it was like a cloud that descended on me and enveloped me, yet i was in a place i'd never been before, and when i was thanking God He said 'but only for one year' it would have been exactly one year yesterday except that i returned to canada april 8 and didn't come back to costa rica until may 13th.
i woke up again at 4.00 this am wondering about it. what this longing is for? is there something or someone in santa rosa i should do or see?
november 7 will be 365 days here. i have a ticket to return to canada 12/29th. will i change it? will i need it? will i use it?
sin and forgiveness
you had a broken heart, now you don't.
so i should shoot you??? who are our worst critics? those who can't empathize with us? those who are so happily married or have had perfectly happy lives that they don't understand, have never felt the pain and loneliness of a broken heart?
so when we try to mend our broken lives and screw up in the process or don't do it according to what's expected of us we should be ostracized?
there is a family in los chiles where the father has been committing incest with his adult daughter for 4 years. she was afraid to report him to the authorities. until he threatened to kill her child.
once he knew he had been reported he escaped to nicaragua and hasn't been seen or heard from since.
at the time my friend told me about it scripture came to mind to cast him out of the church. and then i thought of the forgiveness of Jesus. i was reminded that there is nothing that can separate us from the love of Christ. we need to repent and ask for forgiveness from Him. and make amends to those we have hurt. we do not need to confess our sins to the rest of the world.
no one could think worse of me than myself when i sin because i know it breaks the heart of God. and that breaks my heart. i don't need a bunch of pious, self-righteous critics to remind me i screwed up. i need their mercy, their compassion, their forgiveness and their love.
i know who you are and i know what you did. and i love you anyway.
so i should shoot you??? who are our worst critics? those who can't empathize with us? those who are so happily married or have had perfectly happy lives that they don't understand, have never felt the pain and loneliness of a broken heart?
so when we try to mend our broken lives and screw up in the process or don't do it according to what's expected of us we should be ostracized?
there is a family in los chiles where the father has been committing incest with his adult daughter for 4 years. she was afraid to report him to the authorities. until he threatened to kill her child.
once he knew he had been reported he escaped to nicaragua and hasn't been seen or heard from since.
at the time my friend told me about it scripture came to mind to cast him out of the church. and then i thought of the forgiveness of Jesus. i was reminded that there is nothing that can separate us from the love of Christ. we need to repent and ask for forgiveness from Him. and make amends to those we have hurt. we do not need to confess our sins to the rest of the world.
no one could think worse of me than myself when i sin because i know it breaks the heart of God. and that breaks my heart. i don't need a bunch of pious, self-righteous critics to remind me i screwed up. i need their mercy, their compassion, their forgiveness and their love.
i know who you are and i know what you did. and i love you anyway.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
costa rica
this is a map of costa rica. i live about 25 kms south of los chiles (at the very top in the middle) but where i am going to school and staying is near heredia (right above san jose, the star in the centre)
http://www.mapquest.com/atlas/main.adp?region=cstarica
san jose is not a pretty city. the whole country has a problem with garbage. the people live behind locked gates and have bars on the windows. last night and one night last weekend i stayed at patri's house. (the oldest daughter in my family) she lives just south of san jose. the city and the suburbs (except for the newly developing neighbourhoods) are very poor, dirty and not pretty. last week as i was walking to patri's house a rat walked across the street in front of me. frequently when i go to her house i wonder if i am on the right street. the rain erodes the asphalt (what there is left of it) and the street changing it from time to time.
previous team members have mentioned having a bad experience driving in a taxi here. storefronts have metal doors that roll down at closing time turning a once busy, bright street, lined with popular shops, into a dark, intimidating alley where even the locals fear to tred.
shops and houses are built onto each other. side yards??? they are lucky to have a few square feet for a front or a back yard.
the rat crossing the dirty, littered street in front of me reminded me of movies i have seen of london and paris a few hundred years ago.
the hordes of people, shop front to shop front, and buses curb to curb, reminded me of poor streets in movies i have seen of china or other asian cities. too many people and not enough space to contain them all.
the flowers and plants are unbelievable though. like none i've ever since in canada or magazines. the countryside. absolutely gorgeous. it is easy to envision the garden of eden. (just checked iraq (the euphrates) - 30 degrees north.)
but this is where my heart is.
http://www.mapquest.com/atlas/main.adp?region=cstarica
san jose is not a pretty city. the whole country has a problem with garbage. the people live behind locked gates and have bars on the windows. last night and one night last weekend i stayed at patri's house. (the oldest daughter in my family) she lives just south of san jose. the city and the suburbs (except for the newly developing neighbourhoods) are very poor, dirty and not pretty. last week as i was walking to patri's house a rat walked across the street in front of me. frequently when i go to her house i wonder if i am on the right street. the rain erodes the asphalt (what there is left of it) and the street changing it from time to time.
previous team members have mentioned having a bad experience driving in a taxi here. storefronts have metal doors that roll down at closing time turning a once busy, bright street, lined with popular shops, into a dark, intimidating alley where even the locals fear to tred.
shops and houses are built onto each other. side yards??? they are lucky to have a few square feet for a front or a back yard.
the rat crossing the dirty, littered street in front of me reminded me of movies i have seen of london and paris a few hundred years ago.
the hordes of people, shop front to shop front, and buses curb to curb, reminded me of poor streets in movies i have seen of china or other asian cities. too many people and not enough space to contain them all.
the flowers and plants are unbelievable though. like none i've ever since in canada or magazines. the countryside. absolutely gorgeous. it is easy to envision the garden of eden. (just checked iraq (the euphrates) - 30 degrees north.)
but this is where my heart is.
the guys rules
hilarious. rotflol. thanks sushi i loved this. i sent it to everyone i know that i thought would not have already received it.
christopher columbus didn't ask directions cuz the rest of the crew were men too and they didn't have any more of a clue where they were than he did.
i have been exploring a bit by taking buses just to see where they go. last week i was looking for a specific bus stop so i asked for directions. one said 6 blocks that way (north) the next 2 said 4 blocks that way (also north but in the opposite direction). they pointed out streets on my map and called them by name. i pointed out on the same map where the streets were marked and they were different names. i was pretty sure if the map said 6 street that it was 6 street and not 0 street as the men said. another told me something else. i thanked each of them and carried on my way just as before. once i saw a landmark i was on my own and knew where i was.
another day i asked where a certain bus stop was and got the same reponse. the difference being they were all bus drivers that i asked. there can be as many as 9 buses in an intersection. 3 leaving it, 3 in the middle of it and 3 entering it. i kept asking other bus drivers cuz i didn't believe what each of them was telling me. they just didn't have that air of confidence. finally i got one that told me it was the stop behind him.
the only reason men discovered new lands was cuz they couldn't find the ones they were looking for.
in church or bible study we have talked about putting men down. i love men. i'm just speaking the truth.
christopher columbus didn't ask directions cuz the rest of the crew were men too and they didn't have any more of a clue where they were than he did.
i have been exploring a bit by taking buses just to see where they go. last week i was looking for a specific bus stop so i asked for directions. one said 6 blocks that way (north) the next 2 said 4 blocks that way (also north but in the opposite direction). they pointed out streets on my map and called them by name. i pointed out on the same map where the streets were marked and they were different names. i was pretty sure if the map said 6 street that it was 6 street and not 0 street as the men said. another told me something else. i thanked each of them and carried on my way just as before. once i saw a landmark i was on my own and knew where i was.
another day i asked where a certain bus stop was and got the same reponse. the difference being they were all bus drivers that i asked. there can be as many as 9 buses in an intersection. 3 leaving it, 3 in the middle of it and 3 entering it. i kept asking other bus drivers cuz i didn't believe what each of them was telling me. they just didn't have that air of confidence. finally i got one that told me it was the stop behind him.
the only reason men discovered new lands was cuz they couldn't find the ones they were looking for.
in church or bible study we have talked about putting men down. i love men. i'm just speaking the truth.
tanning salon
the boys are coming to san jose next weekend to go to the costa rica / usa soccer game and i'm thinking maybe we could go to a pool (indoor) if it's not too freaking cold. but i'd have to go to a tanning salon... in costa rica. can you believe it. i can't. i'd have more of a tan in canada.
we're at 10 degrees north of the equator. and it's 35 c at home and they're at 11 degrees north. we should be warmer???
we're at 10 degrees north of the equator. and it's 35 c at home and they're at 11 degrees north. we should be warmer???
i'm a mush
went to church in zapote (not far from san jose) last night and this am. last night as i was praying someone came up and prayed over me. a while later someone else did. that in itself would have made me cry if i wasn't already.
it's a huge church, about 3,000 people, the services are in espanol (could you have guessed) so i don't understand everything. i have needed to go. i need to worship and have missed going up to the garden in amparo.
several speakers in this church speak in tongues. it's an involuntary thing. their speech flows and they switch from spanish to tongues as fluidly as a dolphin glides through water.
sometimes i am on a bus, other times walking down the street, other times maybe in a restaurante or some other place and i get choked. i think of how much i love God and i'm filled with such joy it brings tears to my eyes. i have to tell Him (like He doesn't know) that i'm in a public place and don't want to cry so i have to choke back my feelings. as i am thanking God for His love, His presence in my life, i am filled with the joy of loving Him and i become a mush.
for as much as i can say i don't care what people think of me, that i live for an audience of One, why do i tell Him i will talk to Him later when i turn to mush in a public place? if i really did live for an audience of One would i care that i might look stupid?
it's a huge church, about 3,000 people, the services are in espanol (could you have guessed) so i don't understand everything. i have needed to go. i need to worship and have missed going up to the garden in amparo.
several speakers in this church speak in tongues. it's an involuntary thing. their speech flows and they switch from spanish to tongues as fluidly as a dolphin glides through water.
sometimes i am on a bus, other times walking down the street, other times maybe in a restaurante or some other place and i get choked. i think of how much i love God and i'm filled with such joy it brings tears to my eyes. i have to tell Him (like He doesn't know) that i'm in a public place and don't want to cry so i have to choke back my feelings. as i am thanking God for His love, His presence in my life, i am filled with the joy of loving Him and i become a mush.
for as much as i can say i don't care what people think of me, that i live for an audience of One, why do i tell Him i will talk to Him later when i turn to mush in a public place? if i really did live for an audience of One would i care that i might look stupid?
Thursday, September 29, 2005
seeds
geronimo is the name of the missionary from africa that i met last weekend at church. he showed a short video where 2 men killed a woman. apparently she had seen a man without his spiritual mask so she had to be killed. the 2 men put a rope around her neck and walked in opposite directions and with a sharp snap of the rope they broke her neck. while her young son looked on. the next picture was one of a group of men, husband, brothers and sons. the mom was dead and there were no other women. when the son grew up he became a leader in the village and made changes. missionaries came to his village and he became a christian as did most of the people in his village.
geronimo said that when blood is spilled for Christ that a seed is planted. i wonder how many people who have lost someone dear to them have grown from those seeds. God did start us in a garden.
geronimo said that when blood is spilled for Christ that a seed is planted. i wonder how many people who have lost someone dear to them have grown from those seeds. God did start us in a garden.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
went dancing
yesterday they had dance classes at school. it was very nerve wracking at first cuz i have 2 left feet but it was a lot of fun. i have watched dany and jose dance together (they were showing me how it's done) and i have wanted to learn, although i don't know where i'd use it, but it was a blast. we were taking merengue, salsa and cumbio i think it was called. you also need a partner for it.
there are dance classes tuesdays and cooking classes and theatre nights wednesdays. going to the movies tonight. they're in english with spanish sub-titles.
there are dance classes tuesdays and cooking classes and theatre nights wednesdays. going to the movies tonight. they're in english with spanish sub-titles.
pj's
can't believe i bought flannel pajamas. in costa rica!!!
i have been buying a few things lately. i have warmer clothes in amparo but not much here and it gets really cold here. thankfully they have a lot of 2nd hand stores here.
i have been buying a few things lately. i have warmer clothes in amparo but not much here and it gets really cold here. thankfully they have a lot of 2nd hand stores here.
Monday, September 26, 2005
school costs
initially i only signed up for one week cuz i wasn't sure why i was coming here. it's great, i'm loving it and i've learned more in one week here than i have in the past year.
it ain't cheap but when i got the invoice today for the next 2 weeks. they had knocked off $100 saying because i was volunteering here for a year. bonus.
it ain't cheap but when i got the invoice today for the next 2 weeks. they had knocked off $100 saying because i was volunteering here for a year. bonus.
school
i have another teacher again today. we spent 2 hours this morning with me telling him about my relationship with God. he's a young practising catholic. i wasn't dishing catholicism but i told him that what i understood the difference to be between catholics and protestants (is that what i am?) was that when you ask Jesus into your heart and believe, that's it. there is no purgatory. we talked for 2 hours. it was kinda cool.
it was all in spanish so i guess i am learning something.
it was all in spanish so i guess i am learning something.
casting stones
oh no, i can't do that. i am not pure. i am not perfect. i have sinned and will again. only Jesus was without sin. only Jesus had the right to cast stones. but He didn't. He forgave us. and He tells us to do the same.
who do you need to forgive?
you may not like what someone does. neither does Jesus. but He loves them anyway. and He forgives them. and He tells us to do the same.
He tells us if we have something against our brothers to stop what we are doing and to make amends.
who do you need to forgive?
who do you need to forgive?
you may not like what someone does. neither does Jesus. but He loves them anyway. and He forgives them. and He tells us to do the same.
He tells us if we have something against our brothers to stop what we are doing and to make amends.
who do you need to forgive?
lies, deceit, immorality
ooh it sounds like the makings of a weekly tv series.
we all watch them. we lap them up like a sponge. the difference between christians and non-christians though is if this is how our lives are actually playing out the non-christians don't say anything cuz they don't give a --it. we christians however, are the first to criticize, judge, condemn.
i don't know about you but i am crushed in spirit when i have sinned and only when God has forgiven me is my spirit lifted.
if you know how you feel when God forgives you, when God has delivered you from the burden of guilt, how can you possibly condemn another brother in Christ.
we sinned yesterday, we sinned today and we will sin again tomorrow. God loves us and forgives us. He does not want us to be burdened with our guilt. that in itself is a sin. it's like saying we don't trust or believe that God has forgiven us.
we all watch them. we lap them up like a sponge. the difference between christians and non-christians though is if this is how our lives are actually playing out the non-christians don't say anything cuz they don't give a --it. we christians however, are the first to criticize, judge, condemn.
i don't know about you but i am crushed in spirit when i have sinned and only when God has forgiven me is my spirit lifted.
if you know how you feel when God forgives you, when God has delivered you from the burden of guilt, how can you possibly condemn another brother in Christ.
we sinned yesterday, we sinned today and we will sin again tomorrow. God loves us and forgives us. He does not want us to be burdened with our guilt. that in itself is a sin. it's like saying we don't trust or believe that God has forgiven us.
Friday, September 23, 2005
eye witnesses
twice now i have been so confused by being so very tired. my eyes have played tricks on me by thinking i was seeing something that wasn't there. i had actually hallucinated and only when God reminded me about it did i believe the truth about seeing something else that wasn't there. and last night being so tired and getting the class time mixed up this am.
it makes me wonder about what eye witnesses see when they say they saw something happen.
it makes me wonder about what eye witnesses see when they say they saw something happen.
so tired
wednesday night i did homework until 11.50. last night i did homework until 12.30 am. then i woke up at 5 to talk to God for an hour. i woke up again at 10 to 7. flew out of bed, had a quick shower, inhaled my breakfast and only drank 1/2 of my coffee. the lady of the house told me i didn-t have to run and i told her i was late, i couldn-t finish my coffee cuz i didn-t have time. i almost ran all the way to school, looking over my shoulder, hoping a taxi would go by so i wouldn't be too late.
i arrived at school at 7.45. there were no cars in the parking lot. there was hardly anyone in the offices, no one in the classrooms. i went back to the office to ask where everyone was. they said it's friday so no hurry. i wondered if this was a cultural thing i hadn't heard of yet. i sat in my classroom to study and a secretary walked by. she is from victoria so is fluent in english. i asked her if people started work late on fridays. she wondered why. as i was explaining because everyone was late she asked if i did not know the school hours.
lights go on. school starts at 8.00. i am so tired. i had been thinking school started at 7.30 and i was 15 minutes late. i am so used to getting up at 5.00 am.
it's no wonder people shake their head at me. the boys at home just say oh teri and laugh.
i arrived at school at 7.45. there were no cars in the parking lot. there was hardly anyone in the offices, no one in the classrooms. i went back to the office to ask where everyone was. they said it's friday so no hurry. i wondered if this was a cultural thing i hadn't heard of yet. i sat in my classroom to study and a secretary walked by. she is from victoria so is fluent in english. i asked her if people started work late on fridays. she wondered why. as i was explaining because everyone was late she asked if i did not know the school hours.
lights go on. school starts at 8.00. i am so tired. i had been thinking school started at 7.30 and i was 15 minutes late. i am so used to getting up at 5.00 am.
it's no wonder people shake their head at me. the boys at home just say oh teri and laugh.
buses in downtown san jose
i have always been told, by my tico family, by my friends in canada, by the police here. it's not safe to walk alone, after dark in downtown san jose. i've done it a few nights in a row now. no fear, no worry.
last night i was leaving downtown at 8.00. i got on the bus (there are thousands of buses here) and asked if he was going to san joanquin de flores, where i'm staying right now. he said no so i had to get off the bus. i had to pay anyway cuz they have electronic sensors to make sure that the number of riders is matched by the amount of money submitted.
i have gone on a few bus rides that have taken me a bit out of my way but it's an opportunity to see a bit more of the city.
last night i was leaving downtown at 8.00. i got on the bus (there are thousands of buses here) and asked if he was going to san joanquin de flores, where i'm staying right now. he said no so i had to get off the bus. i had to pay anyway cuz they have electronic sensors to make sure that the number of riders is matched by the amount of money submitted.
i have gone on a few bus rides that have taken me a bit out of my way but it's an opportunity to see a bit more of the city.
God's listening but He ain't talking
talked with God this am for an hour. i asked if He could tell me what He wanted people to hear and i would write it down. it would so much easier if i could just read something. but He's not saying. so i'll just go and see what He has to say saturday.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
testimony
there may be a bit of confusion about the prayer request for my testimony. it's not to talk about me but about the people i have seen and places i have been to. about the poverty in costa rica. my teacher lives in the san jose area and said he was not aware of the living conditions as i described to him. children that are hungry because there is no food and no money to buy food. a grandmother with several grandchildren living in a bamboo house with dirt floors, no power, no doors, and torn black plastic for one wall that blows about with the wind. a cluster of 6 or 7 families sharing 1 water pipe because there is no money for everyone to pay for their own.
he hadn't seen or heard about the family i saw on tv at christmas that lived in squalor and darkness underground. with rats, excrement, garbage, no light.
his church wants to do missionary work. in el salvador, guatemala, honduras. he wants people in his church to hear that people in costa rica need help.
i want them to hear too.
susy help! come back!
he hadn't seen or heard about the family i saw on tv at christmas that lived in squalor and darkness underground. with rats, excrement, garbage, no light.
his church wants to do missionary work. in el salvador, guatemala, honduras. he wants people in his church to hear that people in costa rica need help.
i want them to hear too.
susy help! come back!
His presence
the following is taken from erin's blog and it is a perfect way to describe my day of soaring. maybe the scenery wasn't as incredibly beautiful as i saw it through my eyes. maybe it was just coloured with His presence. whispering in the wind. bubbling in the stream. greener greens. His invisible presence walking with me, touching my heart
But the most stunning thing of beauty was simply His presence. You know, sometimes when you're around someone you love, you're aware of their presence... but it's like they're sort of there but not. And then there's other times, when you FEEL their presence, when it is as if their gaze or their words or their being actually touches you. Actually brushes your skin. It was sort of like that.
And it was Beautiful.
thanks erin for helping me to describe the stunning beauty of my day.
But the most stunning thing of beauty was simply His presence. You know, sometimes when you're around someone you love, you're aware of their presence... but it's like they're sort of there but not. And then there's other times, when you FEEL their presence, when it is as if their gaze or their words or their being actually touches you. Actually brushes your skin. It was sort of like that.
And it was Beautiful.
thanks erin for helping me to describe the stunning beauty of my day.
thank you
i can't recount all the answered prayers but i thank each and every one of you for your prayers.
today i got news that my mom is in a new place and much happier.
i have a few other family members that need prayer and although you don't know the details we know that God does and He does answer prayers.
thanks again.
i love you all
teri
today i got news that my mom is in a new place and much happier.
i have a few other family members that need prayer and although you don't know the details we know that God does and He does answer prayers.
thanks again.
i love you all
teri
perceptions and lies
i was hurt by what i perceived to be a lie by someone i love. believing what i thought to be the truth i wondered how i could ever trust that person again. as i wondered how it would affect our relationship i thought of how much i love that person and how i did not want it to affect our relationship.
i was SO wrong. it wasn't that anyone told me anything, i thought i actually saw something happen and then was told something different than what i thought i had seen. what i perceived as the truth God revealed to me as a lie. when He opened my eyes (almost literally) i could hardly believe i was so easily led into believing the lie. i wonder how many of us do the same.
remember Jesus Christ is the Truth. satan is the enemy who would deceive us and have us believe the lies and cause division. broken hearts, broken relationships / friendships.
someone very dear to me told me today that they have experienced broken relationships/friendships from what i believe must be others lies. i couldn't believe it. are we so easily led astray by the enemy that we are willing to believe everything we hear. especially christians. are we not taking every thought captive to God. do you not question anything or do you just accept that it must be the truth.
we are just dumb sheep. but could we not at least question what we hear. even what we think we see. could we not talk to God about it.
as God revealed the truth to me i was so relieved. i could hardly believe that i had so willingly believed the enemies lies. i was putting more faith in the enemies lies than in the person i love.
how many of us have done the same thing with other people in our lives.
i was SO wrong. it wasn't that anyone told me anything, i thought i actually saw something happen and then was told something different than what i thought i had seen. what i perceived as the truth God revealed to me as a lie. when He opened my eyes (almost literally) i could hardly believe i was so easily led into believing the lie. i wonder how many of us do the same.
remember Jesus Christ is the Truth. satan is the enemy who would deceive us and have us believe the lies and cause division. broken hearts, broken relationships / friendships.
someone very dear to me told me today that they have experienced broken relationships/friendships from what i believe must be others lies. i couldn't believe it. are we so easily led astray by the enemy that we are willing to believe everything we hear. especially christians. are we not taking every thought captive to God. do you not question anything or do you just accept that it must be the truth.
we are just dumb sheep. but could we not at least question what we hear. even what we think we see. could we not talk to God about it.
as God revealed the truth to me i was so relieved. i could hardly believe that i had so willingly believed the enemies lies. i was putting more faith in the enemies lies than in the person i love.
how many of us have done the same thing with other people in our lives.
SOARING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sept 15. went for a walk today and what started as a very ordinary morning turned into an amazing day. one day last week i was walking home in my hurried cdn. walk with my headphones on listening to worship music. it was getting dark and i thought i was alone on the road so i was singing out loud. if you know me you know i can't carry a tune in a bucket. i felt somone's presence behind me and turned to see a woman close behind. i took my headphones off and explained that i was listening to christian music and although i couldn't sing i loved to. she said that explained why i always walked along smiling. however i had never worn my headphones walking and certainly never sang out loud before. she said she was walking to el gallito but she turned off before amparo. she said it was a different route.
i walked that route today. it was incredibly beautiful. to me. green trees, green fields of sugar cane, yuca, grass. i heard a sound and stopped to listen. it was God whispering through the trees. another sound - a bubbling brook. it so touched my heart it brought tears to my eyes. i wanted to just sit down in the dirt in the middle of the horse trail but i knew if i did i would've spent the day there and not accomplish what i had set out to do. i continued walking, sniffling away, trying to hold back tears.
i came to a fork in the road and took the high road even though it was a way less travelled. after awhile i wondered if i was lost and thought it wouldn't matter if i was cuz God knew where i was. i emerged on another road and came to a bridge. i heard God whispering through the bamboo and stopped to look at the creek below me. i watched as 2 cows walked over to the stream and i stood there eyes closed and was praying when i felt anothers presence. when i finished i turned and saw a man walking towards me. i thought i may have appeared a bit strange and continued on my way. weird as it was my previous sniffly, runny nose had stopped.
i had come out on the road to el gallito and as i appeared walking from the opposite direction the principal asked if i was lost. i haven't had such an amazing day in a very long time. and it's all in the company you keep and yet to others i appeared to be alone.
it was hot, humid and completely overcast and a most wonderful day. it was a day of thanksgiving. for everything, for sounds, for sights. a bird watched me and was chattering away excitedly. i was talking to it and thought if any one had seen me they would've thought me strange. but when i said moo to a cow i thought ok that is strange.
i heard God whispering in the wind in the trees, in the bubbling brook, gave thanks out loud as i walked along, talked to Him and spoke silent prayers standing in the middle of the road. and my heart soared.
i felt so much love for God i wanted to cup His face in my hands and kiss Him. then i wanted to put my arms around Him and squeeze the stuffing out of Him (that's what i do and say when i tell my grandchildren i love them so much.)
i can see that day in my heart.
i walked that route today. it was incredibly beautiful. to me. green trees, green fields of sugar cane, yuca, grass. i heard a sound and stopped to listen. it was God whispering through the trees. another sound - a bubbling brook. it so touched my heart it brought tears to my eyes. i wanted to just sit down in the dirt in the middle of the horse trail but i knew if i did i would've spent the day there and not accomplish what i had set out to do. i continued walking, sniffling away, trying to hold back tears.
i came to a fork in the road and took the high road even though it was a way less travelled. after awhile i wondered if i was lost and thought it wouldn't matter if i was cuz God knew where i was. i emerged on another road and came to a bridge. i heard God whispering through the bamboo and stopped to look at the creek below me. i watched as 2 cows walked over to the stream and i stood there eyes closed and was praying when i felt anothers presence. when i finished i turned and saw a man walking towards me. i thought i may have appeared a bit strange and continued on my way. weird as it was my previous sniffly, runny nose had stopped.
i had come out on the road to el gallito and as i appeared walking from the opposite direction the principal asked if i was lost. i haven't had such an amazing day in a very long time. and it's all in the company you keep and yet to others i appeared to be alone.
it was hot, humid and completely overcast and a most wonderful day. it was a day of thanksgiving. for everything, for sounds, for sights. a bird watched me and was chattering away excitedly. i was talking to it and thought if any one had seen me they would've thought me strange. but when i said moo to a cow i thought ok that is strange.
i heard God whispering in the wind in the trees, in the bubbling brook, gave thanks out loud as i walked along, talked to Him and spoke silent prayers standing in the middle of the road. and my heart soared.
i felt so much love for God i wanted to cup His face in my hands and kiss Him. then i wanted to put my arms around Him and squeeze the stuffing out of Him (that's what i do and say when i tell my grandchildren i love them so much.)
i can see that day in my heart.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
religion in costa rica
today i was talking with a costa rican about catholicism in costa rica. it is a catholic country. religion is a class taught as frequently as math, science or social studies. it is a tradition that is passed down from generation to generation. people go to church, wear crufixes and they cross themselves. and i was told that children are hit if they read the bible. i have talked to friends here who are catholics. they go to church faithfully every week. but they never read the bible. they say they believe in God but they don-t have a relationship with Him. they don-t talk or pray to Him.
i brought the Jesus video for children and have shown it in a few schools. it was so cool to watch some of the kids faces as they stared so intently at the tv. they may have had several years of religious teaching but it was like their eyes were seeing Him for the first time.
i heard a missionary say that italy has some insanely low number of christians. like 3% of the country were christians. when i repeated this to someone they asked how could that be - the vatican is there. they are all catholics, they go to church.
but if the children here are being hit if they read the bible are they being raised to believe like the pharisees, being religious and nothing more?
i brought the Jesus video for children and have shown it in a few schools. it was so cool to watch some of the kids faces as they stared so intently at the tv. they may have had several years of religious teaching but it was like their eyes were seeing Him for the first time.
i heard a missionary say that italy has some insanely low number of christians. like 3% of the country were christians. when i repeated this to someone they asked how could that be - the vatican is there. they are all catholics, they go to church.
but if the children here are being hit if they read the bible are they being raised to believe like the pharisees, being religious and nothing more?
back in class / need prayer
i've thought about going to school here which would be learning spanish full time all day every day. i pick up a few words here and there at home but it hasn't been enough. i need an actual teacher. and of course living with 2 boys (dany and jose) that speak english doesn't help. school isn't cheap though and is a long way from home so i'd have to live in san jose. if i'm only here for a few months should i? will i ever use it again? will i ever come back? is it worth the considerable expense? and then i'd maybe feel even more alone in a strange town, house.
i don't know.
i wrote the above to a friend and a week later i am in school.
why did i come this week when i had something to do every day this week? i would have been up and out of the house at 6.00 every day. why didn-t i at least wait one more week when i had finished all my work? i had no idea but apparently God did.
i arrived at the cpi school in san joaquin de flores (near heredia) monday at 11.30 and started class at 1.00. it was just the teacher and me. i was excited - i was finally going to learn how to speak spanish.
the next am i had a different teacher. we talked for awhile so the teacher could determine my level of proficiency. after awhile he told me he was a christian too and that he was not scheduled to work this week but had been called in the night before. he told me that there is a missionary from africa in his church this week and invited me to come to his church.
this morning we talked for 4 hours about my experiences here and the people i have met and the things i have done. classes are only 4 hours. then he told me i had to come to his church on saturday night to give my testimony. ah that would be no. i don-t speak in public. he said yes you have to. i said i wouldn-t know what to say. he said you have to tell the people what you just told me. i have always sat in the back row. i am a support person i don-t do up front. he said you will come and you will speak. hah (as in panic). i agree that what i told him needs to be told to other people but i am not a public speaker. i came to san jose after school and as i was thinking about it i was feeling the panic set in. my skin started crawling, it was creepy.
a friend sent me this after i told them about going to school - And it may be an investment into a future of missions for you... you could certainly lead groups to Spanish speaking countries...
well i-m not a leader either but this is so weird the way things are happening.
i am in excellent health but just the thought of standing up front to give a testimony makes my skin crawl, my heart pound, my hands shake. i haven-t a clue what to say. i can talk one on one with someone but he said he has a big church (like several hundred people) i wish i had recorded it so he could just play it.
please pray for me for the right words to say, to say what God wants people to hear, and the strength and courage to stand up and say them.
and also that i would learn more spanish. and remember it.
i don't know.
i wrote the above to a friend and a week later i am in school.
why did i come this week when i had something to do every day this week? i would have been up and out of the house at 6.00 every day. why didn-t i at least wait one more week when i had finished all my work? i had no idea but apparently God did.
i arrived at the cpi school in san joaquin de flores (near heredia) monday at 11.30 and started class at 1.00. it was just the teacher and me. i was excited - i was finally going to learn how to speak spanish.
the next am i had a different teacher. we talked for awhile so the teacher could determine my level of proficiency. after awhile he told me he was a christian too and that he was not scheduled to work this week but had been called in the night before. he told me that there is a missionary from africa in his church this week and invited me to come to his church.
this morning we talked for 4 hours about my experiences here and the people i have met and the things i have done. classes are only 4 hours. then he told me i had to come to his church on saturday night to give my testimony. ah that would be no. i don-t speak in public. he said yes you have to. i said i wouldn-t know what to say. he said you have to tell the people what you just told me. i have always sat in the back row. i am a support person i don-t do up front. he said you will come and you will speak. hah (as in panic). i agree that what i told him needs to be told to other people but i am not a public speaker. i came to san jose after school and as i was thinking about it i was feeling the panic set in. my skin started crawling, it was creepy.
a friend sent me this after i told them about going to school - And it may be an investment into a future of missions for you... you could certainly lead groups to Spanish speaking countries...
well i-m not a leader either but this is so weird the way things are happening.
i am in excellent health but just the thought of standing up front to give a testimony makes my skin crawl, my heart pound, my hands shake. i haven-t a clue what to say. i can talk one on one with someone but he said he has a big church (like several hundred people) i wish i had recorded it so he could just play it.
please pray for me for the right words to say, to say what God wants people to hear, and the strength and courage to stand up and say them.
and also that i would learn more spanish. and remember it.
Monday, September 12, 2005
pouring ourselves out for God
read this in my utmost the other day. what does it mean to pour ourselves out for God? how do we do this? some days i think what i'm doing that day is pleasing to God. other days, like a few days lately, i just have to tell Him i can't do it, i just don't have it in me. and He seems to work with that, even when i can't make sense of it, He seems able to.
test
This is funny. YOU fill in the blanks about ME and send it back to
ME. But first send a blank one out to all your friends, including
me, so we can return the favor to you. Be honest -- they're really
SCARY to get back. It only takes a few minutes, so just do it!!!!
1st: Send (forward) this Survey to everyone you know to see how
well he or she knows you.
2nd:(reply) Fill this survey out about the person who sent it to
you and send it back to them.
Your name:
Where did we meet:
Take a stab at my middle name:
Do I believe in God:
How long have you known me:
Do I smoke:
What was your first impression of me upon meeting:
Color of my eyes:
Do I have any siblings:
What's one of my favorite things to do:
Do you remember one of the first things I said to you:
What's my favorite type of music:
What is the best feature about me:
Am I shy or outgoing:
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:
What's your favorite memory of me:
Any special talents:
Would you consider me a friend:
If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be:
If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is the one
thing would I bring?
a friend emailed me this and i sent it out to a few friends. it was fun to get the replies back so thought i'd share it with you.
ME. But first send a blank one out to all your friends, including
me, so we can return the favor to you. Be honest -- they're really
SCARY to get back. It only takes a few minutes, so just do it!!!!
1st: Send (forward) this Survey to everyone you know to see how
well he or she knows you.
2nd:(reply) Fill this survey out about the person who sent it to
you and send it back to them.
Your name:
Where did we meet:
Take a stab at my middle name:
Do I believe in God:
How long have you known me:
Do I smoke:
What was your first impression of me upon meeting:
Color of my eyes:
Do I have any siblings:
What's one of my favorite things to do:
Do you remember one of the first things I said to you:
What's my favorite type of music:
What is the best feature about me:
Am I shy or outgoing:
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:
What's your favorite memory of me:
Any special talents:
Would you consider me a friend:
If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be:
If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is the one
thing would I bring?
a friend emailed me this and i sent it out to a few friends. it was fun to get the replies back so thought i'd share it with you.
feelings
i've been feeling down lately and was crying last night. dany asked me why i was crying (they don't do that here - everyone is tranquilo) and he told me not to cry. he doesn't understand and as i don't understand my feelings myself how can i explain them to the family. i don't know if it's as a result of the full moon that's coming or what but it's like i don't have a friend here i can talk to. i talk to dany or jose but they're boys and don't talk or listen like girls. and mimi and i talk but it's so stilted cuz i don't understand everything. i've been feeling very emotional lately and don't know why. i hope it's just the moon coming full and will pass soon. after talking to God on the way here on the bus i feel a little better. but He's like having a best friend that doesn't talk back with you. although He does give me the peace no one else could.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
feeling lonely
feeling lonely in a houseful of people. i never saw news on the tsunami until a couple weeks later when i read about it on a church email. i didn't see news on the hurricane that hit new orleans, still haven't seen anything, only heard that it was bad. the boys watch some really bad japanese cartoons or futbol or music videos. i sometimes sit through the cartoons and i watch futbol with them but as for the videos, i find some of them disgusting so i end up reading alone in my bedroom. yesterday i decided i was going to watch the news and they ended up watching the cartoons in mimi's bedroom so again i sat alone. i'm really missing having a friend to talk to. to have real heart to hearts.
i feel less alone today walking about san carlos than i would if i was at home. so i'm taking my time about leaving and will end up walking home alone in the dark.
there has been so much rain lately it's been too wet to go to the garden (aerodrome) to spend quiet time alone with God and there is almost never any quiet home alone in the house. finally yesterday i could go for a walk but was eaten alive by the ants so didn't stay long, not long enough.
i feel less alone today walking about san carlos than i would if i was at home. so i'm taking my time about leaving and will end up walking home alone in the dark.
there has been so much rain lately it's been too wet to go to the garden (aerodrome) to spend quiet time alone with God and there is almost never any quiet home alone in the house. finally yesterday i could go for a walk but was eaten alive by the ants so didn't stay long, not long enough.
God's sense of humour
was feeling kinda bummed this am and decided i needed to get out of the house today. as i was walking to the highway i told God that if He was going to use me today He was going to have to do all the work cuz i just couldn't. i had walked a couple of kms talking to Him all the way and a car stopped to give me a ride. i don't usually get a ride unless i need one and as i had been enjoying talking to God i didn't think i needed one but got in anyway.
i got another marriage proposal from a guy i'd never met before. he was 23 and even when i told him my age he said age wasn't important, only love is important. that may be true but i told him he was too young. he reiterated only love was important, not age and i reminded him that i didn't even know him. so then i told him i was returning to canada in a few months and he said he would come with me. it was quite funny actually and we were both laughing. i told him if God wanted me to be married He would bring me a christian husband. he said he was a christian. then he asked if i wanted a canadian or a costa rican husband. i told him that wasn't important. then he asked me if i would marry a nica and i said yes if he was from God. a nica? his expression was like you gotta be kidding.
i went on to tell juan that it doesn't matter what nationality anyone is as we are all God's children and He loves each and everyone one of us the same.
for as much as i had thought God had a sense of humour, bringing me out of myself, i later thought He had been using me as i had told Him He would have to. so maybe i hadn't needed a ride but maybe juan needed to hear that we all are equal in the eyes of God.
i got another marriage proposal from a guy i'd never met before. he was 23 and even when i told him my age he said age wasn't important, only love is important. that may be true but i told him he was too young. he reiterated only love was important, not age and i reminded him that i didn't even know him. so then i told him i was returning to canada in a few months and he said he would come with me. it was quite funny actually and we were both laughing. i told him if God wanted me to be married He would bring me a christian husband. he said he was a christian. then he asked if i wanted a canadian or a costa rican husband. i told him that wasn't important. then he asked me if i would marry a nica and i said yes if he was from God. a nica? his expression was like you gotta be kidding.
i went on to tell juan that it doesn't matter what nationality anyone is as we are all God's children and He loves each and everyone one of us the same.
for as much as i had thought God had a sense of humour, bringing me out of myself, i later thought He had been using me as i had told Him He would have to. so maybe i hadn't needed a ride but maybe juan needed to hear that we all are equal in the eyes of God.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
answered prayers
every so often there is a story circulated about a guy that buys some milk and ends up going to a house and wondering why he's doing it. turns out the family has no money and the baby is hungry and needs milk.
yesterday while i was on the way to los chiles i decided to buy wiring for my family's house. the house is very old and the wiring is something else, to say the least it's pretty scary. there is no light in the living room and when i wanted to buy a fan for the living room, so they wouldn't burn raid mosquito coils under the chairs they were sitting on, i was told not to because the wiring was too bad.
i had no idea what to buy and asked the hardware store to phone the house and talk to the dad to find out what we needed. the price - the clerk wrote out the bill, i pulled out my money - it was exactly what i had.
i had just spent a lot of money going to panama for the weekend and even though it wasn't cheap it was just in my head to buy the wiring yesterday. for awhile now i had thought it might be something that next year's team could help with.
when i got home and showed it to mimi she showed me a box of receptacles patricio had bought last saturday, two days before i bought the wire. she said they had an unexpected deposit in their account and decided to buy the receptacles. she and later jose told me they had prayed about the wiring and asked God to provide what they could not afford.
i didn't know they had bought the receptacles and i didn't know before i left the house yesterday that i was going to buy the wiring. last night when patricio got home he told me he had been worried about the wiring causing a fire and he had wanted to replace it. they had gone to the bank to take out their last $15 and found they had a couple hundred. the walls in the boys bedrooms were literally rotted and falling off so they were able to put up new walls as well.
God works in mysterious ways and sometimes we just get thoughts and need to act on them.
yesterday while i was on the way to los chiles i decided to buy wiring for my family's house. the house is very old and the wiring is something else, to say the least it's pretty scary. there is no light in the living room and when i wanted to buy a fan for the living room, so they wouldn't burn raid mosquito coils under the chairs they were sitting on, i was told not to because the wiring was too bad.
i had no idea what to buy and asked the hardware store to phone the house and talk to the dad to find out what we needed. the price - the clerk wrote out the bill, i pulled out my money - it was exactly what i had.
i had just spent a lot of money going to panama for the weekend and even though it wasn't cheap it was just in my head to buy the wiring yesterday. for awhile now i had thought it might be something that next year's team could help with.
when i got home and showed it to mimi she showed me a box of receptacles patricio had bought last saturday, two days before i bought the wire. she said they had an unexpected deposit in their account and decided to buy the receptacles. she and later jose told me they had prayed about the wiring and asked God to provide what they could not afford.
i didn't know they had bought the receptacles and i didn't know before i left the house yesterday that i was going to buy the wiring. last night when patricio got home he told me he had been worried about the wiring causing a fire and he had wanted to replace it. they had gone to the bank to take out their last $15 and found they had a couple hundred. the walls in the boys bedrooms were literally rotted and falling off so they were able to put up new walls as well.
God works in mysterious ways and sometimes we just get thoughts and need to act on them.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
bribes
had to bribe the border guards at panama. dany and i came on tica bus to see the costa rican national soccer team game vs panama. we had driven about half a km when the bus was stopped again by some official who said that dany's salvo conductor (temporary travel pass - he does not have a passport) had not been stamped by the customs at the border. he would have been sent back to costa rica so we had to pay $5.00 so he could stay on the bus. so right now he is in panama illegally.
please pray. not kidding.
please pray. not kidding.
Friday, August 19, 2005
dance
dany and jonny grad this year and they are putting on a dance on saturday to raise money for their class to go to the beach for 3 days. i love to dance and can dance all night. i told dany i wanted to go and he said it wasn't a christian dance. i said that didn't matter cuz i wouldn't understand the words anyway. he asked me not to dance if i go because christians don't dance. what? of course they do. 2 sam 6.14 rejoicing 'king david danced before the Lord with all of his might' he said he knew that but here they don't then here they should. i have seen them dancing in the church in santa cecilia. i asked xinia to go wtih me, if so i will go, otherwise no cuz it's a long walk home. other people in canada were shocked when i said i danced. like christians shouldn't dance? i don't understand at all why anyone would think we shouldn't.
but then i had second thoughts. i seem to be a drunk magnet so maybe it's not a good idea.
but then i had second thoughts. i seem to be a drunk magnet so maybe it's not a good idea.
feeling pretty cocky
coming home tonight (8/17) i felt very cocky about know that God would take care of me. at one point i wondered about the difference between being cocky and arrogant. i had taken 5 different buses to get home in 11 hours. it POURED rain almost the entire way home. when i got off the bus at santa cecilia it was 7pm, dark, raining and i had a HEAVY backpack. coming home on the bus i had already told God there was no way i could walk home with my pack. it was so very heavy and the weight of it was hurting/bruising my back. i sat down and had an ice cream and wondered how God was going to provide a way home. there was a boy there at sta cecilia that i'd seen on the bus a lot and knew that he would be making his way home but how and when i didn't know. as i sat there eating my ice cream a car went by and i thought i should maybe start walking cuz God knew where i was. as i started walking i realized my pack wasn't near as heavy as it had been all day and it wasn't resting on the swollen area. i realized that although it was raining it was not the torrential downpour it had been most of the day. there were house lights and street lights every so often but even where there weren't and it was totally dark there was enough light for me to find my way. even without using my flashlight that i had in my pack. after walking about 1/3 of the way a truck came along and the boy i knew from the bus was in the back and he got the truck driver to stop for me. because there had been so much rain there was a lot of flooding on the road and right after the truck picked me up we drove through a river across the road. a short while later the guy pulled into his driveway and we got out and started walking. mykel and i walked for about another 1/3 of the way, him in his work boots and me in sandals slip sliding away walking through all the water and mud. another vehicle approached and i asked God if we could please have a ride. there was a big soccer game (cr vs mexico) starting in 5 minutes and i wanted to see it. i'm quite certain God wasn't too concerned about the game but we did get another ride. what i hadn't seen was an even bigger river across the road not even 20' ahead. and so i did make it home in time to see the game. i walked home alone in the dark, in the rain with a heavy pack for a couple of kms, walked a couple more kms with mykel and rode the rest of the way. i had rides when i needed them, a pack that was somehow lighter, enough light to see to walk in the dark and a lighter rainfall. you never have to worry if you trust in God because He will take care of you. He takes care of me all the time.
cr team 2006
don't know what the team can do. construction starts on a new church in december. they could use drums and a guitar. they need to get a rocking band to attract the youth. i walked home with a boy who didn't speak a word of english. he said he was a christian and that he likes guns and roses although he doesn't understand a word. the youth aren't coming to church. but i think more youth would come if the music wasn't so sedate.
sex
it's illegal to have sex with a child under 18 years of age. there are warning signs throughout the country. but you can marry a child at 15 - then it's ok. ???
pata caliente
friends and family say i am this. and if you know me you know this is true. it's hot feet or legs meaning i can't sit still and i'm always on the go. it sounds better to say that i'm spontaneous than to say i'm impulsive. i get an idea in my head and i just go or just do it. like leaving nicaragua, i missed the 7.00 bus and would have to wait 6 hours so i got on a bus going somewhere to get on another bus , then another. (5 in total) it wasn't a patience thing, i just couldn't just sit for that long doing nothing.
speechless with sorrow
from my utmost 8/18 - it's referring to luke 18.22 and 23. the rich young ruler. that in itself doesn't bother me. but for me everything points to luke 14.26 and 33. God did tell me it was only for one year. i will have lived here with this family for over a year. they have become my family and i love them. i love all the boys, they are like sons i never had. i know we aren't supposed to have favourites but dany is my baby, maybe because he speaks english.
God asks us to yield to Him - everything. not just our material possessions but our relationships, anything or anyone of importance. He wants us to give that to Him. He wants us to surrender everything, every possession, every relationship to Him. we are everything to Him. He wants to be everything to us. i know i will leave here but i know i will be speechless with sorrow when i do. i am just thinking about it. but never for long as He keeps another of His promises - to be close to the broken hearted and He saves me once again. Psalm 34.18.
i can't explain it but when i sold my house, quit my job and left my family to come here it wasn't hard at all. for as much as i love my family it was easy to leave. maybe because i knew i'd be back. it's one thing to have a family that you see a few hours a week or a month or a year. it's quite another to actually feel like a loved member of a very close famly that you live wtih every day. this is where i really feel God is testing me. to see if i really will put Him first. i will.
will you?
God asks us to yield to Him - everything. not just our material possessions but our relationships, anything or anyone of importance. He wants us to give that to Him. He wants us to surrender everything, every possession, every relationship to Him. we are everything to Him. He wants to be everything to us. i know i will leave here but i know i will be speechless with sorrow when i do. i am just thinking about it. but never for long as He keeps another of His promises - to be close to the broken hearted and He saves me once again. Psalm 34.18.
i can't explain it but when i sold my house, quit my job and left my family to come here it wasn't hard at all. for as much as i love my family it was easy to leave. maybe because i knew i'd be back. it's one thing to have a family that you see a few hours a week or a month or a year. it's quite another to actually feel like a loved member of a very close famly that you live wtih every day. this is where i really feel God is testing me. to see if i really will put Him first. i will.
will you?
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
outside internet cafe
i-m back in costa rica at playa del coco today. the internet cafe is outside and it-s a tropical thunderstorm and i am getting wet. i-m surprised they keep this computer going. i hope i won-t get electrocuted while i-m sitting here. although it makes for a very beautiful internet spot. i am in a garden with a tin roof overhang about 3 ft on one side and 5 ft on the other 2 sides and 2 ft behind me where the rain is just pouring down. there is thunder and lightning, it-s really kinda cool and kinda romantic.
the screen, cpu and keyboard are getting wet so i better go cuz i don-t know how much longer i should sit here.
the screen, cpu and keyboard are getting wet so i better go cuz i don-t know how much longer i should sit here.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
beisbol (baseball)
got to watch a beisbol game at the beach today. the tide was out so the local youth had a game. they were using a black ball and it was very hard to see it. as i was laying there watching the game the ball was hit and the fielder ran backwards, turned around and ran, literally, right over me. i couldn't see the ball and it all happened so fast i didn't have time to get up, only to roll away to the side to get out of the way. but obviously not in time. if he had been wearing running shoes he would have left a treadmark on my back upper thigh. no one had hit that far out before so i thought i was out of the way.
i will have to tan all day tomorrow just to cover up the black and blue i know i will have.
but even so it was a blast watching the game. i have become such a soccer fan i hadn't even thought about watching beisbol on tv. i found myself clapping or cheering when a good play was made.
i will have to tan all day tomorrow just to cover up the black and blue i know i will have.
but even so it was a blast watching the game. i have become such a soccer fan i hadn't even thought about watching beisbol on tv. i found myself clapping or cheering when a good play was made.
Friday, August 12, 2005
soldiers
there are 2 fences at the border with maybe 6 feet between the countries with razor wire on top on the costa rica side. the nica side has soldiers with artillery. it's very different at this border crossing than the one near los chiles. i saw a soldier at the beach with a machine gun. it's hard to imagine the wars here between the sandinistas and contras.
i just can't imagine living in a war torn country. canadians are blessed to be living in peace.
i just can't imagine living in a war torn country. canadians are blessed to be living in peace.
turtle tour
for $24 i could have gone on a turtle tour tonight. what an cool experience that would've been. i hadn't booked cuz i wasn't sure i could stay awake all night, it was from 7pm to 1am. i had checked out earthwatch's website and it costs about $2,000 to come here to do a turtle tour.
after having something to eat (breakfast, lunch and dinner) at 3.30 and all days' coffee in one sitting i decided i could stay awake and returned at 5.45 to book the tour. i had overheard someone saying it was almost 7 and learned that the time changed to daylight savings today and when i arrived to book the tour they were leaving. i am still in my bathing suit so so much for a turtle tour.
costa rica doesn't change the time. but apparently some locals do and some don't - that should be helpful in understanding the bus schedule?
after having something to eat (breakfast, lunch and dinner) at 3.30 and all days' coffee in one sitting i decided i could stay awake and returned at 5.45 to book the tour. i had overheard someone saying it was almost 7 and learned that the time changed to daylight savings today and when i arrived to book the tour they were leaving. i am still in my bathing suit so so much for a turtle tour.
costa rica doesn't change the time. but apparently some locals do and some don't - that should be helpful in understanding the bus schedule?
in nicaragua now
left cañas at 08.00 this am and finally cleared the border at peñas blancas at 12.40. it took 2 1-2 hours to go through the border. there were hundreds of people. and tons of money changers. not having my calculator on me i changed 8,000 colones for cordobas (nicaraguan currency). i got ripped off. i only changed 8,000 cuz i'd left my fanny pack (with the rest of my money and credit card) in my backpack on the bus. needless to say the money changer wasn't seen again.
see no fear here. said as i am again shaking my head at myself.
i am at a small beach town for a few days then think i will go to granada for 1 or 2 days. it's supposed to be beautiful, centuries old spanish architecture.
here, in san juan del sur, all the streets are made of paving stones. very cool. most of the houses, schools, churches and some stores in nica are made of red brick. also very cool. and with original spanish tile roofs. they're beautiful.
i have a tica bus map showing there is a tica bus terminal in san juan del sur. so of course i expected the bus to drive into san juan. not so. they let me off on the highway in almost the middle of nowhere so i start hiking down the road in the direction of the ocean. until i saw a sign that said san juan 18 kms. with a 20 pound pack and hot sun. mm - don't think so.
i talked to a family who flagged down a taxi for me. the taxi was like a bus inasmuch as he had 4 different fares in the car.
it's a small, quiet, peaceful beach town on a beautiful curved bay. poor nica shacks dot the hillside to the south, rich haciendas cover the hillside to the north and quaint little restaurants / bars all along the beach.
see no fear here. said as i am again shaking my head at myself.
i am at a small beach town for a few days then think i will go to granada for 1 or 2 days. it's supposed to be beautiful, centuries old spanish architecture.
here, in san juan del sur, all the streets are made of paving stones. very cool. most of the houses, schools, churches and some stores in nica are made of red brick. also very cool. and with original spanish tile roofs. they're beautiful.
i have a tica bus map showing there is a tica bus terminal in san juan del sur. so of course i expected the bus to drive into san juan. not so. they let me off on the highway in almost the middle of nowhere so i start hiking down the road in the direction of the ocean. until i saw a sign that said san juan 18 kms. with a 20 pound pack and hot sun. mm - don't think so.
i talked to a family who flagged down a taxi for me. the taxi was like a bus inasmuch as he had 4 different fares in the car.
it's a small, quiet, peaceful beach town on a beautiful curved bay. poor nica shacks dot the hillside to the south, rich haciendas cover the hillside to the north and quaint little restaurants / bars all along the beach.
common sense
lol - aug 9 from my utmost - never let your common sense become so prominent and forceful that it pushes the Son of God to one side.
well there's definitely no fear of that here.
well there's definitely no fear of that here.
help
the odd time as i run a scenario through my mind of being in trouble and needing help, i think of who i would ask for help and as quickly as i think of some person i think of Jesus. maybe it's a natural human response to think of another human for help but as a child of God to know that He is our Helper, our Protector. and He is always there for us.
instant panic
yesterday while we worked in one school the principal asked if i would talk to the students for half an hour in english. instant panic. what could i say they had fed us lunch. instant prayer. i said yes and as i walked 12 feet to the classroom said panic prayers to Jesus for help and calm. instant response. everything went as smooth as a baby's bum.
God is so awesome! and so faithful!
God is so awesome! and so faithful!
feeling kinda emotional this time around
not sure why but the last few months i have cried a few times. i thought it was because of the full moons but the past 2 days there hasn't been a full moon. i feel like i'm more running away from home than leaving the country for 3 days. instead of becoming more tranquila i seem to be less. i love everyone so much but they just don't care about things and it's driving me crazy. i miss them just being away for 1 day. as much as living there is driving me crazy there is no place i'd rather be. they take immaculate personal care but as for the house and yard, nobody gives a ..it. so why should i care if they don't? they are perfectly happy, tranquilo.
500 trees for $700
i am working with toshi, a japanese agronomist (?), making vegetable gardens in schools. he said vision mundial is buying trees for some of the schools in the area. sadly they do not include the poorer schools i visited on the frontera. (but i'm working on him) i asked about buying trees and for $700 they can buy 500 orange trees. also talking to him about making gardens in those schools and needed a villager or family to take responsibility for the garden.
i told toshi if he would prepare a list of materials and prices for vision mundial costa rica to give to world vision canada
so if anyone wanted to make a donation to world vision canada they will give the money to vmcr to buy these materials, ie garden implements, seeds, trees.
please pray about this and if you can help please let me know and i will put you in touch with the person at world vision canada that i am involved with. this way you can get a tax receipt from world vision canada for whatever amount you donate.
i told toshi if he would prepare a list of materials and prices for vision mundial costa rica to give to world vision canada
so if anyone wanted to make a donation to world vision canada they will give the money to vmcr to buy these materials, ie garden implements, seeds, trees.
please pray about this and if you can help please let me know and i will put you in touch with the person at world vision canada that i am involved with. this way you can get a tax receipt from world vision canada for whatever amount you donate.
on the road again
yesterday after working with vision mundial in 2 schools in 2 communities i returned to los chiles at 1.30. the next bus to upala was at 2.00 so i got on it. i was on buses from 2 to 7.40.
it got dark. i had no idea where i was going or where i would sleep when i got there. originally i had intended to spend the night in los chiles but the bus for upala was there so i got on it. but then there weren't any rooms in upala. so i got on the bus again to go to cañas.
as i started thinking i must be crazy i wondered about talking to God. i know i told Him last nite i had to leave the country for 3 days and i wanted to go to nicaragua but as i was travelling i wondered if i had listened to Him for an answer. didn't recall that i had. was He up there just shaking His head at me. as i contemplated my situation, dark, alone, no destination, no reservation i questioned my sanity again and got a little flutter in my stomach. i know the bus heading somewhere was not the time or place to start to get worried. so i talked to God. if i have said i trust God wtih my life, my future, then that included last night and i didn't have to worry. i told God that yes i did trust Him even though i didn't have a clue about what would happen last night. i asked Him to calm my fears and He did. we can say God's will be done. tomorrow, next week, next year but what about this next minute or hour. when i wonder what my future holds, what will i do, where will i go at the end of the year i also had to wonder where will i be and where will i sleep last night. usually i can anwer that. not yesterday. didn't have a clue. thankfully it wasn't something i had to worry about. even if He doesn't i find myself shaking my head at myself. i wonder why i just get it into my head to get up and go somewhere. and then i get out the map and see where i am and wonder if i wanted to go to nica why did i end up in cañas. i guess cuz this is where the bus came.
i thought of sushi as i wrote this and what an adventure we could be having.
it got dark. i had no idea where i was going or where i would sleep when i got there. originally i had intended to spend the night in los chiles but the bus for upala was there so i got on it. but then there weren't any rooms in upala. so i got on the bus again to go to cañas.
as i started thinking i must be crazy i wondered about talking to God. i know i told Him last nite i had to leave the country for 3 days and i wanted to go to nicaragua but as i was travelling i wondered if i had listened to Him for an answer. didn't recall that i had. was He up there just shaking His head at me. as i contemplated my situation, dark, alone, no destination, no reservation i questioned my sanity again and got a little flutter in my stomach. i know the bus heading somewhere was not the time or place to start to get worried. so i talked to God. if i have said i trust God wtih my life, my future, then that included last night and i didn't have to worry. i told God that yes i did trust Him even though i didn't have a clue about what would happen last night. i asked Him to calm my fears and He did. we can say God's will be done. tomorrow, next week, next year but what about this next minute or hour. when i wonder what my future holds, what will i do, where will i go at the end of the year i also had to wonder where will i be and where will i sleep last night. usually i can anwer that. not yesterday. didn't have a clue. thankfully it wasn't something i had to worry about. even if He doesn't i find myself shaking my head at myself. i wonder why i just get it into my head to get up and go somewhere. and then i get out the map and see where i am and wonder if i wanted to go to nica why did i end up in cañas. i guess cuz this is where the bus came.
i thought of sushi as i wrote this and what an adventure we could be having.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
how many people can you fit on a motorcycle?
a family of 3 or even 4 can ride all over the country here. and if you have one you carry your helmet in your hand.
last week when i got off the bus at santa cecilia (the highway) i was asked if i wanted a ride home. i knew i recognized the man so i said sure (although that wouldn't make a difference now). it has been raining so-o much the road has rivers running across it so it would've been a very slippery, muddy walk home.
there was a little boy in the drivers seat and i expected someone else was either coming or the man would change seats with the boy. nope! the kid put it in reverse and backed up. not recognizing the scraping noise he continued backing into the delivery truck sitting right beside him. at this point i asked the man how old the kid was - 10. 10 years old and he's driving. about a dozen people watched all this and then guided the kid as he jockeyed back and forth to turn the suzuki around so he could drive out front first.
his vision was between the top of the dash and the top of the steering wheel. it seems just about anything goes here. although when we got to about 200 metres from amparo the man told the kid to turn around. maybe cuz we have police in amparo and there aren't any in santa cecilia.
last week when i got off the bus at santa cecilia (the highway) i was asked if i wanted a ride home. i knew i recognized the man so i said sure (although that wouldn't make a difference now). it has been raining so-o much the road has rivers running across it so it would've been a very slippery, muddy walk home.
there was a little boy in the drivers seat and i expected someone else was either coming or the man would change seats with the boy. nope! the kid put it in reverse and backed up. not recognizing the scraping noise he continued backing into the delivery truck sitting right beside him. at this point i asked the man how old the kid was - 10. 10 years old and he's driving. about a dozen people watched all this and then guided the kid as he jockeyed back and forth to turn the suzuki around so he could drive out front first.
his vision was between the top of the dash and the top of the steering wheel. it seems just about anything goes here. although when we got to about 200 metres from amparo the man told the kid to turn around. maybe cuz we have police in amparo and there aren't any in santa cecilia.
suitors
oh dear they're getting younger. last sunday in church a little boy, maybe 11 or 12, maybe 10, who knows, gave a note to his younger brother to give to me telling me his name. as i was leaving the church the little brother gave me a piece of scrunched up paper. i thought it was garbage but opened it to find another note saying that i was very affectionate and that he loved me. i only ever say hi and smile.
Friday, August 05, 2005
chico's story
chico's gone. he's found his family and he's gone home.
he was born in nicaragua and left his family when he was 9 years old to come to costa rica with an 11 year old brother to look for work. he had lost contact with his family and had not seen his mother and father and 3 other siblings for 12 years. he had not seen his older brother for 10 years. an 11 year old boy on his own looking for work in another country, no family, no friends.
12 years later he ends up working with an uncle who tells him where his family is. he has two sisters 25 and 15 years old. and his brothers are 18 and 23.
so he wasn't abandoned. he left a loving family to find work to help feed his family. and now he has found them again. he was so happy to be going home.
i am so happy for him but sad that i won't see him again. he is a very fine young man who aspires to sing in church, play the keyboard and become a pastor.
he was born in nicaragua and left his family when he was 9 years old to come to costa rica with an 11 year old brother to look for work. he had lost contact with his family and had not seen his mother and father and 3 other siblings for 12 years. he had not seen his older brother for 10 years. an 11 year old boy on his own looking for work in another country, no family, no friends.
12 years later he ends up working with an uncle who tells him where his family is. he has two sisters 25 and 15 years old. and his brothers are 18 and 23.
so he wasn't abandoned. he left a loving family to find work to help feed his family. and now he has found them again. he was so happy to be going home.
i am so happy for him but sad that i won't see him again. he is a very fine young man who aspires to sing in church, play the keyboard and become a pastor.
world vision donations
Unfortunately, due to CRA (Canada Revenue Agency) regulations the only way World Vision Canada can issue tax receipts is if the funds come into our office.
Then what I have done in the past is if someone had a specific request to purchase items/goods etc. that the World Vision Costa Rica office required/knew about...I send them a Gift Notification with instructions on what to purchase. Gift Notifications are a min. of $100 Canadian.
information passed on to me from world vision canada for anyone that had thought about donating money for here.
Then what I have done in the past is if someone had a specific request to purchase items/goods etc. that the World Vision Costa Rica office required/knew about...I send them a Gift Notification with instructions on what to purchase. Gift Notifications are a min. of $100 Canadian.
information passed on to me from world vision canada for anyone that had thought about donating money for here.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
going to panama
you can only be in costa rica for 3 months before you have to leave the country for at least 3 days. a customs officer took a closer look at the date on my passport the other day so i thought i'd better adhere to the rules this time.
also because God said i am only here for one year, and who knows maybe i won't be back, and as i am so close to the panama canal i thought it would be a good reason to go see it.
also it just happens to coincide with when costa rica's national soccer team will be playing in panama.
also because God said i am only here for one year, and who knows maybe i won't be back, and as i am so close to the panama canal i thought it would be a good reason to go see it.
also it just happens to coincide with when costa rica's national soccer team will be playing in panama.
chico's family
turns out he's been working with an uncle who told him his mother and brothers live in costa rica. yesterday he found out where they live and he plans to go visit them this weekend. he hasn't seen his mother for 12 years or his brothers for 10 years. needless to say he's just a little nervous. scared but very happy.
did she abandon him because she just couldn't afford to feed him anymore or?
people have taken him in and taken care of him for as long as they could afford to feed him. now he's returning the favour. he has a huge, generous heart and is feeding and taking care of those that have been taking care of him.
did she abandon him because she just couldn't afford to feed him anymore or?
people have taken him in and taken care of him for as long as they could afford to feed him. now he's returning the favour. he has a huge, generous heart and is feeding and taking care of those that have been taking care of him.
marriage proposal
yesterday one of the fellows i've been working with asked me to marry him. he's a hunk but i said no, it'd be like robbing the cradle. after we finished what we were doing then he asked me to go on a date. might've been fun but i didn't want to encourage him. one thing here age just doesn't seem to matter.
feeding the hungry
yesterday i was reading a brief article in 'in touch' magazine on the life of the man that started world vision and samaritan's purse. i read ''people of the world are so hungry to hear the gospel'' and i burst out crying. where i am living and in the surrounding communities that i go to i see people or hear of people that are so hungry, period. i hadn't planned to do anything but stay home yesterday cuz i was coming here to san carlos today and monday i was in a couple of different villages and thursday i am going back. but right after reading that line and crying it was like God was touching my heart to get busy and do more.
i know when we were giving out sandwiches to the street people in mission it touched my heart. as i walked down the alley to give food to the addicts in a crack house all of a sudden i started crying because it was like God was touching my heart telling me i was where He wanted me doing what He wanted me to do.
the bible talks about feeding the hungry, clothing the poor. as i read that line i thought but i don't know how to speak the gospel to people and i certainly can't speak the language, but what i did think was that i do want to help feed people that are hungry, to provide seeds and tools so they can help themselves, to provide school supplies, clothes, toothbrushes, whatever. i think of other people and agencies in canada that are there to help people and think i belong here because there aren't enough people or agencies or money here to help the people and there is such a great need.
i know when we were giving out sandwiches to the street people in mission it touched my heart. as i walked down the alley to give food to the addicts in a crack house all of a sudden i started crying because it was like God was touching my heart telling me i was where He wanted me doing what He wanted me to do.
the bible talks about feeding the hungry, clothing the poor. as i read that line i thought but i don't know how to speak the gospel to people and i certainly can't speak the language, but what i did think was that i do want to help feed people that are hungry, to provide seeds and tools so they can help themselves, to provide school supplies, clothes, toothbrushes, whatever. i think of other people and agencies in canada that are there to help people and think i belong here because there aren't enough people or agencies or money here to help the people and there is such a great need.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
going home
took a break for a week and went to stay at a friends place an hour west of san jose. she has two very beautiful houses set in an incredibly beautiful acreage that has to be a replica of the garden of eden. i was in one house by myself and read a lot of books for a week. there was a young couple staying in the other house where the tv and phone are. it is set in the mountains and even in the middle of the day it was dark and you could almost feel the jungle closing in on you. the houses are almost brand new with up-to-date modern conveniences. it was much cooler, from mid to high 30's in amparo to low to mid 20's. there were no mosquitoes, no gargantuan spiders inside. there is a pool that overlooks the central valley. you would never have to leave except to buy groceries. there is a man that takes care of the grounds and his wife cleans the houses once a week. the flowers, the trees, the birds, the butterflies. everything was just so clean and beautiful. i was living in the lap of luxury.
and i was miserable. as i weighed the pros and cons about returning home to amparo i thought of how poor and broken down the house is, the garbage (no pickup here), the smells (smokes from the fires, burning mosquito coils inside the house, poisons to kill the various bugs, chickens in the house, rotting fruit), the huge spiders, the roosters, the mosquitoes, bats, snakes, toads, coakroaches, billions of ants, etc. in the house, cooking and cleaning and laundry for 9 or 10 people i wondered about the ache in my heart. i had read several books but none of them were the bible. when i finally stopped reading and started talking to God i knew i wanted to go home. i was so unsettled for a week and once i'd made the decision to go home i was so excited. last night i made dinner, cleaned, did laundry, helped the boys with their homework, talked with them. i had missed them so much. i was home. i was content.
there really is no place like home.
and i was miserable. as i weighed the pros and cons about returning home to amparo i thought of how poor and broken down the house is, the garbage (no pickup here), the smells (smokes from the fires, burning mosquito coils inside the house, poisons to kill the various bugs, chickens in the house, rotting fruit), the huge spiders, the roosters, the mosquitoes, bats, snakes, toads, coakroaches, billions of ants, etc. in the house, cooking and cleaning and laundry for 9 or 10 people i wondered about the ache in my heart. i had read several books but none of them were the bible. when i finally stopped reading and started talking to God i knew i wanted to go home. i was so unsettled for a week and once i'd made the decision to go home i was so excited. last night i made dinner, cleaned, did laundry, helped the boys with their homework, talked with them. i had missed them so much. i was home. i was content.
there really is no place like home.
God's faithfulness
never ceases to amaze me. even though i haven't spent much time with Him lately, when i returned home yesterday after a week away i was loaded down with 2 very heavy backpacks and 3 more bags. i knew i wouldn't be able to carry them the hour walk home from the highway and i had hoped i would be in time to catch the school bus returning to amparo from the highway. when i got off the bus there were two of the boys friends at the corner store and i asked them about the bus. i didn't understand what they said but thought that it was that there was no bus. i started off walking with all my bags and i hadn't walked very far when the boys called out to me to say they wanted to help me with my bags. no matter what it is, no matter where it is, God will always, always give us what we need when we need it. even if we lose ourselves for awhile He thankfully will not forget us. even when we aren't He thankfully is always faithful.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
chico's generosity
my back and neck have been bothering me since i returned to costa rica. i have not been sleeping well because of it and one day a bed was delivered to our house. for me. from chico. this young man works 6 days a week, sometimes leaving the house and 4 a.m. to walk to whichever farm he might be working at for the day, returning 13 or 14 hours later. not all days are the same, sometimes he can only get a few hours work a day. he earns dirt poor wages, slaving under a blistering hot sun at 38 or 39 degrees, or in torrential rains. he buys clothes and other things for the other boys. he gave the most money to the church to buy the new keyboard. he helps support the family. dany and jonny graduate this year and chico has said that once dany and jonny are finished school he will go to school next year so he can get an education. chico had thought that a special bed would help my back and thought nothing of spending money to help me feel better. i explained that the bed wouldn't help so it went back. but i was touched by his generosity. and reminded of the widow who gave all she had. and of the rich young ruler who couldn't bear to part with his money. he is such a simple and awesome young man.
garden paradise
the book 'wild at heart' says 'where the geography around us corresponds with the geography of the heart' if you know me you know i have always had a lot of plants - friends have referred to my house as a jungle. now i am surrounded by them and i don't ever want to leave costa rica. i cannot imagine leaving this garden paradise or living anywhere else now. it is so beautiful.
Monday, June 27, 2005
machete
i bought my own last week. if anyone would've told me that i would be using a machete, never mind buying my own, i would've told them that they were crazy.
recently patricio cut down a tree in the back yard. with a machete. a couple days last week i cut all the branches off. with a machete. a dull one at that. but it's all in the way you use it. it won't cut a banana leaf but it sure goes through a tree branch. i was finished everything else and was bored. it was a good workout and felt good to be able to do it. it just seemed so weird to be doing it. with the different things i've done in my life limbing a tree with a machete was never one i had envisioned before.
i'm definitely having some very cool experiences here.
recently patricio cut down a tree in the back yard. with a machete. a couple days last week i cut all the branches off. with a machete. a dull one at that. but it's all in the way you use it. it won't cut a banana leaf but it sure goes through a tree branch. i was finished everything else and was bored. it was a good workout and felt good to be able to do it. it just seemed so weird to be doing it. with the different things i've done in my life limbing a tree with a machete was never one i had envisioned before.
i'm definitely having some very cool experiences here.
gardens
the students at the local school planted fruits and vegetables last friday. if their garden is successful it would be a good model to show the other schools on the frontier. she said there were lots of papas in the garden on thursday. either they were dads that came to till the soil for the kids to sow seeds the next day or there were a lot of potatoes, papas in español.
also xinia, a teacher in amparo, has asked the city council for property to build a coop garden, as well as a man that lives in san jose but has property in amparo. city council has said yes and has even said that someone will come with a tractor to clear the land and till the soil.
that is so cool. what seems so simple for me because i've had gardens before is quite exciting for people who haven't the first idea what to do or how to do it.
it's also a great way to use up the garbage. now if only we could find a solution to dispose of the plastic, glass and tin.
also xinia, a teacher in amparo, has asked the city council for property to build a coop garden, as well as a man that lives in san jose but has property in amparo. city council has said yes and has even said that someone will come with a tractor to clear the land and till the soil.
that is so cool. what seems so simple for me because i've had gardens before is quite exciting for people who haven't the first idea what to do or how to do it.
it's also a great way to use up the garbage. now if only we could find a solution to dispose of the plastic, glass and tin.
testify to love
it has bothered me that i haven't been able to learn more of the language. i have wondered how i could fulfill the great commission, how could i share God's love with others if i can't communicate in their language.
but this morning coming here on the bus i was listening to ''testify to love'' by avalon. some of the words are ''i'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough''
well my words aren't enough because i'm not fluent but as i thought of this other words came to mind ''every simple act of mercy''
yesterday i was very uncomfortable when someone was telling me i was such a good person. i said i wasn't but that it was God that lives in me. i couldn't speak his language but i understood what he was saying. so when we think our words aren't enough or we don't know the words to say, let our actions speak for us. let our simple acts of mercy be our witness, our testimony.
but this morning coming here on the bus i was listening to ''testify to love'' by avalon. some of the words are ''i'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough''
well my words aren't enough because i'm not fluent but as i thought of this other words came to mind ''every simple act of mercy''
yesterday i was very uncomfortable when someone was telling me i was such a good person. i said i wasn't but that it was God that lives in me. i couldn't speak his language but i understood what he was saying. so when we think our words aren't enough or we don't know the words to say, let our actions speak for us. let our simple acts of mercy be our witness, our testimony.
unbelievable
left the internet in san jose friday afternoon when the thunder and lightning started and 20 minutes later i was walking ankle deep through a river that had been the street. it rained so hard so fast it was unbelievable. streets everywhere had been turned to rivers.
i was more afraid to spend the weekend by myself with a family that doesn't speak any english but friday we talked for 6 hours straight and had no problem at all. i couldn't believe it.
saturday we went to the mall and it was dry when we got out of the taxi and by the time we walked inside huricane force winds were blowing the rain horizontally 30 feet into the inside of the mall and sending chairs and buggies that were 40 feet inside flying. some women were screaming. it was wild. it was unbelievable.
everyone says it rains so hard like that every day in the winter. it's nice in the morning and rains every afternoon.
sunday afternoon leaving san carlos when the rain started it got so bad that our bus turned around and headed back to the terminal and then we took a detour home because the heavy rains and flooding had caused a cave in and washed away the road.
the unbelievable part is that the whole country isn't under water. the next morning things are dry and most of the water is gone. then it starts all over again in the afternoon.
i was more afraid to spend the weekend by myself with a family that doesn't speak any english but friday we talked for 6 hours straight and had no problem at all. i couldn't believe it.
saturday we went to the mall and it was dry when we got out of the taxi and by the time we walked inside huricane force winds were blowing the rain horizontally 30 feet into the inside of the mall and sending chairs and buggies that were 40 feet inside flying. some women were screaming. it was wild. it was unbelievable.
everyone says it rains so hard like that every day in the winter. it's nice in the morning and rains every afternoon.
sunday afternoon leaving san carlos when the rain started it got so bad that our bus turned around and headed back to the terminal and then we took a detour home because the heavy rains and flooding had caused a cave in and washed away the road.
the unbelievable part is that the whole country isn't under water. the next morning things are dry and most of the water is gone. then it starts all over again in the afternoon.
unsettled
went to san jose for the weekend by myself and when i got off the bus i walked about 10 blocks to the store and when i took my backpack off to pay for my purchase EVERY single zipper was open on my backpack. i just about freaked. luckily the top item was food and that was the only thing missing. my fanny pack, with my money, passport, visa, etc., that was in my backpack, right below the food, was intact, as well as my cd player. i did feel what i thought was a tug but there was no one there and i only paused very briefly at corners to check for cars before crossing the streets. i was stunned, if 1 or 2 zippers had been opened it would've been one thing but 6 zippers were wide open and i had been walking for who knows how long with them all open. i couldn't believe it.
everyone asked if i was afraid but i wasn't, it was just a very unsettled feeling, but not fear or worry. now the family says they won't let me come here alone again.
everyone asked if i was afraid but i wasn't, it was just a very unsettled feeling, but not fear or worry. now the family says they won't let me come here alone again.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
well so much for resting
worked like a dog cleaning, clearing and planting the back property for a garden. then got a cold and spent a couple days in bed and now i'm bored out of my mind with nothing to do.
the friend i was teaching english to and learning spanish from got another job, she's not one to sit still either, so she's not around in the day time anymore.
i need a job of some kind but haven't a clue what to do. talked to olga at el ministerio de salud about gardening in the schools and told her i wanted to help with that. she liked that idea but nothing has developed yet.
going to visit a friend that lives near the pacific for a change of scenery. it will be quite a change, from a houseful of almost boys to a houseful of almost all girls. and they don't speak english. i learn so much more when no one speaks english. don't know how long i'll stay, there's less to do there than there is in amparo but who knows.
the friend i was teaching english to and learning spanish from got another job, she's not one to sit still either, so she's not around in the day time anymore.
i need a job of some kind but haven't a clue what to do. talked to olga at el ministerio de salud about gardening in the schools and told her i wanted to help with that. she liked that idea but nothing has developed yet.
going to visit a friend that lives near the pacific for a change of scenery. it will be quite a change, from a houseful of almost boys to a houseful of almost all girls. and they don't speak english. i learn so much more when no one speaks english. don't know how long i'll stay, there's less to do there than there is in amparo but who knows.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
day to day living
the first 6 months i was here i kept wanting to do and without something to do i guess i was anxious. this time i haven't wondered what to do. i just live each day as it comes. 2 days ago i was walking at the airstrip where i love spending quiet time with God. i thought i don't have to do anything. i have spent the last 40 years working every day. i think i am here to rest, just to rest in God. i have never sat around mondays to fridays and just had coffee in the morning and had a leisurely day. this is like day to day life for a stay at home mom. mimi and i get up at whatever time, it varies from 5 a.m. to 9 a.m., do a chore or two, then sit around and have coffee and talk, then do more work. laundry, cleaning, cooking, dishes is non-stop for a family of 9. it's not that i'm not doing anything. yesterday i raked the front yard, about an acre. i have turned the back yard into a vegetable garden. i'm doing more physical work and loving it. but i don't feel anxious because i'm not doing something outside the home.
i am not anxious waiting to do something for God. He hasn't asked me to do anything. He has told me i am here for a year. for now i am living life, each day, as it comes. after that who knows. when He has plans for me He will tell me.
1 or 2 days a week i go to a friends house and i am teaching her english and she and her family are helping me to learn español.
olga, a friend that works for the ministry of health, has asked if i will help her with a drug program in the schools.
it rains an awful lot so i ended up buying gumboots just so i could walk in the street. man they are so ugly. the boys all laughed at me the first time i wore them. shorts and gumboots. hm.
i am not anxious waiting to do something for God. He hasn't asked me to do anything. He has told me i am here for a year. for now i am living life, each day, as it comes. after that who knows. when He has plans for me He will tell me.
1 or 2 days a week i go to a friends house and i am teaching her english and she and her family are helping me to learn español.
olga, a friend that works for the ministry of health, has asked if i will help her with a drug program in the schools.
it rains an awful lot so i ended up buying gumboots just so i could walk in the street. man they are so ugly. the boys all laughed at me the first time i wore them. shorts and gumboots. hm.
Thursday, June 02, 2005
we exist...
to worship God. we were not created to worship anyone or anything else. if anything is coming before God in your life you are not experiencing the exquisite joy of the most intimate only perfect relationsihp. He created me, He knows me more intimately than any other because He's in my very being. He's the air that i breathe. no other could fill me or love me so completely.
perceptions
you think someone is different, that they've changed, but maybe it's just your perception of them that's different and maybe your perception isn't really yours but a lie the enemy would have you believe. do you really trust yourself, your thoughts, your feelings? your imperfect self? or do you trust in the only one perfect One? how many times have you been wrong? He never is, never has been and never will be.
propaganda
the enemy's messages sent to demoralize us. 2 years ago after coming home from costa rica i did a nosedive. i had a depression and thoughts of suicde. i was a loser, a failure, i had let God down. boy if he wanted to demoralize me he sure did and i let him. before becoming a christian i had suffered years of depression. when i clued in to taking every thought captive to God (thanks howard) i was lifted up and restored. obviously that's something i still need to work on - every day.
i was feeling very unloved a couple of days ago. i was feeling down about it until i told satan to get lost and that i wasn't going to believe his lies. it worked. i wonder how many hurt feelings and relationsihps there are because we have believed the enemies lies.
feeling very unloved and wanting a husband to hold me, love me, protect me. but then i think how very deeply and perfectly loved i truly am and realize it's another lie the enemy would have me believe.
wow! how many sad broken hearts, lonely, hurting people are out there. sure we all want someone to love but it's a lie we've all believed that we are unloved or unloveable. we are loved by and love the most perfect love ever created. if the enemy can get us to believe that we hurt, are sad or lonely. it's like he's getting us to dismiss the one perfect love. God is the source of our joy. God completes us - no other can. He has created us with the desire for love and the enemy uses it against us to make us believe with out something tangible we are incomplete, thus lonely.
today i have gone from thinking someone doesn't love me, that i know does, to feeling lonely because i am single. they are both lies. both thoughts and feelings made me feel sad. until i took them to the cross, to the truth, to God, to my love, my joy, my strength, my truth. truth is - i am single. truth is - i am not alone. i am only lonely if i choose to believe that and don't talk to my one true love. i still want something tangible but i am not incomplete.
i was feeling very unloved a couple of days ago. i was feeling down about it until i told satan to get lost and that i wasn't going to believe his lies. it worked. i wonder how many hurt feelings and relationsihps there are because we have believed the enemies lies.
feeling very unloved and wanting a husband to hold me, love me, protect me. but then i think how very deeply and perfectly loved i truly am and realize it's another lie the enemy would have me believe.
wow! how many sad broken hearts, lonely, hurting people are out there. sure we all want someone to love but it's a lie we've all believed that we are unloved or unloveable. we are loved by and love the most perfect love ever created. if the enemy can get us to believe that we hurt, are sad or lonely. it's like he's getting us to dismiss the one perfect love. God is the source of our joy. God completes us - no other can. He has created us with the desire for love and the enemy uses it against us to make us believe with out something tangible we are incomplete, thus lonely.
today i have gone from thinking someone doesn't love me, that i know does, to feeling lonely because i am single. they are both lies. both thoughts and feelings made me feel sad. until i took them to the cross, to the truth, to God, to my love, my joy, my strength, my truth. truth is - i am single. truth is - i am not alone. i am only lonely if i choose to believe that and don't talk to my one true love. i still want something tangible but i am not incomplete.
wild at heart
'there comes a time when you have to leave all that is familiar and go on into the unknown with God. God takes us somewhere to learn things we have to learn.' so many people have asked me what i'm doing here and i have to say basically nothing. when the boys scammed a ride for us into tibas there were 3 other passengers who had also scammed a ride. 1 man asked what i am doing here and as i was thinking of how to answer him dany said she is just with us, to be here with us. have i left all that is familiar to go on a journey with God to learn things i need to learn? i don't know. if w@h is bringing tears to my eyes i wonder what the book written for the women will touch in my heart. what is God trying to teach me? what does He want me to see? what does He want me to let go of? the fact that i'm crying about it makes me wonder if there's something. i know i have a wound but i believe God has healed them all. the book goes on to say 'if you have no clue as to what your false self my be then a starting point would be to ask those you live with and work with. scary. 'if you never say a word in a meeting for fear of saying something stupid' yup.
i don't know why i cry. is it just because i'm a mush or is there something deeper at work here? i was wounded but God has healed my heartache.
i was told that our first memory is what defines us - my first memory is when my mother abandoned me when i was five. i know now that Jesus will never leave me.
w@h is a good read. can't wait to read the one for women. all the times when i have felt out of sync with God i have thought it was from sin i had committed. i have asked the Holy Spirit to reveal whatever was blocking my relationship with God. i must have sinned so i need to repent to bridge the gap i feel. i never thought of it like this before but let's give credit where credit is due. satan, the destroyer, the deceiver, the enemy, taking out the line of communication i have with my beloved Father. thankfully although i don't recognize it for what it could be the Holy Spirit knows i need to be close to God and helps me and restores me. frequently, like 99 per cent of the time, my mind wanders and while i am talking to God i start wondering what i'¡m going to do today, what ¡'m going to wear, about all the things i think i have to do, etc. sometimes i let the enemy win. i have wondered about so many other things i have stopped talking to God. other times i have rebuked the enemy and i have cotinued talking to my Beloved. nothing and no one is as important to me as God is and if i am not feeling in constant communion with Him i need to do whatever it takes to restore our relationship.
like the quote from oswald chambers 'sometimes there is nothing to obey, the only thing to do is to maintain a vital connection with Jesus Christ, to see that nothing interferes with that.' that is life - without it i am nothing.
i don't know why i cry. is it just because i'm a mush or is there something deeper at work here? i was wounded but God has healed my heartache.
i was told that our first memory is what defines us - my first memory is when my mother abandoned me when i was five. i know now that Jesus will never leave me.
w@h is a good read. can't wait to read the one for women. all the times when i have felt out of sync with God i have thought it was from sin i had committed. i have asked the Holy Spirit to reveal whatever was blocking my relationship with God. i must have sinned so i need to repent to bridge the gap i feel. i never thought of it like this before but let's give credit where credit is due. satan, the destroyer, the deceiver, the enemy, taking out the line of communication i have with my beloved Father. thankfully although i don't recognize it for what it could be the Holy Spirit knows i need to be close to God and helps me and restores me. frequently, like 99 per cent of the time, my mind wanders and while i am talking to God i start wondering what i'¡m going to do today, what ¡'m going to wear, about all the things i think i have to do, etc. sometimes i let the enemy win. i have wondered about so many other things i have stopped talking to God. other times i have rebuked the enemy and i have cotinued talking to my Beloved. nothing and no one is as important to me as God is and if i am not feeling in constant communion with Him i need to do whatever it takes to restore our relationship.
like the quote from oswald chambers 'sometimes there is nothing to obey, the only thing to do is to maintain a vital connection with Jesus Christ, to see that nothing interferes with that.' that is life - without it i am nothing.
internet in los chiles
the internet cafe is full of brand new equipment yet it sits empty. i don't know why but now the only internet i can get to is in san carlos about a 3 hour bus ride away so i won't be on line very often. roy, the operator, left los chiles to work elsewhere and sady has closed the internet. i don't know if it's a line problem or another problem that she doesn't understand how to fix. i don't know when or if it will ever re-open.
the Lord's discipline
reading in touch magazine about how God disciplines His children. i can't say that i have recognized His divine discipline when He has corrected me in the past but i certainly do now. i feel close to Him, i feel Him in my life, His presence, all the time. except when i sin. although i know that He is still there i don't feel His closeness, like He has withdrawn from me. it's the aloneness, emptiness i feel without Him that brings me to repentance. He is my dearly beloved and until i tell Him i'm sorry and ask for forgiveness my heart aches in His silence. and when He forgives me and restores me my heart aches in joy in His sweet love.
big game
well we got to the game 10 minutes before it ended. there was an accident on a hairpin curve that stopped traffic for 7 1-2 hours. a truck had lost it's load and spilled it all over the highway. finally when smaller vehicles were able to get through dany and jonny scammed a ride in a car. our bus driver must have been helping at the accident scene because we never saw him again. i had left los chiles at 11 a.m. and we arrived in tibas (saprissa stadium near san jose) almost 11 hours later. we were able to see the last 10 minutes of the game on a tv outside the stadium.
Monday, May 16, 2005
saprissa vs liga
tonight is the championship game between the top two teams in costa rica. i have to go san jose to get the stuff i left at patri's house (the oldest daughter) which i had expected to get the day after i arrived. so since i have to go anyway and need someone to help me, dany, jonny, marcos and i will go to the game.
weight restrictions
each piece of luggage is only supposed to weight 50#. anything over that and you have to pay extra. i knew i was going to be over so sushi said if i was going to have to pay if i was over a couple of pounds i may as well make it worthwhile. well i was definitely over, i knew i was i just didn't know how much. my suitcase was 60#, the box was 96#. it was an extra $130 so you really have to watch your weight.
feel like a kid
every time i get on a plane. i like sitting in the window seat so i can look out. this time i flew america west airlines and i don't know if we took off in a different direction or if it was daylight this time or just not raining or what but it was beautiful looking out over vancouver. we flew into phoenix - man it is huge freaking airport. miles of moving sidewalks.
sweats on again
i brought a thermostat with me and yesterday it was 36 degrees in the livingroom. while i was in canada the doctor told me that when you live in a hot country your blood thins which explains why when you return to a cold country you freeze. toothpaste and other creams in a tube just about leak out of the tube they are so thinned out. when i came home i almost had to use both hands to squeeze anything out of the tubes because they were so thick.
sorry if i'm not making any sense i haven't been able to fully wake up yet.
sorry if i'm not making any sense i haven't been able to fully wake up yet.
home again
the family didn't have any money so there was no one here to meet me at the airport. after waiting for a half hour i phoned home and they told me. no problema because i have always told them i am a big girl and can find my way home. i stayed at the hotel alajuela and took the first bus home the next morning, getting up at 4 a.m. i have only had about 4 hours sleep every night for the past week so i have been walking about in a fog for a few days. i still am. as i was dozing on the bus someone tussled my hair and i looked up to see dany smiling down at me. he had taken the bus to santa rosa to meet me. it was so good to see him.
Friday, May 06, 2005
when will i ever learn
people have asked me what i'm going to do in costa rica when i return. i thought i knew. i had it all figured out. then one morning i woke up and felt like i was out of sync with God. when that happens i know i've said or done something i shouldn't have and i need to take care of it in order to be right with God. i didn't swear, get drunk or have illicit sex. so what was it. i couldn't think of what it was so i had to ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to me what was causing me to feel this way.
arrogance. i was making all these plans. how can God use us if we plan everything instead of letting things happen according to God's plan. whoa! i thought oh crap. i went from knowing what i was going to do to not having a clue again and having to wait on God. i liked the idea that i knew what i was going to do. i didn't like the idea that i had no idea. God doesn't tell me things way in advance. He makes me wait until the very last minute.
when i realized my sin against God i started to cry and instantly (it was very weird, snap your fingers instantly) He gave me peace, dried my tears and restored me to Himself.
have i not learned anything? i even have it in my sidebar 'about me' - i have no idea what i will do or where i will live (here i mean in costa rica) but i know God has a plan for me and will tell me when i need to know...
i hate that. i hate not knowing. i still don't have any doubts or fears or worries so i'll just go and let it all unfold according to God's plan.
arrogance. i was making all these plans. how can God use us if we plan everything instead of letting things happen according to God's plan. whoa! i thought oh crap. i went from knowing what i was going to do to not having a clue again and having to wait on God. i liked the idea that i knew what i was going to do. i didn't like the idea that i had no idea. God doesn't tell me things way in advance. He makes me wait until the very last minute.
when i realized my sin against God i started to cry and instantly (it was very weird, snap your fingers instantly) He gave me peace, dried my tears and restored me to Himself.
have i not learned anything? i even have it in my sidebar 'about me' - i have no idea what i will do or where i will live (here i mean in costa rica) but i know God has a plan for me and will tell me when i need to know...
i hate that. i hate not knowing. i still don't have any doubts or fears or worries so i'll just go and let it all unfold according to God's plan.
truly, madly, deeply
i have fallen more in love with God than i thought possible. i don't think that before i went to costa rica i would have been as content with my singleness as i am now. i am a very touchy, feely kind of person and have wanted to share my life with a husband. i can still say i would like to have a husband but it is no longer something to be mourned over if i don't. and besides the bar is too high now for almost anyone. i'm so in love with God it would be hard for anyone to live up to that. only someone that loves God more than me, someone that would give their all to God, someone totally surrendered to God would ever come close.
faith
is God testing yours? has He asked you to do something you don't want to do? when we are faithful the enemy will attack us with a vengeance trying to destroy our faith. God is stronger though and when we are on our knees He will lift us up. as the bible says we really do need to take every thought captive to Christ.
who's in charge
people seem to be forgetting that God is the one that's in charge.
what we need to remember is that nothing can happen to any one of us that God does not allow. whatever our circumstances are God is the one in control. if we are going through a tough time He knows. i can't explain why bad things happen to good people except that God must have a good reason for it. He is perfect, His will is perfect and His timing is perfect. circumstances may not be what we would choose for ourselves or our friends or family but God really does work things out for good for those who love Him. we may not understand it and we may not like it but we have to trust that He loves us more than we could possibly imagine and He knows what we need more than we know ourselves.
instead of complaining about our lives or those of us around us remember that God is fully aware of everything and that He has the final say. if He is allowing hardship in your life you might want to ask why. is He trying to get your attention for something? if you don't like what's happening in yours or a friend's life remember - you're not the one in control. give it up. you don't have it anyway.
what we need to remember is that nothing can happen to any one of us that God does not allow. whatever our circumstances are God is the one in control. if we are going through a tough time He knows. i can't explain why bad things happen to good people except that God must have a good reason for it. He is perfect, His will is perfect and His timing is perfect. circumstances may not be what we would choose for ourselves or our friends or family but God really does work things out for good for those who love Him. we may not understand it and we may not like it but we have to trust that He loves us more than we could possibly imagine and He knows what we need more than we know ourselves.
instead of complaining about our lives or those of us around us remember that God is fully aware of everything and that He has the final say. if He is allowing hardship in your life you might want to ask why. is He trying to get your attention for something? if you don't like what's happening in yours or a friend's life remember - you're not the one in control. give it up. you don't have it anyway.
Monday, April 25, 2005
life in costa rica - josefa's house
josefa is the great-grandmother to 3 young boys, leo is 3, jeffrey is 6 and yrlin is 8. they live in this house where there is no power, no water, dirt floors, no doors, bamboo walls, and corrugated tin walls with black plastic on the top half that blows in with the wind. they have nothing. but they have each other and for them that's everything.
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
changes
soon we will be going back to canada. everyone to their respective homes. except me. i don-t have a home anymore. and i-m not sure how i feel about that. i have always had a place i could call my own. my own bed, my own kitchen, my own bathroom.
today i looked at beautiful art work, scenes of costa rica that i would decorate my home with, if i had one. if i ever have a home of my own again i will have more plants than i have had before, which was a lot. just to recreate the beautiful green space that surrounds me here. i would have tile floors instead of carpeting. i will have less clutter, less meaningless things.
i have always been a beach person but find that it has less appeal for me now. i feel changed but don-t understand it and can-t explain it.
leaving my family in amparo was hard. a tearjerker to say the least. as with every other time in the last six months that i struggled with something i talked to God. He gave me such peace. and as i played english worship music on the van cd player my tears of sadness were replaced with tears of joy in the love i have for my heavenly Father.
when i think of the past 6 months and all the times i-ve wondered why i was here, the ups and downs, should i stay or should i go. what has been the most important for me was that i came closer to God. He has been so awesome. He has taken such good care of me, He has given me everything i have needed. i had thought i had an amazing intimate relationship with God but it has grown deeper than i could have imagined.
have no idea what the next 7 months hold in store for me when i return to costa rica for another 6 months, never mind after that when i return to canada. maybe i will have a home, maybe i will have a bigger suitcase.
march 29, 2005 in touch magazine. don-t have it with me so it-s maybe not an exact quote but goes like - whatever You want Lord, wherever You want Lord, whenever You want Lord, the answer is yes.
today i looked at beautiful art work, scenes of costa rica that i would decorate my home with, if i had one. if i ever have a home of my own again i will have more plants than i have had before, which was a lot. just to recreate the beautiful green space that surrounds me here. i would have tile floors instead of carpeting. i will have less clutter, less meaningless things.
i have always been a beach person but find that it has less appeal for me now. i feel changed but don-t understand it and can-t explain it.
leaving my family in amparo was hard. a tearjerker to say the least. as with every other time in the last six months that i struggled with something i talked to God. He gave me such peace. and as i played english worship music on the van cd player my tears of sadness were replaced with tears of joy in the love i have for my heavenly Father.
when i think of the past 6 months and all the times i-ve wondered why i was here, the ups and downs, should i stay or should i go. what has been the most important for me was that i came closer to God. He has been so awesome. He has taken such good care of me, He has given me everything i have needed. i had thought i had an amazing intimate relationship with God but it has grown deeper than i could have imagined.
have no idea what the next 7 months hold in store for me when i return to costa rica for another 6 months, never mind after that when i return to canada. maybe i will have a home, maybe i will have a bigger suitcase.
march 29, 2005 in touch magazine. don-t have it with me so it-s maybe not an exact quote but goes like - whatever You want Lord, wherever You want Lord, whenever You want Lord, the answer is yes.
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